Athena's POV
God it's freezing...I kept the warm mug close to my body, hoping to provide some warmth. December 10th, 2021. Pretty average day except the weather was horrible. It was packed with snow, the roads crowded and icy causing many accidents.
*in coming call from SnowCone <3*
I smiled at the contact on my screen, picking up the call in a matter of seconds. "Hey Cone, how was it?" I sat up on my bed, waiting for his response. "It was going well...till I said something stupid and fucked it all up" he groaned, I just shook my head lightly and frowned. "What did you say, it can't be that bad" "I told them I wrote them a song about them, and then they freaked out and asked me to leave"
"Conan! I told you don't tell them that...are you feeling okay?" My heart ached for the boy. He's liked them for months, sure they're friends and they have...had? A good relationship. But they've always been straight up with their feelings. And I've always got the feeling they didn't like Conan how Conan liked them. They didn't like Conan how I liked him.
We met years ago, new school, new friends, new house. Conan is one of the only people that really made me feel comfortable here. Of course that made my little teen self catch feelings for him. I don't show signs when I like people, he does so that's why it was so hard to admit to him. I still haven't.
He'll talk about his crushes all day, knowing I'll listen and care. And I do care, I always have. It just hurts a little since he doesn't know how I feel. And it's not like I can be mad at him, I mean he doesn't know. And I didn't wanna fuck anything up if I did say something.
"Yea...I guess I expected it" he sniffed, I could hear that tremble in his voice, he had been crying. "Have you been crying?" I frowned to myself. I hate seeing him cry, he deserves to be happy. "Yea...it's nothing, really. I mean I didn't totally just ruin a friendship of a year for nothing!" He said sarcastically. "Come over, you need some coffee" I joked, a small laugh coming from the phone. "Okay...I'm on my way!" He laughed, saying bye and hanging up the phone.
I started to clean up the place, sure we were best friends but I didn't wanna have my old candy wrappers laying around. My apartment is a decent size, good for 2 people. I have a guest room that is basically shared between Conan and Ashley. They decorated it super cutely, Polaroids of the three of us. A record player in the corner with all of me and Conan's projects hung up on clear shelves. It was simplistic but beautiful.
I got finished cleaning just in time, Conan knocking at my door quietly. "God I look a mess" he fixed his hair on the mirror outside the apartment. "You always look good" I scoffed, letting him in the apartment. He headed straight to the kitchen, pulling out his favorite blend and making himself a coffee. "Am I the problem?" He asked quietly, stirring the sugar into his coffee. "No! What? Why would you say that Cone? They're blind, and you know how they are..."
He just signed, taking drinks of his coffee. "I always fuck things up, it's always me who doesn't get the person, I'm the one who always gets hurt. But it's not like I can force them into liking me, they've never acted romantically towards me either. I got my hopes up for nothing Athena" I pulled him into a hug, patting his back lightly. "You will find someone else, and that person will like you for you, and they won't give you false hope or lie to your face. You know Conan you're such a good person it's kinda weird" he laughed, rubbing his eyes that were about to fill with tears.
"Thanks, I guess your wise words will help me move on" he hugged me, making me blush. We just stayed there and held each other. Sometimes I wish all the interactions I've had with him weren't platonic. Holding hands, cuddling...it's so normal since I would never have a crush on him! That's what he thinks.
After a while of talking we settled down for a Gilmore Girls marathon, it's gonna take a while but we've done it before. I couldn't just watch the tv, Conan was too perfect to ignore. I kept eyeing him every couple minutes, seeing what he was up too. If he was watching or crying.
I just want to tell him, it's so frustrating because I've held it in for 5 fucking years. "Hey, you okay y/n?" I turned to face him, my mind basically blank. "Huh?" "Are you okay?" He giggled, "oh yea...sorry about that" I looked forward. He knows I'm lying.
An hour passed, maybe two. I wasn't paying attention. I had been listening to music and day dreaming the whole time. Girl in red was blasting in my ear. Of course it had to be the one with the perfect lyrics to match my situation. "I don't wanna be your friend I wanna kiss your lips"
I also want to die. Right. Now. "Is it okay if I stay the night? I don't wanna be alone right now. Even if you are zoning out over there, it's nice being over here with you"
His words basically engraved Into my brain, I nodded, knowing if I said anything my words would jumble together. "You're being so weird...you okay?" He asked with a side smile, his teeth poking out. "Yea I'm just...i don't know I feel weird" I got the blankets out from the closet throwing them on the bed. "I'm gonna sleep Thena, night!" He said excitedly, jokingly pushing me out of the room. "Don't let the bed bugs bite!" "Of course you out of all people would have bedbugs" I scoffed, turning off the tv and into my bedroom.
3:00 am
I'm still not asleep, I can't stop thinking. My brain is a jumbled mess. It's overwhelming, but I'm overreacting. There's not much I can do here, honestly.
I need to say something, it's like my heart is trying to scratch out my chest and jump into his arms. But I'm scared, I'm horrified of ruining our relationship. I always mess shit up. Next thing I know I'm sobbing into my pillow. I don't want to cry, I need to but not right now. Conan is literally in the next room over.
"Hey- you okay?" Conan peeked into the room, of course I forgot to lock the door. "Sorry- did I wake you up?" he shook his head, coming over to sit on the bed. "are you seriously okay...? you've been quiet and now you're crying- its not like you can't cry its just...you're acting strange'' no, I'm not okay. and I never will be.
"I'm fine" I sat up on the bed, staring into nothing. It's dark, it's really dark. "You don't have to lie..." I've been lying to you for years. And to myself too! We stayed silent for a little bit, the tension was growing. I've never been this awkward around him, not even when we first met. We became best friends in an instant.
"Is it about them? Did you like them!? Oh god you should've told-" "no Conan I don't like them, no offense but they're an asshole"
I ran my hands through my hair awkwardly, glad he wasn't able to see me. "I guess I should just be straight up" I huffed, taking a breath. "If you don't want to tell me you don't have to" "no, I kinda do" I sighed.
"Uh...I like you, and I have for like...years, it's stupid I know, I'm sorry" I held my head in my palms, regretting what I just told him. He was silent for a bit before he spoke up, his words slightly mumbled. I could tell he was uncomfortable.
"For how long?" "Since sophomore year"
I didn't even realize how crazy I sounded right now, imagine your best friend of 6 years just came up to you and admitted they liked you after showing no signs, I guess I would be weirded out too.
"Yea, okay" I was slightly confused, asking him what he meant. "Breakfast date tomorrow? It's not like I don't know you but I wanna make it special" I felt all the little butterflies inside me erupt, maybe i don't actually always fuck things up.
A/n: the title isn't matching up with the story...hmmmm let's see what that's about
Word count: 1480