You are so brave and quiet.
I forgot you are suffering.
—Ernest Hemingway
__________________________
Olivia Brown
He lied. I knew he did. But I didn't say anything. It would've destroyed my plan anyway. My gut told me that he wouldn't rescue him, so I came up with a plan. Yet, I still wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt, sadly he proved me right.
He left me alone after he kissed my forehead and went down to the kitchen. I appreciated the solitude; it gave me time to think. Unfortunately, I felt too nauseated to think, too dizzy to decipher an emotion. I pushed the cover off of me, suddenly it felt like I was burning. I went to the bathroom, splashed some cold water on my face. Still too hot. I stripped off Anton's shirt off of me and went under the icy stream. Letting the water cool me off. Too spent to stand up, I sat down. Hugged my knees close to my body.
Everything will be okay, everything will be okay...
I just had to stick to my plan, and hopefully I would rescue Alex. I got to carefully sneak into Noah's empty boot and be quiet all the way to Joseph's. There I had to find the basement where Alex was apparently located. With my gun and few other weapons, I would optimistically escape with Alex. Escape from Joseph and... Antonio.
I need to escape.
I didn't even know why I was still here. He told me he needed my help, but so far, I hadn't done anything. I was thinking that maybe his intention was something else. I didn't know what. Yet it couldn't be anything good. Maybe he wanted to sell me, maybe he wanted to torture me in his own sick way, by playing wicked games with me. But why? I didn't know. Me not knowing made it dangerous for me to stay, I had to go. Besides that, I couldn't be near Anton, both physically and mentally. He either hurt me or I hurt myself by drowning in his dark, endless ocean. If I ever reached his bottom, I knew I would be stuck, I couldn't let that happen. Now I could swim, I needed to swim far away from him before he gripped my leg and dragged me down. Dragged me closer to his blazing chest and burned me.
I pulled myself up and got out of the shower. No longer warm since my body acknowledged the snow outside. I was putting on one of Anton's hoodies with a pair of leggings while promising myself that this was the last time, I wore any of Antonio's clothes despite how much I loved it. It needed to stop; I couldn't get used to something that wasn't continuously. He couldn't give me a forever. And if it wasn't forever, then it was never. Frankly, I didn't think he could give me anything but pain. It even pained me when he was nice, because it couldn't be true. I didn't believe it.
I reluctantly went down to the kitchen. When I saw Anton's luscious bare tattooed back, my stomach rumbled. He turned around with a smirk.
"Someone's hungry."
I mumbled an incoherent reply, entirely distracted by his front.
Fuck, has he always looked this good?
And sexy, don't forget sexy. My subconscious added.
Yeah. I licked my lips.
"I made pancakes. Sit down." He smiled. Why is he so nice? Odd.
I sat in front of a full plate of pancakes when I got a feeling of déjà vu. We had been doing that dance before. After his mother's birthday. It felt like a lifetime ago.
He took a seat in front of me. I stared bemusedly at him.
"What?" He scolded. "Stop staring," he snapped.
Okay, still an asshole. I cast down my gaze and rolled my eyes. Why did he always do this? He was nice one second, then the next he was mean. Cold and warm. I never knew which Anton I would get. Every time I thought we could be something, because he was tender and nice, the next second he hurt me. The sting pained me more when he was nice before it. Couldn't he be mean all the time instead? The blows wouldn't pain me as much. Neither would I develop feelings for him.
"Eat," he said between bites. I sighed and ate.
"Do you like it?" he asked with a strange voice...a bit sheepishly. Huh? Anton nervous? That was something I never thought I would see.
"If you don't, the chef made breakfast too," he mumbled, a bit irritated. I didn't know whether he was irritated at me or himself. I was stunned. When I didn't reply, he sighed and was about to take my plate. I got out of my trance.
"No, I like it." Grinning, I put more pancakes into my mouth. He smiled, an earnest smile.
"Good." I like him like this.
"It tastes wonderful. What more can you cook?" He chuckled.
"No, this is about it. Um...eggs too. I can make an omelette." I sipped my orange juice with amusement. "Nothing more?"
He smiled big with his beautiful white teeth. "Besides that, I can't cook for shit."
See, nice again, I can't keep up with his mood swings. But I really love this side of him.
__________
After that delicious meal, we ended up in the living room sofa. We couldn't agree on a film, I didn't want to watch John Wick, and he didn't want to see A Bad Moms Christmas. But I pleaded my case well, and turned out he didn't even know what it was about. He was just being his stubborn self and said "no". He feigned irritation when we pushed play on the Christmas film. He gripped a hold around my waist and brought me to his chest, so I was sitting between his legs with my back on his warm now covered chest. It got too tempting for me— No. It got too cold, so I kindly advised him to put on a shirt. He merely smirked with a sure and covered up.
Throughout the film, I found him staring at me when the funny parts came. He didn't laugh like me at the film, instead he found me amusing.
"I want to hear you laugh more often," he said all of a sudden. "I want to see you happy." Stunned by his uncharacteristic words, I only gazed at him. He kissed my forehead and went back to watching the film. Good thing he didn't want a reply, since I didn't know what to say. I was so confused. He couldn't behave like this. It made it so much harder to not fall for him. If he continued to behave like this, how was I able to go through with my plan and escape?
Ugh. I slowly opened my eyes. I was still in the living room, on the sofa with Anton. He laid behind me with his arms wrapped around me.
A wave of nauseous hit me. Ugh, I'm going to barf. Cautiously I escaped out of Anton's hug and ran to the bathroom.
"Oh. Hey, Leah. Wha—" I closed the door before she could finish. I kneeled before the toilet, emptied everything I had eaten.
"Olivia, are you okay?" I heard Vittoria's concerned voice.
"Yeah," I mumbled and flushed. I washed my hands as Vittoria opened the unlocked door.
"Are you sure?" She put her hand on my back. I ignored her question and quickly brushed my teeth.
"Can you do me a favour?" I turned and gazed at her with solace.
"S-sure, whatever you need" She gazed at me with puzzled eyes.
"Could you get me some pregnancy tests?" Her eyes went wide.
"W-what?" She stammered.
"It's nothing. I'm a bit late. I just want to make sure that I'm only late. I've been late before." I reassure her with a spent smile. She nodded solemnly before she took off. A couple of seconds later, she came back with three tests. Seeing my astonished face, she explained.
"I once got pregnant, but...it was a miscarriage. Both fortunately and unfortunately. The sex was a mistake, and I did not want to be with that person. I found out about my pregnancy too late. I had no choice whether I wanted it or not. I didn't and thank God I didn't need to. So, from then I've always carried these." She held up the tests and gave them to me. I nodded and went back to the bathroom. If I wasn't so dizzy and nauseated, I would've comforted her and asked some questions.
"Are you done?" She yelled through the door.
"Yeah, I just need to wait a little," I mumbled distractedly, staring at the tests beside the sink. I binned the tests and walked out.
"So?" She gazed at me expectedly as she fumbled with her shirt. I sighed. It seemed like Antonio had some bad influence on me. Because I lied. "It's negative."
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