Super Trouper

The Reason Why

"I've missed you," Benny rubbed her bare back after they'd made love again in the morning.

"You don't have to miss me, I'm right here," she answered quietly, hugging him.

"I know, but I missed being able to kiss you, caress you and make love to you without feeling like I'm annoying you," he sighed and snuggled closer to her.

"You don't annoy me," she stared at him, stroking his hair. Benny held her by the torso and pulled her a little closer, kissing her again. "Benny!" She squeezed him, "I need you to tell me something," Frida knew that the chances of having a positive response to the next question were almost nil, since he didn't usually talk about it, in fact avoided it. "I know you've been trying not to talk about it, but why don't you want to have children with me?"

Benny broke out in a sweat and got nervous, he still wasn't sure he wanted to have that conversation. Lightning struck near the house which scared both of them almost jumping out of bed, managing to interrupt. They looked at each other and then outside, the panorama did not look good.

Benny got up from the bed and put on his underpants that were lying on the floor, then he opened the balcony curtains to see outside, it was pouring rain. Frida also took advantage and got up, putting on the white silk robe to cover her body and she hugged him from behind, while they looked sky. "Benny, please!" She pleaded with him. "There are many things that you know and I don't know, I would love to know, no matter how difficult they are. I would like you to put yourself in my place for a moment," her face was now one of anguish. Benny held her hand that were hugging him and thought about it for a few seconds, he was sorry and she was right, he didn't want to keep her in that frustration and limbo in which she found herself, because the story also belonged to her and she had every right to know it.

"Come," he took her with him, sat down on the couch by the window and sat her on his lap, making her comfortable next to him. Now that they were okay, or trying to, he wanted to tell her the truth, hiding it was pointless.

"I hear you," she stared at him knowing he was ready to finally speak.

"Frida, two years ago we agreed not to have children," he said bluntly, he wasn't so sure he was ready to tell her, but he had to. Frida looked at him still confused, she didn't know exactly what he was referring to.

"But why?" She insisted on knowing more.

"Listen. One of the difficult moments in which you and Lotta were not understanding each other very well, she refused to have more siblings, you felt guilty for having left them with Ragnar while you lived here in Stockholm, and having another child with me would worsen your relationship with her," he finally said, having a hard time letting it out. Frida was not able to say anything, not yet, she could see the pain in his eyes. "Frida, I want to respect your decision," he explained.

Frida was stunned, that news had shocked her a lot, she had many mixed feelings right now, she would like the story to be different, especially because she was hurt that her relationship with her daughter was not the best. She got up from his lap and went to the bathroom leaving the conversation in the middle and Benny confused. She sat on the toilet seat and she couldn't help but cry, she felt a great sadness in her heart.

Five minutes later, she came out, Benny had decided to give her space and was still sitting in the same position as he looked outside, he didn't cry or anything, but she could tell he was sad. Frida sat on his lap again and she hugged him, as if she didn't want to let him go. "I shouldn't have told you," he wrapped his hands around her waist and kissed her neck.

"Benny," she closed her eyes trying to get serious. "I may not remember anything, but we are a couple, aren't we?" She lifted his face by grasping his chin. "I don't know much about these things and sometimes I may feel silly about it, but I'm not stupid either."