“What would you say if I told you I found you a date for my engagement party?” Anne tries to air the question as casually as possible, because she can already guess the reaction she’s going to receive.
“I wouldn’t say anythin’, I would just let V eat Dan.” Eddie drawls out just a casually without missing a beat.
See? Anne huffs.
“And I would say no, Annie!” Venom exclaims, sounds absurdly proud of himself.
“Thank you, VV!” Anne chirps, knows he can hear her through Eddie anyway.
“Fuckin’ suck-up.” Eddie mutters, glares when he has the audacity to stick his big ass lizard tongue out at her, like a damn child.
“Come on, he’s really sweet and kind. His name is Charlie. He’s a lawyer –“
Eddie scoffs. “Kind and a lawyer? No such thing.”
Anne pauses before gritting out, “I’m a lawyer.”
“Yeah, but your parents are hippies, so that’s where you get your streak of awesomeness from. I really don't know why you hate them so much.” Eddie smirks when she hears her best friend scoffs. “Remember how not happy they were when you told them you wanted to become a lawyer?”
“Great. So, I’ll tell Charlie you’re more than up for it. I mean, I already told him you’d probably have sex with him. Have you even had sex since Venom first attached himself to you? Or is there a whole other topic we need to discuss?” Anne chirps, and Eddie is glaring at the TV and trying not to grip her phone too tightly (and break yet another.)
“Eddie doesn’t need a date. She has me.” Venom chirps happily, grinning down at her.
Eddie arches a brow up at him as Anne chuckles and says, “OK, but you’re missing out on the whole threesome thing, VV.”
“You didn’t seriously tell a guy I’ve never even met that I put out so easily, did you? That’s so pathetic... for me.” Eddie grumbles, sinks further into the couch and yanks her robe over her face.
Anne laughs. “You are pathetic, Eds.” She teases, though, her tone is more than fond.
“Don’t worry, Eddie, I make you less pathetic.”
Bless his stupid alien soul for sounding like he genuinely wants to stick up for her, but – “Yeah, that’s not really a compliment, V... but thanks.” Eddie looks up at him, grumbles her thanks somewhat begrudgingly (guiltily) when he gives her that annoyingly dopey disappointed look of his (he really has grown more expressive since he’s been “attached” to her.)
“Well, he’s not wrong, but you don’t have to worry, I obviously didn’t tell the guy that. I barely know him myself. He only moved here from Seattle a couple of weeks ago.” Anne explains, then huffs and says, “I didn’t even mention you, actually, so relax.”
“Look, to be honest, since V first popped his head outta my ass –“ Eddie bites back a smirk when Anne chuckles and she sees Venom’s eyes narrow at her from the corner of her eye. ”– I haven’t really been into the whole datin’ thing anyway.”
Anne pauses in thought before causally asking, “Is that because you and Venom are dating, or –“
“Yes.” Venom happily chirps out.
“I knew it.” Anne scoffs out.
Eddie rolls her eyes at his dopey-ass grin, but has to bite back a fond smile as she says, “You don’t even know what datin’ really is.”
“You take me out. I cook for you.”
Anne laughs. “What about sex, VV? Do you give it to her good?”
“Oh. My. God.” Eddie mutters, eyes closing as she slowly loses the will to live.
“Of course!”
“No, he does not!” Eddie snips, glares at him as she tells him, “Do not encourage her bullshit!”
“Fine!” Venom snips back, and Eddie almost laughs at the strange pout the alien pulls.
“So, he doesn’t give to you good?” Anne teases.
Eddie rolls her eyes, unfortunately used to this shit, but thankfully because of that, no longer even blushes anymore. “I think maybe I need to have a word with my future brother-in-law. He’s clearly not sexually satisfying you, Annie.” She smirks up at Venom as she adds, “We can’t have that, can we, V?”
“No, we cannot!” Venom exclaims, then, quickly adds, “But I’m still not eating him.”
Eddie rolls her eyes again, wonders whose goddamn side he’s even on half the time.
Anne lets out a bored scoff, clearly unimpressed with her friend’s attempt to turn the tables on her. “OK, y’know what? I only called, because I care about your non existent sex life. But if you’re gonna be the miserably cocky bitch you usually are, then, fine, have it your way.”
“Thank you.” Eddie grins, basks in her little victory.
“And VV, you know that Dan loves you and you know that I adore you, but, um, maybe just keep yourself hidden until the guests leave? I promise, when they leave, you can come out and we can carry on the party with just the four of us, OK?”
Eddie smiles as she watches him scowl as he thinks it over. She loves Anne like her sister, knows how kind and passionate the woman has always been (seriously, how is she a lawyer?) And she especially loves how sweetly she deals with Venom, even if she’s sometimes a little jealous of their argument-free bond.
“Will there be chocolate and tater tots?” Venom finally asks, staring down into Eddie’s phone, the tiny photo of Annie’s pretty face lighting up the tiny screen.
“I’ll make sure there’s enough just for you, don’t you worry about that.”
“Alright!!”
Anne chuckles over hearing his adorably cheerful tone. “OK, good. No offence, but I don’t need Dan’s grandmother having a heart attack.”
Eddie bites back a chuckle. “Yeah, no promises.”
“What’re you doing?” Anne asks, tone somewhere between serious and disbelieving. “You know not to test me on the wedding stuff.”
“My bad.” Eddie chuckles.
“Oh, it will be your bad if you don’t show up on Thursday. I will find Venom a nice new home before I come back to your house and gut you.”
“In that scenario, am I just waitin’ in my apartment for you to come back and gut me, or –“
“Edith Jane Brock!”
“Fuckin’... Christ on a cracker...” Eddie winces, is glad the phone is on loud speaker and not pressed to their poor ears. "O-K!" She snaps back, glares down at the photo of her so-called sister-friend.
Anne sighs loudly, sounds tired, and Eddie just feels bad now.
“I’m sorry, Annie. Do you need us to do anythin’?”
“Just show up on Thursday... and my wedding day.” Anne says, sighs again and adds, “But thanks. I’ll call you tomorrow night when I get home.”
“Night.”
“Night, Eds.”
“Goodnight, Annie!”
Anne chuckles quietly. “Goodnight, VV.”
“What if we had a real date?”
“S’cuse me?” Eddie mumbles, arches a brow, locks her phone and slides in onto the table. “You askin’ me out on a date, V?”
“And WHY is that so funny?!” Venom snips, scowls back at her.
“It’s not funny, it’s sweet.” Eddie fails miserably to bite back a smirk when his eyes slowly narrow at her. “OK, it’s a little bit funny.” She chuckles when he scoffs and spirals quickly back into her without warning. “Oh, come on! You’re not seriously gonna sulk over that?” She sighs when she only receives silence. “I didn’t say no...” She coos, bites back another smile when he slowly seeps back out of her legs resting upon the other end of the couch.
“Then, what was so funny?”
Eddie doesn’t tease him this time, mainly because the unusually small and unsure voice coming from him startles her back into feeling guilty again. “I was just teasin’... The bigger they are, the more sensitive.”
Venom narrows his eyes at her as he mumbles snootily, “I am nothing like the Hulk.”
“Funny that you knew who I was talkin’ about without rootin’ through my brain.” Eddie can’t help grinning. “OK, I’ll go on a date with you.”
“You will?” Venom’s eyes widen slightly with excitement.
Eddie chuckles, nods. “How’s it gonna be any different to our cosy couch dates? Or when I let you eat people?”
Venom knows she’s teasing him, but he’s too thrilled to care this time. “I have some ideas... well, two... two ideas...”
“Oh, yeah?” Eddie smiles with amusement when he eagerly nods. “OK, well, run ‘em by me now, bud.”
“Well, I was thinking, I could jump into someone for the night –“
“Uh...”
“With their consent!”
Eddie holds her hands up in defence. “Just checkin’.” She huffs, then, tells him, “Also, uh, no.”
“Wh –“ Venom feels the flood of resentment, mixed with nerves and a little fear. “I would never leave you again, Eddie. I meant what I said. I can keep you alive for centuries. Any cells that die in your body, I can just replace with my own, over and over again, until there’s nothing left of us both.”
Eddie blinks, feels slightly amazed, because – “Wow... that is both the most beautiful and depressin’ thing anybody has ever said to me.”
“I do have one other thing I was thinking of...” Venom says after a few comfortable moments of silence.
Eddie shoots him a curious look, hears the slightly nervous edge to his deep bone-rumbling voice. Her eyes widen then as the black mass under his floating head suddenly morphs into a large humanoid form. “Holy shit...” She whispers, slightly shocked and... ugh! She’s only ever seen this large hulking figure in her reflections, still kind of feels like she's doing just that. “I didn’t know you could do that.” She says, slowly sitting up and rising to her feet. “Holy shit.” She chuckles as she cranes her neck to look up at him. “You really are one big scary bastard, V.”
Venom grins down at her. “This is a newly learned... skill.”
Eddie frowns. “Does it, like, I dunno, take a lot of energy, or whatever? I mean... you’re not in pain... right?” Like she told Peter, she knows how damn comic books work. And her damn life has been one big comic book since Venom came crashing into it... not that she would change any of that, of course.
“No. I can stay like this for as long as you wish, Eddie.”
Eddie knows she’s blushing, but she glares pathetically up at his stupid cheesy grin anyway. “OK, well, not a second longer, if you’re gonna give me this kinda attitude.”
Venom bows his head as he says, “As my fair lady wishes.” He doesn’t give her time to respond before he’s shrinking back into her altogether.
Eddie nods to herself, shoots the stupid TV screen a withering glare as she mutters, “Fuckin’ tease.”
‘I heard that.’ Venom laughs, sounds utterly gleeful.
“I said, ‘fuckin’ dick cheese!’” Eddie snaps, doesn’t know why she bothers lying.
‘I don’t know why you bother, either, Eddie.’