Sage Williams
PART TWO OF THE DOUBLE UPDATE!
"Ugh! He's fucking ugly!"
My eyes hadn't left my phone or computer screen for the last hour. I had spent the entire day in bed after I ran home from Blaise's apartment. I slept in my bed, claiming I was tired. I was tired but I really just slept because I wanted to escape my thoughts and feelings.
But that's the worst part about sleeping off your problems because when you wake up, it's only a couple of minutes until you instantly remember why you wanted to fall asleep so badly.
"Ugly! Ugly fucking man! Ugly! You don't deserve any of these women! Fuck you! Fuck you! F-U- C -K go get fucked! Fuck you!" My eyes moved away from the screens to Rory who was sitting on her bed, engrossed in the newest episode of the bachelor.
My eyebrows raised as I watched her pluck her own eyebrows out with her fingers. Whatever was happening on that television show must've got her angry. As if she could feel my gaze on her, she turned to face me– but not before hitting the pause button on her show. She pulled off her vast headphones.
"Hey! You ready to talk mother nature?" I smirked at her nickname.
"Where'd that nickname come from?" I asked and she shrugged.
"Everything that grows gravitates to you– can't you tell?" She kicked the blanket off of her. As if she had been invited, she walked over to my bed, pulling herself under my blanket right next to me.
I turned to face her, her face mere inches away from mine. My head jerked back, "Um, hello?" She smiled at my words.
"Hi, bestie. Sorry, I like being up close and personal to people who look like they are sad." My lips pursed, and then I gave her the best fake smile ever.
"I don't know what you're talking about Rory. I'm as happy as a duck." I continued trying to smile at her. She giggled.
"You look like a duck that realized it's not a swan." I frowned as she shrugged. "But you'd definitely be the swan that every other male swan wanted to mate for life with if you didn't have that sad look on your face. Now spill the beans– or should I say spill the pond water." She nudged my shoulder.
Good god.
Quickly her eyes drifted from mine to my computer that was sitting on my chest as I laid down. A squeal came out of her mouth. "Oh my god, finally. I was waiting for the day that we could stalk his Instagram page together."
She tried to grab my computer but I held it tightly to my chest. "No! No Aurora– I just– I was planning on reaching out to him for a project."
She rolled her eyes. "Come on, you two have more chemistry than Einstein and a bunsen burner. Just bang it out already bitch. Trust me, once you fuck the guy you want– you become the light of day to them."
I slammed the computer lid closed and sat up in my bed, my hair was sticking up in all areas. "What? No. Absolutely not. We have nothing. Nothing in common, nothing to talk about, the past was fun but it's there for a reason." She sat up, following my moves.
"Isn't it fun to poke at the past?"
I shook my head.
"If Wednesday Adams was a real person, it would be you, Sage." I scoffed, climbing out around her and walking to my closet.
The sky wasn't dark outside yet. I just needed to take a walk and clear my head. I couldn't sleep anymore or I would get a raging headache. I already had a headache because of him, maybe even a heartache too.
"I'm serious. Put some pep in your step girl, who hurt you?" She asked. I shrugged.
She shrugged back, "No, don't act as if you can't talk to me. Best friend, I want you to project to me everything– except vomit. I don't do vomit. Now practice with me– project. Ready?"
My mouth dropped open as she hopped out of my bed, clapping her hands and twirling around the room. How I wished I had a potted plant to drop off her head sometimes maybe to take a pep or two out of her own step.
"Aurora." I seethed as she continued to twirl around me.
"That's my name, bestie don't wear it out. Now, project." I backed away from the door. She sighed and then proceeded to fake yawn. "You know what? You don't want to talk? That's cool. I'll just, eject, myself from this conversation and accept that you are a victim of being a reject."
Once she had her back to me, I booked it out of the dorm room.
The air outside was breezy. It was turning fall, and soon enough winter would be here, knocking on the door like a bad nightmare. The air was crisp like an apple or like the leaves that were crunching underneath my shoes.
I had on a hoodie and a flannel but it was still chilly enough that my cheeks and nose were turning pink. But the cold air was good for thinking. The cold air was good for freezing. The cold air was good because my body was focusing on how cold I was so my mind couldn't focus on how much I hated him.
I kicked leaf's out of my way as I walked down the sidewalks.
I focused on my feet and how they picked themselves up and maneuvered around the cracks in the pathways. I would ignore the ants, avoiding stepping on them because they didn't deserve the cruelty of the world around me.
Nobody deserved the world's cruelness.
Not even that girl who stood near him outside of the elevator.
And just like that, the thoughts came back. No matter how hard you try to push the things you don't want to think about away, they will always come back to you. Creeping on you. Haunting you.
My chin quivered as I sucked in a deep breath, holding my head high as I continued to walk down the street. I closed my eyes, trying to imagine something other than them. I tried to imagine not smelling her Chanel No. 5 as soon as she came within five feet of me.
How crazy is it that I spent so much time staring at her face in magazines and on her social media and then she was in front of me? Staring at him like a puppy she had received for Christmas.
But did she know that he never wanted animals for Christmas?
He never wanted to celebrate holidays at all.
He never wanted to do anything that I didn't want to do.
Did she know that about him?
Did she know about me?
I kicked a leaf extra hard as I continued to walk with no final destination in sight. I had lived here nearly my entire life, I had met thousands of people here, and I was finally going here. But still, I felt so secluded.
Sometimes I gaslight myself into believing that everyone hates me and I know I shouldn't do that, but I do.
But I couldn't help but feel that way since I realized how easily replaceable I was. Or how easy I was to leave.
Since he left I haven't done a lot of things physically. But mentally, I didn't volunteer to go places with people, I didn't reach out to people, and I recently closed myself off to everyone because I was this overwhelming fear that I have done nothing but bug people.
I mean, there are thousands of people on this campus but yet, but I still don't have half of the courage that these people do. Like for example, Rory is so open to meeting new people and making so many friends at college.
I am trying so hard to fit in with that lifestyle and stereotype but it's so overrated and exhausting.
Nobody but him understood me in that way and damnit college was a way of changing myself and here he comes back acting like I should stay the way I am and I shouldn't change myself. What if I want to change? Then what?
Nobody understands how hard it is to watch someone of his elite level go from being with me to being with her in under a year. They were all over the French tabloids. They were all over my social media.
Pictures of her outfits, pictures of her nails, pictures of her being everything I wasn't and he was the reason all this doubt was instilled inside me. So, while he's here, I hope I ruin him. I hope he sees how beautiful I am when I look like her– and I look like a better version of myself.
"Ball! Ball, ball, ball!" I spun around, my eyes catching the distant view of the soccer field being illuminated by lights. Benji. I smiled at the thought of him. He's such a good friend. Who totally wouldn't have been a friend if he wasn't so outgoing, like Rory?
The cheers from the soccer stadium were loud, but still, it was a few blocks away. I stared at people who walked by me as I passed them. Somewhere there are loud groups of friends. Others were people who were lonely like me.
My eyes would focus on couples who had their hands linked together as if the other person was going to slip away at any second; who knows they may.
I crossed onto the grass and walked closer to the fenced-in field. I spotted Benji fussing with a box of water bottles, rushing to fix them for the players. I glanced around, noticing it was only a practice.
I slowly opened the gate and walked toward the boy who was clearly beyond stressed out.
"Benji boy!" I greeted him. Bad idea, some of the water bottles went clattering to the ground. I muttered a curse word and rushed to pick them up for him. He met me halfway, laughing. "Hey Sage, I like the color. How are you tonight?"
I smiled at him, "I'm a lot better than this morning if that's what you're asking." He nodded, reaching for the last bottle that sat in my hands. His hands were cold and a ring sat on his middle finger.
He smiled. "It's a purity ring." He answered the unasked question. I smiled at him brightly. "Cute," I muttered.
He let out a loud laugh. "It's not for me, it's for my parents. They are crazy religious. They adopted me from Canada when I was a baby. They were on their honeymoon. They claimed that they saw me at my orphanage and I was their calling to Christ." I nodded in understanding.
"I know a few people who were born in different countries." He smiled.
"Any cute people?" I laughed, shaking my head.
"Oh definitely." I teased.
He smiled at me, his teeth showing this time. "Look Sage, I should be upfront with you. I'm kinda getting the vibes that you might be attracted to me or you might not be, just know that I am not looking for a relationship."
I snorted. "You're one of a kind, Benji."
He smiled. "Plus, I have my eye on someone. Maybe you can help me out with it?" I shrugged, reaching for a paper cup, and filling it up from the water jug that sat next to the water bottles he put out.
"Okay, well. I don't know if you got these vibes from me but I like playing with an even spread." I smirked, my eyes moving from the swirling water in my cup to his face.
I gave him one big nod. "Are you?" I asked.
He smiled, before getting quiet. "If I'm sensing right, you are too?" He asked, whispering.
I threw my head back and let out a loud laugh. "You are right. You are good."
He hesitated. "But you aren't the only one who is like us, there's another one, I would put my money on Leighton Joseph." I ran my tongue over my lips, wetting them. I raised one singular eyebrow.
I didn't answer, just only offered him a small smile. He became giddy, "I saw him on my dating app and I wanted to make sure it wasn't too good to be true. Do you think you could hook me up?" He asked.
I didn't know Leighton finally came out of the closet, good for him. The last time I talked to him he was still in between the idea of being bisexual or just only liking men but he was so adamant that he could never see him self settling down with a woman.
I had came out to my parents with Blaise there, holding my hand when I was thirteen. They were so excited for me to be open with them. Blaise was excited for me too. Personally, I always thought it was because he was jealous of the way I felt about Alexia Chen.
Which he should've been jealous about because she's still my day one.
Before I could answer someone smacked into me so hard, I hit the ground, them on top of me but their hands, or gloves cradling my head. I whimpered as my body hit the turf underneath me. I landed with a thump and they landed on top of me.
A whistle was blown.
"Sorry baby didn't see you standing there." The male voice above me spoke. My breath caught in my throat as I coughed out the air that was trapped in my lungs from the hit.
When my eyesight cleared up, I stared into the eyes of a gorgeous man, but I could tell that his personality ruined it. "It's a good thing you have a fat ass to cushion your fall."
My eyes bulged out of my head. Before I could speak, he was pulled off of me. "I didn't realize that going for balls that made you way offsides was a part of a forwards job. If that were in a game, if you ever amount to anything like me, you would be fucking benched." Blaise was angry.
He shoved the dickhead once before the guy bounced into Benji's table of water bottles, sending them to the ground again. I quickly sat up, my head spinning as I rushed to grab Benji's cups and lids.
"Sage, are you okay?" Blaise asked.
However I kept helping Benji, but I didn't answer him.
Maybe if I ignored him he would go away.
I mean, that's what he wanted with me, right?
"Sage?" My name was repeated by him.
Benji stopped collecting the water bottles and looked into my eyes. I softly smiled at him even though my head was pounding. I mean, everything inside of me was pounding. Including the naughtiest parts of me who were screaming because of the way Blaise was staring at me, but I acted oblivious to it.
I leaned over the water jug, looking for a bag to put some ice in. Benji shook his head. "The trainer has all the good stuff. She should be back within the next fifteen minutes, she had to go check on girls' volleyball." Right.
But without me even having to ask or speak, a shirt was chucked at Benji. "Here, use that to put ice in her head."
How'd he know it was my head? How'd he know I needed ice?
"You got it, boss." Benji teased him. I refused to stare at Blaise. I saw out of the corner of my eyes Blaise tap Benji on the shoulder, before jogging off.
"Did all of that just happen?" Blaise asked. I shrugged, watching as he collected ice into the shirt. He gathered a good amount before swinging the shirt around creating a pouch for the ice to hang low in.
He handed the contraption off to me and I thanked him by placing it on my head. He smiled, pointing to one of the training beds, "Lay down I'll get the trainer to check you out. Okay? I have to finish these waters quickly."
Right.
I pulled myself off of the ground, grasped onto the table, and walked as the earth spun around me. Everything was dizzy as if a vertigo spell was wreaking havoc inside of my head. As I lay down, my head was facing Benji. I watched as he quickly and skillfully filled and lidded all of the water bottles in front of him, and there had to have been at least fifty.
A whistle sounded again, my head turned to watch the practice.
The ball went flying from the middle of the field. My eyes watched as the ball moved skillfully throughout the players. The players moving the ball moved like butter weaving in and out of players.
Their coach stood at the top of the field, he was surrounded by a group of the coaching staff, not paying attention to anything that seemed to be going on.
My eyes scattered around the field until they landed on the guy who was walking up the sideline, his arms above his head. His naked torso is on display for everyone to see its beauty. Wow.
Maybe it's the way the light was shining on him.
Maybe it was the fact that I was super dizzy.
But he looked so good.
I watched as he wiped the corners of this mouth with his middle finger and his pointer finger, this thumb and tongue in the middle. The sexual innuendo was one of the sexiest things I had ever seen him do.
He turned around to face me quickly. The ice wrapped inside of his t-shirt was on my head. His thumb and pointer finger rubbed his lips as he stared back at me. His muscular abandon was crisp. The air was cold to him with the way his nipples were hard.
There's no hiding the fact that he was the teen heartthrob that every single girl wanted. He was rich and handsome, who wouldn't want someone like that? Not to mention he was now a soccer player.
His eyes scanned my body before nodding his head once– and only once at me– almost as if he were just staring back at me to make sure I was staying put with the ice on my head. I felt my heart flutter most annoyingly.
You didn't check on me for two years Blaise.
Don't check on me now.
"So, when are you two going to fuck this little thing out?" My head snapped to Benji, I winced as I felt my head spin even more.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I answered quickly, closing my eyes and letting the ice sink in. I heard more plastic hitting a table. "You two look like you both need a great crying and fuck sesh. Maybe even a smoke sesh in the middle of it." I furrowed my eyebrows as he motioned with his fingers to his mouth.
"You know? Cry, Wipe tears, Fuck, Fuck again, Puff puff pass? That's exactly the order too. Y'all both look like you guys need it." I stayed silent but he continued to speak. He was just like Rory, oh my word.
"I think you are so hot, Sage. But the protective ex-boyfriend ruined it for me." My eyes snapped open glaring at him. "We never dated," I answered.
He smiled. "Just because you don't date the person you had a connection with doesn't mean you guys still aren't connected." I swallowed hard before clearing my throat trying to find an answer to that statement from him.
"No! You don't have a good grip on the ball! Let me show you," My eyes went back to Blaise who was currently talking to the kid who had smacked into me. As Blaise stood in the goal, my eyes traced the muscles telling stories all over his back.
I started as the muscles traveled. When his arms were held out, I found myself nearly foaming at the mouth as I traced over them mentally.
"Hi! Do you guys know when practice lets out?" I was broken out of my thoughts as I heard the same voice from earlier. I winced, spinning to face her.
Mannon.
My eyes went from her to Benji.
"Should be let out in a minute. You're welcome to wait." He answered her. I swong my feet over the edge of the bed. I dropped the shirt to the side and cleared my throat. "See you in art Wednesday, Benji?" I asked.
He nodded. "You got it, Sagey! Let me know if you need to see the trainer." I waved bye to him, walking to the edge of the field, still not feeling good. I was spinning like a bad night out at the bar.
"Sage!" My name was being called as I walked farther away from the field. I stared at the ground as I walked hoping it would calm down my headache but lucky for me, my headache was following me.
"Sage! Hey! Do you want a ride back?" I ignored him, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Sage, just let me take you home. Please, you look like shit. Look, the car is like ten feet away." I ignored him, continuing to walk away from him. Despite the dizziness and my throbbing head, I continued to walk away.
I had never walked away from someone while feeling pain.
But the reason I was walking away from him was clear.
He was far too used to walking away from people in pain.
So instead of taking the car, he followed behind me the entire walk back to my dorm. I didn't turn to face him while I felt his eyes burning on me. His eyes were staring at my back so deeply that I thought they might catch a burn.
"Good night, I love you." He said to me right before the entrance to the dormitories shut in his face.
When I walked back up to my dorm, I plopped down face first on my pillow while Rory slept with her sleeping mask on and with her huge headphone playing music over her ears. I laid down face first on my bed, grabbed the nearest pillow, and screamed into it.
This was going to be the longest semester of my fucking life.
Hey besties!
Holy crap I can't believe we're done doing past chapters this is part two to a double update and I am so thankful for you guys who are reading right now I love you all thank you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!