'Move yourself to your own capsule,' the voice tells us. The capsule doors open with a loud noise.
My first reaction is to immediately do what the voice tells us, but then I feel Soran grab my arm and stop me. The expression on his face tells me how shocked he is at the announcement. Yuki and Chichiro are also clearly shocked.
Shit, it's the eight of hearts. I think of all the hearts games that have happened so far and feel my heart suddenly be surrounded by fear. I really want to tell everyone it's going to be okay, but we all sense it would be a lie. Even the three boys sent out to hurt us seem shaken. Reo looks at Kyo with a furious look, because he has sentenced him to play this game.
After hugging Soran, I let go of him and stand in front of one of the capsules. It's clear to see that the spaces are not particularly large. I've never really had a problem entering small spaces, but the nerves of the upcoming game have me entering mine with dread. As soon as I'm inside, the door clicks shut and I'm trapped. My heart rate picks up instantly. I lie on a thin mat with a pillow. There's a television screen with speakers on the wall and a tablet that is within reach. I try to lie still and watch my breathing, but it doesn't get any better. I put my hand in the pocket of my cardigan and clasp the MP3 player Yuki gave me. It ensures that I can find some peace.
I'm startled when the television screen turns on and I see the others on the screen. Chichiro is clearly having the most trouble with this event. Ringo calmly pretends he doesn't care, but I can see the concern in his eyes. I take a quick look at Soran and Yuki to make sure they're okay, as far as they can be. For now it seems to be going well.
'The game is "Capsule Hotel",' the voice tells us. 'Rules of the game: Stay in the capsule until time is up. Choose one player via the tablet to whom you want an event to apply. From all those selected, someone will be chosen at random to undergo this. If a player leaves the capsule early, they get a game over.' In the short pause that follows, it remains completely silent. 'Clear condition: The game ends after two and a half hours, or when one player leaves the capsule.'
'Interesting,' Kyo says, seemingly unconcerned. 'The game starts now,' the voice tells us. At the top right of the screen, a timer of 150 minutes starts counting down. Watching the dancing numbers makes me pretty sad, so I try to ignore it as much as possible.
When the screen lights up, I look at the tablet hanging within reach. I pull the thing a little closer to me and look at the statement that appears on the screen.
"Choose a player who gets a bad smell in their capsule for ten minutes."
All our photos and names are displayed, after which a one-minute timer starts counting down. That's probably how long we have to make our choice.
'Easy,' Reo says, pressing the tablet. I can't see what choice he makes on the screen, but I can guess it. The evil look in his eyes indicates that he's going for Kyo. 'Don't you dare,' the boy says menacingly, but there's nothing he can do to stop Reo. More and more players make their choice, but I'm still staring at my tablet.
This is not the only statement to come and certainly not the worst out there. The level "eight" indicates that it will get much worse. What more things will we have to do to someone else? What happens if you don't vote? I don't want to find out. In the last five seconds I make my choice.
Not only does Kyo's photo appear six times, we also see exactly who voted for which player. The two votes for Reo come from Kyo and Yuki. The latter looks at the ground with an embarrassed and caught face. This isn't the time for that at all, but I feel something strange floating through my body. Despite everything his former friend has done to him and Kenta, he still wants to save him from discomfort. Kyo takes it all but well. 'Pussy,' he mumbles, probably to Yuki. All the photos are lit one by one, until the pattern slows down and the lights finally stop on one photo: Kyo.
'Good for you,' Reo says triumphantly. The screen shows how a kind of gas is being spread in Kyo's cabin, to which he quickly raises his hand to his nose and makes a gagging sound. He switches to breathing through his mouth, but it can be clearly seen that the smell he inhales doesn't make him feel good. It's no longer possible to pretend to be tough. 'That's what you get,' Reo adds, looking at his own screen with a big grin on his face.
Ten minutes is a long time. Not only for the person it happens to, but also for everyone who has to wait. The players use this time differently. Yuki deliberately averts his gaze from the screen so he doesn't have to see it. Reo and Yoshua seem to enjoy it. Chichiro stares at the wall and tries to control his trembling body. Soran tries not to look at the screen, but his gaze is drawn to it again and again. Ringo has a concentrated expression on his face. It's clear that he's thinking and making calculations. I decide to take the time to do the same.
It's clear that each round we will have a statement that represents something unpleasant. We all need to pick someone we want it to happen to. It also lets us see who voted for whom. The more votes you get, the more often your name will be entered in the lottery and the greater the chance that you will be the chosen one. Does this assignment happen to take up ten minutes, or will they all take that long? I think we will find out.
"Choose a player who will remain in complete darkness for ten minutes."
Kyo, who is still coughing and making a dirty face, is scolding again. The smoke seems to be leaving his capsule, after which he's looking at the screen with increasing concentration. 'Wait,' he says as Reo and Yoshua bring their hand to the tablet again. 'Remember our mission.' Reo angrily looks at the screen. 'You should've thought of that before you pushed us in!'
'Yosh, come on,' Kyo tries to talk him into it, 'you know I didn't have a choice. We had to play this game anyway! Would you rather it were just the two of us?' Yoshua takes his hand away from his tablet and then looks at it doubtfully. 'Yosh, don't listen to him,' Reo replies. 'He's trying to save himself here, because he knows everyone's going to vote for him!'
'Do you think Aguni and Niragi will be happy if we don't do what they ask of us?' Kyo says. 'Let's vote together.' Yoshua nods. Reo can't hide his anger, but nods. 'Let's vote for Chich, he's trembling like crazy.'
'W-what?' Chichiro mumbles, startled. The three boys press something on the tablet. The last few seconds pass, so I raise my hand and press Kyo's photo again. In addition to the trio Ringo also voted for Chichiro, much to the boys' delight. Soran and I went for Kyo and Yuki and Chichiro for Reo. The latter eventually receives the illuminated photo, after which his image turns completely black.
Despite his choice not being the chosen one, Kyo still starts to grin. 'Karma,' he says. Reo doesn't respond. 'You were friends, weren't you?' Kyo says. He doesn't mention any names and we only see him looking straight ahead at the screen, but of course I know who he's talking to. 'He treated you terribly, didn't he?' I see Yuki looking down, as if he's thinking of the moment when Reo tried to grab him and force him to drink poison. 'Perhaps you should use this moment as revenge. You can all vote for him for every assignment. Then all you have to do is just lie there and wait until the time is up.'
'You can't do that,' Yoshua mumbles. 'We have to form a front against them. You know what happens when Niragi finds out we failed.' Something flashes through Kyo's eyes that makes it look like he's going to take it all back. 'And who's to say Niragi thinks you're still useful after it's done?' Ringo quietly meddles. 'He was able to discard us easily. Who says he won't discard you when your mission is accomplished?'
Not only Kyo, but also Yoshua clearly looks wary. They already doubt the motives of the militant and the executive members. Ringo makes good use of this to increase that uncertainty. 'You're only saying this because you're trying to save yourself,' Kyo says. 'I've been an executive member of the Beach,' Ringo replies. 'I know better than anyone how that goes. You can now turn on us and take us out, but don't you think it's not your turn next.'
Ringo's words reach them. They clearly doubt whether it's the right thing to kill us and whether they will gain anything by doing so. 'We'll see then,' Kyo decides to say anyway. 'You all want to save your own skin, so why don't we just vote for Reo every time?' Yoshua obviously doesn't agree, but what can he do about it?
'Dirty bastard,' I hear Ryo say as his screen lights back up again. Kyo clearly didn't expect he could hear us anymore, because we didn't hear him anymore either.
"Choose a player who gets flashes of light in the capsule for ten minutes."
'Fuck you,' Reo says, bringing his hand to the tablet. 'Dude!' Kyo exclaims. 'That was just to see who would take it easily!' Of course nobody believes him. 'Dude!' Something in the way he pronounces the word catches my attention. It sounded almost desperate, as if it would be a serious matter for him if he were chosen. 'Let's vote for that guy again,' Kyo continues. His voice sounds strained and tense. 'We can easily clear this game if we let a weak person do everything! If it becomes too much for him, he will open his capsule and we'll be freed from this hell!'
'No!' I exclaim. 'It doesn't have to be that way! We can think of something to make sure we all survive this!'
'Oh, yeah, what?!' Kyo asks sharply. I don't have an answer to that yet, but I don't want to do this to Chichiro. 'Vote for me this time,' I say. 'Leave Chichiro alone.'
'Hell no,' Reo says, pressing the tablet. 'We all want to get out of this capsule as soon as possible.'
In the last twenty seconds I'm trying to figure out who our group would vote for. Obviously Yuki isn't going for his former friend. I'm sure Soran would. Should I do that, too? I think of how Kyo had looked when votes threatened to come at him. It's clear that he wants to spare himself the fate of getting flashes of light. But should I sentence someone else to that? In the last second I quickly press Reo, who also received a vote from Yuki and Chichiro. Soran, as I thought, voted for Kyo, who's looking at the photos with tense eyes. Yet Chichiro is the one who, with four votes, is sentenced to this assignment.
'Ah!' At first he just puts his hands over his eyes, but that doesn't help. Also the pillow over his head still seems to be bad. Kyo raises his hand and shields the image of probably Chichiro from himself.
'Stop!' I call out. 'Stop choosing him! Ringo, please stop this!'
'Of course he won't,' Reo replies. 'He's smart! He also knows that the quickest way out is to let the weakest go through everything in the hopes that he will open his capsule and we can get out of here.'
'Opening your capsule means dying!' I yell. 'We shouldn't sentence anyone to that! We must help each other!'
'What nonsense,' Kyo exclaims. 'You're the so-called moral knight here. Where were you in the previous rounds? Why didn't you open your mouth when Reo and I had to do those things? Exactly, you only want to protect your own people, you retarded bitch.'
Both Soran and Yuki say something about the way he addresses me, but his words open my eyes. 'No,' I mumble, 'he's right. We vote for the other group to protect our own, but that's wrong. We must become one group. We have to work together and divide the assignments so that we can all pass the time together and all survive it.'
'Don't think so,' Kyo replies immediately. 'Why would I go through another of those things for you?!' His associates seem to think the same. They absolutely don't care which one of us gets out of the capsule first, as long as it happens. There's nothing we can do to stop that. Also Ringo, who wants to get out of this small space as quickly as possible, joins them to ensure his own success. That means it should be four against four, but I don't know if I can. Who gives me the right to do something terrible to someone else in order to save myself or someone else? Who decides whose life is more valuable?
"Choose a player who will see images of games already played for ten minutes."
'Chichiro, are you okay?!' I immediately ask when the flashes have stopped. His face is grey when he removes the pillow. 'Let's see how long it takes you to stop your peace offering,' Kyo says, pressing the tablet. 'Kyo,' Yuki says, 'you don't have to do this. It's not too late to come back and do the right thing.'
'When it comes to your girlfriend, you're suddenly opening your mouth?' Yuki looks caught, but doesn't let it go. 'Kairi is right: we can all survive this and bear the burden together.'
'Do I look like I want to carry this burden together?' Kyo says with an indignant laugh. 'If I had wanted that, I wouldn't have caused Kenta's body to be flattened on the rocks.'
'Stop!' I shout as Yuki clenches his hands into fists. I can hear him say again how Kenta hung from the edge of the cliff with those weights pulling him further and further down. How their former friend had made it happen. How guilty Yuki felt when he couldn't save his friend. Kyo only makes things worse by laughing again. 'Let's see how long you can keep up with this stupid morality thing, girl.'
In the last few seconds my hand hovers over his photo. One more look at Yuki and I probably would've pressed him, but I force myself not to. I want us to bear the burden of these assignments together and survive together, because I don't want to see anyone dead. That's why I have to lead by example. I don't know if it's possible, but the rules didn't prohibit it. I press my own photo, to which Kyo starts laughing for the umpteenth time.
My photo is shown five times; the trio, Ringo and myself chose it that way. The other three votes are for Kyo. I look at Yuki, who suddenly has a very different kind of emotion on his face. Tenseness had increasingly given way to a certain fighting spirit. I quickly look away, because I can't bear to see this game change him. He transforms from someone who didn't want to condemn his former friend to anything bad to someone who's ready to press his photo every round. I wouldn't want Yuki to get so hateful, but I can't do anything to stop it. First I have to get ready to endure this torment for ten minutes.
Soran and I were hiding in one of the stalls, but the image clearly shows Asami being mauled by one of the clowns. She's helped by none of us and runs out of the arena, where she is pierced with a red laser beam. Back then I could've dimly seen its shadow, but now I even see the smoke billowing from her face. I look at the screen with wide eyes.
'Kairi, don't look!' Soran shouts. 'Close your eyes!' I'd love to do what he says, but I can't. I see again how Reo and the others try to force Yuki to drink poison. I see again how Chichiro is almost forced to put his hand in a container of hungry piranhas. I see Kenshin and the others forcing a group of players to complete the course first, after which they all die. I see Soran standing by the side-lines and Yuki being beaten as he tries to stop them. Then I see Yuki hanging on the edge of the side by the cliff. He tries with all the strength he has to hold onto Kenta, but his friend lets go.
When I squeeze my eyes shut, the images keep haunting me. I may not see anything now, but the sound seems all the louder. Desperate and sickening screams penetrate my ears, going deep into my brain.
This is unbearable. Everything I had built up here in strength and processing collapses. A biting pain takes over from me. I hear several voices coming through the speakers, but the screams of dying players are all I can focus on. I don't want it anymore. I press my hands so tightly against my ears that it starts to hurt, but I can't banish the sound out.
I can't go through any more of these torments. I can't let this pass me by. Anyone who wants to do this to me should get double this back. Whatever comes next, I have to make sure that Kyo, Reo or Yoshua endure it all.
No, I shouldn't. That's simply not allowed. I can't give in to the poison these games want to plant in our heads and hearts. I must not allow myself to be changed by the corruption thrown at us. Think about what you learned here, Kairi. Make sure you calm down. I raise my hand to the pocket of my cardigan, put in my earplugs, and turn up the volume of the MP3 player. Then I let every second of "Be the light" sink in.
"You have seen hell and made it back again. How to forget? We can't forget the lives that were lost along the way. And then you realize that wherever you go, there you are, time won't stop so we keep moving on."
Until I cease to exist, I must fight against the pain and suffering that is inflicted upon us.
"Yesterday's night turns to light, tomorrow's night returns to light. Be the light."
When I stop the music on the device again, I hear the last tones of the images on the screen fade away. I remove the earplugs from my ear and notice that the images have disappeared.
"Choose a player who stays in a temperature of zero degrees for ten minutes."
'Cheater,' Kyo mumbles somewhat disappointed. I look back at the screen and see Soran and Yuki's faces all red with anger. Chichiro also looks tense. I haven't heard anything for the last five minutes, but it's clear they can't keep themselves calm.
'Kyo,' Soran says bluntly, to which Yuki seems to agree. I understand they are referring to the chosen one for this assignment. 'Wait!' I call out. 'Stop! We must bear this together and spread the assignments! We must all survive this!'
'Volunteer for an assignment?' Reo says. 'How retarded can you be?'
'Is there anyone who can handle the cold well?' I ask. 'You can wrap yourself in the mat and use your pillow to shield yourself from the cold.'
'I have a lighter with me,' Kyo says. 'I can use it to keep myself warm.'
'For real?' I hear myself mumble hopefully, whereupon he starts laughing out loud. 'Of course not! What do you think?!' Grinning, he looks at the screen. 'I'm sure that guy who's trembling like that likes it,' he continues, after which Chichiro starts trembling even more. 'No...' I say. I feel powerless. They're not going to cooperate. 'Please listen to me...' I look at Soran, who looks at the screen with an angry look. Yuki also seems to have found Kyo's photo. 'Please Soran, Yuki,' I beg them. 'Let your anger go so we can work this out together.' Soran separates his gaze from the top left corner and now looks at the centre. My image is probably there, because his gaze softens a lot. 'I can handle the cold well,' he says. 'I trained myself for that.' I feel a lump in my throat when I think of the training he did for the Navy. Thinking about the future hurts a lot, especially right now.
'Soran, you can't ask me to vote for you...' I mumble. 'Kairi, please do it,' he replies. 'It will be fine. I've spent longer in cold conditions.' Time is running out. With pain in my heart I press his photo. The trio is the only one not to vote for him. I look at my smiling face next to Soran's and experience a stab of pain. Could we ever be so happy in a photo again?
Soran wraps himself in the mat and uses his pillow to stay somewhat warm, but soon his body starts to shake a little. 'Ringo,' I exclaim. I try not to focus too much on Soran and trust that he will last. 'Please join us.' There is no response. 'You better not do that,' Kyo replies. 'Otherwise we'll all vote for you in the next rounds.' Ringo doesn't say anything, but I know he's thinking. I also know that we're losing the little bit of cooperation we got from him. If he joins us there will still be a good chance that he will be picked, because the others will vote for him. He knows that our team is more likely to vote for one of those three than him, making it safer for Ringo to join the others.
'Soran, are you okay?' I hear myself ask. I'm aware that my voice sounds sluggish, but there's no other way. Now that I know what it's like to have to complete an assignment, I sympathize with everyone who still has to do it. 'Yes,' he replies, but his body begins to tremble more and more. He has to hold on for eight more minutes.
'You should've gone for Yuk,' Kyo says with a shrug. 'The thought of what's between Kairi's legs would have kept him warm.'
'Shut your mouth,' Yuki says sharply. A hostile expression appears on his face. 'Don't talk about her like that.' Of course I like that he stands up for me, but I don't like that angry expression on his face. It's so different from the warm glow I usually see in his eyes.
'What's that, Yosh?' Kyo continues laughing. 'Looks like you're jealous.'
'Shut up,' is Yoshua's answer, but he looks caught. Kyo sees that, too. 'Let me guess, you two had something, but then she dumped you and you never got over it. Now you're jealous that she's having sex with someone else, someone much stronger than you.'
Yoshua himself doesn't respond, but Reo stands up for him. 'That was the other way around, dude. Kairi was crazy about Yosh and jealous of Eymi, because she could have him.' I feel the corners of my mouth curl up at the memory. It's crazy to think about things I found difficult before I got to Borderland. It feels like we're talking about a different life, a life where it held me back that I had unrequited feelings for him and he threw them in my face. The reason this topic bothers him so much now, is because he realizes he means nothing to me anymore. There's nothing left of feelings for him, except anger and disappointment.
'Yeah,' Kyo says with a laugh, 'it looks like it broke her heart.' Should I be the one to tell him it's inconvenient to put those two against him? At the moment they are his only allies. Certainly Reo is very sensitive to retaliation; when he feels he's being mistreated, he's only too happy to return the favour. 'I'd shut up now,' Reo says in a slightly warning tone, 'if you don't want to vomit again.' Kyo shrugs. 'I'm curious who they will choose: someone who has been bossing the group for years and rejected them, or a random boy they just met. What's your answer to that?' None of us respond. Reo stares straight at the screen and continues to maintain a tough attitude, but I know that in reality he isn't sure what we would do. I dare not say it myself.
"Choose a player who stays in a temperature of thirty degrees for ten minutes.'
'This one's for you, Yuk,' Kyo says with a wink as he presses the tablet. 'Kairi, thank me later.' In a game where nothing is certain, he behaves increasingly tough. My level of irritation towards him starts to rise pretty quickly. 'Soran, are you okay?' I ask. He remains wrapped in his mat. He nods and tries to smile, but his blue lips indicate that he certainly had a hard time.
'Fine,' Yuki says, pressing something on the tablet, 'give this one to me.' I'm the only one who hasn't voted yet. 'Kairi, it's okay,' Yuki assures me, to which I reluctantly press his photo. Only Reo and Yoshua voted for Kyo, who supposedly shakes his head in disappointment. 'Guys, think about what Niragi would say.' This all seems to be a game to him. He's deliberately trying to torment every other player by torturing us psychologically. He takes the meaning of a game of hearts way too seriously. I wish I could find a way to stop him.
'Kairi, keep your eyes open,' Kyo says with a grin when Yuki is chosen by the system. Yuki raises his hands to the shirt he's wearing over his swimming suit in annoyance and takes it off. My uneasy attitude is due to Kyo's comments, who certainly doesn't seem to want to stop now that he's having fun. 'Did those hours in the gym still benefit you,' he says, 'don't you think, Kairi?' I don't respond. 'Oh, come on, don't be so jealous, Yosh. She's liked you before, if you try really hard, she'll probably come back.'
I'm trying not to look at Yuki, but I need to make sure it's still bearable for him. Or is there another reason my eyes keep sliding back to the bottom right of the screen? When he raises his hand and wipes some sweat from his forehead, I'm not sure anymore. I quickly try to regain my concentration.
'Ninety-two minutes left,' I say, looking at the countdown in the top right. 'Until now, the assignments have always taken ten minutes, with just over a minute in between to cast a vote and let the system select someone.' I wonder if it's really random, or if there's a game master watching and deciding based on sensation. 'That would mean there will be at least seven more assignments after this, if we can follow that logic.'
'Really,' Kyo blends in again, 'Yuk and you really should have kids. They will undoubtedly be strong and smart.' I suppress an exasperated sigh, but Yuki can't contain his or he chooses not to. 'If we always choose someone who seems least bad for the assignment,' Yuki continues, 'we should be able to make it all.' I automatically look at his image, because he's the one who spoke, and then nod.
No, I don't think my eyes keep going back to him because he's the one talking or to check if he's still bearing it. I look at him, because I want to. Because I allow myself not to feel completely miserable for a moment and he is the one who takes care of that.
'Choose a player who will be twirled in their booth for ten minutes.'
'Take another good look, Kairi,' Kyo says, 'before he puts that shirt back on.' Yuki wipes his forehead with his palm again and waits for his sweat to finish before putting his shirt back on. 'No one?' Kyo says. 'Don't you moral knights want to play this game together? Who's volunteering, then?' Nobody responds. 'Of course not Ringo,' he continues. 'Yoshua? You haven't done anything yet. That seems fairest to me, doesn't it?'
'Please make him shut up for ten minutes,' Reo sighs as he presses the tablet. 'Hey!' Kyo exclaims. 'Guys?! What...' He seems to realize he's not doing very well when it comes to this game. He was mainly concerned with tormenting people and having fun doing it, but he should've paid more attention to how he comes across to the other players. My hand hovers over his photo, but with a frustrated sigh I realize I can't press it. He didn't choose to carry out this assignment himself. When I force it on him, I won't be better than he is.
'Kairi!' Soran exclaims when it's announced that I voted for myself. Kyo also voted for me, but everyone else went for him. He wants to say something, but then his photo is lit up and he's startled by his moving capsule. At first the rolling walls keep bringing him to the centre of the room, but then he clamps his feet and shoulders against the walls to stay in place. 'I swear,' he says menacingly, 'if this makes me puke...'
'Ah, shut up,' Yoshua says annoyed. His wish soon comes true. Kyo focuses on what he has to do and alternates how he's turned around. The capsule doesn't go fast, but I can imagine it's annoying to have to go through for ten minutes.
I want to use this time to think about what to do next and to focus, but Soran has other ideas. 'Kairi, please stop voting for yourself.' I understand that he would rather not see me having a hard time. I don't want that with him either, but how do I explain that I can't vote for someone who doesn't want this? 'I can't, Soran,' I tell him. 'How can I condemn someone who doesn't choose to do something terrible?'
'Isn't that what everyone here does all the time?'
'But that doesn't mean I should also do it.'
'Really, Kairi,' Reo says incredulously, 'you will be your own downfall. I wonder if you still react so heroically when your life really depends on it.' Soran, Yuki and Chichiro disagree with my course of action, but what can they do? If I survive this, I want to be able to keep looking at myself in the mirror.
'Choose a player who will be visited by spiders for ten minutes.'
Kyo looks like he's about to throw up when his capsule stops spinning. He takes a moment for himself to catch his breath and to calm his body. I had expected that he would attack again after that, but all he says is: 'So Kairi?' Reo nods. 'Yes, Kairi,' he says, pressing the tablet. The two boys from his unit follow him.
'Kairi,' Yuki says emphatically, 'we have to coordinate it to vote for one of them together. When we have the majority, Ringo is guaranteed to follow.' I ignore his statement. 'Is there anyone who doesn't mind being around spiders?' I ask. I immediately think of Yui. If she had been here, she would surely have panicked at the mere thought of it. Soran's eyes dart to two identical points on the screen, to which he raises his hand. 'I will do it.'
'No,' I say at once, 'you're just doing it so I don't have to do it more likely.' Soran shrugs. 'So what? Someone has volunteered, so now you want to vote for them.' I shake my head. 'No, Soran, I'm not going to vote for you on this.'
'Vote for me,' Chichiro says. 'I don't think I'll mind very much.' I look closely at his facial expression to make sure he meant it, but it seems he really won't care. He even seems to have calmed down a bit as the game progresses, unlike Ringo, who tries to keep himself calm but clearly finds it increasingly annoying in the capsule. 'Are you sure?' I ask Chichiro, who nods. 'Yes, I'm sure. And I'd like to help.'
Something seems to have changed in him. He's been tense ever since it was announced that he had to play a game. When he was sentenced to those flashes of light he had a hard time for a while, but now he seems to have picked himself up again.
Only the three guys voted for me. The other votes are for Chichiro, but even five votes it not enough to get picked. My heartbeat speeds up when I see my own photo light up. 'No...' Soran and Yuki say at the same time, but Kyo and Reo start laughing. 'Sweet!' the second calls out. A sliding hatch against the wall in the bottom corner opens. I quickly turn around and lie on my stomach. I press my head into the pillow and make sure I can still breathe. I bring my hands to my neck to block the way to my face. I would prefer not to have them anywhere, but certainly not on my face.
'Wow!' Kyo exclaims. 'Do you see that very big one?!' I feel my body cringe. 'Yeah,' Reo agrees, 'really a whopper!' My body shows a startled reaction when I feel the first paws on my lower legs. My scream almost comes out of my throat, but I try to supress it. I won't give them that satisfaction. 'The largest is about two centimetres, Kairi,' Yuki says in a calm voice. That must be manageable. Their statements made me expect really large ones, but I should've known they were just messing with me. 'Of course you'd much rather be touched by Yuk,' Kyo says with a laugh, 'rather than those hairy, big spiders.' I cringe when I feel many more paws tickling my body. When some of them start to walk down my back, I feel their paws through the fabric of my bathing suit. I try to keep my body still, but I really start to shake.
'I think that's a tarantula!' Reo shouts. Of course they lie, but it still does something to my brain. 'There aren't any dangerous or big ones, Kairi,' I hear Yuki say. 'They are common. It feels very unpleasant, but they won't hurt you.' I want to beg him to continue talking, because his voice is the only thing keeping me calm right now, but I don't want to sound any more pathetic than I probably already do.
'Tell me,' Kyo begins, 'will you still vote for yourself on the next assignments if no one volunteers?' I've blocked the passage to my face so well that I can barely get any fresh oxygen to my mouth. Still I don't move my hands, because I feel some paws sliding against my arms. The pressure around my chest is increasing and my heart rate is getting faster and faster. 'Maybe we'll get wasps later,' Kyo continues, 'or have a leg amputated or something. Are you still voting for yourself, then?'
He's trying to mutilate me psychologically so that I'll let go of everything I stand for, just so he can watch me break. Why am I not just giving in? He's done so many bad things. He let his friend die and left Yuki with guilt. He lied during the colour game and behaves destructively. I don't know who decides who earns what, but by my own standards wouldn't he deserve something bad? Why couldn't I just vote for him if that prevents me from going through stuff like this? Yuki's right: when we are in the majority, Ringo will definitely vote with us. Why should I let myself do all this, when the solution is quite simple?
'Kairi,' I hear Yuki's voice again. 'Kairi, it's over, they're gone. We have to vote.'
I hadn't noticed at all that the spiders were gone again, but I believe him. Trembling I remove my hands and turn my head to the side to gasp for air. I turn and scramble to my feet as I run my eyes across the room. Not a single spider is visible. The hatch on the wall is closed again. It all even seems like they were never there, but I can still feel those paws tickling my body. I pull my knees up and rub my own body to erase their tracks. All this amid loud laughter from Kyo and Reo.
'Kairi,' Soran says with a sad expression on his face, 'you have to vote...' My eyes slide to the tablet.
"Choose a player to drink a small dose of poison."
For this assignment we get a little longer time to vote, another minute and a half. 'This one is tricky,' Reo suggests. 'We can always go for the rematch. What do you think, Yosh?'
'No!' I exclaim. 'Don't do that!' But of course Yoshua agrees. 'The rematch,' he says, pressing the tablet with a grin. 'Rematch?' Kyo wants to know. 'Go for me again,' I exclaim. 'Absolutely not!' Soran and Yuki shout at the same time. 'Let them have their fun, Kairi,' Yuki says. 'I'm not going to let you go through something twice in a row.'
'And I won't let you drink poison!'
'Vote for Yuki,' Reo says. 'But wouldn't we bet everything on her?' Kyo mumbles, uncomprehendingly. 'Can't get her down,' Reo replies. 'If you want to get to her, you have to hit her where it hurts the most: her loved ones.' I wouldn't believe this. Not only does he want to destroy me completely, he also wants to hurt all the people I care about. 'No,' I say again, 'you want to tackle me. So be brave enough to do just that!'
'I think you're right,' Kyo says with a shrug as he presses the tablet. He really wants the boy who has been his friend to drink poison. 'Kairi,' Yuki warns, but I don't listen to him. In the last few seconds I press my own name.
My heart stops and my throat starts to burn when I see that Yuki has voted for himself so that he would have one more vote and he could stop me from having to carry out the assignment. 'Yuki...' Adding the boys' votes he comes to a total of four. Soran and Chichiro voted for Reo and Ringo and I voted for me.
Please, not Yuki. I can't see him now doing what I tried to avoid during my second game. If he has to drink that poison, I can no longer hold myself together in this game.
'What the fuck!' Reo exclaims when his photo lights up. I think it's absolutely disgusting, but I can feel my body relax a little more now that Yuki and I haven't been picked. 'Too bad, mate,' Kyo says with a shrug. The hatch in Reo's capsule opens and a small bottle rolls in. It's as big as a shot glass would be. 'Cheers,' Kyo says.
I take advantage of the moment to focus on my breathing and to get my heart rate down. By my logic there should be four more rounds after this one, but of course you never know in Borderland.
'Maybe the game won't continue if you don't drink it,' Yoshua interjects cautiously. 'Or you get a laser beam through your head after ten minutes, because you didn't complete the assignment,' Kyo says. Reo looks visibly tense. Two minutes pass in which nothing happens. Since there's nothing else to do, I look at every player. Ringo isn't the only one who looks like he wants to get out of the capsule as soon as possible. Also Yoshua can hardly stand it anymore. Reo seems to have had enough, too.
'Playtime is over,' Reo says angrily. 'We're going to destroy her completely.' He grabs the bottle and takes the cap off. 'Whoever we have to pick to make her go down, we'll keep going until she opens that capsule and lets us out.' I feel a shiver run down my body. He means this. Whether he has to pick me or my loved ones to do something terrible, he's ten times more willing to get out of his capsule than make sure we all live. He knocks back the contents of the bottle in one go, then tosses it in the corner. At first nothing happens, but then he starts writhing weirdly with his body. He wraps his arms around his stomach and lets out cries of pain, as if he's being ripped open from the inside. His body folds several times, but no content comes out. Despite the threat he just made to me, I hate to see this.
'Choose a player who gets an acid in his or her capsule for ten minutes.'
Both Reo and Yoshua press directly on the tablet. 'Vote for her,' the second utters, because the first isn't capable of that yet. 'Maybe we'll all vote for Reo,' Kyo says with a shrug. 'He's right: I think we all want to get out of that cabin as soon as possible. He's now weakened, so he will give up faster. Right?' Under loud protest of the duo, he looks invitingly at the group. 'Yes,' Soran says, 'probably.' Yuki nods.
'No,' I say, feeling my eyes moisten. 'Soran, Yuki, please stop this. Don't let him poison your hearts.'
'Kairi, I won't let him hurt you anymore! He must be stopped!' Soran shouts. 'If I have to choose between you or him, I will of course choose you!' I shake my head. 'I don't want to live through this to see you being changed! Please Soran, you said you wanted to do better. That you will do better. Please Yuki, don't turn into a depraved person.'
'What a drama queen you are,' Kyo sighs. 'What difference does it make who is sentenced? As long as it's not you yourself.'
'I'm sorry Kairi,' Soran says sadly. 'First comes survival, then comes doing better.' I shake my head and try to hold back the tears, but it's extremely difficult when I see Soran and Yuki firmly pressing their tablet. 'Choose me,' Chichiro says. 'It's okay, Kairi, choose me.' I look at him and shake my head. 'Really,' he insists, 'now it's my turn again.' I watch the seconds tick by and shake my head again. 'I'm sorry,' I say, pressing his name anyway. I wipe the coming tears from my cheeks.
The trio voted for me. Soran, Yuki and Ringo voted for Reo and the final votes are for Chichiro. The latter is startled when his photo lights up, but there is also a resolute look in his eyes. He's determines to take this upon himself. 'I'm sorry,' I say sobbing, and he shakes his head. 'I asked this myself, Kairi, don't worry.' He tries to curl the corners of his mouth up, but a painful expression spreads to his face as some kind of gas comes through his capsule.
'It's okay,' he keeps saying, but it's anything but that. I did this to him. I chose to let my friend go through this, rather than someone who's been after us all along. What kind of person am I to do that? I am the one who pressed his photo. No one grabbed my hand and forced me to do it. Chichiro's face clouds with pain and small wounds appear on his arms and legs.
I have to stop this. 'Kairi, what are you doing?!' Soran shouts, startled. 'Kairi, no!' Yuki shouts, but their voices can't stop me. I run my hands over the door until I reach the handle. 'No,' Chichiro says. 'Kairi, please don't open that door!'
'I have to stop this,' I say, continuing to stare at the door. 'It's okay,' Chichiro replies. 'Really, it's not that bad.' I wipe away my coming tears. 'You have wounds on your arms and legs,' I say without looking back. I'm sure they've gotten a lot worse now. 'They're nothing compared to the wounds you'll leave in our hearts when you open that door,' is his reply.
'How poetic,' Kyo exclaims, impressed. 'Really beautiful.'
'What should I say to Miyuki and Tenjin if you die here?' It's Soran's words that really make me cry. I withdraw my hand and let it fall into my lap. 'How do you think they'll feel if you don't come back? If they would miss you, too?'
'They still have you,' I sob, 'and Yuki.'
'Can we get some popcorn?' Kyo asks. 'This show is really tasty.'
'And then who do we have?' Yuki says. 'What should I do without you?'
'Wow!' Kyo exclaims. 'Have you heard this declaration of love, too?!'
'Please don't open that door, Kairi,' Yuki continues. 'We've been through all this time, what's another half hour?' I turn back to the screen and see that there are thirty-five minutes left. The next assignment is about to start. My eyes automatically go to Chichiro, but he's prepared for it and has shielded himself from the camera. 'Stay, okay?' he asks.
'This is really unfair,' Kyo exclaims. 'You make her feel immense guilt to make sure she stays. Don't you realize what's going through her mind right now? She has to watch her friend get hurt by her and you ask her to continue doing that, while she is clearly ripped open with guilt.'
'Shut up!' Yuki exclaims. 'Shut the fuck up!' This is the first time I've seen him explode like this. Looks like he's having a hard enough time trying to talk me out of the decision to get out of the capsule by making me feel guilty about it. It doesn't exactly make it any better for him to hear Kyo say those words.
'Choose a player who will be electrified for ten minutes.'
'Kyo,' Yuki grumbles as he immediately presses something on the tablet. 'Yuki,' his former friend says back. 'Please stop,' I plead, looking from Yuki to Soran's screen. 'Don't let this game make you hateful. Don't let it poison your heart.' But I can't talk them into it. I can see in their eyes that they want to do everything they can to protect me.
'So, Ringo, do you want your position on the Beach back?' Reo says. 'We can take care of that. If you take her out, the executive members will thank you.' Without responding Ringo presses his tablet. 'Chichiro,' I plead, but he shakes his head with a sad expression on his face. 'I'm sorry Kairi, but I agree with them.'
My loved ones are not the only ones who voted for Kyo. Ringo also chose him. The boys' voted and my own bring it four for Kyo, three for Yuki and one for me.
'Kairi, please stop this,' Soran begs. 'Please, finally choose for yourself.'
'I choose for myself!' I exclaim. 'Do you really think I can still look at myself if I force this on someone else?!' I'm not sure if I still dare to look at myself after what I've done to Chichiro. 'And I could keep looking at myself when you die?!' Soran shouts as tears roll down his cheeks. 'Please,' I say, shaking my head, 'please stop telling me this guilt. I don't want to choose.'
'Damn!' Kyo exclaims as his body begins to shake gently. Occasionally he gasps as the electricity jolts through his body. 'Do you want it to stop?' Soran says. 'Then open your door.' I let my face fall into my hands. This cannot be true. This can't be Soran. This can't be Yuki. This can't be anyone.
'I don't want this,' I sob, but there's nothing I can do. No matter how hard I try to come up with something, there just isn't anything. There's no solution to this game except to move on and witness how everything and everyone collapses.
'Choose a player who gets a serious change in air pressure for ten minutes.'
'Kairi,' Reo says. He and Yoshua immediately press, but Kyo still can't get his body to move. 'Kyo,' Soran says. I shake my head, but I can't do anything. Four votes for Kyo and four votes for me. It's no use, we can yell it at each other so many times, but the other won't give in. Soran and Yuki will not stop voting for him and I will not stop voting for myself.
At first I don't notice it much, because my heartbeat was already faster and my head is spinning overtime, but after two minutes I really feel my head pulling away from the dizziness. The ringing in my ear and the intense headache are getting worse by the minute.
'Kairi!' I hear coming from somewhere far away. Or is it because my ears seem to be closed? I can hardly move, because my whole body feels heavy. Even breathing is difficult. Due to my shortness of breath and light-headedness, I sometimes feel myself pulling away. I try to ignore the spots that begin to dance before my eyes, but it does get in the way. I can hardly see the faces of Soran, Yuki and Chichiro anymore.
'No,' I say sharply when I manage to get the focus on Soran and see that he is looking for the door handle with his hand. 'Hands off.' With the last strength I have left I force my hand towards my own lever, but I already know that I will never be able to open the door. Not in the state I am in right now. 'Same goes for me, Soran,' I tell him. 'Everything you... you just... said.' It's hard for me to talk, but I have to tell him. 'My parents... without you... death...' I sigh. My head turns as I look at the screen, but I can just see that Soran has got the message and takes his hand off the lever. When I do the same, my body almost collapses.
I try to figure out why it got so intense so quickly, but it's probably because of the small space I'm in. It feels like I'm going to lose consciousness, but then suddenly I don't hear the voices coming from far away anymore. 'Kairi,' I hear Chichiro say, 'the assignment...'
Suddenly my body is no longer pushed against the mat and the spots seem to disappear. The assignment. The ten minutes are up and I have to vote again, but I don't yet find the strength to do that. I can barely raise my hand to reach the tablet. Breathing is still difficult, but gradually I feel like I'm sucking in more and more air. With a quickening heartbeat I scramble to my feet to look at the tablet, only to receive another slap in the face.
"Choose a player who gets less oxygen for ten minutes."
I feel like I couldn't possibly survive that. My body is already so weak and I'm getting so little oxygen already. Thirteen minutes feel like an infinity.
'Soran,' Soran says. 'Yuki,' Yuki says. When Chichiro also says his own name, I shake my head. There's no way I'll do this to one of them. That may not be the last thing I might ever do. I'm not going to say goodbye to them with that.
Four times Kyo and four times Kairi. When my photo finally lights up, I see the expression on Yoshua's face change, as if he's just now realizing what he's condemned me to and that this could be the last thing he'll ever see of me. Startled, he looks at the screen. Both Soran and Yuki have tears rolling down their cheeks, but Chichiro's face is still dry. I can't see anything further, because my body collapses on the mat.
Like a fish out of water, I begin to gasp when it feels like my lungs are squeezing. All quests are made to survive, just like all other games that weren't like my first. So I should also be able to survive this, but my body is so weak from the previous assignments that I have not yet recovered from. I'm starting to sink further and further, but I don't dare to say whether that's bad. I float to a place where there is no pain, guilt or sorrow. How can that be bad?
'Thank you, Kairi,' I hear Chichiro say. 'You gave me my life back. You showed me that I could break a circle that seemed endless. You've forgiven me for the things I've allowed to happen and you've supported me. You saved me several times and I'm so grateful for that.'
He should know how grateful I am to him for letting me drift away with such sweet words. It means so much to me that he lets me experience this last consciousness. I want to beg Soran and Yuki to do the same for me so that I can leave quietly and peacefully. How I do it I don't know, but with my last strength I manage to turn my eyes to the screen to watch them.
I feel a stab in my heart and manage to squeeze out a faint "No!".
'I'm sorry Kairi,' Chichiro says, clutching his door handle. 'Please forgive me and don't feel guilty. Please never change who you are. I'm sure you'll be fine. This is my choice. Thank you for giving me the strength to finally make it myself.'
'Chichiro!' I cry weakly, but I'm in no position to stop him. 'Thank you, Kairi.' He pulls the lever down and opens the door of his capsule. Then he throws himself out. The last thing I see on the screen before it goes black before my eyes is the shadow of a red laser beam.