*please read the note at the end of the chapter ily
Sage Williams
"Can I have some?"
My eyes moved from my book to Rory who sat next to me with her feet crossed. The luxurious SUV was currently moving us toward the small airport that moved athletes to different states for sports. I furrowed my eyebrows until she motioned to my hand that was sitting inside of the box of extra cheddar goldfish.
I sheepishly smiled at her, unstuffing my hand out of the box and then giving it to her.
"Dad, how much longer?" I asked.
"Like five minutes, Sage." I chewed harshly on my cheek as he slammed on his brakes, honking the horn.
Rory looked over at me wide-eyed as he started to yell out curse words to another driver. I just got comfortable for the last minutes of the car ride. "Rory, have you ever been to Michigan?" Mom asked.
She swallowed a mouth full of goldfish before answering. "Nope! However, I did watch 8-mile movie with Eminem in it. My parents would let me watch one rated R movie for every single birthday after my thirteenth."
Mom's eyes crinkled at the sides as she laughed.
"You ain't missing nothing Rory. Just a bunch of bad drivers and–"
"You are half Michigander." Dad reminded me from the front seat. His eyes met Rory's in the rearview mirror. "Michigan is the best state in this country." He said.
I rolled my eyes, pulling the blanket in my lap up and over my head. I did not really want to come to this stupid away game but Dad guilt tripped me into going.
When I was younger it was a lot easier to get out of things because I just always reminded them that since they didn't have to show up for everything, like my science fair, then I shouldn't have to show up to everything either.
I refused to ride in the car for this long ass journey. I was meeting Uncle Reese at the airport and leaving with the team. My plus one was Rory. My parents were driving because they liked to explore.
"I'm not half Michigander," I responded as I looked out the window.
"You were made in Michigan. So yes, you are." Dad argued back.
"Does that make Stella half locker room then? I mean since we are describing ourselves by where we are from." Mom's mouth dropped open in horror and her face flushed white as she turned to face me from the front seat.
Instead of confronting me first, she spoke to my new best friend. "She has no clue what she is talking about Rory. I think she's crazy. Never– did I ever. Never would I ever. God, I am so sorry. Please do not repeat this stuff to your parents or they'll freak out and I don't want that to happen."
Mom looked at me before swatting my knee. "What the hell is wrong with you Veda?" I burst into laughter as the airport finally came into view. I muttered the word 'hallelujah' as we drove closer and closer to the private plane that Penn State had acquired just for the athletes.
Or by athletes, I mean the football team since the football team brought in more revenue than basketball and baseball combined.
"Rory, have you ever rode on an airplane?" I asked, as Dad waved at the staff. Rory sucked in a deep breath, handing me back my goldfish. She nodded, "Yep. And I hate it every single time."
I frowned at her as the car came to a dead stop.
Dad climbed out heading to the trunk. I climbed out of the backseat, flannel pajama bottoms and a hoodie on, I grabbed my blanket and pillow. "Slater!" Dad's voice yelled. I winced covering my ears.
I heard footsteps jogging up behind me. "Sage I swear to god, if you packed five suitcases I'll kill you," Slater said as he walked past me.
I rolled my eyes, shutting my door. Mom left her side of the vehicle, wrapping me in a hug. "I love you. No problems for Uncle Reese." I nodded as I pulled away from her. She brushed my hair behind my ears and kissed my cheek.
I groaned as I heard my suitcase hit the ground behind me. "Fuck, Sage. Are you hiding a less bitchier version of you in here?" Slater bitched.
I smiled, turning to face him. "Nope—but hopefully I'm hiding someone who can actually stand to be around you."
"Enough you too!" Dad said as he pulled out the baby pink suitcase next to mine. Speaking of baby pink, my plus one walked up right next to me. The pink neck pillow was still attached, and her pink sleeping mask was halfway pulled down.
"Ready?" I asked Rory.
But when she answered with a nod, she wasn't looking at me.
Hell, she wasn't looking at anyone at all.
She was just staring at the ground, dipping her pink UGG slipper into the small puddle of water in front of us. I frowned, "Hello, earth to my bestie."
I flicked my fingers against her pink tote bag, my fingers emitting a stabbing pain when it connected with a hard-covered book. "Did you bring homework?" I whined as she finally made eye contact with me.
I brought it too. But I knew that I actually wouldn't do it. She would.
Her eyes refused to leave mine. She barely even blinked as if she was waiting for an attack. I raised an eyebrow. "Yep. Don't forget that I have to sit by Leighton. I have to get this homework done. He's the only one who knows how to do this stupid shit."
I snorted.
As our bags rolled away, Slater with them. Rory's eyes snapped to my mom's, a smile growing. "Thank you guys for allowing me to ride with you here."
"Oh, not a big deal. Thank you for going with our Sagey–"
"Okay, mom. She gets it. I love you. We are walking away now. Love you too, dad." I grabbed Rory's hand and pulled her beside me as she waved enthusiastically at my parents. I swallowed a laugh as we walked together.
Uncle Reese stood at the bottom of the stairs to the plane, he tapped his foot at us obnoxiously and even checked the time on his watch. As we approached him, he motioned for us to quickly walk up the steps.
"Damn you're in a rush," I mentioned to him.
He nodded eagerly, following behind me.
"Yeah well, you're the last one on this damn plane. Plus, I'm trying to catch up on some film and I can't get anything out until we are in the air. Let's go, little ladies, move it." I smiled at the woman at the door who pointed us toward the direction of the seats. This wasn't like a normal plane, it was a plane that had enough leg room for over six-foot people to sit on.
Was it good for the environment? Probably not.
But I guess whenever they bought and built this thing they wanted the best for the athletes.
"Where's Leighton?" Rory asked me. I quickly scanned the cabin for the floppy mop of dark brunette hair. I pointed ten rows back to see him sitting on an outside seat. She smiled, "Okay, text me if you need anything." She whispered.
I nodded at her, smiling as she slowly made her way down the aisle.
I was looking forward to this trip for two extra hours or so of sleep? Hell yes.
"SVW– ass in a chair or I'm throwing you out the window," Reese called from the front. My eyes widened as I quickly scanned for an open row. Luckily, closest to the back, there was an open row. I quickly moved my way down past everyone before throwing myself down in the seat. I laid my bag down on the open seat next to me. I fastened my seatbelt and then curled up with my blanket in hand.
As the plane started to move, everyone started to either talk, eat, or sleep. However, I just stared out the window and watched. I watched as my parents drove away and got back onto the interstate. I watched as a small amount of other plans took off, carrying different people, with thousands of other stories out of there.
My phone vibrated.
RORY: Kill me. Please.
My eyes widened in alarm as I turned around in my seat. Six rows behind me was Rory in between Leighton and Slater. I snorted, typing back to her quickly.
SAGE: Come sit back up here. I've got a spot that's open right next to—
"You look comfy," Blaise spoke.
My bag was swiped from the chair next to me. I shot up, whacking my head off of the cabinet above my head. I winced as I came down, the seatbelt yanking me back.
"What are you doing here? And hey, that's my bag! Give it back." I reached for it.
"Blaise! If you don't sit down, I'm going to send you back home to mommy and daddy with a black and blue ass. Sit. Down. I have shit to do! The pilot won't take off until everyone is seated. Don't make me repeat myself!" Reese yelled from the front.
Blaise quickly sat down where the bag was. He sat my bag down next to his legs as he buckled himself into the seat. I swallowed my curse words as the plane started to take off, I felt it gaining speed.
"You still hate these things? Don't you?" He whispered to me. I didn't want to look at him. I didn't need to look at him. I knew exactly how he said it. I knew exactly how his lips moved whenever he asked me that question. I knew that his legs were spread, his thighs were thick, and his large hands and longer fingers were probably sitting together in his lap.
I stared out the window, watching as we left the ground.
My fingers touched the window, tracing out the mountains that were becoming smaller below us. My body felt like it was on fire as we were taking off. The rush was immense. "I don't hate things that scare me anymore. The scariest thing already happened to me."
I responded, reaching for the Penn State brochure in front of me. He sighed.
"Everyone, you may now unbuckle, and be mobile. Please be aware of the signs and please be cautious of the cabin crew. We will be arriving in East Lansing in exactly two hours, thirty-three minutes. Thank you." The pilot made the announcement.
As my ears popped, the sound of everyone's seatbelts unclicking was drowned out.
"Do you want me to put this up top?" He motioned to my bag. I nodded, wanting nothing more than to shut my eyes and sleep. That way I would have to resist being near him, talking to him, and giving into him.
Strong. I was strong and he deserved to beg. I heard Rory's voice in my head.
Oh shit, Rory. I forgot to respond.
I shuffled around for my phone before realizing it had dropped to the floor as I tried to stand up earlier. I bent down after unbuckling myself. However, he was reaching down at the same time too so our heads smacked together.
"Ow!" I whispered as his hard head knocked against mine.
"Sorry!" He muttered, quickly drawing himself back from me. In the process of all of this, he spilled the content of my bag on the floor. I felt my face flush bright pink as my bag carrying, tampons, gum, pens, pencils, and a journal spilled out. Shit.
I stepped out of my seat and collected my things quickly. I was shoving pens and pencils in the bag without even looking. Blaise disappeared and my head popped up quickly trying to find him amongst everyone on this crowded airplane.
I spotted him quickly about three rows back, my eyes connecting with Rory's. She looked at me in alarm, mouthing the words 'Are you okay?' to me. I shook my head, eyes wide. She frowned and went to mouth something to me again but Leighton said something to her that drew her attention away.
"Damn Sage. You bleeding baby?" Baker called out. Everyone's eyes snapped to me, including Drew who sat next to Baker. My face was so red, and I sat down facing front quickly.
"They're mine, asshole." I heard Blaise speak before the sounds of the back of a head being slapped by an open palm.
I slumped into my seat, dying of embarrassment. His footsteps approached behind me again. This time I tried not to watch as he shoved ten tampons into the bag. He quickly grabbed the bag and shoved open the overhead compartment.
"Better in than out, huh?" He teased making fun of my amount of tampons.
I ignored him.
I watched as he raised his arms to shove the bag up top. His hoodie and undershirt rode up just enough to show me the point right underneath his belly button. Underneath his belly button was a trail of hair but there were also two lines that ran diagonally. He was sculpted like a god. Which made it easy to stare.
And it made it even easier to get caught staring.
As I felt his eyes on me I quickly stared straight ahead acting as if I hadn't seen anything or had been staring. I released a deep sigh as he sat down next to me once again.
I pretended to read the pamphlet in front of me, ignoring everything else around me. Trying to force myself not to think about him. Or to even breathe in his cologne that wrapped me in a warm hug that was oh so desperately trying to call me home.
Inhale and Exhale.
Inhale and Exhale.
Inhale and E–
"You brought the journal I gave you." He muttered to me after clearing his throat.
I chewed harshly at my bottom lip wanting nothing more than to erase myself from this moment. "You know, the one I bought you for your sixteenth birthday–"
"I try to forget about my sixteenth birthday when it involves someone like you," I mumbled.
He huffed out a deep breath. I watched out of the corner of my eye as he tried to relax into the chair that he was sitting on. However, something was bugging him. Maybe it was someone bugging him. Maybe it was me. Maybe if I bugged him enough he would leave me the hell alone that way I don't have another bag spilling incident.
I worked so hard to be this girl. The last thing I needed was Blaise to come back and try to ruin the Sage that everyone has learned to love here. The Sage without glasses. The Sage without zits. The Sage without Blaise.
"Those journals looked like they held up pretty well. Did you use them for the last two years?" He asked.
I chewed on my cheek contemplating my answer but just as I was deciding to play the nice girl I remembered Rory's advice. I slowly opened my mouth. "Yep. I use it to wipe my ass on special occasions. The person who gave it to me is a major piece of shit, so I mean I had to put it to good use, obviously." I responded.
He let out a deep chuckle. Only one.
Then he proceeded to run his hands up and down his thighs as if he were frustrated. His head was leaned back as he looked like he didn't know if he should be laughing, crying, or full of anger.
God his legs. I could get lost staring at them. I never knew how attractive a set of legs could be until I just sat next to a man who was spread and all I could see was muscular thighs and hands rubbing up and down them—
"Are you excited for the game today? I know you missed Michigan."
"Yeah. When I was nine." I crossed my legs together, getting myself comfy underneath my blanket.
I closed my eyes, my head half leaning on the airplane seat and the other side lying against the head. I guess I always like the vibrations that it would send to my brain, like if you were on a school bus and put your head against it. That numbing feeling is therapeutic to me.
I was comfy, and I was feeling more and more comfortable. Slowly, I felt myself start to doze. I tried not to think about him next to me. His scent. His face and his wonderful attributes. He was made for perfection and somehow, he would stop at anything for someone who was nothing close to perfection.
But being next to him felt like home. Being next to him felt like a breath of fresh air that my lungs have been searching for. He was right there. He was here. And it felt so good.
But then I remembered everything but just for a second, I let myself doze off next to him for an hour, engulfing myself in the scent of him, and the sound of him swallowing. The way that his chest would rise and fall when he would breathe.
"Sage, do you want water?"
My back was being rubbed by fingers that were applying the most gentle yet soothing amount of pressure against my skin. Immediately, my body recognized his touch which sent goosebumps all across my skin.
I sat up quickly in my seat, thanking the god above for not allowing me to drool or to move my head to his shoulder during my nap.
The air hostesses stood next to our row with a car of snacks and beverages. I smiled at her, rubbing the sleepiness out of my eyes. "Yes, can I have a water please?" I whispered as I noticed people around us were sleeping. In fact, the plane was dead silent.
The monitor in front of my chair said that we had fifty-seven minutes until landing in East Lansing and I was thankful I got that hour of sleep. It meant that I wouldn't be as tired when I went out to party tonight before the game tomorrow.
As I cracked open the seal to the water and took a sip, I stared out the window of the plane. I used to think that planes were so scary and I just remember ever wanting to take them. My brother and system though were obsessed with taking the airplane. It was the same way my mom hated it but my dad loved it.
"We should probably do our art homework while we are together right now. Since we didn't get anything done yesterday." He suggests.
I swallowed my water harshly. The cool water serves as a wake-up call. I nodded.
"Do you–um, have the questions?" I asked, setting my water inside of my cupholder. He furrowed his brows for a second, staring at my face before shaking his head.
"No, I don't." He apologized.
I shrugged. "Okay. It's in my journal. Do you mind grabbing it?"
I was doing a damn good job and making this move slowly like a good rotisserie chicken. I wasn't giving in to him.
He stood up, the bottom of his shirt and hoodie raising once again and this time I couldn't conceal my staring. His body was perfect. Oh my god. Something inside of me was stirring. He was so beautiful.
But fuck was he a dickhead.
"Got it." He mumbled as he sat down next to me, flipping through the pages. I was mortified when his thumb caught on one of the first couple of pages, it happened to be a page where I practiced my name with his last name.
Sage Beck-Day.
Sage Beck-Day.
Sage Beck-Day.
Sage Beck-Day.
Sage Beck-Day.
Sage Beck-Day.
Sage Beck-Day.
Sage Beck-Day.
I was screaming mentally as I ripped the journal out of his arms trying my best to act like I didn't know that he was reading what he was but at last, he had to comment on it. "You know–"
I glared at him, "This journal is two years old. I probably wrote that when I still believed you were coming home after you directly left me."
He looked at me.
He looked at the ground.
He looked at the journal.
And then he looked at me again.
"The questions?" I cleared my throat. He nodded, "Yes, of course."
As I flipped through the pages, I held the journal close to my chest. He watched me as my hands slightly shook. I fucking hate being this close to him. I couldn't tell if I wanted to rip off his clothes or rip off his face.
"Okay. When you think of art, what do you think of?" I asked.
He paused. "Art is simplistic."
I nodded, writing it down with a pen.
"Art is also extraordinary. When you find that piece of art that really draws you in– you always compare it to other pieces in your life. However, it's really hard to compare or to even beat." He spoke.
I didn't pick my head up from the page as I read off another question. "If you could travel to one place in the world for art, where would you travel and why?"
He chuckled. "Easy. A field."
I picked my head up.
"That's where all the flowers and caterpillars are." He explained, as if he was trying to provoke an action from me. I capped the pen after chewing on the end of it.
"Bees are there. Sometimes garden snakes. Not to mention dragonflies. Poisonous ladybugs, you could also have really bad allergies–"
"Are you seriously listing all the horrible things about a garden? You– of all people?" He teased me.
"Are you questioning me?" I asked, feeling a small smile grow on my face.
He nodded. "Yes. I am." A smile grew on his face.
"Okay, well I put a field and we aren't allowed to have the same answer. So, pick a different one." I held the pen to the paper again. He sighed, pondering his thoughts. "I really like London. Or Boston. Just something that looks nice during the winter and autumn."
I quickly wrote down his answer.
My eyes roamed the page before finding the next one. "If you could never get bored of one color for the rest of your life, which would it be and why?"
His eyes stayed on me. Staring at me deeply. He wasn't even blinking and when he was, his long eyelashes blinked slowly. Slow enough that I could almost count every single one on each of his beautiful blue eyes.
"Green." He answered.
"Sage green."
My breathing hitched. My heart was racing and my eyes quickly darted down to the paper in front of me. Once again, I felt like I was that little girl on the playground again, excited he was even giving me attention at that time of day.
"Sage reminds me of the color of life. Sage makes everything grow. Sage I think is beautiful and that's why I could stare at her— it forever."
I chewed hard on my cheek.
Here he was in front of me. Confessing his feelings. Telling me how much he loved me. Telling me he could stare at me forever. He was saying everything my heart wanted to hear for the past two years, but my head needed answers. I needed clarity.
"I'm sorry, Sage. I'm truly sorry. But I'm here now and I know you don't want me back in your life but I'm here and I'll never stop being here. Whenever you're ready, just tell me."
"Tell me why you left."
I wasn't taking any bullshit anymore.
I wasn't dealing with the little white lies.
Or the stupid arguments.
Or anything he would give me unless it was the truth.
I deserved the truth.
I was truly and honestly, one hundred percent done even entertaining this guy when all he has done has been a coward in the spotlight. How stupid of me to entertain even being near him when he couldn't even grant me the decency of telling me why he left me high and dry two years ago. Soccer? He left because of soccer? Bullshit.
"I was in a situation where I just needed to get out of here. It was better for me to leave rather than for me to stay." He explained, turning his body completely to face me.
I scrunched up my face in confusion. "What situation?"
He sighed, "Sage–"
"Stop playing games with me. Stop. You want me back? You want to have me in your life? Then tell the fucking truth to me one damn time. It's that easy. You know what's not going to get me back? Lying! Or being with another girl! Or trying to downplay my feelings and my emotions when I'm the one who got hurt! I'm giving you a chance right now to tell me the truth. Tell me."
His lips pursed as he fumbled with his fingers. His mind seemed to be fumbling a lot too as he tried to come up with a reason. Or maybe another excuse. Maybe even another lie. Anything so he wouldn't have to tell me the truth.
I tucked myself into my chair and turned my body so it faced the window. I grabbed my earphones and shoved them in my ear. I wasn't talking to him even though the plane was going down. He didn't deserve my listening ears when he wasn't listening to me.
I needed to listen to myself. I wasn't going to sit here and allow myself to beg him for answers when he wouldn't even respect me enough to give me them. For years it kept me up at night wondering why he left.
Because of a situation?
We were best fucking friends, his situation were practically mine.
The earphone was yanked out of my ear. "Don't!" I spoke loudly, on the brink of yelling.
His eyebrows raised. "I'm sorry–"
"Don't speak another word to me unless you can explain. Don't talk to me. Don't try to talk to me, don't do anything. Don't–"
A voice interrupted me. "Sage, want to come to sit with me? Better Home and Garden just released a new issue. I think you'd really love the way that they convey the greenery in this issue." My finger was inches away from shoving itself in Blaise's chest when Ellie interrupted.
My eyes snapped to hers as she pleaded with me through her stare. Good god, had everyone heard me freaking out?
Blaise's eyes were on my face as I subconsciously nodded. I had to get away from him before I burst into tears of exhaustion and frustration. I didn't even ask him to move as I climbed over his lap, my shirt rising up.
Ellie pointed to where she was, next to Reese, and I nodded. I reached into the overhead bin, pulling out anything that was left. As my arms reached up again, his fingers traced above my ass.
I gasped as I quickly turned around and faced him.
"Nineteen– huh? I didn't know you were into tattoos."
I shoved his large hand back at him, and ripped my bag away from where I was sitting. I ignored him, and his antics, keeping up with my promises to not give him any more attention when he simply did not deserve anything from me.
The next time that I spoke to him, he would have answers for me.
Hey besties,
He will have answers for her indeed.
I am sorry I have been MIA.
I am in bad health at the moment. For months I've been going into anaphylactic shock randomly and currently, I am wearing a heart monitor. I don't want to get into too much detail but within the last four months I've had pancreatitis, a foot infection from a stupid bee sting, a chest wall infection— and much more. I don't really want to give too much information because I don't want to tell you things that will make you worry. I am sorry for not responding or updating, I have had a really rough week. I'm juggling school, working two jobs, and bad health. I had this chapter written for a while but I couldn't even stare at the screen, I haven't been staring at many screen as you can tell I have been absent from social media.
I hope to be back and better soon.
Until then, I hope everyone is doing well. Please do not worry about me, I have loved reading every single one of your kind messages. Thank you for checking on me. I love you so much.
Happy 900,000. I can't believe we are this close to a million. Even if I'm in a hospital bed, I will still be celebrating with you all. I love you so much. Can't wait for you guys to read the next chapters, a lot is going to be happening and everything will unfold.
I love you all.
Be good.
AND REGISTER TO VOTE.
Nomi.