I finally make it home, since I had to walk due to taxis not running this late and I didn't feel like going back into liams house and asking for a lift.
It took me hours to make it home and my legs felt like complete jelly, like I was just about to collapse. It was whatever time in the morning and I couldn't even check since my phone had been dead the past god knows how long.
Once I make it to the front door I open it slightly, releasing an unknown sigh at the luck of the door still being open. I tiptoe my way into the livingroom after taking my shoes of trying my best to be as quiet as possible.
I make it to the living room, turning towards the staircase before I hear a light flicker on. I squint my eyes together, slowly turning around in hopes it was just my mum, but of course to my luck it would've been my dad, stood, with a bottle of beer in a tight grip.
"What are you doing up so late my beautiful girl" I stand quietly, frozen... begging silently for nothing like last time to happen again.
He starts approaching me once he placed the bottle on the kitchen island. Once he made it to me his hand made its way to my cheek stroking over it slightly, before I know it a tear strolls down my cheek slowly, followed by another, then more.
And before I knew it, I was backed up to the sofa, my body already laid down.
Please don't.
Please don't.
Please don't.
I would say it out loud, but no words could leave my mouth, I was completely frozen.
I feel the man who is supposed to be my father, my flesh and bloods, hands roaming my body, but I couldn't fight back, I couldn't even move.
I felt everything his hands touching me, him entering me, him raping me.
"Shh my sweet wife, Amber will hear" once he said that the tears covered my face, but I still couldn't move.
I can't move.
I can't move.
I can't move.
I feel pathetic, stupid... dirty.
I'm sat here whilst my own father touches me, completely useless... pathetic.
◇
It was 5 in the afternoon, I was still frozen, sat huddled in the corner of the couch, knees to my chest, teat stained cheeks, puffy eyes... pathetic.
I missed school, I didn't have the motivation to move, let alone go to school. Gin has been howling and barking all day, but I didn't have the motivation to move, let alone walk her.
I didn't have the motivation to do anything.
I ran out of tears to cry awhile ago, I didn't have the motivation to cry anymore.
All I could do was sit on the couch and do nothing.
I felt completely drained, but deep down I knew that I was being stupid, I just needed to get up and get over it, like last time.
I take a few deep breaths, and try to calm the shaking best as possible, I reach my hand out gripping onto the table pulling my self up doing the same against the walls, the staircase, the windowsills all the way to my room.
Once I'm in my room the first thing I do is head to the bathroom and shower, I just wanted the dirt gone, my skin felt itchy, uncomfortable... disgusting, i felt disgusting.
I scrub my skin harshly until it was red raw, but it wasn't enough, I still felt dirty, nothing would ever get rid of the permanent dirt that's tainted my skin, my insides, my soul.
I quickly hurry out of the bed and grab a large hoodie and some sweats then head over to my bed, I know I won't be able to sleep, but I still decide to lie down and try my hardest to force myself asleep... it doesn't work, it never works.
◇
It's been hours since I lay in bed, it was around the time I would usually get ready for school at this time, and even though I felt drained. I still pushed through, forcing myself up and towards my wardrobe.
I open up the drawers pulling out a fresh hoodie and some black tracksuit bottoms quickly sticking them on, brushing my teeth and leave.
Usually I would be jogging towards the school, making sure not to be late, but I didn't really have the energy or strength so I just slowly walk down the concrete path, all the noise of the world slowly disappearing.
The world feels like its fading as I walk down the road, my mind in a complete haze, time starts to fade with it, as I slowly walk through the school gates, the people, the noise, nothing seemed to register, this had happened before I should be used to it by now but I'm just acting... completely pathetic.
I continue my path heading through the main entrance to the school, most people already in there classes or heading to them, some people still in the hallways with a free period.
I already had my lesson plan memorised and began heading towards the music classroom, I really didn't have the energy for this, these people, this school.
Once I'm there, I head straight into the classroom ignoring every stare I receive and the lecture the teacher is giving me about being 15 minutes late, I ignore it all and head to the corner of the room where the flute is since its the only thing I could remotely play if it came to it.
My brain constantly switches on and off, my eyes trying to close, trying to force me to sleep, but I wouldn't allow it, I couldn't.
The lesson feels like it's taking forever, until once again the door swings open, banging loudly against the door causing me to flinch.
I hear a similar, frantic voice voice to speak but my brain couldn't put the words properly together mostly that they had been moved to this lesson but I wasn't completely sure.
I heat quite a bit a movement next to me and force my head upwards to see Liam taking a seat on the piano, he plays piano?
The rest of the class begin to play whilst I sit silently staring down at my hands wishing i had atleast put some rings on so that I could fiddle with them.
I feel a quick tap on my thigh and look down to see liams hand lay there, rings on his fingers, whilst he plays the piano with his other hand.
I look up to notice him already staring and nudging his hand closer to me "You can mess with my rings I you'd like" he muttered silently making sure the teacher wouldn't hear him, I put on a small, grateful smile as I begin to fiddle with the rings on his fingers.
To most people it would seem like a small, silly gesture, but to me it was huge, he actually noticed, he noticed me, and he helped me, not like anyone else, that... that is one of the best things someone could ever do for me... just notice me, please.
◇
The lesson was finally over, luckily time went faster as Liam left his hand there for the rest of the lesson allowing me to mess with his many various rings.
I stood up once the teacher had dismissed us and started heading out of the room before a soft hand gently grabbed my wrist pulling me into a hard chest, I could recognise that iron chest anywhere... Liam.
Word count-1318- Hope you all enjoyed this chapter, my beautiful Amber don't deserve all this. Next chapter will hopefully be at soon, I know the chapter are getting slightly shorter but I hope you still like them.