I stand in the kitchen, adjusting my pyjamas as I make some cereal. I walk over to the kitchen table to sit down before I hear the front door unlocking, that means Jane is finally home.
"Diana I'm home!"
"And I am in the kitchen Jane!" I shout back, walking the kitchen doorframe before she peaks her head in.
"Oh, hello." She says, walking over to the counter where she drops her things down. She's been later than usual recently and it's lonely being here by myself, I have Sadie but still.
"How was work?" I look at her, scooping up a spoon full of my lucky charms.
"It was fine...Same old, same old." She smiles slightly, walking over to the table, joining me as she sits at the chair beside mine.
"How was your day?" She asks crossing one leg over the other as she pulls out a cigarette making me huff, I hate her smoking inside. I hate her smoking in general...
"Fine, I got invited to a party next weekend." I pull one of my legs up onto the chair as Jane looks at me, surprised but also with a tired look as she inhales all the bad things a cigarette contains.
"And are you going to go? Do you have your eye on any boys this year?" She smiles and I do too, rolling my eyes.
"I don't know and no." I reply and she reaches across the table, grabbing the ashtray.
"You have never talked to me about your crushes, go on, tell me. Even a celebrity crush." She smiles and I eat some more of my cereal so I can think of a response...
"I don't like anyone, I've never had a crush on any boys." I purse my lips awkwardly and Jane looks at me. I mean Melody—she's—I don't even know her but she's pretty and nice. I'd like to be her friend, not Ciara's though.
"...And what about girls?" She sits up straight looking at me and I drop my spoon causing some milk to splash onto the table. I don't know how I should answer that question—I wasn't expecting it. I don't know what response I would get if I answered truthfully. I've always found girls pretty—more than pretty, they make my heart race in a way boys don't.
"I don't know...I mean I'm eighteen and haven't even had my first kiss, it's embarrassing and I'm unsure. I don't feel any attraction towards boys but some girls, I find them pretty. Not pretty but you know...attractive." I shrug and she nods as I suck in a deep breath, trying to steady my heart that seems to think I'm after running a marathon by the way it's beating.
"It doesn't matter what age you have your first kiss. It's also okay to be confused about your feelings, I'm not saying you liking girls is confusion. If you do, I support you one hundred thousand percent, I've dated girls. They are very different to men." Jane smiles and my mouth falls open slightly.
"You dated a girl? Are you bisexual?" I ask her and she shakes her head. I furrow my eyebrows, confused and she puts her cigarette down in the ashtray.
"I don't label myself, if anything I would say I'm pansexual if I did have to put a label on it. I date anyone I like, their gender doesn't matter to me." She shrugs and I nod, taking in the new information...Information that is a shock to me.
"It's getting late, you should go to bed for school, kiddo." She says and I smile, standing up.
"I should, goodnight, Jane." I quickly hug her before leaving the kitchen, I go to walk up the stairs and I see Janes work badge hanging up. She needs that to get into work but she came straight into the kitchen...
Maybe she has another one or something?
I ignore it, walking up the stairs and into my bedroom, I see Sadie up on my bed and I smile turning off the light and closing the door. I walk over lifting the blanket and laying down before I rub Sadie's head.
✺
"Pancakes?" Jane smiles over at me as I step into the kitchen. I fix my bag over my shoulder before shaking my head.
"No thank you, I have to pick up Charlie because his car has something wrong with it. I better go or I'll be late." I grab my keys as Sadie runs over to me. I scratch her head before leaving the house and making my way to the car.
The drive to Charlie's isn't too far so I get there quick enough, beeping to let him know I'm outside as I park at the end of his drive.
I sit back waiting, I fix my rear view mirror before glancing to Charlie's house, seeing him running down the drive.
He pulls the passenger door open, throwing his bag down before jumping onto the seat, he swings his leg up almost shoving his foot into my face making me push it away.
"Look at that, new converse, chicken. Look how clean they are, it's weird." He nods his head and I laugh.
"Okay, I see, your feet stink so get them out of my face." I keep laughing as he shuts the car door, putting his foot back down and rolling his eyes.
"How was detention with Miss has her knickers in a twist?" Charlie smiles, pulling the seatbelt over his body and I roll my eyes, pulling away from his house.
"It was fine honestly, Miss Snow wasn't as mean as she was in English class." I say and he ruffles through his bag.
"She probably feels bad about the book." He speaks before going to talk again.
"I hate my Mom sometimes, she just annoyed me so much this morning—She complains about me not wanting to go places with her, I'm not five anymore. I have my own life, you know?" He complains as he sits back after zipping his bag up.
"Charlie, I'm not trying to get you to feel bad for me or whatever but appreciate your Mom, be grateful she cares for you and wants to spend time with you. Mama Cindy is great." I reply and he huffs, rubbing his eyes. Cindy is Charlie's Mom, she's the sweetest really, I'm really close to her as well as Charlie.
"I know. I love her, I shouldn't have said that. She loves me, sometimes it's just too much." He fixes the seat belt and I keep quiet.
✺
Me and Charlie walk to English class while talking about having a movie night this weekend, Jane knows Charlie's not into girls so she allows him to sleep over. She loves Charlie anyway, they always talk, even if I'm not there he often goes over to Jane's to wait for me.
"We should watch the Truman Show." I say and he laughs.
"We watched that the last time." He responds and I shrug.
"So? It's good." We stop outside the classroom, noticing Miss Snow struggling with the door... She stands back letting out a groan.
"Everything okay?" Charlie asks, concerned as he glances to me. She looks at the two of us, moving her hair out of her face, she's wearing all black today. Black long sleeve turtleneck shirt with black jeans and black boots.
"This stupid door won't open, I thought I left it open yesterday. I don't have my key for it." She puts her hand on her hip. I look at her for a second, standing awkwardly before I step towards her making her green eyes go to me.
"Do you have a hair pin?" I ask and she bends down, rooting through her bag before holding up a small hair pin. I take it, our hands brushing and I could feel the coldness off her hands just like yesterday. It almost makes me shiver as I make eye contact with her but I step up to the door.
I walk over to the door and bend down, pulling the two sides of the pin apart before sticking it into the lock and fiddling it around before the door clicks open.
"Aha!" I smile making Charlie laugh as I stand up, looking back at her.
"I hope you only use that trick for good use and nothing bad, Miss Cooper." Miss Snow picks up her stuff and I look to Charlie.
"She's a goody two shoes she would never do anything bad." Charlie says and I elbow him before we walk into the classroom after her, other people start coming to class too.
We sit down near the back and the class stays quiet, nobody wants detention I guess....
"Alright...I want to look at your homework so could you please take that out? This is my first year having you so I don't know what you've done in the previous years. While I'm looking at your homework I want you to write a poem, it's as simple as that." She looks around before everyone starts writing things down, she starts looking at people's homework and Charlie elbows me.
"Help me please, Di, you know I can't do poetry and you are too good at it for your own good." He whispers and I roll my eyes and take his notebook writing it down for him. Miss Snow gets closer to our desk so I hand him his notebook back.
"I have to do my own or I'll get into trouble and I do not want another detention." I whisper back.
"Then do your work, Diana, stop talking." I hear Miss Snow say as some people start laughing and I press ny lips tightly together. I do my own poem while Miss Snow steps up to me and Charlie's desk. I smell her perfume, a strong perfume, it smells really good actually, it reminds me of roses, maybe ones surrounded by thorns in a really dark garden. It's truly the only way I can think to describe it.
She looks over my piece, she already corrected it yesterday but I'm guessing she wants a second look. She steps around the desk, standing in front of Charlie. He pushes his copybook to her and she leans her elbow onto the table, reading it.
I glance to Charlie and he looks back at me, fanning himself a little making me laugh a little, Miss Snows eyes find mine and I look down straight away, writing.
"Good work, Diana. Charlie, work on your spelling, commas and your full stop. Some of the sentences are way too long, if you were to read this out loud, you would lose your breath." She taps Charlie's copybook and he hums before she steps away.
She makes her way to the table in front of ours, the class staying quiet for a few seconds before she sighs.
"Aren't you seniors?" She asks and I look up, she crosses her arms looking around. Some people mutter a 'yes' and she scoffs.
What did we do now?
"Really? I wouldn't have guessed because most of you don't have the brain of one. Seriously, work on your spelling, tomorrow I will be doing grammar and other things that you should have known since middle school. For now, I want you to read out your poems. At least a few of you." She walks up to her desk, leaning back on it.
"Elizabeth, is it? Come on up." Miss Snow nods and Elizabeth looks down.
"I don't have it done. I couldn't think of anything." She mutters.
This is not going to end well.
"Oh my days....Do any of you have it done for god sake?" She furrows her eyebrows and nobody raises their hand. Looks like I have to take one for the team so we don't all get a detention.
I raise my hand causing her to meet my eye.
"One person. Wow. Come on up, Diana." She sighs and I stand, picking up my copybook before walking up to the top of the room. Why did I raise my hand? I'm an idiot. I'm going to cry—I'm about to.
"I don't want to read it." I turn to her, whispering quietly, hoping she won't shout at me. She sighs, closing her eyes for a second. She takes a breath before holding out her hand. I hand her the copybook.
"The moon has taught me that there is beauty in darkness too, that even when I don't feel whole, I am enough." She reads and I close my hands tightly...I should have kept my hand down.
"Excellent work, Diana, at least I know one person is fully capable of doing one thing that I ask." She hands me the paper and I smile slightly before walking back to my desk, my heart racing.
✺
Me and Charlie sit with Melody and Ciara again at lunch with some of their other friends. I recognise one of the guys Milo, Charlie sits with him today and I sit beside Melody again.
"Well done for taking one for the team in English class today. Nobody else was going to." Melody elbows me and I smile, looking at her.
"It was nothing, well it was a little embarrassing..." I speak and Melody keeps looking at me, waiting for me to go on.
My heart begins racing making me lift my shoulders a bit, nervous before of her watching me. She's really pretty.
"I don't think so, it was brave of you." Melody moves closer, sitting right before me and I glance across the table to Charlie who's stuck in conversation with another guy...Kai? Maybe, I'm not too sure.
"Do you read?" I blurt out, unsure of what else to say.
"No...Not really, it's boring, why?" She speaks and I shrug.
"Do you maybe want to go to the library? School libraries typically aren't too great but maybe I could help you find something to read?" I ask and she nods.
"Um...Sure, I wouldn't mind being alone with you anyway, they're too loud." She leans in, whispering and I smile before standing up.
"Where are you going?" Charlie asks.
"We're going to go to the library, just us." Melody takes my hand, lifting it as Ciara and the rest of the guys at the table look. My heart races way too quickly at the feeling of her hand in mine, my eyes widen as I look at Charlie who laughs.
Melody pulls my hand and I wave goodbye to Charlie with my free hand before quickly following after Melody.
"I hope there's some good books." I say and Melody hums as we watch through the halls, she doesn't let go of my hand...She keeps holding my hand and I glance down.
I adjust my hand in hers, threading my fingers with hers and she looks to me.
"Your hand is really warm." She says and I smile, my face heating up as we step inside the library.
"Sorry..." I apologise and Melody groans a little, I look to her and she nods to my left. I look to find Miss Snow at the librarians desk, speaking with her and writing something down.
"She's awful." Melody whispers to me and I laugh a little, pulling my eyes away from Miss Snow.
"I guess, she stole my book, you know?" I look at Melody as we walk down one of the book aisles, she pulls her hand out of mine as she looks at the spine of each book.
I smile, looking around the old library, there's rows of books in here...it's not as big as the gym but it's quite a big library...Hundreds of books. I just wish there were better options to choose from, maybe there is this year, I haven't looked in here since last year.
"How?" Melody looks to me, pulling out a book and I step closer.
"I met her before school started at my favourite bookstore and—"
"You read outside of school?" Melody looks at me, a weird look on her face that's a mix of shock...and disgust? There's nothing disgusting about books...well it depends on the book...
"...Sometimes?" I say, I told her I liked reading yesterday. She probably just forgot...I thought she might remember though, she seemed really interested in what I had to say yesterday.
"Oh..." She puts the book back, not in its right spot, she rests it on top of the books lined along side each other...
I frown a little to myself as she looks at the other shelf of books.
"What do you mean by sometimes? Like...what else do you do outside of school?" Melody asks and I put my hands into the pockets of my jeans.
I don't want her to think that I'm a loser with no life...
"I...hang out with my friends. They don't go to this school."
"Really? I thought Charlie was your only friend to be honest." Melody says, looking to me and I shake my head quickly. He is.
"No, I have Sadie too...And...Jane. There's others—there's a lot." I pick up the book she was looking at before, pretending to have interest in it for a second—I probably shouldn't have interest in it.
I put it back in its spot, not stacking it on top of the other books.
"And what do you guys do? Do you smoke?"
"Sometimes." No, I much prefer air...I don't get the hype with smoking, it's not very good for you. It's just damaging yourself, maybe that's the point of it for some people.
"What do you smoke?" Melody looks at me and I look around...what does she mean what do I smoke? How many things can you smoke?
"Cigarettes?"
"Oh. Cool." Her eyes widen slightly, putting another book back incorrectly which makes me itch the side of my head awkwardly.
"Yeah, I don't smoke too often though...just like, whenever." I look around, Melody hums before leaning against the shelf.
"Do you have siblings?" She asks and I shake my head, I can't help it...I step up beside her, picking up the book and putting it back correctly. I stay close to her.
"No, it's just me and my Aunt."
"Are your parents dead?" She asks and my eyes widen, that's blunt...very blunt.
"No..."
"What happened?" She asks and I swallow that familiar growing lump in my throat that seems to form at every mention of my parents.
"I...It doesn't really matter—"
"It does, I care, you can tell me." She reaches over, moving some of my hair back and I search her eyes.
"They...weren't too great to me, my Dad was an alcoholic for a while...he just—a lot happened before her left and my Mom fell down the same path. That's it." I look away from her, my whole body feeling a little weak now. I don't talk about my parents often, I mean I haven't really said much about them since I was fourteen and Jane took me in.
"Well, you're brave." She runs the back of her fingers along my cheek and I keep looking at her, leaning into her touch.
"Sorry to ruin the moment but lunch is almost over so get ready for class." I hear Miss Snows voice behind me, Melody pulls her hand away and I look back at Miss Snow who raises her eyebrows.
"I should go find Ciara anyway." Melody walks past me, walking away and I stand, confused as I watch her leave.
I look to Miss Snow who watches the bookshelves for a moment before looking to me.
"You shouldn't be around girls like that." She tells me and I furrow my eyebrows.
"What?"
"You're not like her, Diana. I know that within two days."
"Were you listening?"
"It's a library, it's quiet and the two of you weren't exactly being quiet. I'm just warning you because it's not going to end well." She speaks and I huff, walking past her.
A/n
The poem isn't mine. I found it on Pinterest!!