Eight long weeks had gone by since that beautiful week we had together. We kept in touch daily, sometimes multiple times a day, but it wasn't the same. It was a beautiful Spring Day in May and I had just graduated from college a few days prior. Johnny, of course, was not able to attend for obvious reasons but had sent a huge bouquet of roses and sunflowers, which brought a smile to my face. I was on to the next chapter of my life with my children and hoped he would be a part of that chapter, although I didn't know how. As I looked down at two pink lines staring back at me, I cried. I needed to tell him, but I wasn't sure I could. This put me in a tough situation here at home, but I didn't want to depend on him either. In this moment, all I wanted was his arms around me. Here didn't feel like home, he did. In my hand was the first ultrasound. It was a miracle that this child was even conceived as I had trouble conceiving with my other children. This was a blessing; one I would be forever grateful for.
I dialed Alex on my phone... "Hello?" "Alex! It's Julie." "Julie!! Girl, I haven't heard from you in SO long! What's going on?" "Alex, I need a favor." "Anything." "I need you to pick me up at the airport and take me to Johnny's house. I need to tell him something, but he can't know I'm coming." There was awkward silence, very unusual for Alex. "Alex?? Did you hear me?" "Umm, yes. Of course, I can come get you, just let me know when and where!" "Alex, what's wrong? Is something going on?" "Julie... you should come as soon as possible. He's not doing well but I don't really want to tell you over the phone about it, just trust me when I say you should get here as soon as you can." We hung up the phone and so many thoughts were going through my mind. What was going on over there?! I went online and booked a flight for the next day. I felt guilty, I should have stayed....
I left my children with their dad and flew back out to Los Angeles the next morning. Alex met me at the airport and picked me up in the same SUV that held so many memories. Seriously, there were so many other cars and it had to be this one? "Alex, what is going on? Please tell me." Alex was unusually solemn. "You didn't tell him I was coming did you? "No! I kept your secret, although I'm not sure why you didn't want him to know." I said nothing as I looked out the window as the trees passed us by. "Melissa is back causing chaos again in his life." I turned and looked at him with an anxious expression. "Melissa? His ex-wife, Melissa?" "Yes. That one. She has brought another lawsuit against him and as you can imagine, he is not taking it well." Hell. We didn't really talk about her as he wanted to forget everything that had happened and move on. "So that's why he's been unusually quiet the past few days." "Yes. Believe me when I say, you couldn't have come at a better time. He needs you." I leaned back in the seat of the SUV and sighed. There was no way I could tell him now; he needed me for this and didn't need to be worried about the news I would carry until the time was right to share it.
As we pulled up to the house, I noticed it was busier than usual. Upon entering through the front door, I could hear yelling and slamming. The usual gang was there, Stephen and Grace, Alex and Mark, along with the security staff. I stood behind everyone, not saying a word. I couldn't find Johnny, but I could hear him. I assumed he was in the music room behind closed doors as one of his securities was standing guard outside the door. "Julie! When did you.... Why are you here?" Grace said surprised to see me. I just smiled. "Sorry Julie, things are chaotic at the moment preparing to leave then this happened." Stephen said. Johnny was preparing to leave out of the country to do a movie, another reason I wanted to see him before he left. I walked past everyone without saying a word and walked over to the security in front of the door to the music room. "Let me in." "Sorry ma'am, he doesn't want to be disturbed." "I don't care, let me in." "Paul! Let her in!" Stephen yelled from the kitchen. Paul stepped aside and nodded at me to go inside the music room.
I slowly opened the door and shut it behind me. Johnny was at the piano playing the same notes over and over, a very melancholy tune. He had a look of sheer sadness on his face I had never seen before and was very much in his own world. "I told you I didn't want to be disturbed." He said never looking up from the piano keys. "Well, you are being disturbed." Johnny jumped up at the sound of my voice and ran to me, embracing me in a tight hug. "Julie! What are you doing here?!" "I needed to see you." I didn't want to tell him the real reason for my visit just yet. He brushed my hair away from my face with tears in his eyes. I grabbed him in a tight hug, I never wanted to let him go. We sat in each other's arms for what seemed like hours, not saying anything, just being in the moment. "I'm glad you're here, Julie." "Me too but what's going on? Alex filled me in a little bit, but I want to hear it from you." He stood up and walked over to the window. "I'm tired of her crap, it's one thing after another. I wish she would just leave me alone." I walked over to him and rubbed his arm. "Don't let her get to you. Don't let her win. By getting upset over anything she does, she wins." Johnny turned and wrapped me in his arms and kissed me sweetly. "You always try to help. I understand your words but it's not that simple with her." "Then make it simple." He smiled and shook his head. "My sunflower...."
We walked back out into the living area where everyone was sitting. He kissed my hand and walked over to Stephen to chat about something privately. "How do you do that?" Grace asked, standing by my side as we both watched the guys chatting. "Do what?" "You were able to calm him in like 5 minutes while we've been trying to do it all day long." I looked at her and smiled. "I don't know." "Well, whatever it is you're doing, keep doing it!" We both laughed together. I really didn't know how I did it, I was just there for him. Maybe that was enough? I had my hands in my pocket and felt the ultrasound picture. I wanted to get a frame for it and give it to him that way but right now he needed me to help him with this. It would have to wait. "Everyone is planning to go to a private club tonight for dinner and to relax with some great music. You're coming." Grace smiled and nodded as she walked into another room. I had to tell someone until I could tell him, this was driving me crazy!
I walked outside to the gazebo. I loved this spot, it was where we first met, first laid eyes on each other. I closed my eyes, remembering the scent of musk and tobacco, remembering his deep, soothing voice, remembering his presence standing next to me leaning over the balcony smoking his cigarette. As I opened my eyes, tears filled them. How do I tell him? "Are you okay?" I wiped my tears as I saw Grace standing next to me. "Yeah, I just hate seeing him like this." Grace rubbed my back. "We all do. But you have a way with him that I will never understand. It's a good thing." I smiled. If she only knew. "I get the sense something is wrong." I looked at her. "With you." Hell. I bit my lip as I turned to her. "Yes, there is another reason why I came out here but it's not important right now. What's important is making sure he is okay." I hope she would buy into it. "Mmm Hmm... if you say so." Crap, she knows I'm hiding something. "Well, I'm here if you need to talk about it." I smiled. "Thank you."
The evening approached quickly. I didn't have anything fancy to wear to a private club but whatever. I threw on some jeans and a black t-shirt that covered my secret. I had to tell him and soon. We ended up upstairs at a private level with a private bar and a balcony that overlooked the dance floor below. It was karaoke night, and it was quite interesting to see people performing...or trying to perform. Johnny and I were seated in a horseshoe shaped, red leather booth, with Alex, Mark, Grace, and Stephen. The lights were low, and the dinner was scrumptious and delicious. A server came around asking people what they wanted to drink. Oh no! "Just water please." Grace looked at me suspiciously from across the table. "You don't want a drink?" Johnny asked me curiously. "No, my stomach isn't feeling too well. I think I ate too much." "Oh ok, do you want to go home?" "No, I want to enjoy this evening with you." He smiled as he wrapped me in his arm and kissed the top of my head as he continued to chat with Alex who was sitting next to him. Grace continued to look at me suspiciously which was making me a little nervous. "I'll be back, I'm going to use the restroom." I said as I got up and headed downstairs to the ladies room.
As I was washing my hands, I saw Grace come into the restroom. "What?" I said to her as I looked at her reflection in the mirror. "Johnny wanted me to check on you since you've been in here for a while." "I'm fine." As I started making my way out the door, Grace blocked me. "Move." "No, we are going to go for a walk." Crap. Fine. Maybe she was the one I could tell since I have a feeling, she's figured it out. We entered a long hallway that led outside from the club. Towards the end, there was a sitting area before going outside. I looked out the window and noticed large crowds. "This place is pretty popular, huh?" "Especially when celebrities are here." I let out a big sigh. "So, are you going to tell me?" "Tell you what?" "Oh Julie, come on. A woman knows. You're hiding something, you're refusing drinks, your stomach is upset, you're wearing a loose, black shirt." Shit. "A woman knows what Grace?" She walked over to me. "You're pregnant." Somehow, I felt like I just got punched in the stomach. Tears welled up in my eyes and I walked outside, not acknowledging she was right. "Julie!" Grace ran after me and grabbed my hand, turning me towards her. "You have to tell him!" "Please don't say anything. I am going to tell him, when the time is right. He has too much other stuff to worry about." "Bullshit. You know better than that." She was right, I did. I was just scared to tell him. "Look, I WILL tell him, just not right now, not tonight. Please promise me you won't say anything for the time being." In an odd way, I did feel comfortable knowing at least one other person knew. "Fine, but if he needs to know and you haven't told him, I will." Crap. I nodded my head, and we walked together out into the parking lot.
Suddenly Grace stopped and grabbed my arm and pulled me behind her. "What are you doing?" "She's here. I can't believe she's showing her face." "Who?!" "Melissa." Grace pointed into a crowd that was not too far from us towards a woman with black hair and dark eyes. She gave me the creeps. "Julie!!" I turned to see some girls calling my name. "It IS her! I told you it was!" Crap, I remembered. The pictures that were in the newspaper before I left. The pictures of us at the award show after party! Melissa was looking in our direction with a smug look on her face. "Grace! Julie! What the hell are you all doing out here?" We turned to see Alex coming after us. "Alex, she's here! Over there in the crowd." Alex looked up and saw her and put his arm around me. "We better get back inside. It is not safe for you to be out here right now." "No!" I was determined to make this woman know she would not hurt Johnny anymore. I started walking over to the crowd where she was. "Damn it! Go get Paul. I will stay with Julie." Alex had yelled to Grace. Alex ran to stop me. "Don't Julie. You don't know what she's capable of." I stopped and looked up at him. "She will not hurt him anymore. I won't let her." Alex put his hand on me. "No." "Let me go Alex." "Yes, Alex, let her go." We both turned to find Melissa at the front of the crowd. She was staring at me intently with a smirk on her face. She really did give me the creeps, but I didn't care. She wasn't going to hurt him again, not if I could help it.
Alex stood in front of me, shielding me every time I would try to move around him. "She's a big girl Alex, let me see her." "You have nerve showing your face here." "It's a free country." I never saw this demeanor in Alex. The guy I knew to be positive, and bubbly was now dark and protective of me. "Haven't you destroyed his life enough? What more could you possibly want from him?" I said as I made my way next to Alex. There was a crowd forming around us, as they recognized her and I. "Everything. What makes you think you have a right to him?" Wow, this chick was crazy! I can see why Alex and Grace wanted to protect me. "What makes you think you do?" I snapped back at her. Melissa smirked and let out a chuckle. "Girl, you are playing with fire." "Is that a threat?" "No, that's a promise." Alex stood in front of her. "You will not threaten Julie." A manic laugh erupted from Melissa. "Oh, come now Alex. What could she have that I don't? She's nothing." "She's everything you will never be." Melissa's demeanor changed, she was trying to intimate me, but it would not work. "I doubt that." Wow. This woman was a piece of work! "Melissa, you need to go before the authorities are called." Paul had arrived and placed himself directly in front of her. "Now!" "Oh Paul, now you know I'm not going anywhere. I've made a new friend." She said as she looked directly at me. As she moved towards me, Paul and Alex moved with her. "You will not go anywhere near her." Manic laughter erupted again. At this point, there were cameras filming this fiasco. Great, more crap to go into the media. I ended up with a cramp that made me grab onto Alex's arm. "Julie, are you okay?" I let out a breath. "Yes, just a cramp. I'll be fine." I looked over at Grace and shook my head at her. She came over and stood next to me and whispered in my ear, "Is it....?" I had tears in my eyes. "I don't think so. I think my body is just overwhelmed with all this." Paul had also turned towards me to check on me. Melissa started laughing, such an evil laugh. "If I can't have him, nobody will." I saw her with a pocketknife in her hand as she tried making her way out of the crowd and towards us. "Paul! Watch out!" I pushed my way past Alex and pushed Paul out of the way, then it went dark.
"Julie!! Wake up!" I could faintly hear Alex calling my name. Light, dark, light, dark. What happened? I could hear commotion all around me but didn't know what happened. I could hear manic laughter. I was on the ground. I turned my head, and my vision was going blurry, but I could make out a crowd of people that had Melissa pinned down on the ground. I was in so much pain but at the same time couldn't feel anything. "Julie, stay with me! Someone call an ambulance and the police!" Even though Alex was right next to me, he sounded miles away. "Someone go get Johnny!" Johnny....no....he couldn't see me like this. I slowly reached up for Alex's arm. He grabbed my hand. "Wha... what happ...happened?" I could see tears in Alex's eyes. "We're getting you help Julie. I'm so sorry! I should have protected you more!" Red.... was it blood? I couldn't tell. Darkness was invading me again. "Alex... don't let.... Joh...Johnny.... see me like this." I felt Alex's warm hand on my head as I was drifting into unconsciousness...." Julie! Stay with me. Please, no...wake up!" ........ My eyes barely open, I turned towards Alex. "Tell him... I'm... sorry... and that I... love him." "No, no, no... you're not doing that. You can tell him yourself. You hear me? You will tell him yourself!" My eyes slowly closed as the world went dark and silent on me. "Julie!!!" ......