Ev
"Ummm guys, can I ask you something" Wes, walla, and Nick look at me pausing the game we were watching and giving me their full attention.
"What is it," Wes asks with worry in his voice.
"Are you ok" Nick stands up from the floor and sat on the couch beside me concern in his eyes. I hate that they look at me like this. They worry too much.
"I am fine so stop worrying ok" I roll my eyes putting my hands on my lap.
"We can't stop from worrying Ev, you look bad really bad," Walla said.
"It's because I am hurting. Am I not allowed to hurt and feel heartbroken" I say with arched brows.
"It's ok to feel like that but we're just concerned about your health and the baby. We don't want anything to happen to you" Nick said putting his hand in mine smiling fondly at me. He is such a good friend, he had been so supportive ever since he found out about me and Jared. He hadn't left my side and I appreciate it.
"Thanks, guys I will be ok and so will the baby" I breathe out slowly
"Ok so you wanted to ask us something" Wes reminded.
"Yes um... The day I asked Jared for a divorce" a tear slid down my face just thinking about it, days had passed and it still hurts so much. It hasn't stopped and I don know if it will "he said that me coming out to my parents knowing that they will not accept me was selfish of me" I took in a deep breath. "Does that mean that I didn't love them? Does that mean I didn't value their love? Am I a bad person to do that to my parents. I would have not come out to them?" I have been thinking about it for days now and its have been making my head spin. All I know is that I loved my parents dearly and it hurt me to lose them but the way Jared said it made me feel like I am a bad person to do that to them.
"He said that to you," Nick asked in disbelief.
"Yeah, he said I didn't value them as he values his, and I don't know... it's making me feel...I don't know coz I thought I did it for myself, does hurting them mean that I didn't value them or love them" I asked looking down and biting my lips nervously.
"Jared is a coward, he was justifying his actions," Wes snorted.
"Let me tell you something Everett" Nick adjusted in his seat facing me "coming out to our loved ones doesn't mean that we don't love them or value their feelings or love. Matter of fact, we come out to them because we love them and we know that no matter what, they should love us the way we are" he paused looking at me "if they can't accept the way we are, that means they don't love us. Anyone who loves you dearly has to accept all your flaws"
"So Jared is wrong, no matter what choose happiness" Wes added smiling at me. I nodded slowly, they were right. I chose happiness over living in fear or getting married to some church girl when I know for sure that that wasn't my preference.
All I wish is for Jared to come to his senses, to know that I will be there for him even if his parents don't accept him which I know they will never. The guy is living in fear just because of them, how much longer can he take it? I sigh deeply looking up at my friends who were also looking at me.
"I want to go..."
"Don't think about it" Walla cut me off instantly not waiting for me to continue. "No crawling back to him Ev, he is going to hurt you over and over again so please don't" he added.
"We're not allowing you to go back there if he doesn't change" Nick added.
"Oh my God guys, chill. Am not talking about Jared" I roll my eyes
"Then who," Wes asked
"My parents, I have been thinking about it, I want to see them," I say not sure.
"Are you sure about it?" Walla asked in concern.
"Yeah, they could accept me this time around, don't you think so," I say with hope in my voice. "Maybe they will be over it"
"The way I saw your parents in church, I think you should not go there," Nick said shaking his head. "It will hurt you more if they reject you the second time Ev, protect your heart"
"But what if they changed, what if..."
"They would have looked for you if they did," Wes said cutting in "don't put your hopes up Everett, and certainly not in the position you're in" he pointed to my belly.
"Wes is right, maybe after..." the knock on the door cut him off. "Expecting someone," Walla asked since we were at Wes' house. He shook his head walking toward the door. "Let me get some drinks" Walla stood up walking toward the kitchen leaving me with Nick who was holding my hand.
"Don't worry everything will be fine" Nick says squeezing my hand and smiling at me sweetly. I wish I still had feelings for him, he was a great man, and add the good looks, he was perfect. We would have been happy, no hiding, no fear, only us but...
"Get your hands off my husband" my eyes widened looking at Red who was breathing so hard in anger I can see his norsills flaring. What the fuck was he doing here, I told him to never look for me but here he was. I didn't know how it happened but the next second Nick was down on the floor with his nose bleeding. It all happened so quickly.
Jared had punched him.
"What the fuck Jared" I stood up going to Nick who was holding his now bloody nose. "Are you ok Nick," he nodded slowly "what the fuck is wrong with you" I look at Jared who was fighting Wes, and Walla who was holding him back.
"He was touching you" Jared looked at me with hurt in his red eyes.
He is drunk, fuck.
"On the hand, what's wrong with you" I shout at him feeling anger surfacing throughout my whole body.
"It's ok Ev, I'm fine" Nick smiled walking to the bathroom to clean himself as Wes and Walla let Jared go.
"Control yourself, Jared. This is my house" Wes said before they walked away leaving me with him. I took a deep breath and walked to the couch sitting down and rubbing my forehead to calm myself.
"Don't touch me" I snarled at him when he tried to adjust the pillow behind my back. "Why are you here," I hissed at him.
"I am here to see you, Ev, I miss you so much," he slurred pulling on my hand and kissing the back of it lovingly. Feeling his lips on my skin made my whole body tingle and heat up. How I miss them but my friends are right, no matter how much I want, and love him, he will hurt me over and over again so not again. I take in deep breath pulling my hand out of his.
"Jared, p..."
"I got a solution that benefits us" he smiles . "I was thinking, why not sell the house and move away? We could go to Barcelona, you always wanted to go there or Iceland, anywhere you want baby and we can start a flesh. The three of us"
"You're drunk Jared, go back home and rest. You don't know what you're saying or doing" I say slowly as possible.
"I'm not drunk I promise baby, I know what I'm talking about" he hiccup. "let's leave all this behind us and start all over" he breathes in kneeling between my legs.
"So you're willing to leave your company, your life here, and your friends just because you don't want your parents to know about me," I ask
"We will be in touch with them and that's not important..." he hiccups again.
"Are you even listening to yourself" I almost shouted?
"This is a great plan Ev, everyone will be happy. I don't get to lose my parents. we will go so far away from them so that they don't meddle with our lives and we will get to live happily ever after" he says gripping my thighs.
"I wish you could love me, the way you love them" I whisper standing up.
"I love you, Ev, that's why I am here," he says almost tripping over his feet "I am doing this because I love you and our baby," he says tears streaming down.
"But we're the ones who have to run away, we are the ones who have to live everything behind" I pushed him away feeling anger all over my body. "If you love us the way you say you do, you w..."
"I'm trying Ev, don't you see that I am trying" he cut me off "I don't want to lose my parents or you and our daughter that's why I am doing this" he adds.
"I'm not going anywhere," I gritted my teeth "I'm staying here with my daughter and I'm going to shout to the whole world how gay I am" I was breathing heavily and sweating.
"What the fuck do you want from me, Ev, I'm doing this for us to be happy" he hisses.
"For us to be happy, are you fucken kidding me. For you and your family to be happy. I'm done sacrificing my life for an idiot like you. I deserve better than this" I snarl at him.
"Ev listen..."
"No you listen to me," I point at him in anger "I don't want anything to do with you anymore. Go be happy with your parents by your side and let me be happy with my child. I'm so done with you" I pull the ring off my finger throwing it back at him "don't worry, I don't want a single coin from you. I just want to get out of your pathetic life"
"Is it because of that Nick guy huh? You're leaving me because of that guy. You don't love me anymore because now you have your first love and you're throwing me away. Now my life is pathetic" he laughed.
"Expect an email from my lawyer any minute from now," I say texting my lawyer to proceed.
"You love him now" he cries
"Leave"
"You want to be with him," he says crying "I'm trying to be better for you and our daughter. But you're chasing me away as if I mean nothing, you're choosing him over me your husband" he adds crying.
"I'm not choosing anyone Red," I say trying to calm him down.
"Ev baby we can make this work like we always do. We're a team remember" he pulls on my neck trying to kiss me but I turned around. "Please baby give me one more chance please" he was on his knees now
"Go home" I say turning around
"I love you so much, I can't sleep, eat and live without you please sweetheart come back home" he hugged my legs stopping me from walking away. I tried wiggling myself from him but he was stronger than me.
"Wes, Wallace" I called them and they knew what to do. They pulled him away from me and told Wallace to call Marc so that he can pick him up leaving him there shouting my name. I ran toward the guest room closing the door behind me and sliding down on it as I cried. It hurts so much, it hurts and this time I know it's for good. I lost him for good.
I can feel it.
*****