Jisung is the last original member in NCT Dream and he is not feeling well...
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NCT Dream as we knew it back then no longer exists. It started with Mark coming back and everyone was very happy about it, especially Jisung who suffered a lot when Mark had to leave.
But it was all too much for Mark. NCT 127 and NCT Dream, then the comebacks of NCT 2021, 2023 and so on. Mark needed a break and so did Haechan, who felt the same way. So they were given the choice to leave one of the two units. The decision wasn't easy for them since they achieved so much with their hyungs and dongsaeng, but they eventualy made a decision. They thought about it for a long time and figured that they're usually there for the 127 promotions. So they left NCT Dream.
And so there were only 5 members left.
SM then had the idea again to train new members for NCT, but this time they should all be younger than Jisung. Now that there is already a ne group, NCT J (Japan), they just had to figure out where to put the four new guys.
A new unit would not have made sense, so they puckked up the actual concept of NCT Dream. And so Jeno, Jaemin and Renjun had to leave the group first. Renjun was immediately put into WayV and Jeno and Jaemin were allowed to continue solo for a few months. They acted in a drama together and released their own songs. Then they debuted newly in NCT 127.
And so there were just Jisung and Chenle left.
The new members have not yet been added to the Dreamies and have not yet been announced too. They wanted to give the boys another year to train.
And so Jisung and Chenle released a duo album with a few guest appearances like Kai or Taeyong.
They were successful, but that didn't last long either.
When the new members were finally announced, it was also announced that Chenle would leave NCT Dream and join WayV.
And so it was just Jisung...
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....and the new four members.
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Everything was new to Jisung. He was now the hyung in the group, the eldest and also the leader. He had to work with four new kids he barely knew. He lost all his hyungs and it hit the boy hard.
Jisung never had a childhood....
Jisung was happy to have his hyungs....
They let him be a kid and did everything for him, but now he has to be the adult, the hyung for the others. He always thought it would be cool to be the oldest, but not to members he's only known for a year.
Jisung has no more clue.
He doesn't have a Jaemin to go to when he's hungry. He has to do it himself now.
He no longer has a Renjun to have deep conversations with. Now he is alone with his thoughts.
Jisung no longer has Jeno to try new things with and experience new things. Now he is bored in his single room.
Jisung no longer has a Mark, a leader, to turn to when he's mentally down.
Now he cries himself to sleep... every night.
Jisung no longer has a Donghyuck to play with through the night. Now he gave all his video games to the boys. And what he misses most is his partner in crime, his best friend... his soul mate, Zhong Chenle.
Now he has four younger boys who he hardly knows and keeps his distance from as he is still the old Jisung.
He thinks that's what the others don't understand.
Just because Jisung got older and is now the last original member of NCT Dream and is the leader of the group doesn't mean that Jisung has changed. He's still the sentimental, fearful, and shy Park Jisung he always was.
But he can't be anymore.
He can't lead the group if he cries himself to sleep every night.
When he hardly gets any sleep and is exhausted during the day because he lacks the strength.
Jisung is a wreck and he has no one to turn to for help.
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NCT 127 had their last concert last week and now have two months off and WayV also have a month and a half off while NCT Dream has a new comeback.
The first comeback as a new team.
That's why the Hyungs decided to use their free time to give Jisung a helping hand. Especially Taeyong and the old Dreamies, because they know how hard this can befor Jisung. Becoming the new leader of a group isn't easy, especially since Jisung has never had to lead a group like this before. They are all very proud of Jisung and the boy knows that, but Jisung also knows that if his hyungs knew how Jisung was feeling or how he was doing, they would be disappointed in him. They'd be disappointed that he just gave up like that. Giving up on the new kids. So he fights, even though he needs sleep... even though he needs a break.
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As Jisung is training with the other Dreamies, all of his hyungs burst into the room. Jisung gives them all a quick look but then goes to the choreographer to go over his members' positions again as he noticed some inconsistencies. Out of the corner of his eye, Jisung can see his dongsaengs walking up to the hyungs and laughing and talking loudly with them. This makes Jisung's heart bleed. He misses laughing like that with his hyungs, but he just can't do it anymore. Jisung must finally grow up. As Jisung is immersed in the training videos, Mark, Taeyong, and Jaehyun come over and sit next to the boy.
"Hey Jisung," says Mark, trying to get the boy's attention.
"Oh hay hyung," he says briefly without taking his eyes off the tablet. Something bothers the boy about the video, but he can't figure out what's wrong and that makes Jisung a little angry.
"Ugh," he says under his breath, but of course his hyungs hear it.
"What's up Jisungie?" Taeyong asks, and Jisung could swear his heart leapt at the nickname, but he ignores it. "Oh, just a mistake in the choreo, but I don't know where exactly and by whom," says Jisung and then focuses on the video again, but he can't find the mistake.
"Okay guys we have to go through the choreo again, something is off and I need to get to the bottom of it," Jisung calls, looking at his members.
"Do we really need to hyung? We've been training for two hours straight and the choreographer said it looks good," contradicts one of the boys, and that irritates Jisung even more.
"I said get up and do it again," Jisung says a little harder this time, which not only freezes the new Dreamies, but also Jisung's hyungs. Taeyong gives Mark a confused look, but he just shrugs.
Jisung sets up the camera and then plays the music. They all start dancing and from the hyung's eyes it looks very good, but this time Jisung is unsatisfied again. Something is bothering him and that frustrates the boy deeply. This is where his perfectionism comes out and even that is nott good for the boy.
"Urgh such a crap, that doesn't make any sense," Jisung shouts loudly and angrily packs his things.
"It's over for today. You can all go home," says Jisung, actually only referring to his members. He has since the last dance forgotten that his hyungs are still here and have seen everything and are now worried about their former maknae.
"Actually, Jisung, we wanted to invite you to dinner," says Mark, hoping Jisung will join them.
"Sorry Hyung, but I still have something to do. But you can take the boys with you," says Jisung, and before anyone could say anything against Jisung, the boy was gone. Jisung didn't take the van home, but walked through the cold night to clear his head and just enjoy the silence, because the road is dead at this time.
It's dangerous for an idol to walk home alone at night, but Jisung needs it right now.
Luckily, Jisung arrives home "unharmed".
He immediately goes to his single room and locks the door, then he sits on his bed and takes out the tablet. The thing Jisung wanted to do is find the mistake in the choreo, even if that takes him all night. He can't sleep anyway, so he might as well use the time and resolve his anger by finally finding that bug. But even when his members come home and have already gone to sleep, Jisung still can't find anything. He searches and searches. He already knows every step and every movement in the video by heart, but he can't find the mistake and it bothers him.
Jisung feels his strength slowly leaving him and his body starts to tremble. Jisung is not tired, but his body is sick.
Jisung is sick.
Probably because he ran through the night sweaty and wearing thin clothes.
"I can't get sick. Not now," Jisung says to himself and tries to get up. Every step he takes hurts and gets worse from time to time. He digs in his shelve in the bathroom and finds the box. There are special pills that can only be prescribed by a doctor. Jisung got them from a buddy who has easy access to the pills. They wake you up quickly, but are dangerous in overdoses. Jisung takes one and then goes back to his bed.
After just a few minutes he is fit again and actually decides to take a break. He wouldn't find the mistake anyway. He looks at the clock and it's already 3am. Jisung lies down for three hours just staring at the ceiling. Again he can't get an eye. But his body already feels much fitter and when he got up at 6 he felt fresh. If Jisung didn't know any better, he would think he had 10 hours of sleep behind him. So Jisung freshens up and then goes to the kitchen to make breakfast for everyone. At the dining table he greets his members with a smile and that made his members feel uneasy a bit, since Jisung was so harsh yesterday.
"Hyung, we wanted to ask you if we could get a day off today. The older Hyungs invited us all to the park," asks the youngest and Jisung thinks for a moment.
"Sure, why not. I watched the video and you're well prepared," says Jisung and the boys immediately cheer. "Are you coming with us too, Hyung?" asks one of the boys, but Jisung shakes his head.
"I'm sorry, but I have a meeting with the manager regarding the comeback, but you guys have fun," Jisung lies. In reality, Jisung stays at home and re-examines the video.
When the boys are gone, Jisung spends the whole day watching the video. He pays attention to every detail and from minute to minute Jisung notices how weak he is again, but when Jisung is about to go get another pill, it hits him like a bolt of lightning.
"I'm making the mistake!" he shouts loudly and pauses the video and sure enough Jisung is out of sync for a second. He picks out older videos and in fact Jisung makes the same "mistake" everywhere.
It's not really a mistake. After all, this is only a second of him being aout of sync, but Jisung has subconsciously noticed the mistake and it makes him angry. He feels so bad right now for torturing his members with training just because he made a mistake that he didn't realize himself.
Jisung immediately runs to the SM Building and goes to a training room and trains until his very last strength leaves him.
It's 2 a.m. and Jisung is using the very last strength he has left to go home. Again he walks through the cold with his sweaty clothes. Jisung goes to his room and locks the door, then he stumbles into the bathroom and takes the whole box with him, then he lies down on his bed. He briefly considers what kind of day tomorrow is and it occurs to him that tomorrow or better said today is an important interview. So Jisung thinks for a moment. His buddy, from whom the pills are, said he can take a maximum of two a day, otherwise it can be dangerous, but Jisung needs the strength, so he takes the last four pills he has left and puts them in his mouth and swallows it dry.
It doesn't take long for Jisung to feel something. At first he's fine, but then his fingers start to tingle and he feels his legs lose sensation. He tries to get up, but his head is spinning and his legs are like jelly. He immediately falls back on the bed. Jisung feels very strange and starts to cry. His body is very hot and all his limbs tingle. He has no feeling in his arms and legs. It's like his body is asleep but he isn't. Jisung gets scared and has a panic attack. He's having trouble breathing, and as he gasps for air, everything goes black and Jisung lies motionless on the bed.
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The next morning, one of the Dreamies knocks on Jisung's room door, but Jisung is still unconscious. Meanwhile, foam has formed around Jisung's mouth because the pills caused a chemical reaction, which is now foaming out of Jisung's mouth. The guys keep trying, but they don't get an answer and they can't get into the room because the door is locked. And so the Dreamies call their hyungs, and it doesn't take long before all the hyungs are in the Dream Dorm, as is their manager.
"Jisung, please open the door", Jaemin calls, but there is dead silence and so the manager decides to open the door with his spare key. But when they enter the room, they all scream and are shocked. Jisung looks dead and all they see is the empty pill box. Immediately everyone thinks of the worst.
"CALL AN AMBULANCE!" some yelled. After 10 minutes the paramedics finally come and try to feel Jisung's pulse, but the pills have put an end to everything. His heart is beating so slowly that they don't feel a pulse. They immediately begin resuscitation while taking him to the hospital.
Of course, the other members follow them. At the hospital, Jisung is taken care of immediately. It takes a few hours, but they were able to remove the drug from Jisung's body and get his heartbeat back. Now only one question remained...
"Did Ms. Park Jisung plan to kill himself?" the doctor asked straight out, but the hyungs were horrified.
"No, never. Why should he do that?" Taeyong asked, worrying and blaming. "Ms. Park was carrying pills that can only be obtained on a doctor's prescription and then only in extreme emergencies. These pills can be fatal to people and so to Ms. Park. We are lucky that there were only four pills and not the whole box like we initially thought. But you really should talk to the boy as soon as he wakes up," says the doctor, and then leaves the boys alone.
"It's our fault. We shouldn't have left him alone," the maknaes shout, but Mark immediately intervenes.
"No, that's not your fault. Jisung is old enough, if anyone's to blame it's me. I used to be his leader. I had to take care of him. It got to be too much for him and we saw it, but we didn't do anything," says Mark, but this time Taeyong intervenes.
"None of us are to blame for this. Jisung had his reasons and I'm sure it wasn't planned. Jisung would never want to kill himself. We'll wait until he wakes up and then he can explain everything to us," says Taeyong and the others agree with him.
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It takes a whole day for Jisung to wake up. He sits up with a headache and sees several worried faces. "W-Where am I?" asks Jisung in a broken voice.
"You're in the hospital," says Jaemin, sitting next to the boy. Jisung looks around a bit until he sees his watch. "What day is it?" he asks in a panic and immediately the device Jisung is connected to becomes louder. "Calm down Jisung. It's been a day," says Jeno, calming the boy down.
"T-The interview?" asks Jisung. "It's been postponed," Chenle says, and Jisung breathes a sigh of relief. "Jisung, we have to ask you something," says Mark and Jisung's gaze is immediately directed to the older man.
"Have you tried to kill yourself?"
Jisung often thought about death, but he never wanted to kill himself. He hasn't even hurt himself yet. How does his hyung get the idea.
"No never, what makes you think that Hyung?" asks Jisung confused and immediately you can hear some of his members exhaling in relief.
"We found these pills next to you. You took four. You know that they are life-threatening?" Taeyong asks and Jisung bites his lower lip.
"I'm sorry. I ran home sweaty at night and got a little sick. I wanted to avoid it and thought they could help me," says Jisung, looking guiltily at the floor.
"Oh Jisung. There's nothing wrong with being sick," Renjun assures him.
"But everything is wrong if I don't work," Jisung calls out in frustration and collapses onto the bed. He feels his tears coming. "What do you mean?" Jaehyun asks him. "I'm the leader now and not a baby anymore. I have to grow up and function. I can't get sick and let my team down," says Jisung, and now the tears are flowing and he can't stop them.
"Jisung that's not true. I get sick too and Mark has had his breaks too. We're all human and we can't always function, but that's okay," Taeyong assures him and Jisung sits up again. "But I'm not a baby anymore and I don't have any more hyungs in the group, who can take care of me," says Jisung and immediately the others start laughing, which surprises Jisung.
"You have us. We will always be your hyungs and your members are here for you too. We are all here for you," says Taeyong, followed by a group hug.
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I don't know why, but currently I'm only in the mood to write depressed stories, so I'm sorry if you're feeling uncomfortable with them.
I'm trying my best to write others too.
~chichi