Jisung x NCT

Everything's fine - 2ᵗᵃᵉ 🥀

Jisung is no longer satisfied with himself. Every day he struggles with his thoughts and with pain. But he has to free himself from them.
His hyungs are worried about the boy and  discover Jisung's dark secret.

Requested by Thebadwolf16

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(TW: self-harm)

Jisung has had these thoughts and constant pain for weeks. He only thinks badly of himself and can't help himself. He sees himself as a burden to the team and he doesn't want to be. Since his knee injury, Jisung has only had physical complains. Sometimes it's his knee again, then his back and another time his head.

He doesn't mean a headache, although that's part of it too, but Jisung means his own thoughts that are killing him. Every time he is finding himself saying what a shame he is to his family and how much better the team would be without him. Every evening he stands in front of the mirror.
In doing so, he can hear his thoughts clearly and distinctly because he can see himself.
Himself... The burden for his members... The shame for his family... he can see his faults and it's a thousand times worse.

Jisung feels bad. Jisung is bad. He is so bad that he is crying. Very much...
He cannot sleep at night and cannot eat during the day. He's getting worse and worse and he notices how his members notice it and he doesn't want that. He doesn't want to be an even bigger burden for his members. He finally wants to do something right and make his family and members proud.

He wants the thoughts to go away and the pain to go away. His saying goes...
'Defeat the pain with a worse, different, stronger pain!'
So Jisung resorts to the only option he thinks will help. The razor blade...
It's not nice to watch, but Jisung needs it. It trumps the other pain. It gives him control over himself because he can choose how much pain he feels and when he feels it.

Not like the other pains he can't control. Everyone needs control in their life and if it's just over their own body, but some control is needed.
But Jisung chose the wrong path. Instead of being in control, he lets himself fall.
His thoughts still control him. They make him feel like he needs pain and now Jisung is in pain, which he inflicts on himself. Jisung should have gotten help, but instead of controlling it, the thought regained that he would only be a burden to others. Jisung has no control... not at all. He is a slave of himself... of his thoughts. But the boy doesn't see that.

Luckily there are members who aren't that blind.

Taeyong and Taeil noticed Jisung looking more and more tired several times. They also noticed that when it's 20+ degrees, the poor boy wears long clothes that would usually melt you instantly. They also noticed how Jisung is trying to grow up. He always wants to make his own decisions and no longer wants to be helped.

This worries the two hyungs and they want to help their baby. So they just approach Jisung. But Taeil knows Jisung won't just talk to them.
"Jisungie, can we talk for a minute?" Taeyong asks the maknae, who immediately looks at them.
"Y-Yes?" He speaks in a trembling voice. "Sungie Baby, could it be that you're hiding something from us?" Taeil asks carefully as much as possible without scaring the boy.

"W-What makes you say that? I'm fine hyung. I just didn't get a good night's sleep because I've been playing for so long again," Jisung lies to his hyungs.
"Jisung you've been so absent lately. We're worried about you," Taeyong says, and that makes Jisung's heart drop three floors. Worrying his hyungs? He never wanted that. He never wanted his hyungs to worry. He's just a burden again.
Jisung struggles with his mind again and the two elders recognize Jisung's struggle.

"Jisungie everything will be fine. Hyung loves you and we are all here for you. Don't forget that, okay?" says Taeyong and hugs the boy. And as if by magic, Jisung's thoughts have completely disappeared and he only feels his hyungs close by. Taeil hugs him too and it's a dream for Jisung. But as soon as they let go, they're back. All evil thoughts that deceive him are like a demon flying back in his head.

"H-Hyungs, I'm going home now. I'm trying to get some sleep," says Jisung, packing his bag and running outside. Taeyong and Taeil are of course worried and want to follow him. They run to the other members to let them know that they are going home. The others nod and say they'll be there in about 2 hours.

When they get home, the two run into the dorm and look for their maknae. They run into every room, but don't find him. Then the two stand in front of a bath. They try to open the door, but it's locked. Now they worry.
"Jisung are you in there?" Taeyong asks, knocking on the door. Jisung, sitting on the other side of the door, pauses. He just has his blade in his hand and was about to cut on his arm.

"Jisung, please open the door. Hyungs want to talk to you," Taeil calls. But Jisung doesn't answer. The boy looks at his arm and puts his razor on his wrist.
"I'm sorry Hyung for being such a burden," Jisung whispers, but the two in front of the door understand every word. But when Taeil turns around and looks for the replacement key, Jisung has already made the first cut and screams out briefly.

Taeyong hears this and becomes very concerned. He bangs on the door and shouts Jisung's name, asking him to open the door. But Jisung starts again.
"I'M SORRY!" he yells louder this time and wants to cut again, but before he can, the two older ones are in the bathroom and Jisungs looks at each other in shock. They immediately run to Jisung, knock the blade out of his hand and Taeyong hugs his baby.

"Psh everything will be fine. Hyung is here. I will protect you and never leave you alone," he whispers into the crying boy's ears. Taeil is currently tending to the wound.

You must know one thing about Jisungs Members. They were sent to protect Jisung. All 22 members have the task to protect Jisung above all. Because in this world there are such things as demons. They plant themselves in the minds of innocent and naive young people. They start controlling them and feeding themselves with their pain and the NCT Members are the complete opposite. They are angels. They have the power to destroy all evil in the world. That's why Jisung was able to think clearly after embracing his hyungs. They protected him.

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A few months after the event, Jisung has never had such thoughts again.
He doesn't know that his members are angels. But his members have never left him alone.
Jisung spends most of his time with Taeil and Taeyong. The two helped him the first time and he will never forget that.