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What's less than hollow?
Can anyone actually feel less than hollow?
"I never actually got involved with tracking you myself until two weeks before we met. When I did do it personally, I realised something wasn't adding up. Not with the way you carried yourself, especially not in the way you smiled at passing strangers. I was going to dig in and see why someone would set so much money to just keep tabs on you for this long but when the flash drive got stolen and my attention got pulled away" he stops and I swear he looks like he might just hate himself more "I spent days on this new problem that I forgot all about the job I had to get done" his eyes trail up to me and I can't imagine how I look right now. Job, my life was in his hands and I was a task to be completed "then I got the call from Donte telling me there was an emergency, I had to drop it all to see what was wrong on his end. When I got there, there was a body at the front and Donte was practically in pieces going frantic about a girl he had lost. I knew it was you but I couldn't say anythi-"
I scoff, shaking my head as tears begin to surface.
"- but then you showed up. You showed up and put a knife to my throat and Mia I fell in love with you right there and then in that room. I was so in love with you that I forgot all about the deal. I just forgot. I forgot up until I didn't, then that's when I called in and said that everything was off, that I was done. I should've done it earlier I know that-"
"No, what you should've done is told me"
"I know that Mia I know. But everything I felt for you wasn't a lie. Everything I ever told you was the truth"
"No it wasn't. It was your truth, it was all your play. I fell in love with a version of you that you built out of lies, I never loved the real Nicholas, I never actually got to meet him. So don't sit there and tell me that our love was true, not when the foundation of it all was built on the lies you kept alive"
"Mia-" he sighs. I watch him as he tries to control his breathing.
"I can't even tell if you actually feel bad or if it's just another act"
He looks up at me with so much hurt that it feels like I had just betrayed him myself.
"Mia all I've felt since that day has been nothing short of pain. I have hated myself none stop day and night, I have been sorry for years"
"And I have been in pain for years" I raise my voice.
"I know, I know and I'm sorry"
Sorry is such a funny word. We all say it when there's a mistake we regret making, choosing. But what makes it so funny is that after that word it muttered, many will just go and make that same mistake all over again. Sorry just means 'temporary', sorry said more than once is an excuse. But that's where my dilemma kicks in. He's never made a mistake before, he's never hurt me before.
Then there's the line that follows along with the apology. There are some things that are more than forgivable, you wouldn't even think about the small ones someone makes along the way. But if a person has lied, spied and has made you fall soul and heart in love with a false version of them, well then that's when it goes beyond an apology and beyond the line of redemption. That's where Nicholas Bane is sat. Beyond that line that determines worthy and not worthy. The issue that follows along side that is the fact he has my soul and heart with him.
"You broke my trust"
"I know"
"You took the love I gave you and ruined it"
"I know"
"You made me hate myself along with you"
"Mia"
"I'll never forgive you for what you did"
A pause but he mumbles out painfully "I know"
"But I'm not going to keep living life ignoring you when it's pointless" I meet his eyes "I can't ignore you"
"Then please, please don't"
I chuckle "you say that like it's an easy thing to do. Every time I look at you all I see is my knife in your chest and you looking up at me"
"I can't tell if that's an issue or not"
"It's both" I smile at him. He smiles back but it doesn't quite reach his eyes entirely.
"I'm not sorry I killed you"
"I don't expect you to be. You shouldn't either"
"So you're telling me you're not upset I-"
He leans in across the table "Mia, you could kill me a thousand times over and I'd come back thanking you each time. You have to know by now that you couldn't do anything to change what I feel for you"
I lean back into my seat, crossing my arms as I stare at him. He definitely lost some brain cells when he died there's no denying that.
"Will you still call me Bane or has that changed now that you'll be talking to me"
"Do you want me to call you Bane?"
"No. That is what I want the least"
"Is it just me that gets to call you Nicholas or has that changed over the years"
"No one but you is allowed Mia, no one but you"
I smile shaking my head slightly side to side
"Okay then, Nicholas it is"
He smiles back and this time his smile reaches him fully. It's just as mesmerising as ever before.
"We should get going, he's not going to come and I'm starting to think that was his plan all along"
"But you haven't ate anything"
"I'll eat on the plane"
He goes to say something that will probably start and argument but he doesn't. He gets up walking towards me, setting his hand on my lower back as we leave the restaurant. I kiss Aldo goodbye on his cheek to which he returns and right before we leave out the door Nicholas whispers something to him. Aldo smiles as he looks at me before nodding a couple of times. We leave right after, getting into the cold car.
"Do you guys know there's a thing called a heater? And what's crazy about them is that they actually exist in cars" I mutter through my chattering teeth "so explain to me why you both decided to sit here in the cold"
"I'll turn it up, sorry" Max smiles as he turns on the heater. Before I could look out the window Nicholas sets his blazer on me. I go to protest but he shoots me a look that tells me either I take it or this car is about to become an argument ring. I take it and sink deeper into the leather seats, wearing a dress in the dead of winter makes me think of burning all the dresses in this forsaken world. For good.
The journey back to the hotel was actually peaceful and if that doesn't surprise you then you haven't been reading this right. My life and the word peaceful doesn't exist on the same universe let alone on the same planet, but I am taking it all in. I listen to the radio that's at a perfect volume and watch as the cold air turns everything outside a frosty white. It's painfully perfect.