Ringing.
Your ears were ringing.
Your entire body felt numb.
But slowly, you came to your senses. Nothing hurt except for your thigh, but you didn't want to move. You didn't want to move, just in case you were actually dead. In case this was all a dream.
But it felt too real.
With your ears still ringing, you opened your eyes, your hands shaking as they gripped your hair. Everything looked blurry. That may have been tears, or it may have been in your head, but you were definitely alive.
But... how?
Even though you were eager to get away, you just had to look. You focused your eyes on the man who almost killed you, only to see a small boy with light brown hair on top of him, restraining the arm with the gun.
Your eyes went wide, your breath hitched. This boy was definitely a Marleyan, he was wearing a yellow armband. So, why...?
Deciding that it wasn't safe to stay, you stood up in a rush. You looked around for the blimp, knowing that it was almost too late to catch up. After spotting it, you used your gear to fly through the buildings.
Now your adrenaline was completely gone, and the reality of the situation set in. Your leg was shot and you were losing a lot of blood. Your body was probably bloody and bruised.
You almost died.
Even though you'd been in so many near-death situations before, this one was probably one of the worst. If you'd died, your body wouldn't have been found. They would've left you here, and you and Levi didn't even get a real goodbye.
Eventually, you were close enough to the blimp. You hooked your gear into the wood below the door and shot up to the netting just below it.
All your strength was gone, so you struggled to climb your way to the door. When you got close, you heard shouting. More like two people arguing. And you recognised one of them to be Levi.
"We need to turn around!"
"We can't, Captain! We're already too far out."
"Fuck! I'm going to look for her."
"Captain!"
Using your arm as leverage, you hoisted yourself up into the ship. Someone noticed you and the the state you were in and helped you up. She was calling for someone, but you didn't know who. At this point, your body was shutting down. You were exhausted.
Then, you heard footsteps rushing towards you, and you felt your face being cradled by a pair of warm hands.
"Y/N," Levi's soft voice whispered in your ear. "Hey, what happened?"
"I-" You couldn't even speak. You were still in too much shock to fathom what was going on around you.
Levi lifted you into his arms and held you close. You vaguely heard him saying, "I'll be back," before carrying you out the room and through several hallways until you got into an unoccupied medical room. You had these on the ship in case anything went wrong.
Levi sat you on the bed and started to turn around. Before he could, you grabbed a few of his fingers in your hand and looked up at him pleadingly. His eyes softened when he looked at you, and he leaned down to kiss your forehead.
"I just need some things to patch up your wound, sweetheart. I'm not going anywhere."
You nodded, and Levi took that as a sign that you would be alright for a few moments.
But he never let go of your hand.
While he was gathering the supplies to tend to your wound, he didn't let go of your hand. He let you hold his fingers while he opened and closed several drawers next to the bed you were sat on.
When he was satisfied with what he had, he knelt in front of you and kissed the top of your hand.
"This is going to hurt, okay? Tell me if it gets too much."
You nodded. The bullet wound only grazed your thigh, but it hurt all the same. You would just have to get through it.
As Levi prepared to clean up the blood, a thought came to you. He hadn't pressed the question of what had happened to you at all. Sure, he'd asked once, but it was unlike him to just... leave it like this. But... you figured it must have been because he'd seen how traumatised you were. He didn't want you to live through it again.
But... you couldn't stop thinking about it.
There were unspoken words in the air, and they were like a weight on your chest that made it impossible to breathe.
"I almost died," you whispered, uncontrollable tears filling your eyes. "Th-There was a Marelyan soldier chasing after me, and- and I tried to fight him off, but he had a gun... then my leg got shot and he almost killed me by shooting at my head-"
"Hey," Levi cooed, reaching up to brush his fingers against your face - against a bruise that appeared along your jaw. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. All I care about now is that you're safe with me."
You sighed, your forehead meeting his shoulder as you leaned forward, your full bodyweight now against him. "This... little boy... saved me," you whispered. "He... He was a Marleyan, too... but, he tackled the man when he was about to shoot me."
Levi hummed thoughtfully. "Guess I should thank him sometime."
You let out a little chuckle at his joke and buried your face into his neck, completely at peace, even though it felt like your whole leg was on fire. Levi cleaned and wrapped your wound in no time, then planted a kiss to the side of your head. You knew that he had somewhere else to be, but you just couldn't be away from him. You felt so safe and warm and-
"Captain Y/N!"
You jumped up at the four voices that practically screamed your name as they barged into the room. Your Squad. You smiled at them, all their worried faces and wide eyes.
"I'm fine, guys," you said, patting your thigh lightly. "Just a scratch."
"We were so worried about you, Captain," Jodi cried as she lunged toward the bed. "We thought you were back on the ship, but we couldn't find you, and-"
"Jodi." You cut her off, then looked to the rest of your Squad. "Everyone. I'm completely fine. Really."
They all breathed a sigh of relief and made themselves comfortable in the small room you were in. August and Hunter still looked a little traumatised, but you knew that they would get over it with time.
You looked to Levi, and you knew that he had to leave. There was a look of longing in his eyes, desperate to stay with you. You reached up and brushed your fingers along his jaw, making him turn his head and kiss your fingertips.
"Go," you whispered. "I'll be fine here."
"I-"
"Levi..." Ever so slowly, you cupped his face in your hand and looked at him with pure love. "You need to go."
You knew he didn't want to leave you. He would do anything to stay with you. But... he had a responsibility. So he had to leave.
"Alright," he whispered. "If you need me-"
You quickly leaned forward and pecked his lips to stop him from talking. "I know."
Levi blinked a few times before sighing and standing. He gave the top of your hand one last kiss before turning away from you. When he did, you immediately felt cold, missing the warmth his body gave you.
"Make sure she gets some rest," Levi said, making eye contact with everyone from your Squad. They all responded with a nod, promising to make sure that they would take care of you.
With that, Levi left the room, only sparing you one last, longing glance.
A few seconds of silence passed before anyone spoke. "Captain..." Isabella whispered, her brows creased with worry. "Are you okay?"
Am I?
After being in such a situation, with death right in front of you... were you okay?
"I..." You looked around at your Squad, unsure what to say. "I, um... I'll be fine." Your voice wavered, telling them exactly what they needed to know.
"You can talk to us, Captain," Hunter added from the other side of the room. You gave him a small smile and looked over at August, who was leaning against the wall, his eyes downcast. Regret radiating out of him.
"August," you called out. His eyes immediately snapped up to meet yours ready to do anything you needed. "Please, don't blame yourself. I'm here, and that's all that matters."
He looked at you for a few moments before nodding. Deciding to go back to Hunter's previous statement, you looked back at him with a soft smile.
"I know, Hunter. Thank you. I just got a little bruised, is all."
Hunter frowned, his eyes flicking to your bandaged leg. He stared at it for a few moments, at the small amount of blood seeping through the bandages, and you saw his fist clench for just a second before he relaxed.
"Why don't we talk about something else?" you suggested, wanting to change the hostile atmosphere of the room.
They all perked up at your idea, making you internally sigh in relief. All you wanted was to have a nice conversation with your Squad, to forget about everything that had happened. You talked about how their missions went, what they did and everything that happened from their perspectives. As the conversation went on, you noticed that August and Jodi both stole glances at each other, immediately looking away when they made eye contact. You looked at Hunter and raised a playful eyebrow. His eyes went wide when he realised that you'd seen, so you just brushed it off, wanting to save him the embarrassment.
Eventually, the topic of conversation went back to you and how you did on the mission. You ended up explaining everything to them, just like you did with Levi. They all deserved to know how you got in such a state. You found it much easier to talk about this time, mostly because you weren't reliving the situation, like when you'd explained it to Levi. You felt completely and utterly safe with your Squad, and the events weren't as fresh in your memory.
As time went on, you relaxed more and more. Jodi was being her usual self, cracking jokes, teasing August and Hunter. Isabella was holding your hand, making you feel a completely different form of comfort. She was so loving and caring to everyone, and it was exactly what you needed. Hunter was being his usual stoic self, rolling his eyes everytime Jodi insulted him. And August... August was just a blushing mess in the corner of the room.
Everything was perfect.
Then, you heard chanting and shouting coming from the main area of the ship. You looked towards the door, a knot forming in your stomach. Isabella sensed your discomfort. "Captain?" she asked softly.
Something was wrong. You knew it.
"Captain," August said, his voice stern, trying to get your attention.
Bang!
Your heart dropped, and you stood in a rush. That was a gunshot. Someone...
Then you remembered. You remembered what happened to you before. You remembered being terrified by the exact same noise. You remembered almost dying. It was like you were reliving it.
You clenched your eyes shut and dropped to the floor, too overwhelmed by your fear from what happened to you and your fear from what was going on outside the door.
"Captain!" Jodi gasped, joining you on the floor, wrapping her arms around you. "Captain, it's okay. You're safe."
You opened your eyes and looked towards the door. Something wasn't right.
"What was that?" you heard Jodi ask.
Everyone knew what it was. No one wanted to answer.
Desperate to know what happened, you stood up and stumbled to the door, your heartbeat in your ears. It could've been nothing. It could've been something completely unharmful.
But you knew it wasn't.
Deep down, you knew.
"Captain, you can't go anywhere," August said calmly, gently grabbing your arm. He had to speak calmly. He knew that if everyone in the room was panicked, it would've sent you into a spiral. "You have to stay here and rest."
"But- But I have to go," you stammered. "What if someone's hurt?"
"Captain, I'm sorry," he whispered, gently pulling you toward him. Isabella walked forward and took you in her arms.
Your head was spinning. You had to go. What if they needed you? What if someone you loved was hurt?
Suddenly, a burst of adrenaline shot through you. The pain from your leg was gone, your head stopped spinning. The thought of someone so dear to you getting hurt...
You broke out of Isabella's grip and sprinted from the room. There was a chorus of shouts from behind you, but you didn't care. All you wanted to do was find out what happened.
You flung open the door the the main area of the ship... And your heart shattered.
Sasha was laying on the floor, blood seeping out of her bandaged stomach.
You couldn't move. You couldn't even breathe.
Jean was facing away from her, covering his ears, gritting his teeth in frustration. Connie was knelt next to her, looking over her with haunted eyes.
You took a few shaky steps forward, then dropped to your knees, hugging your arms to your chest, comforting your aching heart.
You heard your Squad stop at the doorway, and they all fell silent.
No... how can...? Not Sasha. Please, please, not her...
Someone was talking, but you didn't know who it was. You couldn't even look. Something about... someone climbing aboard... using Lobov's ODM Gear.
You didn't care about any of that. All you could focus on was Sasha. One of your best friends. The one who'd been there through everything. And now... she was dying?
"Will the killing ever end?" Jean's voice reached your ears. You looked up at him, seeing him leaning against the wall for support. Your instinct was to reach out to him, to give him some form of comfort. But you were in so much pain, you couldn't move.
It was just then that you noticed Floch holding two children by the hair. And one of them was...
Your eyes widened.
It was the boy that saved you.
The girl started shouting, but you couldn't pay attention. Eventually, Jean took them away, and all was quiet.
With shaky limbs, you crawled toward Sasha and kneeled next to her. You brushed your fingers against her cheek and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Hey, Sasha..." you whispered. "I don't know if you can hear me, but... please... please, keep fighting... I-I don't know how to do this without you. I need you stay with me..." Tears started to flow uncontrollably out of your eyes. "Please."
She went limp.
Heart-wrenching sobs started to pour out of your mouth.
The door burst open, and Amrin and Mikasa came rushing through. They collapsed next to you, both of them screaming and shouting at her to wake up. All you could do was stare wide eyed at her, in complete shock. It wasn't possible.
Minutes passed like hours, nothing but the cries of Armin and Mikasa filled the room. Eventually, you had to go to them, had to feel some form of comfort.
As soon as you wrapped your arms around Mikasa, she collapsed against you, Armin follwing soon after. You held them as tight as you could, comforting yourself as well as them. Their cries haunted you, their tears sinking into your clothes, engraving into your memory.
You leaned down towards Sasha and kissed her forehead, whispering words that shattered your heart with each passing second.
"Goodnight, Sasha... I love you."