TAEHYUNG'S APARTMENT WAS so silent, it reminded him of the time he first moved to Seoul. He was all alone then, with no furniture, no future, no money, no Yeontan with him; just him and his art supplies.
Presently though, it wasn't true. Haneul who was living in the same house seemed to avoid Taehyung like the plague.
It was unfair, really, after Taehyung picked her up from heaven knows where three nights ago. She had not uttered a word to him, even when he announced that their families had gone back to Daegu by train when she wasn't home. Not when he told her that her parents seemed pretty mad and nor when said that she should call them and check on them.
The silence was all he got.
And he hated it.
Sure, they had a fight - was that even the right word? - or disagreement, or lover's tiff (hell, Taehyung had to stop rethinking about the New Year's kiss) but hey, he had redeemed himself. By picking her up. Right?
Taehyung honestly didn't fucking know, but he had enough. They were supposed to tell each other every single thing - being best friends and all - and he decided to do exactly that. So, when Haneul was rummaging through the kitchen shelves for some ramen to cook up for dinner, he announced, "Let's have a drinking game."
Not the best start, Taehyung winced as she looked at him with such puzzlement in her eyes, as if he had just told her they don't have any ramen at the house.
To be honest, he just had one pack remaining - because that's all he ate nowadays - and he knew Haneul didn't like to share her ramen.
For all you know, she might as well get mad at him. Taehyung thought at least that would make her stop that damn silent treatment.
He cleared his throat, and started again, "Look, I don't know what's the deal, but this thing between us," he gestured between them, "is just so fucking off. I hate it. You told me I didn't tell you everything, right? I'm willing to, now."
Haneul just turned, her shoulders shrugging so slightly that Taehyung almost thought it was his imagination, and rummaged some more. Taehyung knew her - fucking dramatic. Equal to rival his sister.
The message was clear - I won't talk to you unless you bribe me with something, bitch.
So Taehyung did bribe her - with pan-fried pork and kimchi dumplings his mother had made for him. He also offered to make her some ramen, and well, she was satisfied. Nothing beats Taehyung's mother's cooking.
"You promise to tell me everything?" She asked as they settled down on the floor, backs against the sofa in the living room. Their food was laid out in front of them - dumplings and ramen and rice and soju.
"Not just me," Taehyung announced, as he poured soju for the both of them. "You will too. That's the whole point of a drinking game."
"What's this whole deal about a drinking game anyway?" Haneul asked as she put hot sauce on her dumplings.
"What are you doing?!" Taehyung asked, horrified. He was disgusted, really.
"Knowing you, the kimchi won't have any spice. I need my spice."
"I really believe that reason behind your foul anger is simply spicy food. Eat sweet things like me - and you'll be sweeter as well."
"It's a pity you can't eat spicy food."
"Whatever," Taehyung rolled his eyes, eating a dumpling himself. "Where were we? Right, the drinking game. One person asks a question. The other gives an answer - the whole truth. You drink because more the drunk one is, the more honest he is. Repeat. Easy."
"So that's basically a seventeen-year-old's truth and dare - except, take out the dare," Haneul leaned more on the sofa and looked at him.
His hair had grown long, curtaining his eyes. It had been a while since she had seen him all homely and comfy. Taehyung was always the one to dress up, regardless of where they were going. Throughout college, she had only seen him in eccentric clothes - his style clearly a bit street and preppy and flamboyant, with touches of vintage.
Moments like these felt almost unreal - Taehyung dressed down in a white t-shirt and some khaki shorts - looking all kinds of human. Sometimes Haneul forgot that he was a human. In her defence, he was just too good to be true. Too gorgeous to be normal. Had to be some kind of deity.
Maybe that was the reason why she didn't want him to be disappointed in her.
It was funny, really, because that's exactly how Taehyung thought about her.
You see, that's exactly what their relationship was. Thought the other's too good to be true, some embodiment of a deity. God. The epitome of how a person should be. Someone who deserved every single thing in this world.
In reality, though, they just needed each other. Both knew it, to some extent, but one was too scared to acknowledge it and the other, too delusional to notice it. The solution? Label it as being "best friends".
They are best friends, no doubt, but they're something more. Definitely more than best friends.
It's comical how they thought the other's perfect when in reality they're far from it. Just made it even more complicated. Made the denial even stronger.
At least for Haneul, that is.
Taehyung though - knew he was smitten but was too scared to admit it. Thought about the what-ifs. How it would affect their friendship. He's selfish, no doubt about it - wants her as his. Needs her presence in his life. He thinks that he wouldn't function if she weren't - and hence accepts that she's just gonna treat him as her best friend. Is okay with it, because he wants to be her something rather than nothing.
Wants her in his life than not having her at all.
"Fuckin' hate you," he replied, "Don't inflate your ego too much. Would be a pain to be around with you then."
Haneul rolled her eyes and gulped the alcohol and then took a minute to compose herself. Then she asked him, "Tell me something you are or were too scared to tell me."
"Easy," Taehyung replied, "Moving to Seoul. When I told Jimin, rather than being proud, he was angry at me for acting recklessly. Not thinking through. Rather than congratulating me, he told me I wouldn't succeed," he paused. "I honestly get it - he said it for my own well-being, but I feared that you would act the same way. Feel disappointed in me. That's why I hid it from you."
"Come closer," Haneul said, and then flicked his forehead. "Stupid. You were scared for nothing."
"Fucking hurts," Taehyung exclaimed, holding his forehead. He was silently amused by her tactics. Made him like her a little more every time, "Your turn. Tell me something. Anything."
"You need to be more specific!" Haneul laughed, "Be specific, come on."
"Praise me," Taehyung grinned from ear to ear, "Give me compliments. Earn your apology."
"As if," Haneul joked, "I never asked you for an apology."
"You still owe me one," Taehyung said, pouring her another drink. "Fine, I'll ask you another one. You can choose. Either compliment me or tell me one thing you are jealous of me and one of your most embarrassing kinks."
"What the hell? Where did kinks come from?"
"Choose. Either the first one or the latter two." Taehyung teased her further on. He was just being playful with her, and in all honesty, he knew that Haneul wouldn't tell him her kinks. He knew that'd be too weird for the both of them. That's what she would think. He? Would gladly know her kinks. Make scenarios out of it. Daydream - and nightdream about it too.
It was a trick question - a bait, and Taehyung exactly knew which one she would choose. He was pretty confident.
In all honesty, he didn't really care that it would make things too awkward between them but had to act like it. Keep his emotions at bay. Make sure he never slipped, so she would never get a clue.
"Fine," Haneul rolled her eyes, a smile never leaving her lips. She knew that it was a trick question. She knew him very well - and she knew what his thought process behind this might be, so she decided that she too, would be a little playful with him.
In the end, she was the one who always won.
He knew that she always won, and he let her, anyway. He was that in love with her - so much that he left his competitive spirit aside.
Did she want to win? The victory was hers.
"I am jealous of you about everything," Haneul started, and watched as realisation flooded his features in a horror, "but mostly I'm jealous of how beautiful you are. Especially those moles on your face? Lord," she fake moaned, and Taehyung's cheeks flushed.
She then clinked her glass with the one in Taehyung's limp hand - just for dramatic purposes - and continued, "About the second question... let's just say you have pretty feet."
"You got a toe kink?" Taehyung asked in a horrifying tone as he looked at his feet crossed on the floor, unconsciously wriggling his toes, so Haneul just replied with a timid, "Maybe."
Taehyung blinked - once, twice, thrice - and then said, "Seo Haneul, you cretin! Get away from me!"
Haneul just laughed at the horror of Taehyung, and then replied to him, "I didn't know we were kink-shaming," she paused, "But you're not the one to say. I bet you have a pet play fetish."
The way Taehyung's mouth dropped was borderline concerning, and as he gaped as a fish, Haneul said, "Wait what? Really? Kitten play? Shit. Could've fooled me easily."
"We are never talking about this again," Taehyung said as he chugged the alcohol. "You know what? Let's just forget about this fucking game." Taehyung quickly got up and started shaking his head, not believing that this conversation was even taking place.
Nothing was wrong about getting to know the kinks of the woman he loved - but it was when he was this close to getting a boner. When she was joking about it in front of her. When he wanted to do nothing but go down on his knees and profess his undying love for her. Made him feel like a teenager with hormonal emotions.
"No wait," Haneul couldn't stop laughing as she chased Taehyung, and tried to pull him back. "Come on, Tae!"
"No no no," Taehyung shook his head, his lips curving upwards, "I don't think I can live up to the embarrassment. Really."
"Yah Kim Taehyung!" Haneul exclaimed so loudly that Taehyung visibly flinched and halted his movements, "Another time you talk about embarrassment with me, I swear to God I'll make your profile on every dating site out there and help you find a bride. Mark my words."
Taehyung simply tsked, "No can't do," he said as he sat down crossed-legged on the floor, "You're my girlfriend, remember? I'm hurt, really."
"Oh shit," Haneul threw her head back and groaned, "I totally forgot about that."
"And I'm here to remind you of the shit show that happened on the first, time to time. All my pleasure." Taehyung teased, reminding her of the fight she had with her parents.
Taehyung had thought he was almost using her in a way - pretending to fake-date when he knew he had romantic feelings for her. The thought fucked with his head a little. After two days, he realised it was her idea, and well - Taehyung never said no to her.
"Fuck off, really," Haneul shoved his arm, and then clapped her palms together, "Anyway, where were we? Drinking game."
"This is weird," Taehyung visibly crimsoned as if remembering something, "We're not supposed to know each other's sexual fantasies."
"Speak for yourself, boy. I don't mind collecting blackmail evidence."
"Sure," Taehyung shrugged her off, unlocking his phone. "I'll search up truth and dare questions from the internet. We're only doing truths."
"Let's do one dare each. Make things a bit interesting," Haneul suggested, and who was Taehyung to ever deny her?
"Okay here's the first one," Taehyung clinked glasses with her, now feeling the alcohol pumping in his body "How many kids do you want?"
"Easy. One. Just one."
Taehyung was really surprised, "I want five," he smirked.
"God bless your wife," Haneul said, shocked.
Taehyung though, just thought - I don't mind if you just want one.
Moments like these were very difficult for him - he always had to pretend to be unfazed, when he actually wanted to confess his undying love for her. Make her believe that the one she was finding, was right in front of her. Always was, and always will be.
"Tell something you've not told the other or are too ashamed to tell them."
"I'll go first," Haneul announced as she gulped the alcohol and looked at Taehyung. Waited till the alcohol hit and make her a bit light-headed."Please don't hate me - because I know you're gonna throw fucking hands at me."
"You're making me nervous," Taehyung exclaimed, "Just tell me."
"I kinda...sorta..." Haneul said, her face void of any expression, "Hooked up with my boss?"
"What the actual fuck did you just say?!"
"Yeah...so," Haneul hesitated, her ears going red, "That happened in Japan."
In her defence, it was technically the truth. They hadn't hooked up in Korea. Yet.
"You mean you hooked up with your new boss," Taehyung repeated, "While you were on a business trip with him to Japan... as his assistant."
"...Yeah."
"Please give me five to seven business days to process this information," Taehyung closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
"Come on, it's not that bad."
"You think?" he scoffed, "Don't you have any company rules?"
"He said it was fine."
"Of course he did," Taehyung said, "Any man will lie if in his place. Men are men, Haneul. Just no," he shook his head furiously, "Please tell me you just did it once."
"Of course," Haneul said. Liar.
"Really?"
"Totally," Haneul continued, "We were too drunk but we realised it the next day and decided to forget that anything happened. We're cool now."
Liar liar liar. Haneul's mind chanted.
"You sure you cool? You're not fired or something, right?"
"Not at all."
Taehyung grimaced and shook his head. He read off another question from his phone. "Make a confession. You go first."
"No, you go first," Haneul countered, "I just went. Your turn now."
"Never make my life easy, do you?"
"Never," Haneul stuck her tongue out.
"I don't know, Haneul."
"Tell me," she said, "How bad would it be, in comparison with mine? Just rip the bandaid off."
"I had a thing for you," Taehyung said, "As in, romantically."
"Oh."
MISSION ABORT! MISSION FUCKING ABORT!
Taehyung's mind was racing with possibilities of how this conversation would take turns - but, at this point he was so tipsy - almost drunk even - that he didn't care.
A little liquid courage, that's all he needed.
That and a little bit of a lie. Just a little. Teeny tiny. Miniscule, even.
"Don't just give me fucking oh," he pushed against her shoulder, "I said had. Past tense. When we were younger... I liked you a lot."
"You're saying as if you hate me now."
"Oh I do," Taehyung grinned from ear to ear. "I hate you so much."
Liar liar, pants on fire.
"When exactly was that?"
"During the time you dated Min Yoongi, I think," he replied, "In college."
"And when were you planning to tell me this?"
"Never."
"I'm the one who hates you now," she said playfully but saw Taehyung turning into serious mode.
"I really don't know..." Taehyung started, "I'm scared of that the most, I think. Losing my loved ones. And in this world, the person I love the most is you. Maybe... if I would've told you that then, we may not be close. Or maybe, we could be married by now. I guess we'll never know."
He put an arm around her shoulder and brought her closer to her, their shoulders touching. He bent sideways and rested his head on the crown of hers.
"Y'see, we don't know what might happen. Yet we make decisions which feel right at that particular instance of time - albeit good or bad. I hope, and even try to make my decision the good one. Not for me, but for all people involved. In this case, I made a decision for us, and look where it brought us - in my living room in Seoul, eating dumplings. I think we can say it was a good one."
"Should've told me, though. What's the worse that could've happened?," Haneul mused, "I'm not, like, mad, but I don't know. Just feel like a lot of things make sense now."
"The worse, that could've happened would be," he squeezed her shoulder as he looked at her, eyes a little droopy, skin a little clammy - all signs of being human. Of being real, of being with him. Existing with him - living with him. Taehyung never understood how he had gotten such privilege.
"We would've dated, then maybe broken off. Maybe continued to be friends - but not the best ones. We would have a couple of night stands as you and Yoongi did - no offence, by the way - and just be that, for each other. A new definition - my best friend, who I dated but it didn't work out, so now we hook up sometimes. But the thing is, Haneul," Taehyung pressed a kiss to her hair, no other intention than telling her how much her worth was in his eyes, "That's an insult to us. To whatever we have. To what we have gone through. It just doesn't do justice - because, you're my best friend. My everything. You're literally my lifeline and my soulmate - the person I don't mind sharing my life with. I don't think I can ever explain how much you matter to me in words. It just wouldn't be acceptable."
Haneul snaked an arm around his waist and laid her head on his chest. No words, but Taehyung always complied. Gathered her in his arms, his chin resting on her head, and sat there - on the floor in silence.
"I love you," is all that she said, and Taehyung thought she had tears in her eyes from how her voice cracked.
They stayed there for a couple of minutes and then returned to eat their dinner. That's when, Haneul started, "Let's do a dare."
"It won't be fair," Taehyung said, "Because I can read them. I think we should choose one spontaneously. Will make it even funnier."
"We can do one thing," Haneul said as she unlocked her phone and asked him, "Tell me a number."
"Thirty," he said. She added the limits in the random number generator - from one to thirty.
"And the number of the dare we're gonna do is," she clicked the generator, and it generated a number out of thirty, "Twelve."
Taehyung read off the twelfth bullet point of the website in which it said Hundred dares for a game of truth or dare. "Do a lady and the tramp with the person on your right."
"Yeah no, I'm not doing that," Taehyung shook his head, "Besides, we have no ramen left."
"Quit being such a pussy," Haneul said.
Taehyung gasped as he looked at her - preparing to be all pouty but Haneul stuffed half of the dumpling in his mouth, and then leaned ahead as she took a bite of the other half of the dumpling which was hanging from Taehyung's mouth.
While doing that, her lips brushed Taehyung's - and a chill ran down his spine. Her lips, so warm barely brushed his, and he wanted to kiss her again. Better than New Year's day. He wanted to do it just because he wanted to - not because they were putting up a show.
Haneul aggressively chewed as she looked at him - mouth slack and face gone red.
She giggled, and Taehyung almost groaned at the sound. She tapped his chin lovingly as if saying Chew up.
Taehyung though had other plans. "I'm being a pussy?" he asked, a competitive tone filling his voice.
"I mean... I was the one who did the dare so..." Haneul very much knew how competitive he could be, and how she could always push the right buttons.
Taehyung brought a dumpling near her mouth, and said, "Open up."
Haneul opened her mouth, and in an instant, the dumpling was inside - and Taehyung's lips pressed to hers.
He stayed there for a couple of seconds, even flicked his tongue on her lower lip and drew back, chewing. He had that cocky look on his face as if asking Who's the pussy now?
"Anyway, next question is," Taehyung announced with a straight face again, as if he did not want to fucking pin her on the couch and kiss her senseless, "Tell me one thing that you can't keep out of your head. It's your turn."
"On a scale from one to ten, how serious can I be? How shameless?"
"Twelve," Taehyung simply deadpanned.
"I sometimes think about the new year's kiss - our kiss. Just sometimes though," she quickly added on, "Next question."
Taehyung simply took her hand in his palm and dragged her closer to him so that there was no space between them. Then he said in a low voice, "I sometimes think if you'll kiss me again. I wish that you kissed me again."
"How serious are you about this?"
"Twelve," Taehyung murmured and joined their lips.
He tried to savour each second of it. Her lips were salty, and he could taste the spices from their dinner and the faint flavour of strawberries from the soju. Little things like her taste and her smell - which was actually his, since she was using his body wash - made it even sexier for Taehyung.
He put a hand on her cheek, thumb drawing soothing shapes on her cheekbone, pulling her closer.
His lips wanted to do nothing but drink her in like a man starved. He nibbled on her lower lip and swiped across it with his tongue.
Haneul's heart was racing about seventy miles per minute - but not because of the kiss. She was barely paying attention to how Taehyung was kissing her with so many emotions; instead, all her attention was on the fact that they shouldn't do this. They weren't supposed to do this - whatever it was -getting their feelings involved. Her mind was also racing as fast as her heart was thumping in her chest - and she realised Taehyung wasn't kissing her anymore.
He was so close that his breathing was softly caressing her skin. She realised he had gone red again - maybe due to the alcohol. Maybe their kiss.
Probably both. But definitely the latter.
He looked at her with such magnitude in his eyes, that Haneul swore her heartbeat stopped for a second in her chest. With delicate movements - as if he thought she was made of glass - he tilted her chin upwards a little. He stared at her for a moment, kept eye contact and then bent down to capture her lips with his again.
This time though, Taehyung simply tried to be delicate. Put his feelings aside. Just savoured the warmth from her lips, and kissed her, once, twice, thrice. And then when he sucked softly on her lips, she exhaled - a sound leaving her mouth, which Taehyung took in greedily - and she kissed him back.
It was as if Taehyung was getting burnt by a matchstick. The moment she started kissing him back, matching the vigour of his moments and her fingers up in his hair - Taehyung's whole body was hot. On fire. Making him want to strip his clothes and cool his body down a little.
Haneul shifted forward to kiss him better. In fact, she was halfway up his lap. Her hands were shaking from the intensity of it all, and maybe her legs were too. She wasn't really sure.
Taehyung unconsciously hooked his hands below her thighs and pulled her forward - so that she was sitting perfectly on his lap. He let his hands be there - on her thigh. Touching her skin.
She was wearing sleeping shorts - and her mind was glad for so. His palms splayed against her thighs almost felt unreal. Skin to skin. So warm and so big - Taehyung's hands squeezed the flesh of her thigh and pulled her even closer that their chests were touching, lips hungrily kissing.
As much as Taehyung hated to simply let go, he knew he had to take in oxygen or he would simply die.
In all honesty, though, this wasn't a bad way of dying. Taehyung would love to die like this - his last moment would be kissing the love of his life.
But it was when she made a sound, Taehyung let her get a breather. Would definitely, without any doubt, continue making out with her again.
He looked at her, a sheen of sweat practically glowing off her body, lips a little plump than they should be, heaving chest - lungs greedily sucking in all the oxygen - and he swore his heart couldn't function properly anymore.
What he also noticed was that she was practically sitting on his lap, and he very much liked that. Made him wanna have her nowhere but his lap, always.
And what he did notice then was, he was a little firmer in his shorts. He was not hard, mind you, but just a little firmer than he should be. Knew that if they kissed again - he would, most definitely get a boner.
And Haneul? She realised what they just did, and where she was sitting - was pressing down on him - and her face flushed. She quickly apologised and sat down on the floor again, taming her hair.
"Nothing to be sorry about, Haneul," Taehyung, surprisingly to Haneul, seemed calm. As if it didn't bother him. Little did she know, how good he was at hiding his emotions. "It's just anatomy."
"Yeah," Haneul said, thinking those feelings in the pit of her stomach was nothing but anatomy as well, "Just anatomy."
"Let's never do that again," Taehyung said after their breathing was back to normal, and he was not high on his hormones.
Not because he didn't want to do it again - but simply because he couldn't function like a proper contributing member of society if they continued to kiss each other.
Selfish purposes only. It would plainly be too much for Taehyung - and every time, he would die a little death knowing very well that she would never reciprocate his feelings.
"Yeah, I agree," Haneul said, finally finishing her dinner, "Let's never do that again. Don't wanna ruin anything."
Little did they both know, they were still liars.
They were still lying.
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author's note:
this chapter is so scandalous, really 😋😋
there are a hundred reads per chapter. and I'm just like - I'm sorry, besties? where are yall's votes? i don't see em
no fr tho y'all would be like where are them updates too hoe (is this ko swearing era or sm 💀💀)
they're not in existence if that's what you wanna hear lol (should i add vote goals bec i added 'em in dd and the goal was fulfilled so ????)
this took me D A Y S to write... i usually don't take more than two days to finish a chapter... but boy she's big and she was tough. am i satisfied with her though? 1000%
also, are two people best friends if one isn't in love with the other and the other has no clue????
no I'm kidding tho kids don't fall in love with your best friend because everything goes wrong and you feel like unaliving yourself. i said what i said.
lol, she also got a twt??? <33
am i crazy for this? maybe i am [psst- follow me there for some insights + teasers + bec you love me????]
also, Namjoon is so hot for doing this. i literally love this so much
anyways, stream indigo x
(i literally ugly cried the whole of yesterday because, Namjoon????? what you just did??? with Indigo??? ILLEGAL.)
(esp the time when someone commented "daddy Namjoon" and he was like bitches calm tf down 💀💀💀👍🏻)
anyways see you soon, xoxo