𝔹𝕠𝕝𝕥 [𝚒𝚣𝚞𝚔𝚞 𝚡 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛]

Chapter 142

your blazer moved slightly with the way of the wind. the cool air hit your skin and brushed your hair out your way as you walked with the boys to the funeral sight. the building was a couple steps away.

'it's okay. you can do this.' you constantly told yourself after every deep breath you took. in the distance you saw endeavor waiting for you at the door, and he watched you four closely. you played with the cuffs to your blazer before fixing your glasses, shoto grabbed the front parts to his blazer and slightly tugged on them to make sure they were even, izuku straightened his tie, and katsuki ran a hand through his hair whilst fixing his right ear piercing.

the sound of your heels against the concrete got louder and louder until finally, you four were standing in front of endeavor. "nice, coordinated, put together outfits. you not only represent endeavor's agency well, but you represent yourselves well. good job, young heroes." none of you said a word to his gruff voice, and that made endeavor clear his throat and turn around. "come on."

the inside of the building was small. there were bathrooms off to the side and a seating area with a small kitchen. your heels were muffled against the sound of the carpet. the room was lit in a yellow dim. you could feel your nerves growing with every step you took, your body slightly shivering like you were freezing despite the room being warm. goosebumps went on to cover your covered arms as you neared closer and closer to the glass double doors to outside where the funeral would take place.

"you can go on and pay your respects to satoshi. i doubt you'll need adult supervision." endeavor said as he opened the door for you four. you could feel the boys' aura's drop at the sight of outside. your dad's casket was visible, and with a couple more steps, so would his corpse. "but before that. rai, a word, please."

you hummed and looked back at the number one hero. the door was still open, courtesy of him standing in front of it. the boys looked at him then at you, searching for directions on what to do. you just gave them a nod. "i'll be right back."

shoto narrowed his eyes at his dad suspiciously as you walked back into the building. thoughts of what he could want with you swarmed all of their minds, but they oughta ask you later.

inside the room was you, endeavor, staff and other heroes apart of his agency. they could be seen outside and on the far other end of the room. but none were within earshot, and that seemed to be good enough for the hero. "i know this isn't easy for you, but as an adult and your mentor, i would like to let you know that i am here for you, rai."

you were in slight shock at his words. there didn't seem to be any lie or other intent behind his words, so you just rubbed your neck and looked away. "i.. don't really know what to say other than thanks. and i'm glad that you weren't in too fatal condition as you're discharged already."

he nodded at your words, his eyes not leaving you once. "i know it doesn't mean a lot coming from someone like me.." his words grew fainter, thoughts of his abusive behavior towards his family creeping up on him like a shadow. "but i'm trying to change for shoto. be someone he can like as a mentor and a dad, so i feel like i should also be someone like that to you, or deku or bakugo."

shoto and i are friends now. and friends tell each other things.

your eyebrows furrowed as you looked up at him. "so that's the only reason you're saying this? to get on shoto's good side?"

"don't take it that way. with shoto out the picture, we haven't had the best interactions, and i want to atone and change for that as i am the adult. and as your dad's partner, i feel like i owe you a sincere apology for being unable to protect him."

your eyes widened. he was being genuine, that you could tell. the thought of your dad made you dip your head. "don't.. don't talk like it was your fault alright." you muttered, shoulders already shaking. "when shoto first told me about your attempts to change, i told him there was nothing you could say or do to gain his respect."

your words stung endeavor, but he knew you were right. "thank you, rai, for being someone shoto can lean on because i couldn't. be someone he can tell his problems to and rely on you to help him. that's something i've failed to do..." his blue eyes casted on the ground in solemn. "so you have my respect. you're a very important person in his life, and one day, i too hope to become someone important in his life."

i trust him to look after you, something i failed to do.

"i'm not shoto, so there's not much you owe me," you looked up at him. his eyes widened at your words as you two made eye contact, but you just gave him a small smile. "and for that, i appreciate your words, and i don't doubt you'll eventually get what you want with shoto. i know you'll wait as long as you need to."

he nodded. "anything for my family."

"that's all it takes to gain my respect."

the tiniest smile graced endeavor's lips and he let go of your shoulder. "they're waiting out there for you. i know what you're about to see isn't gonna be easy, but you're a strong person."

"yeah." you turned your back to him. "i'll be alright, thanks."

you left him behind as you got to the door and opened it. immediately izuku, katsuki, and shoto stood up from the seats outside and swarmed you. "what did my old man want. nothing stupid, right?" shoto asked with a scowl on his face.

but you shook your head. "i'm alright. did you guys see him yet?"

there was no one at his casket when you looked at it. there were white pillars surrounding the small space where he was placed, as well as some chairs and a podium with a mic. down the two tiny steps were more chairs facing towards the casket.

"we were waiting for you." izuku responded. "whenever you're ready."

you took a deep breath, feeling your throat clench already, but you ignored it. "if i didn't do it now, i don't think i ever will." your heart was beating faster and faster with each step you took to his casket. you didn't know what to expect, but maybe that was good. just the thought of a loved one in such a state is sickening.

you heard the boys behind you as you four walked up the small steps and towards the casket. it was a dark cedar wood, and opened halfway, letting you see the upper-half of your dad. all sounds near you seemed to cease as you did. it felt like you had a pause button pressed on you the moment you took him in. you couldn't do anything but stare.

izuku brought his clenched fist up to his mouth and gnawed on it as he stared at your dad. his eyes were closed and his skin was scarily pale. he was so still and stiff he could've sworn he was hallucinating. he'd never seen anything like it. there was no rise and fall of his chest no matter how long he stared, and that really set the realization into izuku. there was a huge dip his neck, albeit covered by skin. proxy skin, probably, to cover up the cause of his death. he was dressed in an all black tuxedo with a black dress shirt underneath. but what struck izuku was the fact that he was wearing the same light blue tie that you were.

speaking of you, shoto side-eyed you to study your face. you stared down at your dad with more of a demanding look than anything. your mouth was slightly parted, and he could hear quiet but rushed breaths. your eyes were darting all around your dad like you were some type of robot analyzing a usb drive for data, it didn't take long for tears to flood your eyes.

and that made katsuki place his hand on your upper back. he watched your tightly clenched fists shake at your sides. you drew blood from your bottom lip as it quivered. with a shaky inhale through your nose you clutched your eyes shut and slightly dipped your head. his hand softly drew circles on your back.

'wake up. it looks like you're just sleeping.' you asked over and over again. 'you'll wake up. it looks like you're about to wake up.' you felt a hand on your shoulder, back, and wrist, but you couldn't tell who was who. flashbacks of that rainy day struck your mind like your own lightning. it pierced your heart and made it hurt to move. you saw him on the verge of death, and even when he died in your arms, so why did seeing him like this hurt more than that?

your vision was blurred by your tears as you opened them and stared at your dad again. he just looked like he was peacefully sleeping, why did that sleep have to be for eternity?! why couldn't he just wake up? he looked like he was going to. all you could tell yourself was to ask of him to wake up. sure he never really did what you asked of him, but you were hoping that one time wouldn't be too much of a bother.

"y/n..." izuku whispered in a heartbroken tone. it was then that you felt his thumb rub your wrist as his hand was holding it for comfort. all three boys watched your shoulders rise and fall quickly with each sob that left your mouth. they were short, a result of you trying to conceal your emotions.

"it's-" your head fell, hair covering your eyes. "it's okay."

they could only exchange looks to one another. satoshi wasn't even their dad and they could feel themselves repenting away from staring at his corpse any longer. they were bound to shed a tear or two, even katsuki who was sure he'd end up spilling some when the time came to bury him.

suddenly a looming presence came from behind you, but you didn't bat an eye. "i know it's hard for you kids." endeavor's voice reached your ears. "there's plenty of adults around, if that's any sort of helpful."

he placed a hand on shoto and katsuki's shoulder whilst staring down at you. they lingered for a moment before trailing onto satoshi's body. his former partner, now lifeless in a casket. it was just a body now, as his soul was no longer inhabiting the once lively flesh and bones. that fact sent a shiver down endeavor's veins. it mixed in with the heavy guilt he was feeling as his partner and his pupil's father.

looking at satoshi once more, shoto could feel his throat clench. his grip on your shoulder tightened as he stared at you in sadness. you didn't deserve this, and he knew that as he was thinking that, you were thinking the exact opposite. he could feel his father's hand on his shoulder, making him look up to make eye contact with him. for a second, shoto stared back down at your dad before his own. thoughts of endeavor laying lifeless in a casket struck his mind, and because of that, he stared at the ground with a blurry vision of frustration.

"i just.." you looked up at the sky and sighed. all four guys looked at you and the tears streaming down your cheeks, but you didn't pay attention to any of them. "i need to use the bathroom.." you lied. immediately endeavor moved out the way as you turned around, but not without catching one more glimpse of your dad. it made more tears fill your eyes to the point where you thought you'd lose your ability to cry.

in the bathroom it was a replay of last week at school. you just sobbed and cried in front of the mirror provided in the medium-sized room. you didn't know how to feel. of course you were in complete grief, but a part of you still felt angry. you still felt a deep hatred lining your body, either aimed towards yourself or something else. you didn't know, but at the same time you just wanted to sleep. you wanted to sleep away all of your problems.

your eye glowed as you stared down at the running water. your quirk felt the need to activate. you had the urge to wreck havoc. you wanted to cause destruction. you wanted to fight. adrenaline was running through you like it would if you were stepping on the battlefield.

but then again, this felt different from that.

'i want.. i want to hurt something.' your hands balled into tight fists, and you could only stare at them and imagine punching something; much like you did to your mirror all that time ago. it was confusing to you, but you just wanted to see something in pain.

you wanted to kill.

but before that could happen, you heard the door open. heels clacked against the tiled floor as you heard a feminine voice. "oh y/n.." you looked to the side where mirko was approaching you dressed in a black and white tuxedo. "come here."

you sobbed and stood up straight, your hands slowly unclenching and aching in pain. mirko wrapped her arms around you and you cried into the crook of her neck. her hands rubbed up and down on your back as she whispered comforting words to you, but you couldn't decipher them.

"i know sweetie. i know it's hard." she said. "i'm always gonna be here for you if you need anything, you know that right?"

she felt you nod, making her hold you tighter. the door opened, and that's when burnin' walked in. quickly assessing the situation, she walked over to you and mirko and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. "rai girly, it's normal to cry ya know? but i'm sure satoshi wouldn't wanna see this from your pretty self." her words made you remember his.

you must not cry over this, and instead use it as a will to keep going.

again, you nodded, and followed with burnin' and mirko's attempts to get you steady. with each deep inhale and exhale they instructed you to take, it wasn't long before you lifted your head and wiped your eyes. the two female heroes watched your every move.

"thanks guys.." you sniffed. "i need to control myself."

"no no. that's not what we meant." mirko immediately shook her head. "you're allowed to feel sad and cry, just cry out of grief, not out of fault babe."

"what she said!" burnin' pitched in with her signature toothy smile.

you nodded. facing the mirror, you turned the faucet on and washed your face with cold water. the feeling made you slightly shiver, but you stood unfazed as you wiped your face with tissues that mirko gave you.

"you have so many people by your side darlin'." burnin' said. "so many people here for you, like those three handsome boys you're doing your work study with. you four seem to be attached at the hip."

you sniffed in the midst of a smile forming on your face in thought of them, and that made mirko place a hand on your shoulder with a sly smile. "that's most definitely right, especially that izuku boy, huh?" she wiggled her eyebrows up and down, making you laugh and sob at the same time.

"whatever..."

"i know what'll make you feel better!" burnin' pointed her finger up to the ceiling. "food! there's tons of it outside!"

"are you hungry y/n?" mirko asked with a genuine tone, nothing like the teasing one before.

"i can eat.."

immediately both female heroes scrambled to the door, racing to open it for you first. "then eat you shall do! eat to your hearts content!" burnin' said.

mirko got to and opened the door first, making burnin' pout, but once seeing the laugh leave your throat at her actions her disappointment was long gone. you walked out the door first and into the hallway of the small house. the warm dimmed lights gave you a glimpse of back home at the dorms.

"young rai," you heard a deep voice, and you immediately knew who it was from the nickname. all might was standing not far from you in a tuxedo, and he looked like a beaten puppy as you two made eye contact.

"oh.. all might.."

the situation of last week played in your mind as it did his. principal nezu and his hurtful words, as well as the teachers that just let it slide. he was one of those teachers, and for that he could barely keep eye contact with you.

mirko and burnin' switched contact with your figure and then all mights. feeling the tension, they quickly slipped away but not without telling you where they'd be if you needed them. you nodded at their words, and was now left alone with the former number one hero.

"listen, i.." he rubbed the back of his neck. "i know we've left off on a sour note, but i really am sorry for what went down last week."

slowly your eyes trailed to the floor, sadness filling your eyes in memory of the incident. that sight alone formed a crack in all might's heart. you were already beaten down because of your dad, but now the added feeling that he caused was clearly taking a toll on you. he could see that you were being crushed by a big boulder with no way out.

"it's fine i guess. thank you for apologizing.." your hands were clasped together in front of you as you fiddled with your emerald ring. still, you refused to look at him, and that made all might slowly purse his lips in defeat.

"you don't have to do that. i know it's not okay to you." he said while taking a couple steps towards you. "you're in a tough place right now. one that no kid should have to go through, and i just made it worse by not sticking up for you. i'm really sorry rai."

"i said it's fine, all might." thoughts of kamino and his retirement filled your mind. the floor was the most interesting thing to you at the moment as you traced the weird pattern with your mismatched and scared eyes. "i guess we can call it even, you know?"

the more all might looked at you, the more you started to shift into a younger version of you. he could see the way you messed with your hands like you used to in the training room when you were only 14. albeit it was only two years ago, there wasn't much you could go off when it came to your life. your eyes were shining with sadness and defeat, something he remembered seeing during all that time he spent training you with aizawa. you never had it when you came to u.a, but now here you were back at square one.

"i know.." he cleared his throat before speaking up again. "i know we don't have the closest relationship, but you're someone important to me, rai." he saw your head slightly perk up at his words. "being able to watch you grow into who you are now is one of my greatest blessings, and now..."

when he stopped, you looked up at him. tears were starting to leave his eyes. his all black eyes with just a bright blue pupil.

and ones that shone with genuine defeat.

"now i've failed you." he sniffed. "and i won't ever be able to forgive myself. i promised that i'd protect you and make you feel safe, but i've done none of that. i'd do anything to go back and make things right, young rai."

your eyes slightly widened at his words. and just then, your memories retraced of you being with all might in the training room in your house. times when aizawa wasn't there, and none of your parents were there to check up on you two.

just you and toshinori yagi.

"you don't have to do anything. i don't deserve an apology, especially not after last week." the light made his tears glisten like crystals as they fell down his cheeks. "i just.. wish i could've done more for you. maybe prevent the way things have gone for you."

with the way he was speaking, you don't think he knows you've regained your memories. he's still under the impression that you're still that oblivious 15 year old who has no recollection of their past life. your experiences before u.a.

your experiences with him.

but you did. you could recall training with him. laughing with him at the dinner table. watching him mess up the food which led to you two ordering takeout. bonding in your room with no one else but you two. him reading you a story before you went to bed. him bringing you snacks and drinks from the convenience store before and after your training. him knowing of your situation and promising to give you the time of your life at u.a.

you recalled it all.

and now, as you stared at his teary eyes that refused to look at you, your own shone slowly.

and a small smile graced your lips.

a sudden weight pushed into all might, making him hum in shock as he stumbled back. once he caught his foot he looked down to see a mop of half h/c half white hair. your arms tightly wrapped around his waist and you hid your face in his stomach.

"young rai-"

"it's okay. i know now."

your words made his eyes widen. his arms stood frozen in the air. the tears continued to fall down his face, but when he came to realization at the true meaning of your words, those tears shifted from ones of heartbreak to ones of joy.

and he hugged you back just as tightly.

"i'm really happy, y/n. so happy.." he dipped his head and sobbed quietly.

---

aizawa and all might sat on either side of you on the elevated platform. your seat allowed you to look at every guest that was seated before you. the casket was only a couple inches away from you, but you could just barely make out your dad's forever resting form due to the front part being lifted for him to be on display.

the funeral went on; numerous pro heroes standing in front of the mic to tell about their stories and experiences with your dad, sometimes earning a laugh from the crowd as they graced over their love and appreciation for the man. you just sat there and bitterly laughed when needed, eyes mainly focused on your fidgety thumbs that were on your lap.

"and so, my prayers goes out for you, y/n." you looked up at the hero that was now staring at you. "satoshi was a great guy, and probably a great father, so i feel your grief." you lightly pursed your lips at his words, your dad not being the best dad, but you got his intentions, and gave him a small nod of appreciation anyways.

'my stomach feels empty, but i'm not all that hungry.' you tuned out whatever hero went up next. tears were shed amongst the crowd and you heard an occasional sniff or hiccup. the speeches were really long, but you hadn't kept track of time; you didn't know what time it was currently. sometimes the person speaking would address you, but it wasn't all the time.

but there was one thing in your mind, and that was that you hadn't shed one tear since you were in the bathroom.

'i don't know what's wrong with me.. but i feel different.' maybe it should've started with the feeling in your stomach, but you didn't feel sad. your emotions were on your sleeve right now, constantly crying over the death of your dad, but now here you were at the event that you thought would be the most of your tears, and you hadn't cried a single one since it started.

you took another look at him at his casket, just you this time, but you didn't have the same reaction from the first time. you couldn't put your finger on it as endeavor walked up to the microphone. his words were like everyone else's, but to you they had deeper meaning. after your talk with the flame hero earlier, you resented him a little less.

he talked on and on about your dad and his thoughts about his partner passing on. during his speech your eyes wandered over to the crowd. everyone was either dressed in their hero costumes made by your dad, wearing a support gadget from him, or the regular black if they weren't a hero.

in the front row sat your three friends. there was an empty seat next to shoto, one where his dad sat. you made eye contact with izuku who sent you a sad smile, mentally communicating his wishes of being next to you.

his scarred hand was always cold, but his touch was always warm. so much comfort and support would be said with a simple squeeze, and that'd make you look down to not only to see his rings that you got him, but your very name on his fingers, making you smile a genuine smile.

"as i do take blame for satoshi's passing, i will not let it bring me down. instead, i will use that fault to keep going. use it as motivation to do better and become a greater hero." his words made your eyes widen. "he will be not in vain, his words and actions never leaving a doubt in my mind when choosing what's right and wrong in my heroics."

in deep thought you stared at the ground.

you must not cry over this, and instead use it as a will to keep going. you will face many defeats, y/n, but you will not be defeated.

"satoshi would not accept my pity sorrow of grief, so i will not allow myself to succumb to it. in order to really mourn his passing, i will let his promises be the second voice in my mind, and allow it to guide me to success."

there's a right and wrong way to do that.

your face shifted to realization.

'that would be the right way, right dad?'

endeavor finished the last of his speech, his last words being graces and prayers to you as well as reassurance that he'll always be an adult you could go to. a ghost of a smile graced your lips at that, thoughts of who he once was being killed by who he was today. he's grown and changed a lot, but you could only be happy for shoto, and not yourself.

"you're up kid." aizawa said to you. him, yourself and all might eyed the empty podium and microphone that was shining under the sun.

"say what you wanna say, not what others wanna hear." all might encouraged.

you took a deep breath and nodded before standing up from your seat. you had a majority of your words pre-planned already. everyone was silent, so the sound of your heels clacking against the white concrete aired out in hopes to relieve the tense silence. your posture was straight, your straight face on and hair in perfect condition. there was not a wrinkle or imperfection in your tuxedo as you fixed your tie, senses aware that all eyes were on you. in that moment, you did not resemble a 16 year old, rather that of a mature feminine adult.

"i must first say that i'm extremely thankful for everyone and their condolences." your voice echoed out from the microphone. it was stern, and showed no sense of nervousness. just hearing it made izuku smile. "i don't personally know a majority of you here, but that doesn't make any of your words any less significant. a great friend once told me to always appreciate the efforts others give to you, for as even if they don't succor, going out of their way to be considerate is what truly matters."

you made eye contact with katsuki in that moment, a small but grateful smile on your face that made his eyes narrow.

even if it's not gonna help at least appreciate what they're trying to do for you.

but the tiny nod of approval from him was a step in the right direction for you.

"everyone sitting here has met my father sometime in their life, and for that, there's not much i need to say about him." you slightly shook your head. "your thoughts and experiences with him mirror who he is in your mind, and that'll never change. you kept him in memory whilst he was alive, and you will continue to keep him in memory whilst he's dead."

your words made your friends think about the day in the alley, then the other times they've ever met your dad. it was hard to find the good in him, and they knew you were thinking that as well.

satoshi was a great guy from the speeches you four have been hearing.

"so instead, i'd like to focus on something else."

so why out of all the people to experience his bad side, was it his very own daughter?

"we often ask ourselves what could've been done differently in the aftermath of a tragedy, but that answer you come up with more than likely is something you would've never thought of doing in the face of your misfortune. whether it sound difficult to do, or your very hesitation keeping that only as a possibility is why we say everything happens for a reason."

your words flew out the microphone like smoke to cooked food. the fumes flew about the air, grabbing anyone who was near and trapping them in a state of mind. your voice was so hypnotizing to those in the crowd.

"to think in the heat of the moment compared to when you have a calm head simply won't do. and while it is important to highlight your do's and don't's, there's a difference between acknowledging and critiquing."

no one could utter a single word throughout your speech. they couldn't move a muscle, only stare at you in semi-shock at your words. katsuki nodded in approval of your words, events during his provisional license class filling his mind.

if all you ever do is look down on people, you won't be able to recognize your own weaknesses.

"that's a lesson everyone needs to learn, myself included." with your eyes closed, you pressed your hand to your chest. "the burden of guilt and regret is a mere feeling. don't let it shape you into something you're not." are words my dad told me moments before his death." you said before looking at the sky. it was clear blue, just like that fateful day. you could only hope he was watching.

"if you allow yourself to continue on with negative thoughts that break you down, you will not grow the right way, just like having the mindset that thinking you could've done 'something different' would give you certain success is blinding you from acknowledging what you actually did is the best effort from you, for as there is no guarantee of success."

izuku stared at you with his eyes wide and mouth slightly parted. it wasn't long before his green eyes were shining in awe at your words, love and admiration for you taking full effect.

"and that's what life is all about; to accept yourself and your greatest efforts. to let your wrong doings happen and teach you, instead of ignoring it with thoughts of what you could've done better. these things help you grow, which is something i need to do. but i will find my right track. i believe in my best efforts." you stared down at the wood of the podium.

"and of course, those are just words. everyone always preaches 'actions speak louder than words', but that doesn't mean you should fully dismiss the importance behind them. my father's words will allow me to do the right thing, like endeavor said moments ago." you looked at the flame hero before placing a hand on your chest. "and i can only hope my words currently are doing the same to you."

you looked out to the crowd, taking a moment to catch a breath before speaking again. "now, if you could please do so, take a moment to look at who's around you." they all did as you said. "find someone who has meaning to you." you saw multiple people keep eye contact with another.

"someone you care for deeply."

shoto and endeavor made eye contact simultaneously.

"someone you couldn't imagine life without."

izuku and katsuki made eye contact simultaneously.

"and think about why you chose to look at them. actions, words, or motives. whatever drove you to think about that person, even if it's not in a positive way." you spoke to izuku and katsuki specifically. "but you still thought about them, and now think about if they weren't here."

shoto looked into his father's eyes, thinking about the situation you're dealing with. he's seen the way you've cried and grieved over your dad even though you and him had a terrible relationship.

you still cried over him.

you still cared about him, but now it was too late to take that care and use it to mend a new relationship. it's a mistake that'll forever live with you, one that you may regret.

and one that shoto can put himself in your shoes.

the thought of his dad dying like yours made tears pool into his eyes. he resented him, but maybe that was starting to change. it was enough to make shoto lean his head on his dad's shoulder, quiet sniffs leaving his nose in thought of seeing his dad dead like you did.

"cherish what you have with that person. i maybe have not done the best job at that, but now i feel as it is my job to make sure no one follows in the same path i have." you said in reminder that your dead dad was behind you. "so that leads me to this: if you have something you need to say or fix with someone, do it now before it's too late."

katsuki side-eyed izuku, throat going dry.

"and to everyone who told me if i needed something, to come to them.. this is my favor to you," you looked out to the crowd. the wind blew your hair slightly and your eyes held nothing but determination and confidence. it was like you were a god with the way you had the center of attention and everyone wrapped around your finger.

"keep the name satoshi rai alive."

everyone stared in shock at the words of a measly 16 year old, but you kept talking. "the question of who will run his business now remains up to me, as does everything else regarding him. since i will be occupied with that, i will task everyone else with the job of making sure you let every experience with my dad motivate you to do something good. for the heroes out there, do the best you can do with his name on your costume. on your support gadget. for his interns and accomplices, let his orders and quick thinking drive you to keep his business running smoothly."

"just because we've lost the head man does not mean all hope is lost. we just simply pass it onto the next. leave it in their hands and trust them to do a fine job."

izuku looked at all might as he did to him. hearing your words and connecting it to the burden of one for all on his shoulders made determination fill his veins and face. he will not let your words go to waste, and his fists clenched on his lap firmly.

"i trust you all," you made sure to make eye contact with everyone. "even if i don't know you personally, and for that, i give my thanks to everyone here. even if i never see you again, you'll forever have my gratitude."

you took a deep breath, your last words already set and stone. the crowd were already starting to mutter their positive input and how impressed they were. you looked at your three friends who looked at you with small smirks on their faces.

"because that's what it means to grow. thank you."

you swallowed your saliva to get rid of your dry mouth as applause erupted from everyone. you stood still at the podium, allowing their praise to reach you. that made a small smile grace your lips, but it immediately disappeared when everyone eventually stood up.

and a new feeling pulsed through you with your first ever standing ovation.

you took a deep breath to hide your shock and basked in the appreciation everyone held to you. hopefully your words would go on to help them do great things. it was in their hands now, as you've done all you could do.

you looked at izuku, katsuki, and shoto who were amongst that crowd. they stood and clapped, all of their previous smirks changing into genuine, proud smiles for you.

'dad,' you closed-eye smiled at the sight of everyone. 'do you see what i've accomplished? did i do good?'

and as you made your way back to your seat, you knew your dad trusted all might and aizawa to take you under their wing. he allowed them to take his place to watch over you.

"you did great y/n." they said in unison.

he allowed them to answer for him.

---

"since we didn't get a chance to eat at the event, where do you kids wanna go out to eat."

all four of you hummed slightly in shock, looking up at endeavor. some of his agency walked with you, so it was a huge group walking back to the parking lot. the funeral was finally done. your dad's casket was closed for good, lowered into the ground and buried by pounds of dirt.

but you didn't cry during it.

as everyone walked to the place where he'd be buried, you felt your nerves rise, but you didn't cry. everyone gathered around the dig site that was already dug, watching as his casket was placed on the hydraulics to be lowered into the ground. that was when most of the people cried.

izuku held your hand tight and placed his head on your shoulder, tears constantly leaving his eyes at the heartbreaking sight.

shoto stood under endeavor's comforting arm, leaning his head on his dad's chest and placed a comforting one on your shoulder. although it tightened more and more the lower your dad was brought. tears left his eyes, but they weren't nearly as much as izuku.

katsuki stood next to izuku, his throat extremely tight and causing his pain as he bit on his lips in attempt to relieve his overwhelming emotions. but seeing others cry and watching the casket close made a single tear fall down his cheek. he shut his eyes tightly, but it didn't stop the salty liquid from leaving.

but you... you didn't cry at all.

you stood there holding izuku's hand tightly. you let shoto place his hand on your shoulder. you let mirko and burnin' play with your hair as you watched your dad get lowered. you just watched with your brows slightly creased. your lips didn't tremble, and you didn't feel like throwing up. you didn't feel like crying, even when seeing your friends do that and hearing everyone else cry at the sight. you didn't breakdown when watching his casket close. you didn't lose your composure when watching the dirt fall from the truck to seal the deal on your dad's life.

as you got one last look of his face before it became just an eternal memory, not one tear left your eyes.

"it doesn't matter to me." you shrugged.

no one said anything after that. the atmosphere was still dull, some trying to get the last of their tears and emotions out of them before leaving. some people stood back to make conversation with others, but you and endeavor's agency had other plans.

"we'll see what's on the way." endeavor concluded. that satisfied you four, albeit you didn't voice it.

"y/n," izuku called out. "your speech was amazing!" he smiled brightly despite his eyes still being red and puffy from his constant crying. you wish you could've had a moment to wipe his tears with your thumbs and assure him it was gonna be okay.

"you think so?" you asked with a small smile, to which he nodded rapidly in excitement.

"it was so moving and inspirational!" he gushed, eyes shining in awe. "i won't forget it, and i'll always keep it in mind!"

to that, you rubbed his head with a grateful smile. he leant into your touch. "well i'm glad. you're so supportive izuku."

"o-of course! anything for you!" he stuttered with blush on his cheeks.

"you said a lot, but it all made sense.." shoto said his thoughts out loud as he held his chin with his thumb and pointer finger. "you should be proud of yourself."

you smiled at him. "thank you."

katsuki walked in silence with his hands behind his neck, seemingly deep in thought. "you know speedy, words don't have any meaning if the person they're coming from don't take them into account." you looked at him, to which he side-eyed you. "so you better recognize that."

he was right. everything you said should apply to you. the way to look at things, to let things not hold you back but let them guide you to do something greater, the way to properly grieve, the differences between things and the importance of acceptance.

you knew it all.

"i wouldn't have said any of it if i didn't know its meaning." you said. "do you trust me?"

that shit takes time, speedy.

he narrowed his eyes before huffing and looking away. "we ain't get to where we are now by rushing so." you smiled at his words.

the car was in view; the same one you came in, except now endeavor was in the picture. and he wasn't the one driving. "i'm sure you four have some seating arrangement figured out. apologies for the inconvenience, but you'll have to make do with what you have."

you four deadpanned at the small car with only three seats in the back. all of you had muscle to you, so it's not like it would ever be a comfortable ride. you take up lots of space.

well, the boys did more than you.

and because of that, you smirked. "i have an idea."

---

"this is the worst idea ever."

izuku and shoto could only nod in agreement at katsuki's declaration, all of their faces showing their displeasure and protests.

"i don't know." you smiled slyly. "i can work with this."

endeavor shook his head as he looked into the horizontal mirror above him. the driver sweatdropped at the sight of izuku, katsuki, and shoto occupying the three seats like normal, but you laid down on each other their laps. katsuki sat on the far left where your feet rested, shoto sat in the middle, and izuku sat on the right where you laid your head on his legs.

"does anyone have any better ideas?" at the driver's question your smile turned more obnoxious than ever as you stared up at the three boys. together they looked down at you with half-lidded eyes that screamed they were fully against this. but they did not have a better way, so alas they were on the road.

"i say we chuck her out the window." shoto said, making you look at him in shock.

"what-"

"or we stuff her in the trunk." katsuki proposed with a smirk, throwing his hands behind his head as he tried his best to manspread his legs.

"eh." izuku shrugged. "i can get used to this." he smiled down at you, his hand going to play with your hair. you smiled up at him, glad that at least one of them wasn't fully pissed.

though for others...

"such a FUCKING SIMP." katsuki yelled loudly, making endeavor and the driver scold him. by now he was fuming, making shoto side-eye him in annoyance.

"you and midoriya are childhood friends right?" he asked. "did you ever make some type of long-term challenge that one of you would get a girlfriend before the other?"

his question made you snicker, specifically at katsuki. "i bet you thought you'd get a girl before izuku huh? now look at how that turned out."

katsuki's eye twitched heavily.

'i guess i did beat him at something after all.' izuku smiled contently as he looked down at your pretty face. not only did he get a girlfriend before katsuki, but it was a damn good one too. at least in his eyes you were.

"all of you shut your damn mouths before i take speedy's heels off her feet and beat you with them." katsuki threatened, and you tried to get your feet off his lap.

"don't touch my shoes you creep!"

endeavor sighed, already fed up with your bickering. "if it's that much of an issue, then rai flip your position."

"no." izuku immediately protested.

"we're all good back here." you waved off the hero. "just some lighthearted bickering-" you were cut off by the car jerking, making you slam into the two front seats and elbow compartment.

"y/n! speedy!" the boys called out to you in unison, but before they could help you the car swerved, making them shoot to the left. again, your head slammed into the car wall.

"what's wrong?" izuku grunted, his left shoulder in pain from smacking into the door handle. soon the car shot to the right, making him crash into shoto. "todoroki!"

"hold on," endeavor called out. the driver yelled while trying to steady the wheel, but to no avail. your faint mutters of pain caused the three boys to grab you and secure you back on their laps.

"bakugo! are you okay?" shoto called out to the blond who was scowling whilst izuku checked up on you.

"hold on everyone!" the driver called out. you placed your elbow on izuku's thigh and lifted your upper body up to get a view from the main window in the car, your eyes widening at the sight.

cars were swerving all about the road like yours was. people ran everywhere screaming their heads off while street poles and lights fell onto the road. "what's going on out there?" you asked just as a black rope came flying towards the car. you could hear engines roaring and tires screeching from other vehicles as the car spazzed out again, making you fly forward once more, hissing when your head hit the drivers backseat again.

"y/n!" izuku grabbed your head and held it to his chest protectively.

"there's a villain." endeavor announced, which made you four look at him with serious expressions. "open the sunroof." he ordered the driver, and he obliged. rushing winds entered the car, and everyone's hair flew wildly as endeavor unbuckled his seatbelt.

"endeavor!" izuku called out, but said hero just looked back at you four.

"you don't need direction. just don't get in my way!" he said before jumping out the top of the car. you heard people yell as he took to the skies with his flames, leaving you four with the driver stunned.

"you heard him." you said, making the boys look down at you, all of your hair's thrashing in the wind. "help in any way we can."

"right." the said before they helped you sit up. izuku and katsuki started to roll the windows down since the driver kept the doors locked, and your hand reached out for the open sunroof. the top of the car was chilling to your fingers.

"wait kids!" the driver called out. "you're not in your hero costumes! you can't go out there!" you four exchanged glances at each other then at your outfits before looking at the driver, your black tuxedo's a reminder of the now setback you'd have when going out there. with it in mind, the boys unbuckled their seatbelts.

"we're more than just a hero costume." you declared before jumping out the sunroof. the driver yelled in protest, but izuku and katsuki ignored him and hopped out the windows. shoto followed you out the sunroof and stuck his head out. the lower half of his body was still in the car.

"get to a safe place!" izuku said before putting his attention outside. the wind made his black tuxedo whoosh and fly back violently, and he could see the same happening to yours, shoto's, and katsuki's similar looking ones. your different colored ties whirled like flags, but none of you seemed to pay attention to it.

somehow you kept your balance on the top of the car with the grip of your heels. with one knee pressed to the top as well as a hand, you used your other to keep your hair out of your face as you tried to address the situation. "endeavor can handle the villain. let's focus on saving the civilians!" you yelled due to the wind.

"got it!" they all agreed instantly, and in unison, you four jumped from the car and into the situation.

you heard katsuki's loud explosions and shoto's ice as they used it to travel forward. your lightning fused lightly before quickly jumping off the car and into the sky. izuku backflipped from the side of the car, activating one for all in the process to soften his landing before taking off to casualties behind.

your hands came in contact with a street pole, and you used your momentum to swing off it and shoot towards someone in need. your clothing was loose whirling in the wind, causing it to enter inside the crevices and chill your body. goosebumps littered your skin, but you had to ignore it.

just in time you reached to the electricity pole that was falling. people yelled as you caught it just in time, the lightning from it entering your system. it was huge and very heavy, but you managed to keep it above your head. "get away from here!" you encouraged them, and in a heartbeat they were running away.

slowly you placed the pole down, your chest now rising and falling rapidly. you could hear explosions, courtesy of katsuki who was right behind endeavor and trying to stop the villain. he threw that same black rope from before everywhere. it was headed towards you, but you were able to swiftly move out the way and take a couple steps back.

for some moments you continued dodging whilst looking out for anyone in need. your heels clacked loudly against the road, each step brining more strain to your ankles than the last.

one person in particular was frozen in fear on the road as an out-of-control car came rushing towards them. flashbacks to the wedding and the little girl you failed to save flooded your mind. it made your eye glow while you ran towards the civilian with adrenaline pumping through your electrified veins.

'i don't have my hero costume on, which means i'll hurt people if i touch them while my quirk is activated.' you scowled and deactivated your quirk, grabbing the civilian and running off to the sidewalk just in the nick of time. you felt the wind from the car shoot behind you. the car honked its horn as you set them on the ground.

"are you okay? are you hurt?" the civilian shook their head, so you knelt beside them. "get on my back. i'll get you to safety."

they seemed hesitant, but did as you said anyway. you made sure your grip on them was tight before running off. black ropes were quickly headed towards you, and you prepared to dodge. but before you could, ice was blocking them from touching you.

your breaths were now visible due to the dropped temperature. with relief you watched shoto race towards you with the help of his ice. "shoto! thanks." you said once he reached you.

"you shouldn't be trying to help people without your suit on. let me." he ignored you and reached out to grab the civilian on your back. "it'd be best if you tried to restrain the villain with bakugo and endeavor. me and midoriya will handle the casualties."

"right." you gave no feedback. he sped off, allowing you to activate your quirk and take off. several black ropes made their way to you, but with a swift movement of your arm, lightning was making their way to them and disintegrated each of them to ashes.

endeavor and katsuki weren't far from you. they seemed to be dealing with their own problems with the black rope. you could hear the latter yell about how it was wintertime and thus effecting his ability to create effective explosions. the villain was even further back, but you were still able to make out the abundance of cars he had in his control courtesy of his black rope. they honked and their lights flickered rapidly, becoming a nuisance to the eyes.

"work study kids, huh?" the villain said in a taunting-like manner. he eyed endeavor who was kneeling next to a distraught civilian he had saved. "say.. endeavor, failing to capture me is certainly a good lesson for the kids, don't you think?!" he laughed manically before sending several black ropes towards the hero.

"endeavor!" you and katsuki called out in unison. steadily you picked up your pace, dodging your own black ropes whilst the latter used his explosions. endeavor couldn't use his flames without hurting the civilian, and the ropes were inching closer and closer to them.

the situation seemed to go in slow motion. endeavor protected the civilian while you and katsuki tried with all your might to reach them faster. just as you did and you used your quirks to deal with the ropes, one of the black ropes caught onto the civilian's wrist.

'fuck!' you and katsuki thought simultaneously, eyes widening at the worst possible scenario. your lightning combined with his explosions, creating a mass destruction that disintegrated the ropes, but it was already too late. the civilian yelled as they were taken out of endeavor's arms and soared in the sky with the black rope slithering tightly around their torso.

the villain looked at the floating civilian with stars in his eyes. it was like he had finally won a prize from a claw machine. he wasn't gonna let it go, and he was gonna taunt to everyone around about what he had and they didn't. "looks like one person's life isn't enough to keep you from being a hero!"

you heard ice behind you, as well as fast-paced footsteps. it was shoto and izuku coming in for assistance, but even as endeavor called for all four of you, neither you nor katsuki listened.

"hah..? what's this?" the villain smirked at you two. "couple of kids failed to play hero, huh? well let me tell you something," he said as you and katsuki faced him with your hair covering your eyes. "that's only a fraction of what you'll go through! so hang up your capes now!"

the sound of his laughter only fueled your anger, and soon enough that reciprocated into your quirk. your lightning fused loudly as did katsuki's explosions. your black tuxedo's thrashed violently in the wind, and the same was for your hair.

"take care of everything else in his possession.." you ordered to endeavor, izuku, and shoto in a low voice.

"if i let someone other than myself save that damned civilian.." katsuki trailed off, and together you picked up your heads and glared at the villain with murderous intent. he narrowed his eyes at katsuki's seemingly glowing eyes and your actual glowing one. "i'll fucking kill him!"

"bakugo! rai!" endeavor called out just as you both took off with your quirks. it was clear you two weren't going to do anything else other than restrain that villain if it was the last thing you'd do, so for that endeavor followed behind after ordering izuku and shoto to save the cars and the people in them.

"let them go!" you yelled in anger. the villain sent rope your way, and it reminded you of nabu island when you were dealing with nine and his annoying blue dragons. the thought pissed you off more than you already were, so destroying his ropes was an easy task for you.

katsuki was just inches below you doing the same with his explosions, and flashbacks to just a few moments ago when you accidentally combined your powers flooded your memory as you side-eyed him.

the bots were getting closer and closer. basically everyone was biting their nails while watching them get closer and closer to you and katsuki who still had yet to move. his mouth was moving fast, and you had a concentrated face like you were trying to catch everything he was saying.

but then your eyes slowly widened and eventually, they slowly shone as well.

and another flashback; your run with katsuki against the bots.

the villain continued to taunt and laugh, backing up further down the road. he seemed to have a certain destination in mind. if that was the case, you'd have to take him down before he got there or who knows what would happen. it served as adrenaline to make you go faster.

"remember during our fight with nine i had one for all?"

"...yeah?"

"he's headed for the train tracks!" you heard katsuki's call out. "fucking get there before he does!" he sounded stressed, which was perfectly reasonable. the worst case scenario filled your mind, and you did not want another traumatizing moment where you watched someone get obliterated by a train before your very eyes.

but the villain was stupidly fast, and it didn't help that not only was he constantly sending out ropes to falter your race against time, the cold air was seriously having an effect on you and katsuki.

'we're not fast enough!' your brain went haywire trying to come up with a solution. it was crucial, because if you didn't, that civilian would lose their life, and forever would you place that blame on yourself. 'i've already got the weight of so many deaths on my shoulders..' you thought of your dad, making you grit your teeth. 'i don't need another!'

"my explosions were fucking huge, and that was because of the natural power enhancer one for all comes with. but i had lightning around me and- and.. fuck."

you stared at him with frustration, the bots getting closer and closer by the second. "spit it out!"

"i thought of you!"

and like it did when you were in the room with the bots, your eyes widened before they slowly shone.

"katsuki!"

a grunt of acknowledgment and frustration left said boy's throat as he looked at you. he was thinking the same thing as you, but he also knew that the cold wind and not having the proper costume and equipment on was heavily impacting his performance.

"i know what it feels like to have the burden of a death on your shoulders." you started. just then you both heard the sound of a train honking its horn. "you haven't experienced that yet," you said before looking at him with determination. "and i'm gonna make sure you don't ever!"

he stared at you for a moment before a bright light caught his attention. in the background the villain continued to laugh and taunt, but it fell on deaf ears when katsuki realized what you were doing. lightning was growing bigger and bigger out the palms of your hands with each nanosecond. and he smirked, the sound of the train becoming louder and louder. but it didn't matter anymore, because you both knew your plan would work.

"light me up speedy!"

with a final push of determination, katsuki soared ahead of you. his wrists and arms hurt badly, but no way would he let your attempt and kind of sacrifice be in vain. the train was getting louder and louder, and finally you could see it coming forth on its tracks. it was visibly clear the villain was planning to throw the civilian right in front of it just before impact, and that's what he did.

"watch your failed attempt die before your very eyes!"

you groaned loudly in pain, the amount of lightning in your palm being as large as a bowling ball. the train was moments away from hitting the civilian, but you threw your stored up lightning right at katsuki's palms, and in result, he was sent flying.

the loudest explosion went off. your clothing and hair flying around your body and distracting you. your hair obscured your vision and threw you off course, but before anything bad could happen, endeavor was right there to catch you and hold you bridal style.

"rai! good work." endeavor praised. you were able to watch izuku handling the civilians, not one of them being injured in any way. shoto used a lot of his flames to finally apprehend the villain, and katsuki successfully grabbed the civilian and sped out of the train's track just in the nick of time.

'we did it!' the four of you thought together, each of you sighing a breath of relief.

---

"stop it endeavor! how can you be this way! stop it!"

the villain cried tears to the hero as he was restrained in shoto's ice. police sirens grew louder and louder, making his cries do the same. on the sidewalk, you and the three boys watched with slightly confused and disturbed faces.

"his quirk's been boosted, so it's important to stay safe out here." one of the head policemen reported. there were tons of them outside, but you let endeavor handle all the legal stuff while you stood by with your friends and the civilian you saved.

"uh... thank you for earlier." the civilian said wryly. in the back there were other civilians and bystanders gushing over you four. "i assume you guys are heroes, but to do work in those outfits.." he rubbed his neck. "really impressive."

you four looked down at your outfits then at each others. it was crazy how you had come from a literal funeral yet here you were in the aftermath of a villain chase. crazy how life worked, especially for you, who the funeral was for your dad.

"ah.. these are nothing." izuku shook it off. "like y/n said, we're more than a costume."

"yeah." shoto nodded. "put me in anything and i'd still be willing to save anyone."

to that, the civilian's eyebrows slightly shot up. "wow.. that's moving." they said before looking at you specifically. "and you.. i cant even imagine how you did that in those shoes."

everyone looked down at your heels; still perfectly in tact and never taken off the entire time.

but you just shrugged, pushing your glasses up with your pointer finger. "i dunno."

the civilian laughed while the boys mentally cringed at the idea of doing anything physical in those shoes. they gave you their respects for that in their head as the civilian spoke up again. "so.. what're your hero names?"

"i'm deku!" izuku answered first.

"shoto."

"bolt."

there was a pause after, everyone's eyes drawing to katsuki who stood silent. "do you not have one yet?" the civilian asked.

"oh i know!" izuku spoke up. "it's just bakugo right?"

katsuki stared at him for a moment before turning his head opposite of him. "wrong nerd."

that should've kicked anyone down, but it seemed to do the opposite for izuku. he piped up with excitement in his posture and eyes. "you finally chose one?! tell me!"

but katsuki didn't like that. "NO! i'll never tell you! drop dead!"

izuku sweatdropped, but shoto didn't take the hint. "what about me?" he asked innocently.

"forget it! you can drop dead too!" katsuki yelled in his face, but shoto stood as stoic as ever.

"okay."

"hm.. what about me?" you asked, and once again there was a pause. katsuki hadn't turned to look at you yet, prompting you to raise a brow.

you're not gonna be the next all might, you're gonna be the first katsuki bakugo, a top hero known for their brash and harsh personality.

katsuki huffed. "it's the best fucking hero name."

"the last time you said that, you came up with king explosion murder." you said nonchalantly. "but whatever. as long as you think it's for you, it will be the best name."

"yeah." he said in a way calmer voice. "don't doubt me."

next week

"hi dad."

in a secluded area was just you. your eyes drew onto the single tombstone that was freshly made. the words and designs could be clearly seen engraved on the fine rock.

satoshi rai

"er.. it's been a week since they buried you." you rubbed your neck. the wind lightly whirled your hair to the right as you stared at the many flowers, candles, pictures, letters, and just about anything scattered along the tombstone. "i figured i'd pay a visit. i heard that this is what people usually do when losing a loved one, so i guess i'll get into habit of that. you know, make a schedule or routine or something."

you bent down to the height of the tombstone and placed the flowers in your hand right front and center. "i don't know if you like these flowers or not, but i hope you do." your voice was hesitant and unsure, quiet and low in a soft way.

"ah.. i don't really know how these things work." you lightly laughed as you sat down. "i guess i should just talk. catch you up on my life."

"oh! i've finally put my contacts in." you said. "ever since you passed i had been to lazy to put them in and just resorted to my glasses, but now i've taken a step in the right direction. that started with putting my contacts in. i know that's not the biggest accomplishment.." you rubbed your neck wearily. "but i hope you're proud of me for that small step taken."

no answer.

"schools been going well i guess. there was some problems with another student and some admin, but it's been cleared up i guess." you said. "i don't really know what to think of it, but maybe that's a good thing. i shouldn't dwell on something pretty irrelevant, right?"

no answer.

"right." you pursed your lips and looked away feeling slightly dejected. "um.. the boys are doing okay. izuku's as loving as ever, shoto's never lost a day of his obliviousness, and katsuki's still the same brash boy that i love. i did what you asked: told them your words and stuff."

you rubbed your eye after a moment of silence. "endeavor's been really lenient and nicer now. work studies are going smoothly. my grades never change, and mr. aizawa and i are currently going through the legal process to make him my legal guardian. i hope that's what you wanted."

no answer.

awkwardly a short laugh left your mouth. the tombstone was still despite the weather being slightly windy. "i guess i haven't really had time to think about it, but i think i'm done grieving." you said in a slight ponder. "like.. how do i explain this.. i mean.. ah.." you scratched your head. "i'm really bad at this, aren't i?"

no answer.

and your heart stung, but you smiled nonetheless. "i was a wreck when you first passed. but now i haven't cried since the funeral. i mean.. i didn't even cry when you were getting buried. i don't know if that's a good thing or not.." you dryly laughed. "but i heard some inspiring words during the event, and even said some of my own."

satoshi would not accept my pity sorrow of grief, so i will not allow myself to succumb to it. in order to really mourn his passing, i will let his promises be the second voice in my mind, and allow it to guide me to success.

"i think i can find another way to grieve without having such negative thoughts on myself that dishearten me. it's time to use my grief as motivation."

flashbacks to the villain chase that went down last week filled your mind. you let katsuki save the civilian while you stood back. thoughts of your dad's death and that burden on your shoulder motivated you to not only save the civilian, but save katsuki from that same feeling of a death weighing him down.

"it feels weird man." you said, looking up into the sky. "it feels like a new era for me. a new chapter in my life."

"i said a lot of things in my speech that i the most need to take and go with." you looked back down at the tombstone. "and i think i'm ready to try."

no answer.

"would you be proud of me?"

no answer.

"you fucked up a lot, as did i. but i put that behind me. i let it go after you passed. i'm not mad about anything you did, or the way you hid everything from me and whatever. like.. i don't really care anymore."

you fiddled with your thumbs as you stared at his name engraved on the stone. you felt like a little kid with the way you sat by yourself in front of something that couldn't talk. it was like having an imaginary friend.

"instead, i wanna thank you." you looked down at your thumbs. "it's fueling me to do things i now wanna do. it's better if i let your bad decisions guide me to do what i wanna do instead of letting them guide me to hatred for you. that's not the case. at least, not anymore." you shook your head.

i've always been confused as to what the hell i was even doing with the whole hero thing..

"you know.." you stared after taking a deep breath. "the morning after the wedding, i was seriously questioning what i was doing with my life."

i mean.. i don't know why i became a hero in the first place.

"i questioned why i became a hero."

i've never really wanted to become a hero.

"and it was then that i realized that i never really wanted to be a hero."

not really. i was just sort of pushed into it. i don't know why i was so good at it, but i just went with the flow you know?

"after you had thrown me into u.a. i sorta just went with the flow; did what i was told. i didn't understand what i was doing, or why i was so good at it, but i never questioned it. and over time it brainwashed me into thinking that i really did wanna be a hero."

you stared at the grass. "but.. i didn't. i was considering resigning as a hero in training after your death. it hit me like a truck that there was no motive for me to be a hero. and after losing someone because of it, it made me resent the idea as a whole. i didn't wanna do something without knowing why i did it and having to pay serious consequences that make me do what i'm doing right now."

no answer.

"but then.. then i regained my memories."

sacrificing yourself for the greater good, is the essence of being a hero.

"i met mom, and that's the reason i was so good at what i did. all those times when someone asked me how i was so fast or so good with my quirk or combat, i didn't know back then. but now.." you looked up and nodded. "i do know."

i wanna be a hero.

and you smiled small. "dad, i wanna be a hero."

you stared at his name, hoping for some miracle where he's alive and tells you to follow your dream. a super cliche moment that you'd forever savor. you were hoping that when you smiled, you'd get one back.

but instead, you were met with a silent and still tombstone.

it was then you realized how alone you really were. it was such a closed off space it felt like you had suddenly disappeared from the universe. only the wind served as a reminder that you were existing as it blew your clothes and hair. blew the numerous memorials left for your dad.

and it was only you and him.

"i wanna... i wanna be a fighter."

your eyes trailed down to the flowers you recently placed. "i really wanted to be your hero, but i'm sorry i couldn't do that. so instead, i'll be your fighter."

no answer.

"you paved the way for me, and i have what it takes to do what i need to. i'll think of you every step of the way, and forever thank you for giving me the opportunity of fighting. i will fight for you dad, and i'm gonna do it for love."

all for love.

"and that starts with finding a friend of mine."

you sighed deeply, now aware of the goosebumps littering your skin.

"by doing this, and having you in mind.." you reached out and touched his tombstone. the stone was freshly cut and smooth to the touch, but you made sure to be delicate, touching it like it was glass that would shatter after a single touch of a finger. "i'm prepared to meet you at anytime."

you were ready to die.

you stood up and walked to the back of his tombstone. it was empty grass, so you sat down again and pressed your back against him. "i will find mom."

"despair and grief has seemed to tear me apart little by little. it hurts that you're dead, and i think you took a piece of me with you. half of me feels gone you know.." you trailed off, now biting down on your lip hard.

you felt tears rush to your eyes and your throat get that tightening feeling one gets whenever they're trying to conceal a battle with their tears.

"i don't.." you leaned your head back on the top of his grave, eyes now casted at the sky. "i don't think it'll be easy. no- i know it won't. but what's a hero if they don't suffer in order to reach their
goal? it's time i start focusing on myself. i know you believe me, and that's all i need. this is for my greater good. your greater good."

no answer.

"and as you and mom always said: sacrificing yourself for the greater good, is the essence of being a hero."

you blinked, and a single tear fell down your cheek.

"i'm really happy dad." you smiled large. tears were now falling down your cheeks like a river, and your eye was glowing brighter than ever. "so.. fucking... happy."

anger flooded your veins, but you still smiled up at the sky.

"i'm ready to fight."

i wanna be a winner.

"i'm ready to fucking win."

nighttime

"are you sure about this?"

"we don't really have a choice.."

"well then get on my damn shoulders and get up there!"

"she's on the first floor so it's not that much work!"

two voices whispered from outside of heights alliance. the balcony to your room was in sight, and it was their destination.

"why-" riku groaned. "why're you so damn heavy?"

uraraka gasped, looking down at riku with offense. "how dare you!"

she stood on his shoulders and gripped two metal poles that were built into the railing of your balcony. "cant you just use your damn quirk or something? why are we resorting to this?"

uraraka rolled her eyes as she hoisted herself onto the top of the railing. "because it's loud, and we don't know if y/n's in her room or not. we can't risk our cover being blown."

thoughts of what emiko would do to them made them shiver in fear. after uraraka successfully got onto your balcony, she helped riku up with little to no struggle. now the two were loitering on your balcony, trying to peek their heads through the small openings your curtains gave to see into your room.

"same as always.." uraraka trailed off once seeing your room. it gave her flashbacks to her time at u.a and made her frown. she wondered what her room looked like now.

"huh.." riku hummed, analyzing every square inch of your room. "not what i was expecting it to look like.."

uraraka nodded. "that's what everyone else said. anyways. you can see right? your quirk is gonna work?"

"yeah.." riku slowly nodded. just then a door in your room opened, and both teens watched you walk out of your bathroom in clothes ready to sleep in. "and you're sure midoriya's gonna be with her too?"

uraraka nodded again. "they're always sleeping in one's room."

on cue, izuku walked into your room with clothing similar to yours. the two outside watched him pick you up to spin you around before setting you on the floor. you stared into each other's eyes for a moment before locking lips, something that made riku and uraraka look away in cringe.

"must suck for you." riku taunted with a smirk, throwing his hands behind his head.

"shut up. don't you have a crush on her too?"

riku stood silent at that.

"...not really."

which was why he was dreading this.

"are you ready for bed?" izuku asked while stretching his arms over his head.

"just about." you answered. "but before that, i wanna tell you something."

"oh?" izuku sat on your bed. "what's up?"

for a moment you fiddled with your thumbs, trying to come up with the right words. "you know how i visited my dad today?" he nodded at your words, so you continued. "it really helped me clear my head and figure out what i really want."

"and that is?" izuku tilted his head.

"i wanna find my mom."

silence encased the room. izuku sat silent, pondering on what to think and say. it wasn't long before he stared at you with furrowed brows. "how're you even gonna do that?"

"i'm not entirely sure." you rubbed your neck. "but i have a decent start plan."

"and how're you gonna do that when we have school?"

you stared at the ground. "i can manage."

again, silence. izuku bit on his lip while he thought. he then shook his head. "you're going through too much right now y/n. not only that, but that can be seriously dangerous."

now your brows furrowed. "do you think i can't handle it? i've gone through a lot, probably even worse than this."

"and you're willing to take that risk?"

"if i don't then what the hell?"

izuku shook his head again. "no." he stood up. "you're not thinking. you can't just use other events as justification. that doesn't make it any less dangerous and doesn't prevent you from being hurt in any way."

he stared at you sternly, to which you mirrored that. "cmon. of course it's dangerous, but-"

"but nothing. if it's not something that chooses life or death, you shouldn't be going with the dangerous option."

your eyebrows creased in frustration. "do you realize how important this is to me?"

"do you realize how important your life is?" izuku rose a brow. "you can lose it y/n. wouldn't it be better to wait for better circumstances?"

"mind telling me when those circumstances will be?" you stepped closer to him. "i've waited whatever length my fucking life has been, izuku. don't you think i deserve this?"

"of course you deserve it y/n, but you can't just go out on your own into a dangerous world like this and expect it go smoothly."

"i never said it will. i'm willing to take any risk it takes. that's what it means to be a hero, right?"

izuku took a deep breath of frustration. "being a hero means to take risks to help others in need, not taking risks to help yourself."

"are you calling me selfish?"

"...if the shoe fits, right?" your eyes widened, but before you could get a word out, he beat you to it. "listen, i didn't mean to say it like that. i'm just trying to protect you."

call me it. you'll realize i'm doing it to keep you safe.

your eyes flashed in memory. "you're preventing me from something important in my life. aren't you supposed to be supportive of me?"

again izuku sighed. "there's a difference y/n. i'm protecting you by trying to put it in your head that what you wanna do is way to dangerous. i'm not saying don't do it, i'm just trying to get you to see what the consequences can be."

"and didn't i say i'd gladly have any consequence on my shoulder if it meant for the greater good?"

"who's greater good?" izuku's voice raised slightly. "and that consequence can be death!"

"my greater good!" your voice raised as well. "and so what if death is a possibility. i've already accepted it."

"that. that's exactly what i mean. you shouldn't be thinking that!" he said angrily.

"well i already am!"

"then stop!"

"no!" you objected. "i know you care for my life and we're together and all, but if you're saying no because you wanna protect me and not even thinking about how i've felt rejected all these years, then i'm not the selfish one izuku." you stared straight into his eyes. "you are."

"then so be it." he shrugged. "who cares? call me selfish. you're thinking like a mad person and i won't stand for it. you're gonna go off be reckless like always and get yourself killed!"

"and how can you be so sure of that?" you crossed your arms.

"where did you go today?"

you paused. "what?"

"who did you visit today, hm?"

you stood silent, thinking of the only person he could've been talking about.

"exactly." he said once seeing your realization. "i'm you right now y/n. i won't ever be able to forgive myself if you died."

you stared at him, and he stared at you.

"and i'm still that girl that wants answers." you stood your ground.

"dammit y/n.." izuku trailed off in a frustrated whisper. he was slightly shaking as he paced around the room. finally he stood in front of you again. "isn't this the same argument you had with your dad?! it went like this and you still went off?! and what happened after that?! he fucking died!"

his eyes were burning with such a fire you had never seen before. it was a mix of pleading and frustration. and whenever he swore, you knew it was serious.

but it was serious to you as well.

"you're not me. you're my dad in this; trying to keep me in the dark for the sake of protecting me when it's clear that's not what i want." you said. "you can't force me to stay put just because you're scared of losing me."

"then why the hell did we even get together?" izuku threw his arms up in frustration, his hands slapping his thighs after they fell. "that's the point. i don't wanna lose you. i fell in love with you because i always wanna be with you. i don't wanna risk that for anything."

"well newsflash: you're not gonna get that with being a hero. god forbid izuku we can die at anytime! it's life. it happens."

"and for the last time y/n.." he stepped closer to you. "that's. not. fucking. justification!"

"well it is for me. and only me is enough." you crossed your arms and stared at him firmly with no wavering. you were dead set and stone.

and just then, something snapped within izuku.

"and this is why your dad died."

you froze.

"..what did you just say?"

you stared at him with wide eyes and furrowed brows. when making eye contact with him, that same fire of frustration and fear was still evident, but it seemed different.

"you wanna play a repeat of you and your dad? that's why he fucking died y/n." you gulped at the coldness is his words. "because you weren't smart enough to see the importance behind his warnings."

you blinked at izuku once, then again.

"izuku what the fuck?"

but he only shook his head.

"your actions are the reason he's dead."

a light gasp escaped your throat. as you stared at izuku, you could feel yourself about to throw up. never in a million years would you imagine those words would leave his mouth. his voice saying such hurtful things to you after you're so used to being treated like a princess by him. his sweet voice that would shower you in utmost love, saying something so hurtful and gut-wrenching.

"izuku..." you looked him up at down. something seemed off. "you don't.. you don't have to tell me what i already know." you said in a sad voice.

"well obviously i do." he glared at you. "because you can't seem to comprehend it. what- is it gonna take your death to realize you were wrong? cant you ever just admit you're fucking wrong for once?"

"w-what...? what are you saying?" you stared at him wearily.

"if you wanna go out there and get yourself killed go ahead. i don't care anymore."

your eyebrows slightly shot up, your eyes eventually narrowing at him.

"izuku-"

the room was silent when you and izuku weren't talking.

that was until a slap sound resonated.

it bounced off the walls for what felt like eternity, taunting you while you held your now stinging cheek in the palm of your hand. your eyes were wide, and your body was frozen as it could be.

and you stared at the ground your head whipped to with tears unwillingly filling your eyes.

"you wanna be an idiot? go for it."

izuku's voice hit you.

he hit you.

he hit you.

and without sparing him a glance or a word, you stormed out of your room.

from outside your balcony, riku and uraraka stared at izuku with slightly wide eyes. their mouths were parted just a small bit as they were loss for words. it was completely silent, the genuine shock of the outcome eating them from the inside out.

and then, riku snapped out of izuku's body.

"y/n..." uraraka trailed off in a whisper. never before had you and izuku argued, and never would she have ever thought izuku would lay his hands on you like that.

well, he didn't.

she watched izuku look around your room with a confused expression before looking down at his hand. his brows furrowed the longer he stared at it, probably feeling the sting from when riku made him hit you.

and izuku's eyes widened with genuine fear.

"wait.." riku whispered once seeing that from izuku. "no. no. no."

"what?" uraraka whispered and looked at him, their shock still being evident in both of them.

"no.." riku repeated. "i don't.. i cant believe i did that..."

she gulped. they were villains. they had to follow orders.

"riku.." said boy looked at her. she shook her head. "me neither.."

riku stared into your room. izuku looked distraught as he tried to recall his memories. you weren't in the room anymore and his hand stung. he was smart enough to put the pieces together, and riku gulped at the scene.

"i don't wanna do this uraraka..." he whispered.

she looked at him, suddenly feeling pity for the boy. she knew what emiko was like, and she knew how she had riku like a puppet under her control. she knew she made him do things he didn't wanna do.

like right now.

"i know.." she said. if she could, she'd take going back to u.a over her new life in an instant. even if her parents were living comfortable with all the money they could ever need and want now, uraraka couldn't help but wish she earned that for them in a different way rather than betraying those she loved and grew closest too the most.

"but there's no turning back now."

and she was right

𒊹︎𒊹︎𒊹︎𒊹︎𒊹︎𒊹︎𒊹︎𒊹︎𒊹︎𒊹︎𒊹︎𒊹︎𒊹︎𒊹︎𒊹︎𒊹︎𒊹︎𒊹︎𒊹︎

oop. y'all are mad at me.

LMAO

OKAY. IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT.

what abt a face reveal after bolt is done?

i'm kinda scared to do that but i want to at the same time and i feel like you guys deserve to know who i am and shit like that. i'd be more than happy to share that with you all. after all ur the reason i even have the option to do this😭

so far, and to my knowledge, the only person on here who knows what i look like is Wierd_potato32 she knows! so if you wanna take her word for it and if she wants to put her input on how i look she can lmao.

tell them i'm not ugly pls🥲 at least i don't think i am LMAO

anyways, yay? nay? lmk!

random fact/head cannon:

on the weekends, rai never leaves her room because izuku physically holds her back so they can cuddle the entire day. :)