Iris at age 10
It has been so long since we've felt safe, my beautiful twin and I .
I think father hated us both so much because we look so much like our mother, we had her coloring and hair. People said I looked exactly like her when she was my age and Birch had her silver hair and short stature.
We never knew her, we never knew why she abandoned us with our father on our first night home from the hospital.
We don't know her story, but I personally could never forgive her for what she subjected us to.
I have a feeling she knew how abusive father was, and either she didn't care enough to take us away from that.... Or she's already dead.
Everyone has a past, and maybe hers caught up with her. And if so... So be it.
She deserved it for abandoning us with him, and now Birch will be forced to stay with him indefinitely and all alone...
Birch was around 8 or so when he told father about how he knew he would "have a husband and not a wife cause girls are weird".
His words, not mine. But god, he was such a cutie with how much he loved pink and Barbie's and playing hopscotch with me.
Let's just say we may or may not of stolen two Barbie's from the girl that lived down the street... but don't blame us! She was a brat and had a whole room of toys! She totally didn't need them and it's the only thing we ever stole.
Birch felt so bad about it and almost returned them, but I told him she didn't need them and he listened to me, he always did.
Now that I look back on it, he always showed signs of being a submissive, most likely a little.
And as we got older I would become more adult and responsible whereas he would still depend on me and look to me for guidance.
I kinda thought one day I'd be a mommy to a little girl, but life had other plans for me.
I knew I was getting sick with something and my symptoms were getting worse and by the time we talked father into taking me to the doctors...
It was too late, I was getting sicker and sicker with the leukemia and they said all they could do was manage the symptoms.
I was beside myself in grief, I couldn't wrap my head around my own mortality and all my self pity and despair went out the window when I looked into Birch's beautiful purple eyes and saw his heartbreaking grief.
I had never seen anyone with eyes the color of Birch's, they were beautifully captivating. They always reminded me of purple African violets in the summertime. Beautiful but delicate, and oh so unique.
I knew just then that I could never live without him, but I knew he'd have to learn to live without me. And that realization almost broke me, him being all alone and scared without me to protect him from the world.
I ended up spending my last days with Birch sleeping on my hospital bed, weeping for me. I relished in my time with him.
I pulled Birch away from the bed that we were in and looked him in the eyes and said, "You need to listen to me Birch and listen to me well. Where we live, how we live... It's not normal or considered right. Most parents love their kids and the way father is now that mama has never been around..."
Birch nodded his head
And hoped that one day he'd have the courage to leave our father, and fight for his life.