Heyo, human beings from outer space!
Have any of you ever heard the song "Zacchaeus Was a Wee Little Man"? Yes, that song all of us Christians sang in 5-year-old Sunday school inspired this story. And if you do know what that song is about, then you'll have a general idea of what I'm doing to Rex in this story 😏 😏
Read on if you dare.
The clones creep along the overgrown path behind their Jedi, attentive and ready but calm. They need to be ready for droids to jump out of nowhere at any given time, but the likelihood of the droids taking them by surprise is very slim.
They are doing a simple sweep of the area to make sure there were no remaining droids. It shouldn't take too much longer, Rex thinks, as he trudges along behind Anakin and Ahsoka. Easy peasy and almost finished.
But then Ahsoka bristles in front of him. It wasn't apparent and could be missed if he wasn't looking for it, but Rex sees it clearly.
"Commander?" he whispers.
Anakin looked over with raised eyebrows. Maybe he noticed something, too.
"The plants," Ahsoka says, her voice so soft it's hardly audible.
"Sorry?"
"The plants, Rex," Ahsoka says as if it's obvious. "They're mischievous."
"The plants?" Rex scoffs. "What are you talking about? Plants don't have minds."
"They're living things, though," Ahsoka tells him. "And they can move. So watch out."
Rex sighs and leaves it at that. He will never understand Jedi.
A few minutes pass by and the trek is uneventful. A few vines from the trees hang down into the path, which is odd since Rex hadn't seen them there from further back, but they're easy to swat away.
"Watch out," Ahsoka calls behind her shoulder so all the men can hear her. "Don't get tangled in the vines."
"Commander, with all due respect, there are only one or two vines in the way. How are we supposed to get tangled up in that?" Fives projects his voice back at her.
Ahsoka smiles. "They're tricky, just watch out."
Rex will definitely never understand Jedi.
They've almost finished the sweep when Ahsoka's warning proves valid. Rex swats at a vine, but it wraps around his wrist. It doesn't let go when he tries to shake his hand free and he yelps with surprise.
"What's wrong, Captain?" Hardcase teases. "Can't get the little vine off?"
"Hush up, trooper," Rex hisses, trying desperately to shake himself free. Everyone's eyes are on Rex and they come to a standstill to wait for him. Hardcase steps forward and pulls at the vine, but it still doesn't release.
"What the kriff?" Hardcase spits. He yanks on it again and again, but it only tightens around Rex's wrist.
Hardcase provokes the vine with one sharp yank and without warning, it juts back, taking Rex with it. Rex yelps and digs his heels against the dirt, clawing for anything solid. More vines drape down from the trees. The vines wrap around Rex and sweep him off his feet, settling him in the nearest tree and pinning him there against the broad trunk.
"Looks like you've gotten yourself in a bit of a tangle," Fives shouts up at him.
If Rex had his arms free, he would stun Fives right there and watch him drop with satisfaction. But his arms aren't free so the feat is impossible.
"You okay, Rex?" Ahsoka calls from below.
"Fine, Commander, just stuck," he replies, wiggling in the vines that only tighten around him.
"Hang on, I'll get you free," Ahsoka says. The next moment, she leaps up as high as possible, using the Force to propel her, and slices down on the vines. She can't reach all of them, but at least his arms are free, so he can remove himself from the rest of the tangle.
Rex clings to the tree trunk once he's free. He looks down at the ground and feels a jolt of fear in his stomach. The ground is far, far away. It seems like miles and miles down ward to safety.
"Jump, Rex!" Ahsoka shouts.
"Commander," Rex started, wracking his brain for any kind of excuse. "Erm... it's rather far... and I wouldn't want to injure myself in such a petty way and be put out of battle."
"We'll catch you," Ahsoka promises, and her master nods along. "With the Force. It's safe."
No, no, Rex has bad memories from that.
"With all due respect, Commander, last time you caught me like that, I ended up with a broken rib."
Ahsoka winces and Rex can see it, even from where he clings, high above their heads.
"Oh come on, Rex," Anakin chides. "That was a much bigger drop. This'll be easy. And we'll let you down slow."
"General, Commander, I–"
"You're scared!" Fives shouts.
"Chicken!" Hardcase ads, clucking and bocking mockingly.
"Do you want inventory duty?!" Rex hissed.
The two fall silent immediately.
"Come on Rex, jump!"
"I'm not sure it's safe."
"Then we'll let you down with the Force!"
"Sir, with all due respect, I don't want another broken rib."
They draw the conversation out, back and fourth just the same, for several minutes. Finally, with a sigh, Anakin relents and leaps up into the tree. He eases Rex onto his back, then slowly makes his way down.
This is kriffing ridiculous, Rex thinks to himself. I jump off ships with jet packs all the time! But now, he doesn't have a jet pack.
Anakin sets Rex back on solid ground and Rex has never been so glad to feel the dirt underneath his feet.
The sweep for droids continues shortly after, and Rex catches Ahsoka, Fives, and Hardcase eyeing him oddly from the corner of her gaze.
Rex already knows that as soon as they finish here, he's never going to hear the end of this one.
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Aw, poor Rex. I should probably stop embarrassing him so much...
I probably won't. It's too fun.
Requests are open, feel free to message me or make a comment if you have any ideas.
Bye, peoples!