chapter thirty five, yes to heaven
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Felicity sat in silence the entire flight.
She caught the earliest flight out of Los Angeles and waited in anticipation for her arrival. Flights were her favourite part of travelling. Not only did the seats in first class feel better than her bed at home, the hours in the air warranted serenity and relaxation.
Normally on these flights, she'd regain the hours of sleep she had missed. The last time she flew from LA to ShangHai Felicity slept the entire twelve hours.
After buying whatever seat was available, Felicity was stuck at the back of the plane, crammed in the middle seat. Even with the cacophony of screeching babies and the snoring from the passenger in front of her, her headphones remained redundant. She sat in silence.
Felicity thought about how everything would play out. She liked to consider the different realities before her and the consequences of each.
In the best case scenario, this would've never happened. Felicity would be with Matt on the Jurassic World ride soaking wet before running off to the Mummy ride. They'd be sharing a butter beer or one of those Simpson donuts from Springfield.
She hoped that he'd accept her apology and they could go to New York for her concert, spending every last minute together before she's off travelling the country and singing about her shitty ex to thousands of people.
Unable to remain optimistic, she thought about the worst case scenario. Matt might not forgive her. He could even suspect she initiated their relationship for her career. Would he even open the door for her?
Knowing Matt, they'd have a civil conversation before deciding on their fate, but her mind tend to assume the worst.
If Finn were with her, he'd joke about Felicity writing an album about a boy she never dated. Juliette would promptly slap his arm for making such a comment but they all knew he was right.
Shutting her eyes, Felicity reminded herself that it wasn't over and she still had a chance.
"Felicity—"
"Hi Matt." She smiled, trying to suppress her tears. Matt was standing at the doorway with his hand frozen on the door knob. He welcomed her in after returning to reality but it didn't make a difference as they both hung around the walkway.
"I was on a flight and—"
"I'm sorry—"
Felicity cursed at herself for the awkwardness she had caused between them. Since their first meeting they had an instant connection and she had ruined it all.
"Matt, I'm sorry. The photo of me and Jake was completely taken out of context. I met with him so he could stop bothering me... stop bothering us. I wanted to talk to you about it in person so I waited to talk to you but then my songs got leaked and I had to deal with that. I'm sorry, Matt. I really am."
"I believe you. But I'm not sure if we can continue this. I saw your tweets... and how you said you didn't like anyone."
Felicity arched an eyebrow at him, "I had to say that because if I didn't, they'd start talking about me and bringing up people like Jake again. Was I meant to tell them the truth when we haven't even discussed what we are?"
"It's not just that," Matt brushed his hand through his hair in frustration.
"I get comments all the time saying I'm not good enough for you or not famous enough and after those tweets, I'm starting to think they're right. You liked one of our posts and our comments get flooded with how much better Jake is or how I'm just fan. And maybe it's better that way, if you stay a celebrity and I stay your fan."
"I don't think of you in that way. The fame thing isn't really real you know? And don't forget," Felicity felt tears welling in her eyes, "I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a boy asking him to love her."
"I love you. I really do. But I don't know if we're meant to be together."
Finally wiping away the tear, Felicity opened her arms, asking Matt for one last hug. Matt accepted and rested his head on hers as this would be the last time they could do this.
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If you go I'll stay
You come back I'll be right here
Like a barge at sea
In the storm I stay clear
'Cause I've got my mind on you
I've got my mind on you
Say yes to heaven
Say yes to me