The sound of the elevator's ding announcing Steve and Tony's arrival had everyone turning to look at them. Heart shattered already, any pieces left intact crumbled to dust when he saw the brief moment of hesitation and look of fear and uncertainty in his best friend's face. Only when Tony encouraged Steve to come with him with a firm hand on his shoulder did he start the long walk towards them. Bucky could see that the closer he got the worse off they could see Steve really was by what happened. How haggard, beat down and just completely defeated he was by how careworn he looked. You could see by the dark bruise-like half circles under his haunted eyes that Steve was wrecked. Buck knew he was blaming himself, but not for a second did he. They all knew the risks of their job going in with eyes wide open. But this was one of them in that room. His girl...
After an excruciating hour of confusion about why the comms stopped working a SHIELD agent finally got through to relay the worst news they could ever get. Kat was dead. While he absolutely felt anger and pure fucking rage at the fact that Katherine was no longer apart of this world, he could never blame Steve or the other agents that were there with her. She had sacrificed herself to protect Steve, the other agents and dozens of civilians from being gunned down in the street by a bunch of heartless bastards. He was both proud of her and beyond devastated that she took it upon herself to use herself as a human shield. He wished she could hear him telling her how pissed off he was at her and if she was still alive how he'd never allow her to do something so reckless ever again.
From the moment Mathew's twin intuition kicked in, until Steve stepped off the quinjet with Katherine in his arms, Bucky had felt a kaleidoscope of emotions. Fear, anxiety, despair, disbelief, pain, anger, grief. None of it except relief and sadness had he directed towards his friend. Breaking away from the small group he walked right up to Steve who stopped the second he turned to fully face him. Bucky watched as he brace himself as if waiting for his fists to start flying. Without a doubt he just knew Steve wouldn't have defended himself should he choose to do it. Surprising him, Bucky wrapped the other man in a tight hug. Just being grateful that he wasn't also laying on a table cold and lifeless right next to Katherine. Steve was his brother and no matter what he didn't want to lose him in any way.
Although the same couldn't be said when it came to Mathew or Loki. As far as Bucky was aware they were angry and were directing that anger at the man who had been Katherine's partner. Even though they knew there was nothing Steve could have done but die himself they settled their grief squarely on his shoulders. Grief didn't always make sense. You couldn't take your anger out on the dead so he was the next best thing. In the hours before and since they'd come home there had been a few loud discussions about who was to blame and what people wanted to do to the people responsible. But Travers and the men responsible for Kat's death were all dead. In her very last act she'd killed them to stop them from taking any other lives. It's why when they stepped back he pulled his friend off to the side while Tony went over to talk to Matt and Loki.
Seeing the anger on the other men's faces Steve half turned to avoid their accusing eyes. Keeping a comforting hand on his upper back, Bucky looked at him with compassion. With his shoulders hunched in, Steve spoke in hushed tones as if he spoke any louder he'd break down. "I swear there wasn't anything I could do. I tried to get the bleeding to stop, but there wasn't anything I could do-"
Tightening his grip with a light squeeze, he sighed as he took a half step back. "We know, Steve. Thomas and Charlie filled us in on what happened. We got the mission reports just after you came home-" He started to explain when Tony's loud voice had everyone looking over at him, Mathew and Loki.
"You heard everything Barclay and Fletcher told us. It's not his fault! You know it and I know it." He pointed from the man sitting to the other standing before turning his gaze down to lock on Matt's. "I even let you read the report from the five agents assigned to their team. That report included the witness reports you shouldn't have had access to. Do you need to see the surveillance footage to see exactly what happened to get it?! Cause if that's what you need I had FRIDAY gather every image and video that caught every second right up to the moment Steve took her body to the hospital." Every single person froze in place.
Nothing had been said about there being extensive video proof from every angle of her death. They all knew the media certainly had some of it. It was the main reason why he and the rest of them had been actively avoiding any and all TV's to avoid every channel reporting about the heroic fallen Avenger. Buck had a hard time being in the room with her, so he knew he wouldn't be able to hear the play by play by strangers who didn't know anything about the real person Katherine Blake had been while playing what they could of her final moments allowed on TV. A sick churning in his stomach had Bucky staggering back until the wall behind him held him up. He didn't know if he could stand to watch what FRIDAY had gathered. Breaking the silence and pulling him from his whirling thoughts, Clint came over to try and defuse the tension between the men, but Tony shrugged him off. "Stark, this isn't helping. They're in pain-"
"We're all in pain! They aren't the only ones who lost Kat. We all did, dammit. She was one of us!" He cut Clint off, roughly shoving his hand off his arm when the other man tried to get him to step away. Things were getting heated but no one knew what to do.
He was right though. They were all grieving her loss and while Mathew was her brother, it didn't mean that no one else hadn't cared for her. But he didn't have a monopoly on his sadness and anger. Bucky felt for him of course. There was no doubt that Matt as her twin made it so that their bond and his love for her ran deeper than the regular sibling relationship. As a brother himself Bucky had loved his sister Rebecca more than anything and would have killed anyone who put her in harm's way. So he understood his point of view, it just didn't apply here.
Rounding on Loki, Tony poked his chest hard with his index finger. Other than a briefly incensed expression that flit across his face the Asgardian didn't react. "Because you've known her for less than two weeks and because today she decided to give you the time of day you think you know her. That you have some kind of claim on her?" Jabbing his finger again into his chest and then pointed at Matthew, Tony continued on digging in the knife a little deeper. "You, who put her brother in this chair. You, who were directly at fault for his injury and near death, want to go after Steve? If it wasn't for her then him, three agents and countless others would be in the morgue." His voice caught in his throat betraying his emotional turmoil when he spoke to Mathew. "We're all wrecked that she's gone. I know she was your sister, but she was also my friend. If you want to be mad at anyone I was her sponsor be mad at me."
It was true that he'd taken on her mentorship when Katherine first joined. He was the one who convinced her to stay and give the team a chance. To find a place in this world where she gained a clear purpose with her life. Telling Kat that she'd been given her powers not as a curse but as a gift. And it wasn't just her. Tony had all but adopted Kat and Mathew from the moment he met with the Blake siblings. Personally wiping out Matt's extensive medical debt, helping to improve his homelife along with his continued medical needs. Setting him up with his own low level security clearance to access the Tower any time, day or night to visit. All because Tony knew how close the twins were. He knew that until she moved into the Tower they had never lived apart and didn't want to make it seem like just because Kat was here that Matt wasn't welcome whenever he wanted to see her.
Staring up at him Mathew swallowed roughly knowing all of this. Shooting his gaze over this way he clenched and released his jaw as he shifted around Clint and Thor who'd also come over to keep the peace. Driving straight up to them Matt stopped right in front of Steve and held out his hand and after a second of hesitation he took it. Using his hold on him, Matt pulled Steve down to his level knowing full well that he was more than strong enough to not budge an inch if he didn't want to be moved. Yanking him down further he wrapped Steve in a crushing hug that released a torrent of emotion from both men. Speaking softly, Mathew apologized as he kept a firm grip on Steve's arm.
Moving away to give them some privacy Bucky walked over to Loki who stood with his brother as if guarding Katherine's door. Nodding to the blonde Asgardian he settled next to his new friend who was staring over at the other two men. Before he could say anything Loki settled in place a stoic mask and strode over to them with purpose. Buck was about to follow when Thor placed a stopping hand on his shoulder. "Steve can handle himself. My brother and Mathew need to apologize, give them this time to do it." Leaning back against the wall Bucky did as he said, gave them time to talk. But he stayed alert in case any of them needed him, particularly Steve.
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Not long after his talk with Mathew and Loki, Natasha and Dr Thompson stepped out of Katherine's room to let them know she was ready. Kissing his finacé Matt drove into the medical room to be given time alone with his sister first. The excitement over it went silent, making it so they all could hear Mathew's sobs through the door and down the hall where they waited for their turn. Eventually he came out somber and quiet. As he had since the feeling of her loss came over him he looked hollowed out as if now half of his soul was missing. Steve watched as Matt, with his girl's guidance, steered over to sit with Bucky, Loki and Thor.
Slowly one by one each of them went in to say their goodbyes. One by one they all trickled down the hall after exiting Kat's room towards the elevator to go to their apartments or wherever they needed to go to be alone to process. Until he was the only one left who hadn't gone in. Sat with Bucky and Matt in the small waiting area because Steve hadn't been ready yet to see her. Exhausted he kept to himself getting lost in thought about the too short time he'd been privileged to know Katherine Blake. However long later soft voices speaking drew him from his thoughts of happier days. It was Pepper who had come up and was sympathetically reassuring Matt that things were handled. "The funeral is completely covered so you don't have to worry about anything. We'll make all of the arrangements."
Irritated as if she was inferring that he couldn't financially cover the expenses he shook his head. "She's my sister. I don't need your charity. I can pay for her to be buried."
"We know you can, Matt." Tony says, leaning forward with a soothing tone. "We aren't trying to take anything away from you, I promise. What Pep means is that in the contract Kat signed it outlines the things that are covered in case anything happened to her. It's standard for everyone, including me. We'll be handling this in house. So only when you are ready will we proceed." By telling him this he gives him back a sense of control in a tumultuous time for the younger man.
Not able to listen to more talk about how she would no longer be with them he slipped down the hall. Standing outside her door he took a deep breath and gripped the doorknob. Before he could chicken out he reluctantly entered Katherine's room. Keeping his eyes fixed firmly on the floor he slowly dragged his feet as he made his way to the bed she was laid out on. Fixing his gaze on the opalescent sheen on the back of her hand resting on top of the blanket Steve closed the last few feet until he sat down in the chair next to her. Blowing out a little huff of air he jerkily reached out to wrap his and around Kat's.
Shocked that he was dry eyed he kept his eyes on their clasped hands. Once he worked up the nerve Steve scooted the chair right up to the edge of the bed as he ran his eyes over her. She was dressed in one of their plain dark blue medical gowns with a light blanket tucked in up to her waist. Her silvery-white hair was still slightly damp from being bathed. All traces of her dark red blood now gone from every inch of her pale body and hair leaving her clean and fresh faced. His breath caught at the sight of how beautiful she looked.
Looking at her laying there it looked to him as if Katherine was simply sleeping, as if she would wake up at any second and accuse him of being a creeper for staring. Chuckling a little at the thought he harshly cleared his throat so he could speak. His voice raspy from crying and disuse. "Hey there, Sweetheart." Rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand he lifted it up to his lips. "I'm sorry it took me so long to get here. I haven't been handling all of this very well."
It was strange talking to Kat and not hearing her sultry voice tinged with laughter or irritation or one of the many emotions that inflected her tone depending on her ever changeable moods. Silent and Katherine Blake just didn't go together in the same sentence. Or at least it didn't used to be. Kat always had an opinion to share, a snappy quip or an overly flirty come on that never failed to fluster him. Chewing on the inside of his cheek to keep the flood of tears that suddenly filled his eyes Steve shook his head. He just couldn't wrap his mind around today's events. It just didn't make sense to Steve that he'd never again get to talk to her, hold her, just be there for her. She was right there in front of him. Her hand was clasped in his and yet she wasn't here. Not anymore. What made Katherine, Katherine was gone and what was left was just a beautiful shell.
Needing no space between them he stood up and crawled up next to her. Being extremely careful, he readjusted his position to be able to cradle her in his arms against his chest. Gently combing his fingers through her hair he hummed the tune that he always hoped to sing to his girl one day when he was younger. The song was wistful, beautiful and a just little bit sad. It reminded him of Kat. While she always put up a confident front Katherine was soft and gentle under the surface. It was rare that she ever showed it, but there were brief moments when she'd show him in small ways. Like when he was having a particularly hard day about two months into her moving in.
"Stars shining bright above you.. Night breezes seem to whisper.. I love you.. Birds singing in the sycamore tree.. Dream a little dream of me.. Say Night-ie night and kiss me.. Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me.. While I'm alone and blue as can be.. Dream a little dream of me.. Stars fading but I linger on, dear.. Still craving your kiss.. I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear.. Just saying this.."
Waiting until late that night she invited him up to her room. Steve had been hesitant to accept her invitation on two counts. One being he was nervous around her. She was simply the opposite of him in every way. And two being that Bucky had feelings for her. When he tried to turn her down via FRIDAY she'd teleported to his room with a large pink baker's box. Kat had gone out and gotten him a whole raspberry cake after finding out it was his favorite. Out of character she quietly handed him one of the two forks, a flask full of Thor's mead that she nicked and sat down on his bed telling him she was willing to listen to him vent. It was the first time they'd really bonded as friends.
"Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you.. Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you.. But in your dreams whatever they be.. Dream a little dream of me.. Stars fading but I linger on, dear.. Still craving your kiss.. I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear.. Just saying this.."
For the rest of that night they ate cake, drank mead and just talked. They talked on and off for hours until the sun came up. Before she left she scooted closer to kneel in front of him holding up her pinky. When he just looked at her questioningly she rolled her eyes and hooked her finger around his. "A pinky promise is sacred, Spangles. That means everything we talked about stays between us." When he went to promise Kat stopped him. "Don't say it unless you mean it."
Looking at her with a small smile he told her, "I mean everything I say. You should know that by now, Kat." Holding their linked fingers up he swore it anyway. "I pinky promise that anything you tell me in private will always stay between us." Flashing him a bright smile she took her hand back and threw her arms around his neck in a tight hug. It took Steve a second before bringing his up to cautiously wrap around her back.
He was glad he did because she sighed and fully relaxed into him before whispering, "I think I needed this as much as you did, Stevie. Let's do this again sometime." Leaning back to kiss his cheek she teleported before he could reply that he'd be happy any time to.
"Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you.. Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you.. But in your dreams whatever they be.. Dream a little dream of me"
"When I come to see you I'll make sure to bring a piece of raspberry cake and smuggle out some of Thor's mead. Like old times." Closing his eyes for a brief second as he hooked his pinky around hers. "I pinky promise." Shifting to lay Katherine back down, Steve got up and tucked her in, kissing her forehead. As he went to take a step back he heard something strange. Thump...thump.
Cocking his head to the side he looked around the room as he tried to find where it was coming from. It took a few long minutes before it happened again. Thump...thump.
There! What was that sound? Frowning, he closed his eyes and concentrated hard. They snapped open when it happened again in a slightly more rapid flutter. Thump..thump. Thump..thump. He knew that sound, but it couldn't be. Could it? It was faint and slow but the thumping rhythm was becoming more and more steady the longer he stood there.
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The waiting room was quite as they patiently waited for Rogers to finish saying his goodbyes. Having waited silently seated next to Bucky lost in his memories of Katherine. It had taken the Captain quite a while even after Stark finally left her room to sit with them before working up the nerve to be able to even step foot in her room. But Loki didn't fault him for being reticent. It had been hard enough for him when it had been his turn. To see his beautiful beloved Katherine so still. So unlike herself vivacious and spirited self. Closing his eyes he leaned his head back to rest it back against the wall behind him.
Not even a moment later a loud crash had him jolting upright. A breathless Rogers stood there in the doorway to Katherine's room panting like he'd just been running for miles. Looking white a sheet Rogers stammered incoherently as he glanced behind him. The others who had been just as startled all stood up ready for anything but what came out of his mouth. "Katherine..her heart. It's beating!"