TW sensitive topic in this chapter,
"Carol, can I come in, or do you want to be alone?" I spoke through the door of the RV, leaning my ear against it to catch any slight noise that she might've made.
A few minutes passed before the door slightly opened revealing Carol's tired eyes. She opened it wide once she saw me and welcomed me in with a sad smile under her tear-filled eyes.
I stood in front of the mother, unsure of what to say. Seeing the tears flowing down her eyes endlessly.
I took a step closer to her and wrapped my arms around her fragile body. I wasn't one for physical contact, but it seemed like she found comfort in the embrace as she leaned into me and let out a quiet sob.
Carol was a quiet women, she never seemed to share her opinion like Andrea or Lori, she always kept to herself and only ever worried about finding her daughter.
No words in the world would ease a grieving mothers pain. But some might just give her the slightest comfort.
"Hershel said Otis was the one to bring the infected into the barn. If that's true, that means your little girl didn't suffer for long. She wasn't cold at night; she wasn't hungry for days. She most likely passed the next morning, before we went out looking for her. Before Carl got shot." I spoke quietly as I held onto Carol tightly. I felt her body relax and her sobs came to a stop.
After some time, we were both sitting on the small couch of the RV. She wasn't in any condition to talk, but she seemed to like the distraction of hearing my voice. Her head was resting on my shoulder and he hand was holding mine tightly.
I closed my eyes tightly every time a shiver would shake her small body.
Carol was older than me, probably old enough to be my mother. But I didn't feel we had a mother daughter bond, she felt more like a sister.
"She reminded me of myself you know. I was just like her, always by my mom's side trying to protect us from my shitty stepfather ."
Should I tell her?
Would it make her feel better?
I took a deep breath and prepared myself for the painful trip down memory lane.
Here comes the sap story.
"I lost my baby girl too." I finally whispered the words, saying them out loud for the first time in my life. I felt her head up and look at me. Her questioning eyes asking for the rest of the story.
"I was pregnant about eight or nine months ago. I was so happy when I found out, even had everything planned, I was gonna run away and start a new life for her." I spoke with a sad smile on my face, staring at the interior of the RV. "One night my boyfriend came home, drunk as always. Some stupid thing riled him up. When I started protecting my stomach, he knew. I was just 20 weeks along at the time, I hadn't told him. Never planned to tell him" i felt her hand squeeze mine offering me some support.
"I begged him not to hit me, the more I begged the more he hit, purposely trying to kill my baby girl. And he did. The next morning, I woke up from the pain with blood dripping down my legs. I spent the worst 3 hours of my life on the bathroom floor. She was so tiny, the size of my hand. I lost so much blood I passed out on the bathroom floor with her in my arms." I took a breath as I felt a heavy tear slide down my cheek leaving behind a wet trail; I raised my hand and held the collar of my shirt before sliding it off my shoulder. Showing Carol, the angel tattoo on the back of my left shoulder. The angel had a small crown, with slightly broken wings that had flowers coming out of the cracks. "She's always with me"
Carol spoke for the first time, "what was her name?"
"Umid. It means hope in Uzbek"
Carol simply nods, she doesn't say anything and doesn't do anything, like she's frozen in time. Her body is aging but her mind has stopped processing past her daughter's death.
I know how she feels
That's how it is when someone you love dies. Everything moves along, life keeps going, and flowers keep blooming. Everything moves on except you. It is infuriating. How dare the world continue spinning when your world has stopped and chattered? How dare the people around you continue to laugh and live when your most loved person couldn't?
I stopped my thoughts before they got the better of me.
I realized that it was time for me to leave her alone, and as I was about to walk out of the RV I stood death in my tracks when my eyes connected with a certain blue-eyed hunter.
Shit. Did he hear everything I said?
Daryl's face didn't give anything away, he was clearly in shock and upset from the events that took place earlier, or that's what I convinced myself hoping that he heard nothing of what I told Carol.
***
The others outside seemed to have also been frozen in time.
Lori and Carl were still sitting exactly where they had been when the dead were poring out of the barn. Dale and Andrea double-checked that the dead stayed dead, while Shane and Rick were just around.
I reach into my bag to grab my camera and took a moment to snap a picture of Lori and Carl.
Wanting them to have at least a picture if anything were to happen to either of them.
The small group in front of the barn looked to be having a serious conversation, most likely about what to do with the dead.
They were all contributing to the discussion, which made me realize I truly had no place with them, and they simply didn't need me standing there and eavesdropping.
I didn't feel like I belonged with them, so I decided to just walk off and find somewhere else to be.
Surprisingly I found myself walking along the fence with Daryl.
"I ain't ever seen you this quiet" he huffed quietly. I was surprised he was the one making conversation, usually I was the one to annoy him with my rambling.
"I guess there isn't much to talk about" I spoke quietly as well, liking the comfortable quiet that we had going on.
It was rare that we got to experience some peace, and I truly believe we both just needed a moment to calm our brains.
The sun was slowly coming down, leaving us under its warm light with a slight breeze.
Crickets made their usual noise as well as the shaking leaves of the trees around us. Light distant sounds of birds singing their favorite tunes. It was the sound of heaven, away from the groans of the dead.
Being on the farm was truly a blessing.
"Thought we'd find her" I had never heard his voice so vulnerable.
He stopped walking, a hand covering his eyes as the other lay of his hip.
His façade finally broke after so long. A façade I was sure had been built up over many years.
I took a step towards him, just enough for him to feel my close presence without actually touching him. I heard his breath hitch the moment he felt me close by, and I knew in that moment, I was right to just not touch him.
I took a moment to just look at him.
He was a man made by god himself. The sun was shining a perfect orange light on his sweaty arms, and through his light hair making it glow a perfect gold. He was a beautifully handsome man, the perfect representation of manly.
Although maybe I was wrong for thinking such things when I knew he was hurting in front of me, I truly couldn't help myself.
He released a long breath before straightening his back and removing his hand, and there he was, the cold and harsh Daryl.
He looked me dead in the eye, as if warning me to never speak about this small crack in his character, and simply turned around and walked away.
***
Ricks group had organized a nice service for their lost ones, and although it seemed comical to be holding a funeral for the dead when seemingly our entire world had died, It still clearly meant a great deal to the families. I stood off to the side, leaning against a tree and just listening. Daryl apparently had a similar idea as he was also further off to my side, away from the group.
The day didn't seem to be getting any easier, as things just kept taking a turn for the worse.
Hershel had decided to go on a trip to the bar while Beth had gone into shock after the horrible scene that took place earlier, and Daryl had separated himself from everyone else.
I had offered to join Rick and Glenn who were going to look for Hershel, forgetting that I was no hero. But how was I supposed to not go when Glenn was looking at me with those big pleading eyes?
Well, shit.
I sat in the back leaning over between Rick and Glenn.
"Maggie says she loves me" Glenn suddenly blurted out the statement. Surprising the hell out of me.
"WHAT?" I couldn't help the reaction. I was truly confused. When? How? What?
Both men slightly ducked their heads and turned towards me, as if I had just killed their eardrums.
"Watch the road, Rick. And you, when did this happen?!" I smacked their arms one after the other as I addressed them.
Glenn went on about Maggie and how she did not mean it and blah blah a whole lot of crap that was just his stupid mind not letting him enjoy a good thing.
I hadn't really been paying attention to their relationship, and I hadn't realized they were at the loving part. Honestly, I thought they were just hooking up. But maybe some people fall in love very quickly.
Rick gave Glenn his 'bro talk' until we got to the bar where Hershel was at.
How did he know he would be here?
And also I need all the gossip from Maggie later.
***
Surprise surprise, Hershel was in the bar. In a perfect world, we would have just talked some sense into him and brought him back to his farm and to his family.
But our world was far from perfect, it was just shitty.
"They drew on us!" Rick yelled out.
"Rick, are you actually stupid? They were about to leave!" I whisper yelled from under one of the bar tables. Knocking my head to the table in the process.
Does he actually want us dead? Is he truly out of his mind?
He's like actually so stupid for an officer.
A couple more back and forth conversation with our friends outside who were looking for their friends, who were dead beside me on the ground.
It was truly a shit show, the two men had gotten into an argument with us earlier, when one thing led to another and they ended up shot by Rick. unfortunately for us, the two dead men had friends looking for them.
A shot rang through the glass window of the bar making us all shit our pants.
I hit my head against the table once again before running from under it towards where Glenn and Hershel were heading.
Luck has never been my friend, but I didn't know it was my enemy until that night, when out of all the missed shots they had been shooting at the walls, one of them pierced through my right shoulder. A jolting pain heaved my body forward and onto the ground, where I took cover from the oncoming shots.
"Ahh fuck!" I yelped out in pain, clutching my shoulder with my other hand. Since the CDC every injury I experienced gave me extremely heightened pain levels. Little things caused me more pain than usual, and the bullet wound almost made me pass out from the pain.
I hardly paid attention to what was going on around me, just mainly to the excruciating pain shooting through my arm.
It felt like my whole body was on fire, and my chest was tightening making it harder to breathe.
I felt the blood seeping through my fingers, down my arm. So much blood was coming out that I was sure I would die right there and then.
My brain felt foggy and my mind was simply blank, I tried to focus my attention on the noise but all I could hear was ringing in my ears.
It felt like another one of the weird episodes, only this time I wasn't seeing anything, just blinking the black dots away from my sight.
What was I thinking coming out here?
Suddenly, Glenn came into my view. He was speaking to me but I couldn't hear anything. But I was thankful for his help. He got me up and we ran out towards the other two men.
Wait
Three
A strange young boy half passed out leaning on Rick as Hershel wrapped his leg.
Now you've got my attention.
"Wait Rick where are you taking him," I asked out loud, finally getting myself together.
"We gotta get him back to the farm his leg is all messed up we can't leave him behind" Rick spoke quickly, warry of the walkers towards us.
"what! we can't take him back he's a stranger! Who was with those men" I spoke catching up to him, one hand still holding my shoulder, which by the way was still bleeding severely.
"No time to discuss this," Rick said sternly looking at me, his eyes widened, finally noticing my shoulder. "Shit"
"Yeah, shit."
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Hello, it has been ages since i last updated this book. my apologies, i have been dying in school. but now i am back to writing, so hopefully more updates will be coming.
I'm already working on the next chapter and some interesting things are to come. so just be patient with me pls.