"Excuse me?" Taeyong sneered. "I never told you to leave."
"Yes you did," Jaehyun raised his voice a little bit. "You told me leave until you figured everything out-"
"For a few hours, asshole," Taeyong shoved at his chest. "I didn't expect to come home from work the next day to see almost all your stuff out of the house and a half assed note."
"You told me-" Jaehyun went to defend himself.
"No! You know what I think?" Taeyong lip turned into a snarl, looking displeased. "I think you're trying to find something to blame. You're trying to blame anything and anyone but yourself. You realized you couldn't take back what you said when we fought and you ran away."
"You're wrong," Jaehyun snapped back. "I don't take back a single thing I said in our argument."
Taeyong felt his heart crack at the words.
An unfit parent.
You don't love your kids.
"See and now you're doing it again-" Jaehyun tried to say.
Taeyong felt angry tears in his eyes as he went forward and smacked Jaehyun across the face.
"You are a liar," Taeyong's voice was low and angry. "You knew I loved Mark and Jeno. You knew that I would do anything to make them happy. I am not the unfit parent. You are."
Jaehyun closed his eyes for a minute and took a deep breath before letting out an angry grunt.
Taeyong gasped when Jaehyun charged forward and caged him against the counter.
"You keep saying that!" Jaehyun growled at him. "I never said you were an unfit parent. You didn't listen to me."
"I've always listened to you!" Taeyong yelled in his face. "There's never been a damn second where I haven't paid attention to you. Unless you've forgotten, you were my husband."
"I didn't forget," Jaehyun pressed closer. "But I think you did. I think you forgot how our fight went and now you're blaming it on me. You didn't listen to me, Tae. I was telling you how I felt and you acted like you didn't want to hear it."
"I know exactly how our fight went," Taeyong let his hands turn into fists. "It's been etched in my brain and replays every damn night. You think I just forgot the way you broke my heart?"
"Don't do that," Jaehyun shook his head. "Don't play the victim. You broke my heart too. We built an entire life together and I watched it fall apart within seconds."
"You made it fall apart," Taeyong tried to push Jaehyun away but he wouldn't budge. "You knew exactly what happened to their parents and you left them the same way. We promised each other to always work things out and you didn't even stay to talk about it-"
"I was waiting for you to tell me to come home!" Jaehyun had his own frustrated tears clinging to his lashes. "I wanted to see my husband and kids for months but you told me to leave."
"I did not!" Taeyong finally gave a hard shove and sent Jaehyun back a few steps. "You said..."
Flashback (Taeyong's Version)
Taeyong felt like he was on fire as soon as he walked through the door. His back was killing him and the cherography they were learning made him feel sore and like his body wanted to rip apart.
"You're home!" Mark's yelled once he got into the living room.
Mark was sitting on the floor infront of the coffee table with Jeno next to him and Jaehyun was sitting on the couch watching them.
"Welcome home, angel," Jaehyun leaned his head back on the top of the couch and puckered his lips.
"Hi handsome," Taeyong gave a light smile before leaning down and pecking him the lips.
"You taste weird," Jaehyun frowned but smiled when Taeyong kissed him again.
Taeyong rolled his eyes with a smile when he heard Jeno pretending to gag.
"They want to know if they can sleepover at Chenle's," Jaehyun kept his shiny eyes on him. "It was their last day of school and everybody else in the house is out."
Taeyong ignored the sly implication before looking at the boys.
"Is Jaemin gonna be there?" Taeyong asked looking at Jeno.
"Mhm," Jeno nodded his head. "He says he has a present for me."
"Maybe it's a love letter," Mark snorted under his breath and laughed when Jeno tried to hit him.
"Alright, alright," Taeyong said before waving his hand in the direction of the door. "Let me know when you get there."
"Ok!" They both yelled and picked up their already pre-packed bags.
Of course they already packed their bags.
As soon as the door clicked shut, Taeyong went to the other side of the couch and pushed his husband down onto the couch before laying on his chest.
"How's your back feeling?" Jaehyun whispered into his hairline as he stroked up and down his spine. "Ten told me you started crying about it earlier."
"Hurts," Taeyong whispered into the hoodie underneath him. "Not as much as before...took something at the studio for it."
They sat together in comfortable silence and his eyes almost slipped shut but stopped when lips pressed to his head. That's when he remembered...
"Lately I've been thinking about how we wanted four kids," Taeyong sat up on his lap and looked down at him. "We always talked about it. We should get them soon."
"Babe," Jaehyun sighed a little before brining his hands to Taeyong's thighs and rubbing up and down.
For some reason, he didn't really feel it.
"What?" Taeyong frowned. "You don't want to anymore?"
"No, I just..." Jaehyun sat up and moved Taeyong off his lap.
"Just what?" Taeyong felt himself start to sweat a little.
"I don't know...I mean when I was at..." Jaehyun started to speak.
Taeyong stared at Jaehyun's face.
He doesn't want to have anymore kids?
Is it my fault?
Did I do something wrong?
It's okay if he doesn't.
Why?
"I just feel like you don't love the kids..." Jaehyun ran a hand through his hair. "...you are an unfit parent."
Taeyong felt something strike in his chest.
"What did you just say?" Taeyong's voice was a faint whisper, the only feeling he had was horror and the fast and heavy beating in his chest.
"Mark and Jeno..." Jaehyun was looking down at his thumbs that were fiddling nervously. "...you aren't like me... not fit for it anymore...act like a slut."
Taeyong felt the words rattle violently in his skull like he was constantly getting hit in head.
"I didn't know how to say it," Jaehyun shrugged before looking at Taeyong. "Even us, I just...I think we should be done with all of it..."
Taeyong saw his hand shake but he didn't feel it.
He did however, feel the way his fist punched Jaehyun square in the face.
"The hell?" Jaehyun yelled before standing up and holding his now bloody nose.
"Who do you think you are?" Taeyong stood up with hot tears rolling down his face. "You don't get to- you don't get to decide any of that!"
"Yeah I know!" Jaehyun yelled, still holding his nose and not seeing Taeyong's tears. "I don't understand why the hell you hit me!"
"You say all of that and don't understand why I hit you?" Taeyong felt his entire body start to shake.
"Are you listening to yourself right now?" Jaehyun lifted his head and blood was down his face. "I thought you would support me and comfort me."
"Of course not," Taeyong yelled back. "We've been married for almost 5 years and your only telling me your thoughts now."
"I think of this everyday," Jaehyun frowned. "I didn't have the heart to tell you. I thought it would go away and that it didn't mean anything or change anything but clearly it does."
"Is that how you really feel?" Taeyong's heart began to work over time.
"Yes," Jaehyun said a little aggressively as he wiped more blood off his face.
"I-" Taeyong choked on a sob.
"Tae?" Jaehyun had worry take over his face and went to reach out for Taeyong.
"No! Dont touch me!" Taeyong took fast steps back, his legs slamming into the coffee table.
"Bubu, why are-" Jaehyun's voice went soft.
"Leave," Taeyong said shakily. "I can't look at you right now. Don't come back. I need to be alone right now and we- we need to talk about this some other time."
"Bubu..." Jaehyun's voice was a hurt whisper.
"Go!" Taeyong sobbed and pointed towards the door.
Taeyong felt his entire burn when he heard heavy footsteps and then the door slam shut.
Taeyong began to cry even harder when he dropped onto the couch with his hands over his face.
He didn't even notice his eyes slipping shut.
End of Flashback
Jaehyun looked disgusted at the way Taeyong was yelling about what happened.
"That's not what happened," Jaehyun snapped. "I would never say that to you."
"You did," Taeyong's teeth were gritted together.
"Does that make sense to you?" Jaehyun raised a brow. "You were my entire world. I loved you more than anything and you think I would just spit random shit like that at you."
Taeyong didn't know what to say and Jaehyun crossed his arms heavily.
"I was right," Jaehyun scoffed. "You were barely listening to me."
Flashback (Jaehyun's version)
"Can we go to Chenle's house?" Mark laid his head on Jaehyun's thigh to peer up at him. "He wants to have a sleepover with our group since it's the last day of school."
"Im fine with it," Jaehyun smiled as ran a hand through Mark's hair. "You have to ask Tae when he gets home."
"Jaemin says he's gonna bring ice cream," Jeno leaned back between Jaehyun's legs from his spot on the floor. "He said it really weird tho. He said 'Ice Cream~' and pressed a finger to his lips...like a secret."
"Maybe it's a secret code," Mark rolled over to sit next to Jeno on the floor. "Maybe he wants to melt your heart like ice cream."
(A/N: I love boom-)
"Ya!" Jeno groaned as shoved his brother. "Stop being mean to me."
Both boys heads shot towards the door when it clicked closed.
"You're home!" Mark yelled when he saw Taeyong enter the living room.
Jaehyun looked at him and felt guilty when he saw Taeyong's tired eyes and pale skin.
He's been working so hard...
"Welcome home, angel," He said anyway, because despite how tired he look, he was still heavenly. He leaned his head back and puckered his lips.
"Hi handsome," Taeyong leaned down and pecked him on the lips.
Jaehyun smiled but it faded when he didn't taste the usual sweets he would taste when kissing Taeyong.
"You taste weird," He voiced his thoughts aloud but it disappeared when Taeyong leaned down to kiss him again.
He would never reject kisses from his love.
Jaehyun smiled fondly and watched Taeyong roll his eyes at Jeno's fake gagging.
"They want to know if they can sleepover at Chenle's," Jaehyun said, never taking his eyes off the way Taeyong turned soft. "It was their last day of school and everybody else in the house is out."
Jaehyun let his lip quirk up a bit because, hey, you gotta try when you can.
"Is Jaemin gonna be there?" Taeyong asked looking at Jeno.
"Mhm," Jeno nodded his head. "He says he has a present for me."
"Maybe it's a love letter," Mark snorted under his breath and laughed when Jeno tried to hit him.
"Alright, alright," Taeyong said before waving his hand in the direction of the door. "Let me know when you get there."
"Ok!" Both boys left with smiles on their faces and banter going on.
Jaehyun let out a small grunt when Taeyong gently pushed him onto the couch and laid on top of him.
"How's your back feeling?" Jaehyun whispered and buried his nose into Taeyong's fluffy hair, his hands traveling up and down the overworked spine. "Ten told me you started crying about it earlier."
Jaehyun remembered how Ten called him earlier to say that Taeyong was crying during one of their breaks because of how bad the pain was, about how the new choreography was really taking a toll on him.
"Hurts," Taeyong whispered into his hoodie. "Not as much as before...took something at the studio for it."
They sat together in comfortable silence, Jaehyun let his lips press against the top of his head as he squeezed him closer. He felt worried when a shiver run down his spine.
"Lately I've been thinking about how we wanted four kids," Taeyong sat up on his lap and looked down at him. "We always talked about it. We should get them soon."
"Babe," Jaehyun sighed as he ran his hands soothingly down Taeyong's thighs.
His hands tingled when he saw some redness in Taeyong's eyes.
"What?" Taeyong frowned. "You don't want to anymore?"
"No, I just..." Jaehyun sat up and moved Taeyong off his lap.
How was he supposed to talk talk Taeyong about this?
About his insecurities after all the promises they made?
"Just what?" Taeyong looked like he was starting to sweat and his face paled a little more.
"I don't know. I mean when I was at work, some of my workers make me feel like a terrible father," Jaehyun started to speak, he couldn't look Taeyong in the eyes as he spoke. He felt his chest hurt when he heard Taeyong's breath hitch.
"I told them about how we wanted more kids and they told me they can't see me being a Dad. One girl, she looked at me and said 'I just feel like you don't love the kids'," Jaehyun ran a hand through his hair as the faces of his coworkers taunted him. "Nobody looks and you and goes 'you are an unfit parent.' You are amazing, it all come natural to you.I just feel like sometimes...I'm the unfit parent."
Jaehyun felt his heart squeeze in uncertainty.
He was giving enough to them, right?
He was making them happy?
"What did you just say?" Taeyong's voice was a faint whisper and Jaehyun grew nervous at his husband's unusually quiet voice.
Please don't be mad at me.
"Mark and Jeno, I feel like sometimes I'm not the best for them," Jaehyun was looking down at his thumbs that were fiddling nervously.
"Im worried one day they won't want me as their parent anymore. Im trying hard with those two and i don't know if I want to feel like I'm failing two more. You...you aren't like me. You know exactly what what do and say... maybe I'm not fit for it anymore... Everyone at work says I should act like a slut and enjoy my youth instead of focusing on them."
Jaehyun felt a wave of guilt rush over him.
He's tried so hard to ignore the comments from his workplace.
But maybe they are right...maybe he isn't enough.
"I didn't know how to say it," Jaehyun shrugged before looking at Taeyong. "Even us, I just worry that I'm not being the best husband to you. Sometimes I think we should be done with all of it, fly off to an island together and never come back."
He wanted to laugh because of course he couldn't just leave.
He gasped when Taeyong punched him square in the face, his nose making a small cracking sound when his fist hit it.
"The hell?" Jaehyun yelled before standing up and holding his now bloody nose, trying to keep the blood from getting everywhere.
"Who do you think you are?" Taeyong stood up with hot tears rolling down his face. "You don't get to- you don't get to decide any of that!"
"Yeah I know!" Jaehyun yelled, still holding his nose and not seeing Taeyong's tears. "I don't understand why the hell you hit me!"
"You say all of that and don't understand why I hit you?" Taeyong said and his voice was shakey.
Jaehyun couldn't even focus on anything other than the throbbing pain of his nose.
"Are you listening to yourself right now?" Jaehyun lifted his head and blood was down his face. "I thought you would support me and comfort me."
Jaehyun just poured his heart out and he gets punched in the face?
"Of course not," Taeyong yelled back. "We've been married for almost 5 years and your only telling me your thoughts now."
What's wrong with having doubts...
"I think of this everyday," Jaehyun frowned. "I didn't have the heart to tell you. I thought it would go away and that it didn't mean anything or change anything but clearly it does."
"Is that how you really feel?" Taeyong's heart began to work over time.
"Yes," Jaehyun said a little aggressively as he wiped more blood off his face.
"I-" Taeyong choked on a sob.
"Tae?" Jaehyun had worry take over his face and went to reach out for Taeyong.
He watched the heavy and thick tears rolling down his husband's almost too porcelain cheeks. His eyes were practically stained red and his body was shaking out of control.
"No! Dont touch me!" Taeyong took fast steps back, his legs slamming into the coffee table.
Jaehyun was on instant alert.
What is happening?
"Bubu, why are-" Jaehyun's voice went soft.
"Leave," Taeyong said, his voice cracking slightly. "I can't look at you right now. Don't come back. I need to be alone right now and we- we need to talk about this some other time."
What did I do?
Does...does he agree?
Am I about to lose everything because I couldn't keep this to myself?
My love...
My kids...
"Bubu..." Jaehyun's voice was a hurt whisper.
"Go!" Taeyong sobbed and pointed towards the door.
Jaehyun wanted nothing more than to reach out and soothe his tears and shakes.
But he couldn't.
If Taeyong, the person who means the most of him, wants him to leave...he will.
He's never been able to deny Taeyong anything.
Nothing will every be greater than his love.
That's what forces him to drag his feet out the door.
That's what brings him to his knees later in the day to cry his own eyes out.
That's what leaves his heart in shambles.
End of Flashback
"You are so full of shit," Taeyong had tears streaming down his face and the sight felt too familiar.
"I'm not," Jaehyun's own voice cracked but he gathered himself and straightened his shoulders. "That's what happened. That's how I remember it...it's almost like you picked apart everything I said."
"I didn't," Taeyong shook his head in disbelief. "How do you believe that's what happened?"
"Because it is what happened!" Jaehyun yelled. "It's like you want me to be the bad guy so bad you'll make up anything. I thought you loved me!"
"I did love you!" Taeyong yelled back in defense.
"Then why are you doing this to me?!" Jaehyun's started ripping on his own hair. "I wish I could take it all away! Take everything from you so you can see what you did to me-"
"NO!"
Taeyong's eyes went wide when another voice entered the room and a small body stood infront of him.
"Donghyuck?"