Once the drive was over and done with, you silently stepped out of the car and a cool breeze hit you, making you shiver.
It felt like a dream, so surreal it almost had you pinching yourself. You knew the sun will rise soon, you could tell by the slight shift in the night sky although the sun wasn't visible yet.
The area the two of you went to was secluded, either way, there's no chance someone will see you so it didn't worry you.
Especially once you take your heels off and dip your toes in the sand, hearing the waves crashing down on the shore- you're convinced you have forgotten every worry you ever had.
" It's colder than last time " Sanzu breaks the silence with a small murmur and your head snaps to look at him, pink hair getting blown out of his face by the wind.
You froze for a moment as the two of you came to a stop at that same spot and it was such a strange feeling of hurt.
Your chest felt tight almost - a bittersweet memory flooding your thoughts of the last high you ever experienced before getting sober.
When Sanzu saw you weren't saying much, he didn't want to try and dig too deep. He already knew anyway, he always does.
Your name fell from his lips and he carefully made his way behind you, wrapping his arms around you with his chin placed on your shoulder while the two of you watched the calm water.
" It's different now - it feels different " You finally speak and he hums.
" It's the same - we're just different now "
" Has it already been a year ? Jesus..." You giggle, tilting your head so it falls on his and he quietly confirms.
" Next thing you know, we'll both be old and boring "
" Talk for yourself, i'll never be boring " You shake his hands off you and offensively push them into his chest as you turn around, earning a small chuckle from him.
" Oh yeah ? It's too bad you already are " He provokes you and you smile, reaching down to unwrap the jacket that was around his hips before throwing it down on the sand.
" Boring , huh ? Well..." You start, nearing his body making him raise an eyebrow. " ...at least i wasn't watching porn with my door cracked, perv "
He parts his lips, curiously looking at you through his blue eyes as the sun starts to rise in the background. What a way to bring it up.
" Oh boo-hoo, you enjoyed the show "
You place your hands on your hips, a slightly shy smile creeping on your face trying to come up with a comeback good enough to hurt that massive ego of his.
" I wouldn't say it was much of a show... considering you're not even that big - Sanzu ! "
That sentence never made it to the end as it turned into a squeal mixed with laughter, your arms wrapping instinctively around his neck as he snatched you off the ground bridal style.
It was different.
No, he was right - it just felt different.
Now the two of you were fully sober, the sun was rising and there was a level of - dare you say - trust shared between you and him.
You knew him now.
Everything about him, how he'd protect you if it's the last reckless thing he'd do. There was no need to struggle , scream, or hold onto him tight in fear because you were no longer scared of anything.
You were no longer paranoid.
The water didn't feel as cold even though the weather is significantly colder than that night.
It's almost eerie how calm the two of you are, taking shallow loud breaths as the water continues to rise and rise until your bodies are covered.
And he slowly lets go of you, letting you swim further away and dip your head below the water before coming back up to the surface. Quietly observing your wet skin glowing in the faint sunlight, your eyes slowly opening to meet his.
It was never this quiet between the two of you.
It was usually loud - and aggressive, he never once dared to keep the silence going for too long but this time, it felt like there was almost no need for any useless thing such as words.
" Aren't you gonna swim under ? " You breathe, laying on your back in the water letting the waves brush you closer to the shore.
" It feels weird... when im sober " He says, slowly treading water towards you and you let out a quiet hmm, wrapping your whole body around him.
" How long has it been ? "
" Two weeks " He replies, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer.
" It's nothing craz-"
" Sanzu, that's fuckin' crazy " You exclaim with a smile and he couldn't help but smile back, nodding his head from side to side.
" Hey, i see you alright ? All the shit you went through - i see that, you're trying and it matters " You blurt out, your hands making their way to either side of Sanzu's face.
His face is expressionless, eyes searching for yours desperately as he continues to stay silent because he never heard that before. He doesn't know what to say, what should he say ?
Nothing.
Instead, he pulls you down into the water with him, your body clinging hopelessly to his as the two of you make your way closer to the shore. You felt your feet touch the sand and came back up for air.
As soon as you did, it was bound to happen.
You didn't even catch a glimpse of his face or had time to open your eyes before his cold wet lips press against yours, uniting the both of you in a long and messy kiss without warning.
Your shivering body pressed against his like it was made for it, it naturally came to you without thinking.
A mess of heavy breathing and raw emotions that sparked a realisation in you.
This was long overdue, the feeling of loneliness and the void that's been begging to be filled seemed to slowly disappear once his lips were on yours.
His teeth bite into your bottom lip asking for more of your warmth and you didn't hesitate a second to give in to his request, parting your lips softly to let his tongue in.
It felt like the missing piece of a puzzle, it felt right - satisfying, caving into your inner desire thats always been present, you just both chose to ignore it in fear of what might happen after.
What will happen after ? It didn't matter , you needed this.
You needed him.
Your noses bump into each other when you take pull away to take small breaks for air only to push against each other again immediately after.
His hands wander down to your waist, desperately trying to pull you closer and closer than physically possible because he craved this, way more than you could ever imagine.
The sun was on the verge of fully rising, the golden rays shining on the both of you and you felt it kiss your skin gently, greatly contrasting the passionate exchange between you and Sanzu.
It was still cold outside, freezing even, yet as the two of you continued to kiss - you felt warmth come back in your cheeks, you felt your body cease to shiver and your complex emotions towards him finally come to a conclusion.
One you might never have expected, but was rather simply unavoidable. And no, there was no need for words - no need to stop and think of the consequences.
The action itself was enough to scream in a hundred different languages how the two of you felt in the heat of the moment, how you both ceased to think you could continue as you were before for even a second longer.
Nothing mattered once your body fell back onto the sand with the weight of his body shifted on top of yours, your fists grabbing at the wet material of his shirt with low sounds of pure ecstasy spilling into his mouth.
He slowly parts his lips from yours and you're both panting . Once your eyes opened to meet his, you didn't know what to say. And from the way he tilted his head to avoid the eye contact, you knew he didn't quite know either.
" Shit " He mutters under his breath, his mind filled with thoughts, wondering if he took it too far this time but you didn't give him time to even overthink it.
" Haru " You cooed, hands reaching up to cup his face and pull it back towards yours with a smile.
Your lips are mere inches away and now he couldn't avoid the way your eyes sparkled looking up at him with such strange admiration, and you couldn't ignore how his blue eyes had a hint of anxiety running through them.
Perhaps of fear, or guilt, or even simply confusion. You found it amusing how he took the first step but he was the one feeling so conflicted.
" We need to go " You press your forehead to his and he pauses, shutting his eyes with a sigh before lifting himself off of you without another word.
You follow him up, trying to dust the sand stuck to your body and clothes and everything.
Still out of breath, you managed to mumble a small thank you to him as he went to pick up his jacket and he furrows his eyebrows, looking back at you.
" Don't thank me - i can't see how i helped you "
You let out a quiet laugh as he grabbed the pack of Marlboro from his jacket's pocket and tossed it to you.
" ...Because i realised something " It came out as a mumble after you've lit yourself a cigarette, all that dusting off the sand just to go back to laying on it again.
" That i suck at admitting stuff ? " He chuckles, doing the same as you before laying his body next to yours.
" That too - but also ... never mind " You stare at the bright blue sky, hearing the birds sing quietly in the background as you exhaled the smoke from your lungs.
" What ? " His worried expression seems to have faded, his tone back to normal like whatever happened didn't just happen.
" Secret " You smile back and a comfortable silence falls again, your fingertips brushing against his as the two of you finish your cigarettes.
" I hate the day - you can't do shit during the day " He complains while driving and you hum in approval.
" Mm, the group chat's gonna ask where we are " You scroll down through some messages left behind by Ran and Mikey.
" We'll explain when we go back "
" What... do we say ? " You look up from the phone and notice him looking at you from the corner of his eyes with a smile.
" We went out to drink and you had a few too many so i had to bring you back to the condo because the sun was rising "
You giggle, " Ha, that's pretty good "
" I know - i mean, the moment i say we went out to drink i won't have to explain anymore, everyone knows you're a lightweig-"
" Could you kiss me again ? " You didn't mean it to sound so demanding and his head snapped in your direction with raised eyebrows at the red light.
" I mean - like, just so i know like - it's just so fucking confusing- "
" If i do it again, i'm not sure it would be the right thing to do - and i don't know if i could stop there "
He starts driving again and takes a sharp left before slowly easing into a garage, the LEDs flicking on one by one before eventually parking the car.
" You're sayin that like you ever cared about what's right or wrong " You let out a small chuckle, picking up your phone before getting out of the car without looking back at him.
" Hey ! " He calls your name out and it echoes throughout the big space, your body pausing to look back.
" The elevator... is the other way " He tries to keep a straight face, rubbing the back of his neck and looking down to try to conceal a blush.
He wasn't doing a very great job at hiding it and that made the situation ten times harder for you.
" Ah, of course ~ " You touch his chest and arm walking by, a simple gesture that was enough to make him jump before letting out a frustrated groan.
" Fuck's sake ! "
You turn your head curiously and notice him staring daggers at you, hands placed in his pockets as he walks next to you quietly.
He pressed the elevator button and you crossed your arms, quietly shivering while waiting for the final *ding* to ring.
His arm sneaks around your waist with a smirk, and he makes the slightest bit of eye contact - just enough to tell you he craved some sort of release.
" I'm just gonna get changed and leave - you can handle alone, right ? " He states walking the both of you into the elevator and you loudly scoff, pulling away.
" Damn it, do i have to spell it out for you Sanzu ? "
You shake your head and look at the floor, letting your back press against the elevator wall as it starts going up.
" I don't... want you to hold back - fuck, it doesn't matter "
A deep sigh leaves your lips before he props his hand next to your head with a frown, holding the weight of his body tower on top of yours close enough you can feel the bulge in his wet pants.
You found yourself suddenly not feeling as brave as before, your breath quickening with a desire to pull him closer as he stared deeply into your eyes - hoping you'd be the one to take the first step.
" I want - " You choke on your words feeling his leg pressing between yours with just enough pressure to drive you insane.
Your hands reach to undo the button on his dress shirt starting at the bottom impulsively before stopping, eyes glued to his and the tension kept growing as the elevator came to a stop.
" Hm ? What is it you want exactly ? " He let out softly, looking down at your hands before looking back up.
" I- I want - "
As the elevator's door open, you felt him pull his body along with yours away from the wall , his hand on the nape of your neck as he repeated his question into your ear.
And words weren't coming out.
" Do you remember... how i said i didn't want to that night ? " He breathes against your neck and you melt into his touch, so utterly helpless to his actions.
" Sanzu- people might -"
You placed your hand over your mouth in an attempt to conceal a whimper once you felt him bite into your neck.
" I did, so badly - ever since... but you sounded so offended " He lets out a chuckle and your body shivers, your other hand clutching onto him.
" And you've been driving me insane - fuck "
Your legs grow weak and you couldn't take it anymore, the raw emotions being heard from the muffled confession made your heart jump.
" ...now you want - what do you wan-"
" You " You finally breathe out and his head lifts up silently, his eyes meeting yours again with a flushed expression on his face.
" I want you..." Your nails drag on his back and he tilted his head back with a small sigh.
" ...to fuck me "