Run, my child. Run.
But this unfortunate blood was not something I could rid of - its impact was done.
My precious brothers and sisters, I apologise. To father, I apologise. To even mother, I apologise.
Estrada. Oh, how I wished to forget that last name and live a new life.
The blood which I inherited was not one of benefit, but one that brought terrors amongst my people and cruelty was unavoidable.
There were many of us, the ones born within the household of Estrada. But every five years, the crowd of children who believed that they were soon to be acknowledged and were full of prestige was brought to the floor and ordered to kill. Kill everyone that we cherished. Dirty our hands with filthy blood and dizzy our heads with painful memories that followed us everywhere we went. The pain that we had to bear as the survivor was overwhelming.
Estrada. Oh, how I wished to forget that last name and live a new life. If I had let go that tag that hung around my bag for everyone to judge, then would my precious people still be breathing this instant?
Then as I struck a deal, a voice called out. "Hm? You want to live a new life? Well then, welcome to the tower."
It was like a dream come true - I was out of this family forever, I earned the freedom which I yearned for and I took the chance to become a changed person. But at what cost?
My precious siblings were dead. All because of me.
And that guilt strangled and pulled me back to where I began from - a weak state of mind and a position of vulnerability.
I learnt many things from all these terrifying incidents: Do not trust anybody, do not serve anybody, and last but not least - do not have anyone to protect. They are the ones that hinder you in battles, the ones that weaken your authority and also the ones that ends up running away as traitors.
But here I stand in a boy's embrace who keeps me warm, loved and belonged. I've been put into a cage that I want to stay in, and I've willingly become vulnerable to be betrayed. As I try to wiggle out of your embrace to escape, I'm stopped, like a bird that keeps hitting itself on the metal bars of the cage not knowing that there's no way out - until the owner opens it for them.
You whisper to me songs of love and confession, but I push you away like how I did with everyone else. I want you to become part of the crowd of strangers that surround me, although I forget their faces in an instant. I want you out of my life.
Yet when you whisper 'stay' into my ear, I feel like I want you back all over again.
Stop.
Stop making me love you.