"Make this noise stop", I say only half awake. I don't know what time it is, and I don't give a fuck about it. I'm exhausted. I want to snuggle against these soft sheets and that wonderful mattress and just sleep. Having Dave's chest pressed against my back is an added bonus, that I don't want to miss.
"It's the fourth time that you have said that.", Dave laughs behind me, kisses my shoulder that is still covered by one of his shirt and then I can feel him move to hit the snooze button yet again.
"We don't need to work today." I turn around to face him. He looks at me as he is struggling with himself. Sighing, he pulls me against him and puts one hand onto my cheek to caress it with his thumb.
During the night I woke up so many times that I lost count. Every single time I woke up gasping for air and sweat running down my body and it definitely wasn't because of Dave's body heat. Having someone sleeping next to me reminded me of the nights I spent with Liam, and it made my nightmares worse. Even now I have fragments of what happened six months ago playing through my mind.
"But we can't let this beautiful day go to waste just to stay in bed. I mean it's tempting." He moves his hand from my cheek to my waste and then underneath the shirt, but removes it rather quickly, kisses my forehead and then gets out of bed with a sigh. I watch him as he walks into his bathroom and can hear him starting to brush his teeth.
I look out of his floor to ceiling windows from my spot on the bed and it's beautiful. Even though it is September the mountains in the background are already covered with snow. I could imagine myself waking up with a view like that every day. But that's not in the cards for me.
This night has shown me how much I missed being close to someone. The way he comforted me, when I started to cry after I had woken up. He held me and moved his hands in soothing motions over my back and through my hair. And I know that he couldn't fall asleep until I was sleeping, because I remember his fingers caressing my back.
The feeling that someone just takes care of me by not asking questions and just holding me, is insane. So insane, that I am some sort of scared of it, because I know that it will have to come to an end at some point and then I am back at where I started.
Sighing I get out of his very comfortable bed and walk to his bathroom. He has already finished brushing his teeth and is now shaving.
"You can it let it slide for one day.", I tell him and lean against the doorframe to watch him move the razor over his chin in precise movements.
"I don't like my beard and it's already like second nature to me to get up, brush my teeth, shave and then get a workout in."
"So, you are a person that follows a strict daily schedule", I conclude and let my eyes wander over his broad shoulders and his trained back.
"Kind of. I like to have the things I want to do for the day planned out, so I can be as proficient as possible, but I don't mind if something else comes up or my plans get diverted." I look into the mirror and notice that his eyes are set on me. A smirk adorns his lips. He knows that I checked him out.
"I see. I can just hope that I don't interfere with your plans."
"Well as I said, I don't mind when my planes get diverted. I mean, I planned on getting up earlier. This has been the longest that I have been in bed since I joined the Navy. Normally I would be finished with getting ready and my daily chores by this time of the day.", he explains, and I want to apologize for it, but he shakes his head.
"Before you say anything, it's not your fault. I could have gotten up earlier if I wanted to, but I wanted to stay in bed with you. And my plans for the rest of the day are rather open. This weekend is the Reno Air Race and I kind of wanted to check that out.", he continues and shaves the last patch of skin on his face.
"That sounds like a lot of fun."
"Yeah, I heard so. I mean when do you actually get to watch different kinds of airplanes and I am not talking about ours, to race through the air. If you want to, we can do that today."
"Dave, are you asking me out?"
"I mean we are doing a lot of things backwards. You have already met my mom. You have been at my workplace. You have slept in my bed. But I have never taken you out. So, yes, I am asking you out on a date."
"I would love to.", I tell him and walk behind him. I wrap my arms around him and kiss the spot right between his shoulder blades as there are level to me. He turns around and picks me up, so we are face to face. He wants to kiss me, but I stop him. Confused he draws his eyebrows together.
"Morning breath.", I tell him and turn my face away.
"I don't mind." I feel his hand underneath my chin, and he turns my head back to him.
"But I do." Sighing he kisses my forehead and then puts me down.
"Well then brush your teeth and get ready, because I really want to kiss you again." As he says this my heart flutters a bit and I need to take a deep breath to control my emotions. He turns away with the intention of giving me some privacy to get ready, but I stop him by grabbing his arm.
"One question though", I start, and he looks at me expectantly.
"Would you mind if I use your washer and dryer for my cloths. I never really liked the feeling of wearing my own clothing twice, especially when they smell like smoke." Amused he shakes his head.
"Sure. I need to wash my cloths and the shirts from tonight anyways, I can put yours in there as well. And I wouldn't mind driving with you back to base and get some of your things."
"Don't get ahead of yourself.", I tell him and poke him with a finger into his chiseled chest.
"I am not. I was just thinking that we need to talk about a lot of things, and it would be just easier this way. But if it makes you uncomfortable, I understand." He puts his hand on top of mine and now it lays flat on his pec. I can feel his heart beating underneath my touch.
"Now you are being stupid. This doesn't make me uncomfortable.", I say and remove my hand from underneath his to move it between us.
"I like it. But I really need to brush my teeth and take a shower."
"I am going to start breakfast. Just grab something out of my closet when you are done", he laughs, kisses my forehead again and puts a strand of my hair behind my ear. Then he leaves the bathroom so I can get ready.
I look into the mirror and see the bird's nest that my hair has become. I guess this means, that I need to wash them as well. Sighing I get ready as fast as I can. When I get out of his shower, I walk into his closet.
The first thing I see is his cutlass on a display. It's beautiful and is one of the things I kind of wish that the Air Force has, but I also know what it means to keep it looking that way. However, I am quickly reminded, why I can count myself lucky to only have to take care of four different styles of uniforms.
There are countless different looking uniforms in the colors of the Navy – blue and white – handing next to the display as well as neatly folded combat uniforms underneath it. He was really precise in putting them on top of each other- mine are mostly all over the place. Keeping all of them in order must be a pain in the ass.
I turn to my right and see his civilian clothing neatly folded as well. How much time does he spend on folding? I would go insane. Quickly I grad a black shirt and some jogging pants and put them on, before walking into the kitchen.
"Whatever you are cooking smells delicious.", I tell him as I step into the kitchen. Music is playing softly in the background, but I can't make out what it is. Dave turns around from the stove and looks me up and down, a smile creeps onto his face. Unfortunately, he used the time to put on cloths as well.
"It's Shakshuka." I know that dish. I have eaten it during my deployment in the Middle East.
"If you don't like it, I can make you something else."
"No, no it's fine. I like it. I ate it couple of times while I was stationed in Kuwait, but usually as a lunch or dinner." As soon as these words are out of my mouth a sad feeling begins to stir within me.
Even though most of the days I was stationed in Kuwait consisted of getting up early, getting my daily dose of PT in and then doing paperwork and patrols in my plane, I occasionally had time to myself and used it to spend it with Liam. The day before our last mission together we went out to get Shakshuka.
"Yeah, but mine isn't as heartily as they make it in the Middle East. So don't worry. Do want coffee or tea?", Dave asks me and has a worried expression on his face. He tries to hide it as he grabs a cup and takes a sip from it.
"What person do you think I am? Coffee for sure. As strong as possible and black like my soul.", I tell him and try to push the sad memories away. I already had enough of them in the night.
"Now you are being stupid.", he says as he gets a mug out to fill it with freshly brewed coffee. Then he stares at me intently.
"Your soul is not black.", he adds and shakes his head. Even if I wanted to agree with him in this matter, I could never do it. There is too much blood on my hands and a life that was sacrificed for mine, just to protect me, so I could live on and to be stuck in my personal limbo between what happened six months ago and what my life currently is.
"Where is your washer and dryer?" I lift my bundle of clothing up and change the topic completely. I don't want to talk about this further. I am not yet at peace with myself about this, maybe I never will be.
Dave draws his eyebrows together and looks me up and down. He probably tries to figure out why I suddenly behave the way I do. I know it's not fair of me to withdraw like this when he has always been open with me and tried to support me. I know that I have already told him things, that he shouldn't know about. I have already dragged him further enough into my problems, I don't want to burden him with more.
"Well?", I ask him when Dave makes no effort to give me an answer. Sighing, he points with the cooking spoon to one of the doors close to the kitchen.
"Where did you learn to cook Shakshuka?", I ask him when I return from getting my thing into the washer. I walk next to him and take the mug with the hot coffee as he hands it to me. I lean against the kitchen counter while I watch him crack four eggs into the pan.
"Remember when I told you, that we were in the Philippine Sea?" He glances at me, and I nod. He still has this puzzled look on his face and right now I wish that he would just let it go.
"Right after that we were ordered to go to the Middle East. I am not allowed to tell you where exactly, but you can probably guess." I know what he is talking about. After my three-month deployment to Japan, I had to go back to the states as I got orders to join a different squadron. Everyone else left for Omar due to new threats in Iran.
"That deployment was the longest I have been on. It was about one and a half years.", Dave continues and probably can sense, that I don't want to talk about the military as it is now his turn to change the topic.
"What kind of music do listen to? Because you don't strike me as someone who likes to listen to Country.", he says, and I shrug my shoulders and place the mug onto the kitchen counter.
"I don't really have a favorite genre. Mostly I listen to podcasts when I am not working out. It helps me and I feel a little bit better after hearing what other people have gone through and how they are coping with it."
Instinctively I cross my arms and my fingers grip my upper arms. I close my eyes to try to focus on the here and now and not on the fragments of what happened. I try to push them away. I try to not let them get to me. I know that's not right. I know I should feel everything and work through it.
"Because you don't feel alone.", I hear Dave say and then I feel both of his hands on top of my fingers that are clinging to my arms. I open my eyes and his face is right in front of mine.
"It gives you comfort that other people have had bad experiences and are working through it. That they can live a somewhat normal life. Whatever normal means to them.", he continues, and I feel his fingertips against mine. Slowly and carefully, he tries to lift them up and I let him. He takes my hands in his and entwines our fingers. Yet again, he comforts me.
"And I know you will get through this and as I said before, you are not alone in this and when you share it, it will be easier. I am here for you, if you want me to." A take a deep breath and lean my head against his chest.
"Thank you."
"Not for this, Taylor. And since podcasts seem to help you, I know one that you might like to check out.", he says and kisses the top of my head. I move my head so I can look at him and rest my chin on his chest.
"Which one?", I ask him intrigued.
"Golden hour podcast from Major Christopher Welch.", he says, and I start to grin.
"You already know it, don't you? I mean how could you not.", he continues and smiles at me.
"Yes, I know it. Actually, he is a friend of mine, and we regularly talk. As he was the one who taught me some combat moves when I was deployed in Japan. But how come you know about him?"
"I was on his podcast a few years back and talked with him about what happened very early on in my career. Well and he is a friend of mine too. As far as I know he will be attending the wedding as well." I feel my lips forming a smile, because I haven't seen Christopher for almost two years.
"I have to admit, he is an impressive man.", I say and Dave nods.
"That he is, but not as impressive as you are.", he admits and lowers his head to kiss me.
"I could get used to this.", I sigh.
"To this?" He kisses me again.
"Yes and someone stroking my ego.", I tell him and show him the tip of my tongue. He laughs amused.
"I will remember to say something like that more often. But I have never asked you, if are you allergic to some kind of food?", he asks me and then steps away to look after our breakfast. I follow him and lean against the kitchen counter next to him.
"Nope. I can eat everything, and I will try almost everything at least once."
"Dully noted. Breakfast should be ready in a minute or two.", he says and takes out two plates.
"How are we going to do this?"
"Can you elaborate?"
"Us. This thing between us."
"I think that is hardly a thing anymore. I know that I like you. I like you a lot, Taylor.", he says, puts the plates down and the pulls me against him to kiss me again.
"I like you a lot as well."
"I am glad that we like each other, if not this would have been weird.", he says amused, and I shake my head.
"Yeah, it would be."