Sage Williams
"I feel bad," I whisper to my dad as he shuts off the SUV Engine. We had just pulled into the driveway after making the agonizing five-hour drive. It was supposed to be seven, but since my dad drove it was five. We listened to Slater's game on the radio which meant that every time Slater fucked up, my dad hit the wheel like the five-year-old that he was at heart.
"Those are the first three words you've spoken this entire drive home." He teases as he throws open his door, stepping out and stretching. I unclick my seatbelt, following suit. He reached for the trunk, pulling out my suitcase and then his.
I reached for mine to pull it into the house, but he snatched it away.
I frowned.
He narrowed his eyes on me.
"What?" I asked.
"What's wrong? What happened?" He asked in a demanding tone.
I sighed, reaching for it again but he snatched it away this time picking it up and holding it over his head. He was such a show-off. My suitcase easily weighed fifty pounds and here he was, holding it over his head as if were a hat.
"Dad, come on!" I whined.
He shook his head. "What's wrong?"
I crossed my arms over my chest. "This is not fair."
He rolled his eyes, setting the suitcase down, he pushed it toward me. I smiled, as I collected it in my grip. A mischievous grin overtook his face. "You can have the suitcase, but where are you going to put it without a house key?" He pulled out the keys from his back pocket, dangling them in my face so they jingled.
I reached for them, but he ripped them away from my face and threw them up in the air, catching them above my head.
"You're a child."
"Who's your daddy?" He teased, shoving me a bit before taking off toward the house. He was the most annoying person I knew but that's how my dad was whenever he wanted to cheer me up. He was constantly up my ass, hugging me and shoving me. Buying me ice cream to stop me from crying.
He tried to bribe me with one thousand dollars on the car ride home to try to get me to talk to him but I just couldn't get it out. I didn't want him to hate Slater. I didn't want Slater to hate me if I told him. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't.
As I dragged my suitcase up to the front door that was left open for me, I heard the living room television blasting with volume as I kicked the suitcase in the doorway.
"Throw the fucking ball, Slater. Fucking throw the ball!" Dad was yelling. I winced as I pulled my shoes off, losing the socks inside of them. I walked into the kitchen, washing my hands before pulling out a bottle of water.
"Motherfucker! Interception after interception after interception! Who the hell is he throwing to? Up, down, everywhere– Sage, your brother is throwing as if he were a bird shitting!" He roared at the television, and at me.
I whistled awkwardly as I entered the room.
"Maybe it's a good thing that you aren't at the game, dad," I said to him as I walked over to one of the couches, collapsing in it. My phone vibrated in my pocket, it had been vibrating all morning. Rory and Slater had been non-stop blowing up my phone.
Blaise had called me once but Dad was singing Elvis so loudly in the car that I couldn't answer– or at least that was what I was blaming it on. Truth is, I had a lot to think about. A five-hour car ride allowed me to place my head on the window and feel it rattle my brain.
Although it made me feel numb, my mind was not immune to the fact of the matter. Blaise had made a mistake. A huge mistake. Was I willing to move past that mistake? The mistake that ruined two years of my life. A mistake that made my insides shatter whole?
I was wrestling with my phone to pull it out of my pocket whenever dad's phone rang. He picked it up, putting it on speaker. "Talk to me." He ordered.
"I think he's gonna pull him. His shoulders have been pretty bad today, Uncle Matti." My eyebrows raised as I stared at my dad in curiosity. Leighton called him– about Slater's shoulder? Wait– Reese was about to pull Slater from the game.
What happened to Slater's shoulder?
Dad sighed, placing his head in his hands. On the screen, I watched as Slater got sacked, so roughly that it took him a minute for him to stand up. I winced. In the background of dad's cell phone, you could hear the crowd going wild.
"I'm gonna have to call you back. I'm up in the box with the offensive coordinator, I'll let you know what's going on Uncle Matti." And just like that, the phone line was dead and the game cut to a commercial break.
Dad cleared his throat, sitting back against the couch with his arms above his head.
"Do you want to talk?" I asked.
He shook his head. "Oh no. I'm fine. It's fine. Everything is marvelous, SageyWaygey."
I sighed, sitting back. "Truth for a truth?" I asked.
He raised one eyebrow before nodding.
"You start." He said.
I didn't know what the best way of putting this was but I just knew I had to come out and say it.
"I walked in on Slater and Rory yesterday."
Dad's face went red as his mouth opened in shock. I nodded, sipping at my water bottle as he tried to calculate my words.
"Your turn," I said.
He shrugged, shuffling on the couch. "This stays between you and me? Okay? Your mother doesn't know." He leans forward, sticking out his pinky. I lean forward, wrapping my tiny pinky around his.
"Your brother has had a torn rotator cuff since his junior year of high school. Over the summer the little shit snuck off and had a surgery that botched his arm. He hid it from us– remember how he said he went to California to Monty's with Leighton? Nope. He and Leigh went to New York, and he got a botched rotator cuff surgery. His arm is so fucked up right now that he needs another surgery."
My mouth dropped open.
What?
"The only reason I know this is because Leighton spilled the beans whenever he saw Slater struggling to even brush his teeth. But, after what you have told me, he's good to go for other extracurricular activities."
Oh god.
Slater has been knowingly playing football even though his arm is fucked. Who the hell would play a sport that long– and ignore that kind of pain? Why would he do that to himself?
But the little voice inside of the back of my head is screaming 'He was insecure that his spot was going to be stolen.
"Do you want a beer? I need a beer." Dad mutters, standing up and walking toward the kitchen. I sat alone letting his words sink in. This whole situation is so fucked up and frustrating. My head is moving a million hours per minute. Who do I forgive? Do I forgive? Should I even be considering being forgiving? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
My feet started to anxiously tap against the floor as I waited for him to come back into the room. The picture of Blaise on his knees, bawling against me last night fluttered around as a vision in my head. He was heartbroken to have left me and I get that he felt like he had no choice. But, he did have a choice. A choice not to tell me. He could've left and still told me.
"I mean, I get it. The little shit wants to be great at football like I was. But I have never encouraged him to throw away his body like that. He is just ridiculous right now. I can't believe he would even think it would be okay. He was seventeen when he got the surgery! Seventeen! How am I going to tell your mother?" Dad exclaimed.
He walked back into the living room, taking sips of the beer in his hands as he plopped back down into his seat. The game was still on commercial break.
"So, is that all that bothered you? Or is there more and you don't want to tell me."
I looked at him.
He looked back at me.
I narrowed my eyes.
He narrowed his.
"Dad."
"Come on kid, tell me. I'm a walking encyclopedia Britannica. I know all the answers." I rolled my eyes. Of course, he would say something like that. He and Stella sounded exactly alike.
"Fine, but you can't say anything until I do something about it. Promise?" He nodded, crossing his heart and swearing to die. Sighing loudly, I got comfy on the couch before opening my mouth.
"I was topless in the airplane bathroom and Blaise was there then Slater walked in. When Slater walked in, I hid in the toilet. Slater didn't know I was there and he decided to announce that he was the reason why Blaise left."
Dad's eyes furrowed before he spits out his beer all over the coffee table in front of him.
"Dad! What the hell!" I cried.
He sat, beer running down the front of his chin, drenching his shirt.
"Why were you topless in a bathroom– and alone with a boy! And Blaise left because of Slater? What the fuck is going on!" Dad yelled.
I stood up, running to the kitchen to grab paper towels. I ripped them from the roll, tossing them to him to wipe his face. He wiped up the coffee table afterward. "Well?" He asked.
I sighed. "Ellie spilled her wine on me and I couldn't get it out of my shirt, I didn't know Blaise was in the bathroom." Okay, I might be lying. I did know after the fact that he told me he was in the bathroom.
"Sage, you're going to give me a heart attack or even worse– wrinkles!" He shook his head. "Just give me a minute okay? Give me a minute to process everything and then we'll revisit this. I need to go change my shirt." He said, standing up and walking out of the room.
I briefly cleaned the coffee table, my eyes watching the television as we were on the defense now. There's no chance that my uncle would take out my brother. No chance at all, my brother was the only decent quarterback that they had.
I threw away the paper towels as I heard footsteps from down the hallway.
"Okay, let's sit in the kitchen and talk. I don't want to be distracted by the television." He suggested. I nodded, taking a seat at one of the bar stools that sat underneath the granite countertop. He however stood across from me, gripping the counter as he waited for me to explain.
"I'm serious, you can't even tell Blake. I don't know if he knows or what." Dad shook his head.
"He doesn't. I'm telling you he doesn't and if he did, he would've slapped both Slater and Blaise upside the head." Right.
"From what Blaise told me, he read his mom's journals. In those journals, there were messages about how all of you guys used to fight. Well, um– so– I don't know if you know this but apparently, Reese wanted Blaise to play quarterback, not Slater."
Dad chuckled, nodding. "Yes, and Reese even came to me to ask for advice about that. I'm not stupid and neither is Reese."
"Right but in Blaise's mind, becoming quarterback was not an option but leaving was. He didn't want to start a fight, he didn't want to deal with the drama or be the cause of it, so he left trying to keep the peace."
"But you weren't at peace," Dad argued.
"I know. I fucking know."
"Jesus, does Blaise think with the wrong head?" He muttered to himself.
I placed my head in my hands.
"The kid has everything he could've ever wanted. I mean, the one thing he couldn't have was you! And I let him have as much as I wanted to share! Then he leaves and breaks your heart all because of some stupid communication? Dumb, dumb, that's so dumb." Dad walks around the counter and sits next to me.
"I can't believe that Slater knew this entire time though, dad." I was beyond upset at that fact. Never in a million years would I have thought that my brother, the one who I cried to every night would be the one who knew the reason behind why I was crying. He could've at any point just came out and confessed. He could've told me.
And grandpa? Grandpa knew too! He probably doesn't anymore, but hell– he knew too!
"We were all super childish growing up. Then we all settled down and got married, and we had kids. All of the drama we had died out, Sage. I think Blaise just takes everything to heart because Blake is always so open about emotions. I mean, where do you wish to go from here?"
I shrugged because truly I did not know where I wanted to go. The only thing that I did know is that if Slater ever wanted to have a sibling relationship with me again, he would have to spend days explaining his side of the story– including this torn roster cuff surgery that I was just now hearing about.
How could he keep that from me? I thought within these two years we had grown extremely close. I mean, up each other's ass close. Slater and I did everything together and we told each other everything. Essentially, he became my replacement Blaise– which is exactly what Blaise wanted.
I could get over the fact that he slept with Rory. I could. I'm not that petty because I get it– it's the same way that I flirt with Drew and it's the same way that I was with Blaise. But, I can't get over him hiding shit from me when I have always been crystal clear with him!
"Let me give you some advice." I mentally rolled my eyes.
Oh, here we go...
"If you're thinking about forgiving him go hang out with him as if there was nothing to forgive him for. If he acts like nothing went wrong, then don't forgive him. If he acts like he did everything wrong, then forgive him. Having a guy who knows he's done wrong and is aware of what he has done wrong is important, Sage. Trust me, learn from me."
I'm surprised he didn't pull out a mirror and start making out with himself. That's usually how his advice episodes go.
"But, I also know as your father, nobody hurts my million-dollar baby." He leaned forward, punching my shoulder slightly.
I held back a chuckle as he flashed a smile at me. "Come on, Sage. I know you wanna smile. Smile." I brought my middle finger up to my lips and pretended to trace a smile on my lips while flipping him off.
He laughed loudly, shaking his head. "Listen to me though, Sage. I'm not the best at giving relationship advice okay? I mean, I think everyone knows that I am not the best at relationships, however, what I am good at is being a good dad and an even better friend. What I can tell you is that I wished I would have spent more time with your mom smiling in the earlier stages of our relationship than arguing. Take every moment with Blaise that you can but remember what I said; watch how he acts if you don't react."
If my mom were here she would've found an award and given it to him. Wow, that was an Oscar-worthy speech. I mean, I wonder how long he had been waiting to pull that one out of his ass. What he said did make sense but I still didn't want to admit that. His head would swell up to be the size of an extra large water balloon ready to pop once you put the right pressure on it.
"So what do you say kiddo, you gonna give it a chance?" I huffed out a breath, leaning toward him and hugging him. He hesitated before wrapping his arms around me. "Don't start crying because I don't deal with tears. If I see one tear I'm going back to Michigan to kick that kid's head into a soccer goalpost."
I had a small number of tears that escaped my eyes as I hugged my dad's body for comfort. I wiped them quickly before he noticed. I never hugged him anymore. I didn't like to be touched and I could tell by the look on his face after I pulled away from the hug, he really needed it.
"You good?" He asks.
I nod. "Yeah, I just need to go think about a lot of stuff. Did Penn State win?" I asked.
He scoffs and then teases me. "I don't have eyes on the back of my head, worm."
"Right, dad." RIght.
I slowly stood up, motioning toward my bedroom upstairs. He nodded. "Go get some rest kiddo. Your secrets are safe with me."
I smiled at him, "Love you, dad."
To which he blew me a kiss and waited for me to 'catch it.
I climbed up the stairs and walking to my bedroom which was bare besides the few things I had left behind. It was nice going to college close because it wasn't like I was moving my entire life across the country.
I peeled off my socks, scrunching my toes on my carpet before walking over to my bookshelf. Of course, most of my journals were in my dorm, I had always left a few here from before. I had always written, doodling down all the little thoughts that had appeared in my head.
I remember when my brother had a sleepover he took my journal which was titled "Sage Beck-Day". My dad snatched it out of my brother's hands so quickly when he overheard my brother giggling about it with Leighton in front of their football team.
That's when I was finally allowed to go and stay the night at Blaise's house whenever I wanted. I was never able to be myself at home while Slater had friends over, even if they were my cousins. There was nobody for me like Blaise.
And it's always been that way.
I gripped my journal from sixth grade, pulling it out. I didn't write that much back then, I just mainly scrapbooked. I had so many pictures. Blaise's favorite picture of us was at Aunt Finn's lakehouse, while my favorite picture of us always changed.
I was always in the Beck-Day's family holiday photo. I mean, always. They had always bought me an extra set of matching pajamas so I could be in their photo. It was a tradition at this point. However, when he left they stopped doing family photos, they stopped celebrating holidays here, and they just were never in the spirit of doing anything.
My favorite photo of us changed, but I always kept a few different ones around my room. I had a matching picture of us at Aunt Finn's. But if I had to say, my favorite photo would be of us at Mitch and Maisy's wedding.
It was the same year that we had met. It was in the middle of summer, in a field, and he was freaking out about the mosquitoes. However, we danced together. My mom took a picture of it. Sometimes when I missed him I would think back to that night.
He never did get to take me to a school dance.
I frowned, shutting the book and putting it back. Or attempting to. I tried to push the journal back into the bookcase but it would just pop out. I furrowed my eyebrows before pulling away the book.
I reached my hand in and froze when I pulled out a bag.
Not just any bag.
A bag of dirt.
A smile crept onto my face as I slowly remembered my reaction to receiving it. It was the dirt from the playground underneath the tree. That little shit...
I chuckled as I set the dirt on my desk. I stared down at it, hovering over it. It was dry and it was old. But it could be revived. It could live again. Hell, I could mix it with some soil to grow something.
Do I want to start growing things again?
I closed my eyes slowly.
Did I want to subject myself to something like Blaise and I again?
I stood up straight, walked away from the dirt, and headed toward the bathroom. I quickly washed my face and then got ready for bed.
If I forgive him, then I feel like I'm not holding my ground.
But if I don't forgive him, then I can't say that I didn't at least try.
But if I try– maybe things won't be bad. Maybe he is telling the truth. Maybe he really is sorry. Maybe he deserves a second chance.
I stayed secluded at my house for the rest of the weekend. I didn't feel like facing reality yet, but today I inevitably had to. I stayed away from the campus even though everyone returned yesterday night. My brother and his teammates had won the game, shockingly.
My mom returned home right after they had a welcome home parade all through the town. Before I went to bed, I replayed the same look she gave me as she walked into my room, seeing me stare out my window and watch as everyone cheered my brother on.
Her face was a state of pity and sadness.
"Girlfriend, you left me there with all of those sweaty boys. I mean, Sloane was there, but she's not any better." I laughed loudly.
Her face became serious. "What happened? I heard something happened on a plane." She asked.
My eyebrows raised. "Who told you about the plane?"
"Your brother."
Oh, so he fessed to my mother about the plane even though he begged me not to rat him out to mom and dad?
"And Ellie. She said she left a nasty wine stain on your shirt. Do you have it so I can try to get it out?" She asked.
I shook my head. "No– it's okay. Blaise gave me his–"
Her face was bright and smiling. "Blaise, huh?" She teased.
I rolled my eyes. "No. It's not like that. I promise it's not like that. Actually, the reason I left was because of Blaise so I promise it's not like that." She frowned.
"What happened baby?" She asked, sitting next to me on the window seat that I had. I shrugged.
"I walked in on Slater fucking Rory."
Her mouth dropped open. Her eyebrows raised and then fell. She sucked in a deep breath of air, closing her eyebrows and then shaking her head. "I'm going to kill him." She whispered.
I chuckled. "Don't worry mom. I bet he already is hating himself enough as it is. We are fighting." I said.
She brushed a piece of hair out of my face. "What happened between you and Blaise, talk to me."
Shrugging I answered, "Can we talk about it tomorrow? I think I just need to sleep it off– it's Sunday, tomorrow starts a new week and I just need to sleep it off and try to forget."
She pursed her lips before nodding in agreement. "Deal. But before you go to bed, I just wanted to make sure you knew that I'm here. And you don't have to forgive him, Sage. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Do not let anyone pressure you into forgiving him. You do it on your own terms." Right.
"Thanks, mom." She leaned in, kissing my forehead before standing up.
"I love you, Veda."
"Love you too." I stood up walked over to my bed and curled up.
When I woke up on Monday, I woke up on a mission. I had Dad drop me off at campus early. It was a Monday anyways, he was going to see Grandpa and eat breakfast with him anyways. I had to sneak into my dorm to steal clothes without Rory catching me in the act. However since it was Monday, I knew I should have enough time to sneak in here and grab my clothes before she gets back from her pilates and hot yoga class.
I quickly grabbed an outfit and changed before collecting my stuff again. I knew who I had to talk to and if I wanted to make it on time to art class, I had to go now. As I opened the door, I smacked into a body.
And a bunch of roses.
A set of hands steady me. "Sage? You okay?" Slater's voice was heard.
I stared at the roses. Then I stared at him.
Then I stared at the roses again.
And then I stared at him.
I scoffed.
"I hope you have as much fun as an asshole and a toilet paper roll after a meal at Taco bell," I muttered pushing past him. I walked quickly down the hallway.
"No, no. Don't be annoying. These are for you. I have another vase of them for Aurora back at my place."
I laughed. "What? Are you going to give them to her later tonight when you're inside of her?" I mocked.
He sighed. "Sage, come on. I'm happy and I want you to be happy. How was I supposed to know that Blaise was going to make the decisions he did? Just think really hard about this. Yes, I should've given up my spot. But in the long haul, I never knew he was going to run away. You have every right to be pissed about the Rory thing–"
"Thing?! She and you aren't just a thing. You shouldn't treat hookups like things, especially not my roommate and friend. That's a whole can of worms as per usual I'd have to deal with the mess."
"Just think about it, Sage. I love you. I'm going to leave these roses by the door. I just wanted to show you that I love you and I'm sorry about the Rory thing and I'm sorry about the Blaise thing too even though you shouldn't be mad at me for Blaise deciding for everyone else."
I walked out of my dormitory, not wanting to hear another word. I was running across campus to make it in time to Ellie's office before I had to go to art class. It was slowly raining outside, but it was very overcast. The sky was gloomy and the leaves that had fallen were sad, wet, lonely, and sticking to the ground.
As I reached the library, I quickly scanned my card before dashing to Ellie's office. Her door was wide open. I knocked on the door, causing her to jump before turning to see me. A small smile appeared on her face.
"Hey, cutie." She said,
But then she saw my face and got serious. "What is it?"
I shook my head. "Quick. In the sum of every romance book you've ever read, how does the girl get over the guy leaving her."
She froze before opening her mouth.
"Bella nearly died then Edward thought she died. So then Edward tried to die."
I furrowed my eyebrows. "Ellie– get real. Not everything relates to Twilight."
She nodded. "Yes, it does. Now listen to me. If you are thinking of forgiving him just know you don't have to but if you do, make him work for it. Young love is heart-aching, heart-shattering, and heartwarming. You deserve the best. If he doesn't give you the best, get up and leave. Don't let him make a fool of you twice. Sometimes they need to make a fool of you once so that way you can make a fool of them. Trust me."
Right.
Okay.
A knock was heard behind me on the door. I turned my head.
And my heart caught in my throat. He stood there with a hood over his head and a small smile on his face that didn't meet his eyes. "Hey, I saw you walk into the library. I thought we could walk to class together."
I nodded but quickly turned back to Ellie, she was smiling from ear to ear.
"I'll wait out here," Blaise said.
"He follows you around like a lovesick puppy and he has since he was eight!" She mouthed. I rolled my eyes before waving goodbye to her. She blew me a kiss before pointing to her temple. Right. Stick to my guns.
I walked out of the office, he was leaning against a door. As he saw me, he put his phone in his pocket and stood up straight, his height towering over the top of me. Phew. He looks like the entire romance section threw up on him.
"Ready?" He asked.
I nodded.
As we headed toward the library doors he tried to open it for me. He pulled on the door a few times and it wouldn't open. When he finally pushed the door and it did, he turned around to face me, his face red as he held it open for me.
I pointed at the sign next to the door that says 'Push door'.
He sheepishly grinned. "English isn't my first language, remember?" He teased me.
I slowly and softly exhaled as I remembered my dad's words. I had to watch how Blaise interacted with me today. I just had to put things aside and observe.
The rain wasn't even falling enough for an umbrella but people around campus were carrying them. He whistled awkwardly, "Do you want me to go grab you an umbrella?" He asked.
I shook my head.
He nodded as we stepped over a large puddle.
"Right, you like being wet. I forgot."
I snorted. I looked up to face him but he wasn't looking at me, he was grimacing and his face was red.
"That came out wrong. You know I didn't mean it that way. I just meant that you like getting wet."
He stared at me after speaking but my eyebrows raised as we walked up a set of stairs.
He cursed under his breath. "No, I meant that you like the rain not just because it's wet but because it connects you to earth and you like having the soil fertilized."
I nodded, still not speaking.
"When I mean soil fertilization I mean like the ground and water. I don't mean egg and sperm." He clarified. That's when I let out a giggle at his nervousness.
As we reached the art building, I still hadn't really spoken to him. I just minded my own and walked. I avoided stepping in puddles and he avoided pulling open doors that were meant to push.
Our shoes squeaked as we walked down the hallway.
As we reached the classroom, a group of students hovered around the whiteboard. In big marker, it was written. "Emergency, class canceled. I couldn't send an email. I'm sorry. Your work for the day is to draw your partner with a blindfold on. Submit it by tonight."
My breathing picked up as I stared up at the guy who broke my heart. My partner.
And now apparently the person who was going to blindfold me. And I was going to blindfold him.
Hey besties!
Another update coming to you before or at 11:59 :) love u all xoxo THIS CHAPTER WAS SO LONG!
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