It was December 24 at 3:30 p.m., Frida's release from the hospital had already been signed, just in time because she just wanted to be at home. She was in the bathroom washing her hands when Benny entered the room with the papers and she turned to look at him from the bathroom while she was drying her hands, she had noticed since the night before that he had a different attitude towards her, like a cold one. She approached him and with her available arm she held him by her waist trying to find his warmth but he was cold. "We have to go now," he said, interrupting the moment.
Frida nodded and stepped away from him, later taking her bag to leave the room. He tried to help her but she wouldn't let him.
Back in the car, Frida slammed the door without letting Benny help her, he grunted and got into the car too, she fixed her penetrating gaze on him and he frowned. "Let it out," she pointed out, facing him.
"I won't talk to you about it now. We'll go home, you'll relax, we'll have dinner as a family and that's it," Benny said calmly.
"You know that doesn't work with me, Benny," she snapped back. "You've been avoiding me and if you have something to say to me, you do it right now, period," she warned.
"Okay, do you want to know?" He sighed aggressively. "Then why did you want to get rid of our baby?" Frida frowned and looked at him confused, being very offended, he noticed her expression and decided to continue, "yes, Lotta told me that you had proposed the idea of abortion to her and you didn't even let me know that was your intention," he added.
"You don't know what you're talking about," she murmured and hugged herself, feeling more helpless now than ever. She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, Benny watching her every action, he didn't understand her, first she wanted him to tell her but then she was ignoring him. He looked away from her and began to drive, if that was what she wanted to do, then he would play along with her.
Later, they were already in the house, Frida was ordered to stay in her bedroom but she would just ignore it, especially the order coming from Benny. She went downstairs, the entrance was open and then she saw Björn enter. "Hej!" He said smiling upon seeing her, and closed the door behind him.
"Hello, Björn," she replied, returning his smile. "What a surprise to see you here," she added.
"I came a moment with Lena to see how you were doing," he approached her and placed his hand on her back, later giving her a kiss on the cheek.
"I'm fine, a little tired but it's normal," she said.
"I brought you cookies," Björn added but since she only had one hand available, he stayed with the voz in hands. Then they both walked to the living room, where the rest were, Lena was also there. Benny looked at Frida, once again she did what she wanted and he just wanted her to be well and recovered.
"Hello, Frida, how are you?" Lena asked.
"Hey, Lena. I'm fine, it wasn't anything serious luckily," she replied.
"But mom, you shouldn't be standing up," Lotta intervened.
"I'm fine Lise-Lotte," Frida responded somewhat irritated, the truth is that she was angry because she couldn't believe that she told Benny something so private between them. Lotta stepped back feeling the coldness of her mother and she was scared half of her. "How are the children and Agnetha?" She turned to ask Björn.
"They are fine, we will go with them now. Since the threat happened, we haven't had much peace of mind, but we're better now," he assured her. "How is this baby?" He put her hand on her growing belly and caressed it without letting go.
"It's a baby girl in case you didn't know, and she's okay in the end and that's all that matters to me right now," she replied.
"Benny told me, and I'm really glad to hear that," he hugged her again and she squeezed him tight with her right arm, she needed his hug so much. "We'll go now, the children are waiting for us and I don't want to be late for dinner," he excused himself.
"Give them a kiss from me, Merry Christmas," Frida said smiling.
Then, Frida went to the kitchen, Anna was preparing Christmas dinner with the help of Heléne and Lotta, while Hans and Peter contributed by preparing the drinks for the night, Benny dedicated himself to set the table and the rest of the Christmas decorations. "Smells delicious," she commented, going over to the stove and sniffing around.
"You should wait until everything is ready," Heléne warned.
"It's not fair," Frida complained but it was exactly the same thing she used to them when she was in charge of the kitchen. Then, Frida left completely ignoring Benny's presence in the dining room and went to the stairs back to her bedroom, although she wanted to be strong, everything that was happening affected her, especially since she didn't know when she would finally have peace.
In the comfort of her room, she was able to freely complain about the back pain that she was complaining about but that she did not want to discuss with anyone. She sat on the corner of the bed moaning and pressed her lips together. Either way she wanted to choose a dress and put on her best face for the celebration, she had already ruined enough. Just when she would lift a foot to continue complaining to herself, the bedroom door opened and of course only one person was already walking in like that, Benny.
Frida looked at him, he looked at her too, but none of them said a word and that certainly destroyed her. Benny went into the bathroom clearly ignoring her, then she closed her eyes and some tears came out wetting her cheeks, she already felt bad enough to have to face another pain. She got up from the bed feeling her spine break, but she had to do something for her own well-being. She first looked out the window, it was foggy, it had snowed a little outside and it was already dark, then she continued on her way to the bathroom, the door was still open and when she entered Benny was in his boxers in front of the mirror trimming his mustache, he looked at her through the mirror but at first he couldn't decipher her intention. Frida leaned against the door, crossing her arms and waiting for him to pay attention to her.
Benny looked at her once more out of the corner of his eye and noticed that she wanted something from him, so he put the scissors on the sink and this time he turned to face her, showing attention. "We need to talk," Frida said as soon as she got his attention.
"I'm listening," he nodded, Frida felt very weak emotionally, so a lump formed in her throat, preventing her from being able to articulate clear words.
"I never wanted to have an abortion but you wouldn't understand," she finally said, her voice cracking and her gaze fixed on him. "My children are the most important thing to me and every decision I've made has been made with them in mind," she continued and frowned. "I regretted and condemned myself for having suggested the possibility of an abortion when I was stuck with Lotta and I continue to regret it every day that dawns because I am connected to this little girl and she is a part of me, but I do not believe that you have any right to claim on me," she made it clear to him as tears continued to well up in her eyes.
"I don't want to claim you and I don't even want to rule your body but I can't help it hurting me, especially finding out from a third party that it's not you," he pointed out, squeezing his hands.
"Benny, do you know me?" She questioned him. "I am your wife, do you know me or not? What things do you think I can do and what not?" She asked trembling as her eyes continued to produce tears. "What hurts me the most, of all this, is not even the physical pain, it is that right in this situation you claim that I ever thought about abortion and that I may be capable of intentionally committing an act like yesterday falling off the stairs, at this point in the game," she closed her eyes and shook her head, it sounded worse than in her head. Benny also shuddered when hearing those words, they sounded absurd but suddenly that was what he really wanted to understand.
"I..." Benny started to gag, he took a deep breath and then looked at her, of course he didn't want to blame her, she was already unprotected and fragile, throwing a load at her like that, especially since he knew she would never do something crazy. He took advantage of the situation of the moment and approached her taking her right hand, it was cold so he gave it warmth and comfort with his. "I want to apologize, my intention was not to insinuate that you had caused that, I just wanted to point out that at some point you thought about not having the baby, but in the end it is your decision, I would have no voice or vote."
"It wasn't my decision, Benny," Frida clenched her jaw. "I was thinking about what was best for my family but I would never have wanted that, until today it haunts me and you come to finish killing me, as if I didn't have enough of myself," she complained. "I believe it anyway that I don't deserve something like that and even less coming from the person I trust the most, which is you, I trusted you even when I woke up and I didn't recognize anyone months ago, now I know things, I remember things, I know who we all are and still I'm totally unaware of your reaction this afternoon, it hurt me a lot," she complained and let go of his hands, Benny felt the rejection.
"It won't happen again," he lamented and moved closer to her, giving her an unexpected but sincere hug, Frida couldn't refuse, she gave in and hugged him too, sobbing into his shoulder. "I know that you are the best mother for my daughter and also for your children, I never wanted to insinuate anything about you, I apologize," he confessed and kissed her hair, squeezing her a little more. "It's Christmas Eve and the last thing we want is for us to be mad with each other on this date," he added. He pulled away a little and put his hand on her belly, then kissed her neck.
"I'm going to get dressed," she broke away.
"Wait," he stopped her and moved closer to her kissing hers her lips passionately hers. "I love you and I need you to forgive me," he held her face in his hands and pressed their forehead together. Frida returned him the kiss by placing her hand on his neck and joining his lips that were like a balm for each of her wounds. Benny groaned slightly and pulled her a little closer to him, holding her by the waist.
"I'll go get dressed," Frida repeated, interrupting the kiss, looking down and noticing that Benny had an attribute on top, it was more noticeable because he was only wearing boxers.
"Don't worry, I'll take care of this," he assured her smiling. "Need help?" He asked her because in the end she could only use one arm.
"I'm fine," she assured him and finally left the bathroom. She felt more relaxed, with less pressure and with the certainty that everything would be fine.
Later that night, everyone was sitting at the table having dinner, Benny and Frida were sitting next to each other, even though they should go to the head of the table, they would rather be together than apart, besides, life didn't work that way for them. The children chatted among themselves, Alfred and Benny also had conversations from time to time, Frida was quieter, she was making a great effort after leaving the hospital and going down to have dinner with her family.
The table was perfectly decorated, the golden plates, the chandeliers with lit red candles, the Christmas decorations perfectly placed and Christmas carols playing in the background setting the place. Benny took advantage of the fact that everyone was in a good mood, he got up from his chair, capturing everyone's attention, including Frida who had to look up immediately. "I want us to make a toast," he said and lifted his wineglass. He looked at Frida and caressed her cheek tenderly, she smiled. "First I want to thank once again because we have Frida with us, she is the pillar of our family and the reason for my happiness," he confessed. "I want to thank our little girl who is coming to join Heléne and Lotta as the princesses of the house," he continued, "and I also want to thank our sons who are grown and are making their own lives and should already consider on helping us with household expenses," he joked and everyone laughed except Peter and Hans who were prepared to make fool of him soon.
Frida smiled and called him subtly, "Benny," she caught his attention as she got up from her chair, without thinking twice, she leaned into him and planted a warm kiss on his mouth, "thank you for giving the words tonight," she whispered and they both smiled. Benny couldn't help but feel lucky.
"I want to say something too," she heard Alfred say, he rose and cleared his throat with his glass of champagne, then all eyes fell on him. "I am grateful because life gave me the opportunity to meet my daughter Anni-Frid, she has been a gift above all that she is healthy. Frida, daughter, thank you for inviting Anna and me to spend Christmas with you, it took me by surprise but I liked it, it makes me feel more part of you and your family," he paused, he and Frida made eye contact for a few long seconds, her eyes were watery while her mind was idealizing many things, suddenly, she thought how it would have been to celebrate Christmas with her mom and dad, all the Christmas she spent alone with her grandmother, to whom she owed everything but what she also felt that something was missing, now the man who was her father and that she missed so much was in front of her having dinner on Christmas Eve. "I would like one day that Peter and Karin can be with us and achieve my long-awaited family union," he noted.
Frida swallowed dryly, she had remembered much of their meeting the first time and their subsequent meetings, even when she met her half-siblings in Germany, but she simply couldn't give him what he needed, she didn't feel it was what she should and he wanted to do, she believed more in the women in her family like her aunt Olive and what her mom might have told her, than what her father could swear to her.
"Thank you for coming, Alfred and Anna," Frida thanked them, after all she didn't want to be a bad person with them, she couldn't, no matter how doubtful she was, but she couldn't be the happy and united family that he had come to claim for 34 years. after. "And sorry everyone for almost ruining Christmas for you, it wasn't my intention at all, but I think we were able to more or less salvage the initial plan," she smiled. "I'm happy to have you all, Hans, Peter, Lotta, Heléne..." She paused and took a deep breath, "and this little baby girl who doesn't have a name yet but we'll get one soon," she rubbed her tummy. Benny held onto her waist and she leaned against him a bit.
Later, everyone was in the room by the fireplace, the children were talking among themselves and drinking julmust, the music was playing so that from time to time Heléne and Lotta did not hesitate to get up to dance, Peter had already sat down on the piano to play some pieces learned from his dad. "Can we talk for a moment?" Alfred approached Frida, she nodded and got up and they both went into the kitchen, she took the bottle of champagne that was open on the counter and offered him more, he immediately took the bottle, "I'll help you, thank you," Frida nodded and prepared to listen to him. "I want to know if you finally accept me as a father," Alfred questioned somewhat uncertainly.
"Alfred," Frida sighed and closed her eyes for a few seconds, then she met those of that man who had lived a love story with her mother, being her the result, the proof. "I will repeat what I told you almost two years ago. It's not very easy for me, maybe if this had been fifteen years, twenty years ago, maybe yes, but I can't force my heart to accept something it doesn't recognize," she lamented.
"Do you remember what you told me two years ago?" he asked amazed.
Frida agreed, "I can remember, I've remembered things, I've recovered my memory to a large extent, that's why I'm clear about what our relationship is like, you don't have to fake it anymore," she asked him. "Alfred," she held his hand, not being able to do much about the cast, "I don't hate you but I can't love you either, my family is my kids and Benny, of course aunt Olive and my cousins, I don't need anyone else," she was sincere. It hurt her to say that, perhaps more than it hurt Alfred to hear it, but things had to be as they were. "I was pleased to have you and Anna for Christmas but I don't think this will be a tradition," she finished.
"I understand," Alfred closed his eyes trying not to cry and nodded. "I wish everything was different," he confessed.
"Me too, I was the most harmed by not growing up with my dad but now I'm fine and I will be," Frida didn't want to cry but tears were already welling up in her eyes, the festivities made her melancholic, she missed a lot of people.
After speaking and clarifying what the fate of the father-daughter relationship would be, Frida felt that a great weight had come off her shoulder. They returned to the living room, Benny was there, he had returned from smoking, she immediately went into his arms, he knew that the conversation with Alfred had not ended on the best terms, so he offered her to lean against him. The idea was to end up spending the night well, they didn't want to create a tense atmosphere either, Alfred immediately joined his grandchildren in their occurrences, it would probably be the last time he would see them like this, so he wanted to take advantage the moment. Benny and Frida sat watching them, he drinking beer, she allowed herself a Julmust, although it was a Swedish tradition, she didn't enjoy it very much because it had a lot of sugar, but it was Christmas and she wanted to continue the tradition, she wanted to do things with the family. Benny kissed her hair, she turned her face and gave him a peck, she wouldn't settle for little.
They both smiled, the next day was Christmas, the tree was already full of gifts, including gifts for Christian and Linda, with luck Agnetha would go with them the next day to pick them up, there were also gifts for Olive, Arthur, Silje and Sølvi, for they hoped they would arrive just in time for the New Year Eve the following week. Frida closed her eyes while Benny hugged her, she went from having a shit day in the hospital to feeling happy with her children and in the arms of her husband celebrating Christmas Eve.