And maybe, just maybe, the sting of sweetness on her rosegold lips was never meant to reach her tongue. Perhaps, the slow, burning kisses they once shared were just a fragment of free trials and were never really meant to be theirs. Maybe, Lou and Debbie were meant to be friends, just that. The ghost of yesterday was no longer a bother to Lou, still, she knew deep down that she had pasts - that she shared with Debbie - she didn't bury properly. The sounds in her mind was telling Lou to doze off, to sleep, to rest, but how could she when her heart was screaming at her to stay awake and think about all the what ifs and what they could have beens?
The blonde eventually decided to get up from bed. Her black lingerie - Debbie's, the one Debbie owned before hugged her figure perfectly and Lou paused as she realized that on some nights, like that night, she still wore her ex-wife's clothes. Maybe it's the familiarity, or the saccharine memories attached to it, whatever it may be, Lou only knew that wearing that particular black lingerie of Debbie was comforting. She discarded her robe on the bed as she went out. She needed a milk. A coffee. She didn't really actually know what she needed, but she could fathom that she needed something. She trudged down the stairs, choosing to not turn on the light. When Lou successfully got down and reached her kitchen, instead of actually opening a cartoon of milk, her hand was right away holding a bottle of scotch.
"I went here for milk or coffee. Damn." The blonde muttered to herself, shaking her head, yet she still went to get herself a glass, " I guess scotch is winn --" She paused as she heard her doorbell rang.
Blaire was still at Tammy's and she should be home the next day. Not that night. Still, Lou figured that her kid might have missed her that she begged and asked Tammy to send her home. And oh boy, Lou missed Blaire too. She missed her giggles running around the house. The blonde put down her glass and the bottle of scotch on the table as she went for the door. Now too excited to greet Blaire and to ask her how's her weekend.
"Baby you're home! I figured --"
Blaire was not the one behind the door. It was Debbie. Debbie in her black slacks and white long sleeve shirt with three of the buttons unbuttoned. And suddenly, Lou felt the whole world spinning. She was there, dumbfounded and standing in front of her ex-wife wearing her ex-wife's black lingerie. How the hell would she explain to Debbie why she was still wearing it? Lou could sense that Debbie was shocked and she didn't fail to notice how Debbie's eyes ran from her chest down to her bare legs.
Lou shook her head as she chuckled nervously, "I'm sorry. I thought you're Blaire. Figured she's home now. That she was the one. That she was you." She rambled.
"Oh." Debbie uttered and when she did, somehow the moon lit down on her and it casted a golden ray upon her brunette waves; the point of her nose too divine, the carved of her red lips was perfect and her brown, deep brown eyes were like the eyes of the greek gods who burned cities after cities searching for love; Debbie was too beautiful standing in front of Lou, "Blaire's not home?"
"No. Still at Tammy's."
"She called." Debbie bit her lip as she slowly realized that she fell for Blaire's trap, "Told me she wanted me to come to help her homework because you're busy." She explained as she slowly laughed, embarassed and still didn't know what to do in front of her ex-wife.
"This kid." Lou muttered, "I'm sorry for the inconvenience."
"Oh, no. It's fine."
Debbie nodded as she smiled at Lou. And Lou, smiled at her too. Both didn't say a word, both have been rendered speechless at the moment. Debbie knew she should be saying a goodnight or a goodbye to Lou for Blaire was not there, still, it seemed like her tongue had been cut and her feet seemed to have been glued on the spot where she was standing.
"I'm wearing your lingerie." Lou broke the ice which made the brunette to look at her again, "Wearing it." She added as she fixed the right strap that was falling off her shoulder.
Debbie gulped. Lou Miller was too perfect for the universe. With her blonde hair so full of life and her collarbones too deep and sexy. The brunette nodded at her - silently admitting that her lingerie suited Lou more than her.
"It suits you." A pause, "Perfectly."
"Thanks. This one's comfy."
Debbie pursed her lips as she scanned the blonde, "I figured."
"Oh, uhm, would you like to come in? I was about to have a glass of scotch."
"Oh, no. You might be busy."
"Come on. It's 8 PM. Who the hell is busy at 8?"
And damn, Lou was opening her door even wider and was smiling at her. Right there and then, Debbie just wanted to stitch her heart, wrap it into millions of threads so that it would stop beating abnormally. The smile of the blonde melted the walls Debbie thought she already had, and with that, the brunette realized that she was making a fool out of herself. She could never unlove Lou and she could never be just friends with the woman she loved so much. And in that moment, Debbie was trying so hard not to tell her - again - that her feelings didn't change and that she's still in love with her.
"Do you want me to carry you? Bridal style for you to get in here?"
The brunette rolled her eyes, "Fuck off, Miller."
"Copy that, Ocean. Now come in. A glass of scotch won't hurt."
-----
"How's being a professor?"
"Tiring, but I am actually enjoying it. Students are fun to work with. It's a collaborative effort and over all, just uhm, fun."
"I bet your students have a big fat crush on you."
Debbie almost choke on the scotch that she was nursing, "Impossible." She uttered before putting down the glass on the table in front.
The bottle of scotch was half empty and Debbie couldn't figure how many glasses they had downed already, but the night was running good; she couldn't care any less. Lou fell silent with Debbie's reply. Instead, the blonde leaned her back on the couch and Debbie did too. The brunette noticed how well Lou's new home was decorated. The touch of gray interiors and minimal accents on the wall were beautiful. But what really captured Debbie's attention was the beautiful lampposts on Lou's property. Although the home was dark, still it was visibly beautiful due to the golden rays of the lampposts coming in through the window from the outside.
"You're beautiful."
It came out almost a whisper and Debbie almost told herself that she was drunk. Still, a part of her believed that Lou spoke something. Maybe, it was the scotch speaking. Maybe, it was the high-spirits making Debbie braver because the brunette gave the blonde a side glance before she took the bait and spit a brave act.
"What did you say?"
Lou turned to look at her, eyes too sexy and lips too plump, "I said you're beautiful."
And suddenly, Debbie's heart started to collapse. Those four words felt too dulcet that she felt her cheeks turning into cranberry red, as if she was a teenager who just got kissed under the fountain by her crush. She knew she was beautiful; had been told that she was beautiful too many times. She couldn't count how many people have told her that, but none of it mattered. The word beautiful didn't seem real to Debbie; didn't even evoke feelings of being seen and appreciated and admired, not until Lou's lips said it. With those words coming out of Lou's lips, Debbie realized that beautiful tasted so much like milk and honey - too saccharine.
"I'm not."
"Yes, you are."
Debbie sat right up and looked away, silently begging all the gods to teleport her back to her home so Lou wouldn't notice how red her cheeks were, "God, stop. I'm not."
"You are." And how Lou was cupping Debbie's face was a blur, yet it was happening; all of a sudden, Lou was cupping Debbie's face, her palms warm and her eyes - staring at the brunette - were too intense, "You are beautiful. So beautiful for this universe."
The world Debbie knew was full of soil, dirt and dust. She knew it was spinning, but mere humans couldn't feel it. But the moment Lou told her that once more, Debbie's world started spinning, slowly turning into a frenzy state. The brunette could feel that there were tulips and dandelions gradually growing from the carpet underneath, and suddenly, Lou's lips became too irresistible that Debbie could hear it saying, kiss me, kiss me, kiss me.
***