"Nothing, Love.. Nothing at all. I am alright.." I replied, granted my voice shook with tears.. for now, I would bide a bit of time..
Recover from my mind's lies..
However.. no matter how much I hated it..
My mind would forever play tricks with me.
((A/N: Nightgown originally belongs to Etsy Seller Cozyloungewear))
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I lay restless in my bed, my mind racing over lies and assumptions on who I was. Was I truly that much of a curse to my own people? Surely it would be true that not all of my people believed these things.. right? My fears would only be fueling their fires and disdain for me. If I gave them hope that I was uncertain about my own state.. it would be my undoing.
Besides.. Nobody else was able to provide energy for the Hearthstone- I kept them alive! I kept our planet functioning-
"Sometimes people do.. really bad things.. when they're upset, Sirena.." I could hear my mother reasoning with me. "You are still ill.. you can't control it yet.." She whispered.
Ill.. I wasn't ill.. was I?..
Memories of voices connected with no pictures or flashes as I dug into my mind for answers. Why was the imagery missing?.. Ill?.. What didn't I know? What did I do?.. When did it happen?.. Why now!?
Tossing and turning to find a comfortable position had provided little to no sanctuary for my body or mind. Groaning in aggravation I sat up, Lotor and I would not share quarters until marriage, and going to him at such a star-forbidden hour over something he had no knowledge was even happening or bothering me.. even I didn't know... but was it truly better to stew in paranoia and become a madwoman? Surely not.. he would be there for me.. wouldn't he?
Or would I become bothersome?
A burden to my own husband.. oh what a rumor that would bring to the servants of the palace..
Far better than some curse..
That is what I thought to myself as I held onto my composure. I took a deep breath and gathered my courage and pride. Rising to my feet and shaking off my insecurities, I put my slippers and overcoat on. My hair in a braid that went down to my thighs per my usual nightly routine but messier due to the awful tossing turning fit.
To Hell with your insecurities. Trust him.
And trust him I did, making my way to his quarters, which I realized were much farther than I remembered them being.. Had my position truly parted us that much? No, it was only physical distance. Physical distance that.. as I found myself in front of his quarters.. had made me lose my confidence... I froze. Why was I so afraid? Was I afraid to address the situation? To tell him the reason for my emotional outburst? Would it be so horrible to be afraid?.. Just knock!
With a trembling hand I raised it to knock on the door and took a deep breath. Dropping my arm to my side, failing to knock on his door. I couldn't do it..
Instead, I resorted to sitting outside of his door to the side as I thought carefully. I would need to figure out what happened.. But nobody would ever tell me would they?
I didn't know how to expain my Hidden Nightmares...
((A/N: HELLO EVERYBODY!!! It is me! I have returned! Life's been pretty crazy and I'm working on updating my best works for everyone. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SUPPORT SO FAR!!! I apologize for the angst btw. I have to get back into the swing of this book but this is still relevant. Just a inside look on how Sirena handles- well- a lot of her problems. Almost all of them. I'm so sorry if this seems rushed. I may come back and edit it in the morning..))