I woke up to bright sunshine filtering in between the curtains of my bedroom. Last night was incredible yet so frustrating! I know Johnny is falling deeper within his emotions but at the same time he is fighting it. I just cannot understand why! I want to be patient, then again, I do not. Ugh! I glanced over to the gift bag that had the journal I bought for him yesterday. I smiled and picked it up. I had an idea of what to write inside of it. I’m an artist by NO means but I would attempt to draw a long-stemmed rose on the first page. I looked up various rose drawings on my phone and found one that seemed easy enough to do. A circle here, a wave there, petals over there. Hmm, it doesn’t look that bad. I made two hearts on both sides, encircling the rose, and wrote at the bottom, “A rose is the symbol of two hearts merging as one.” I was so caught up in drawing this rose that I did not notice an actual rose sitting on my dresser with a note attached to it. I walked over and picked up the rose with a note that said, “The rose speaks of love silently in a language only known to the heart.” I closed my eyes and smiled as I smelled the sweetness of the rose. I’m going to miss waking up to these beautiful surprises…
I made my way downstairs to a quiet house. 8:30am, hmm, Alex will be here soon to take me shopping for a dress. I had an idea, with the journal in my hand, I went out to Johnny’s art studio. I wanted to find a red marker to fill in the rose and hearts in his journal when I noticed a blank canvas sitting on the large island. A smile came across my face. Rummaging through the studio, I found red and green paint and red markers. I attempted to paint the same rose as I had drawn into the journal onto the canvas. It wasn’t bad! I smiled, quite proud of myself. I wrote on the bottom of the painting, “This single rose says more than a dozen ever will. Follow your heart.” I went and put it up on the art easel to dry. “Wow, that’s an awesome painting!” I jumped so hard; I thought my heart went through me. I turned around to see Alex standing in the doorway with a huge, silly grin on his face.
“Hell Alex, you could have given me some warning!” “Then that wouldn’t have been any fun to see your reaction.” I rolled my eyes and gave him a playful smack on the arm. “I called you throughout the house with no answer, so I figured you were out here somewhere.” We both were looking towards the rose painting I had done. “Do you think he will like it?” “Girl, you don’t even have to ask that question.” “I hope you’re right.” “I know I’m right” Alex said with a wink. “Let’s go shopping!” We made our way back inside the house. I was about to head out when I noticed Alex not moving. “What?” Alex started laughing. “I don’t think a painted-on look is a good thing in a dress shop.” Oh hell. I went over to the kitchen sink and cleaned my face and arms up. “Better?” “Much.” I rolled my eyes and smiled. One thing about Alex, he was always positive, and I enjoyed that. It kept me from worrying about other things, Johnny things. I hid the journal inside one of the kitchen drawers underneath some towels, hoping nobody would find it there. “Let’s go!”
Alex and I made our way down Rodeo Drive and stopped at a high-end dress boutique. As I got out of the car, the all too familiar feeling of being out of place set in. Alex came over to me, “Are you okay Julie?” “Wow, this is too much! It’s too… Hollywood.” Alex laughed. “Johnny wants to do this for you, let him.” I nodded as we headed inside. This boutique was nothing I’d ever seen before! Wedding dresses, Evening dresses, any kind of dress you could ever want was inside. Crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling, full-length wall mirrors, even champagne on ice! “Alex! I was wondering when we would see you around here again!” A cute, blonde saleslady had embraced him in a hug. Wow, she was gorgeous! Total model type. I let out a sigh and tried not to think of the stigma of Hollywood. “Hi, Lisa! This is Julie and we are here to find a knock-your-socks off Evening dress for her!” Lisa looked me up and down. “What are you looking for?” I did not like this lady; she gave off very snobbish vibes. I turned to Alex and gave him a look, hoping he would get it. He did, thankfully. “Julie, what things do you want to see in a dress?” “Well, something that can camouflage my stomach and arms. I’m not a dress person, so it’s hard for me to say. You pick! If those things are met, I’m good!” I wasn’t overweight but according to Hollywood standards, I was. I was self-conscious about my body and wanted to impress Johnny since he wanted me to go with him. I was also becoming nervous, what if I run into these snobbish people at the afterparty? Ugh! It was all overwhelming me. “Excuse me.” I turned to walk outside of the shop. I needed air. I needed him.
Alex came out behind me. “Don’t worry about her. They don’t know you, and they don’t know your relationship with Johnny.” Relationship? Do people think we are in a relationship? I don’t know what to think. I gave Alex a smile. “Thank you.” Alex put his arm around me. “Come on girl, we’re getting you a dress!” I laughed as Alex led me back inside. The rest of the morning went well, full of laughter, thanks to Alex. He kept the “snobs” away and made my experience enjoyable. “I got it!!” Alex ran to the back and came back out with a red and black sequin dress. Wow! It was beautiful! “You don’t look impressed.” “No, it’s not that. I love it, it’s beautiful!” “But?” “It’s red?” I was never a fan of red clothing. “Girl, with your eyes and skin tone, this red is going to look awesome on you! Try it on!” Alex handed me some undergarments to put under the dress and I took both and went into the changing room. They fit perfectly! How did he do that without knowing my measurements? Well, he is a stylist after all, so it shouldn’t be a surprise, I guess. He was right, this red didn’t look that bad on me. It made a beautiful contrast to my dark hair and blue eyes. I stared at myself in the mirror, perplexed by my reflection. It was me, yet it was not me. “Everything okay in there?” I heard Alex say from behind the curtain. “Yeah, give me a second, I’m coming out!” I walked out and Alex led me to a platform in the center of the showroom. Talk about feeling on display, sheesh! Alex walked around me, “Hmm, okay, that’s good, a little adjustment here, and there we go!” Red sequins glittered under the chandelier lights with black wrapped around my arms and stomach to camouflage the parts of my body I wanted. This dress brought out my hourglass figure. I was not used to this! “You look stunning! Johnny is going to be falling on the floor when he sees you! I thought you would be more excited. Girls like this kind of stuff.” I smiled and laughed as I made my way off the platform. I cupped Alex’s face “I’m not like most girls, now, am I?” “No, you certainly are not. Now…let’s talk shoes!” I laughed as we made our way to the accessory section and picked out the remaining items to put this look together.
Alex dropped me off at the house shortly after 1pm. I was hoping Johnny was back, as I was excited to spend the afternoon and evening with him alone. I walked into the house with sweet melodies coming from the music room. I stood in the doorway as I watched Johnny playing his guitar. He was so soulful, so peaceful in this moment. Music was tranquility to him. His eyes were closed, and he was humming along to the melody that flowed throughout the room. I stood in silence, captivated by the sight before me. This man was beautiful, in all ways possible and deserved the best. I wish he could let me show him how much he deserved it. I walked over to him, slowly and quietly, so he would not hear me. His eyes still closed; I kissed his lips ever so gently. Johnny threw his eyes open! “Julie!” he said laughing. I smiled and winked at him. “What song were you playing?” I asked as I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Oh, nothing, just messing around.” “Mm-hmm.” Johnny smiled at me and kissed me on the cheek. “I’ve always wanted to learn to play the guitar and piano.” “I can show you!” Johnny pulled out a stool and pointed to it, “Here, sit.” There’s that hint of dominance again that turned me on so much. “I didn’t mean right now Johnny!” I said laughing. “Well, we have the rest of the day, so, come, sit.” Yes, we do have the rest of the day and I was determined to make him give into these emotions of his that he kept holding back from me.
I sat on the stool as Johnny sat behind me on another stool. He put the guitar on me over my head. “Hold it like this.” He moved my left arm/hand to the neck of the guitar and the right arm/hand to the sound hole on the other end. He was so close behind me. I could feel his breath on my neck, and it drove me insane. The smell of musk and tobacco lingered behind me. Ugh! This was going to be harder than I thought. “Strum the chords like this while holding the neck chords like this.” Johnny had his hands over mine as he showed me how to play basic chords on the guitar. I should be paying attention, but his touch and breath are making it impossible to do so. “Now put it together.” I played the notes in the correct order, much to my surprise. “Great! You’re a natural!” I turned my head slightly and cupped his face. “I have a pretty awesome teacher.” I brought his lips to mine and to my surprise he did not resist. Johnny turned me around so that we were facing each other while still sitting on the stools. He looked at me with intensity and passion but there was still a hint of sorrow in his eyes. Before he could say anything, I stood up and got closer to him. I took his face in my hands and brought his lips to mine. He kissed me with so much desire, I was almost taken back by it. He stood up and turned me around, the guitar still on me. “Let me show you how to play standing up.” Hell, my whole body was a mess, and I could not control it. My heart was beating so fast, my breath shallow, my lady parts quivering with need. Ugh! This man. I pressed my body back into his as he wrapped his arms around me and moved my arms/hands into position on the guitar.
Johnny nudged my feet apart with his foot. “This helps keep better balance on stage with the guitar. Now do the same chords again.” Ugh, the dominance! I played the chords but stopped halfway. His breath was back on my neck again, the tickle from his facial hair on my shoulder. This time I felt soft kisses on the side of my neck go up to my earlobe, his arms wrapped around me behind the guitar that was in front of me. “Johnny…. I’m never going to be able to concentrate...” Not that I really wanted to. I could feel him smiling on my skin as he let out a small chuckle. Hell. I turned around and took the guitar off and handed it back to him. Johnny laughed. “Lesson over, I take it?” I said nothing as I forced his lips down onto mine. I kissed him hard, while holding his head in my hand, not letting him leave this moment. As we broke the kiss, I could see tears forming in his eyes. Oh no! Not again. “What’s wrong? Talk to me, please.” Johnny held my face in his hands. “Help me, help me get past this. I don’t want to see you leave because of something stupid I can’t get over.” I grabbed him into my arms and held him for what seemed like hours. Johnny was softly crying as he was nuzzled into my chest, holding me in his embrace with such tenacity. He didn’t want to let me go and I wouldn’t let him go, no matter what. I ran my fingers through his hair, rubbing his back until he was ready to talk. Sometimes words didn’t have to be said but Johnny was a talker, he needed to talk about things to someone who would listen and care. I wanted to be that person. The fact he was asking me for help showed me that he possibly saw me as that person he needed.
“Johnny, I never imagined my feelings would be so deep for you, so soon, but they are. If there is one thing I’ve learned from past relationships, it is to never be afraid to tell the other person how you feel when you feel it. Chances are, they feel it too.” I brushed his hair back with my fingers and kissed him on the forehead. He looked up at me with eyes that were lost, like a little boy who had lost his way. It broke my heart. “You are so wise beyond your years, thank you Julie.” “I’m just me.” Johnny smiled as he kissed me ever so gently on the lips and embraced me in the warmest hug I’d ever felt. GROWL!! I looked over at Johnny. “Hungry?” We both laughed. “I guess so, I haven’t eaten in quite a while. Let’s order something.” “Wait! Can I make us something instead? I can look through the kitchen and see what is available and make us something to eat for dinner.” Johnny wrapped me in his arms. “Who am I to refuse a home cooked meal? That’s better than take out any day!” He kissed me on my nose and smiled. I loved his sense of humor, it made me happy to see he was happy, if only for a moment.
We headed out to the kitchen and Johnny showed me where everything was. “I’m going to go out into the art studio really quick, I’ll be back.” Johnny said as he kissed me on the head. Oh crap! The painting! “Wait!” I said but Johnny had already gone out the door and was heading into the studio. Oh hell, I know he will see the painting I did earlier for him. Oh well, he was bound to see it sooner or later. I made my way into the pantry. Goodness! This pantry was HUGE, like the size of a walk-in closet! I didn’t even know where to begin looking! I looked through the dry goods and extras that were inside and made my way to the refrigerator. Hmm… some meat, cheeses… Pizza! I wanted something simple to make as I wanted to spend as much time with Johnny as I could tonight. I ran to the pantry and got the pizza crusts, tomato sauces, and pizza stone to cook it on. I grabbed ground hamburger, pepperoni, mozzarella, mushrooms, and shredded cheese out of the refrigerator. I was not used to working in a huge kitchen, as my kitchen back home was just a tiny space. I set the oven and noticed a stereo system built into the wall. How cool! I turned it to a variety station and turned up the music.
As I was cooking, I noticed Johnny had been gone for a while. I figured he needed some time alone to gather his thoughts as I didn’t want to be overbearing on him. I like having my alone time too, after all. I got everything put together and threw the pizza in the oven. Black Velvet was playing on the station, I turned it up. I love this song and it goes well with my vocals. “Black Velvet and that little boy’s smile, Black Velvet with that slow southern style….” I sang loud, with my eyes closed. This was one of those songs that went to the core of you and it kind of described Johnny in a way. I danced around the kitchen and stopped at the drawer where the journal was. I slowly opened the drawer and looked inside, pulling out the journal. “What do you have there?” Oh shit! I threw the journal back down under the towels and grabbed a towel from the top and slammed the drawer. I turned around waving the towel around. “Just needed something to clean up the kitchen with.” I was never a neat chef, it always looked like a tornado went through the kitchen after I cooked. As long as the food was good, I would clean later. “Maria will take care of that in the morning.” “I made the mess; I will clean it up.” I said looking over at Johnny who was resting his elbows on the counter. BEEP! “Oh, pizza is done!” Johnny smiled as he shook his head. “It does smell divine!” He came over and hugged me from behind as I set the pizza stone on the stovetop. I turned around and the look in his eyes was different, passionate, yes, but different. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Did he see the painting? If he did, he wasn’t saying anything.
After eating our delicious pizza and having great conversation we decided to watch some television. Johnny put on a documentary about Jack Kerouac and Beat Poetry. I always found this fascinating, when people put music and poetry together. Magic happens! I loved being here, on the couch, snuggled into Johnny’s chest with his arms around me. As the documentary ended, Johnny stood up and grabbed my hand. “Follow me, I want to show you something.” He led me up the spiral staircase to the upper floor to his bedroom doors. I froze. This was like the sacred space of all sacred spaces! Johnny opened the door. “Julie!” I shook my head, trying to rid my mind of these thoughts. “Sorry.” Johnny smiled as he led me into his bedroom and shut the door behind me. He stood behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist, his chin on top of my head. It was a beautiful room. A huge king size bed with red and black velvet sheets and comforters. Red curtains, the same rustic, medieval theme that was throughout the house. Furniture that looked antique and a black chez lounge under huge bay windows were towards the back of the room. “Johnny, why did you bring me in here? This is your private space. I wouldn’t want to intrude on that.” “You’re not intruding, I invited you in here, remember?” Johnny said as he kissed me on the top of the head. “Give me a minute.” Johnny ran into the master bathroom off to the side of his room.
Well, he was certainly taking longer than a minute. I walked down the small steps that led to his bed and sat down. This was a very comfortable bed; I could get lost in it. As I was rubbing the comforter with my hands, I stopped as I looked at a framed poem on his bedside table. No way! No… it couldn’t be? I picked it up and read it and tears streamed down my face. It was my other poem I had sent him during the trial along with the NFT one he put in the art studio. This one was very personal and emotional, and I poured my heart out in it as I wrote it, and he has it on his bedside table…next to his bed! What the world?! I couldn’t take the flood of emotion that overwhelmed me in this moment. I put the poem back on the bedside table and walked over to the huge bay windows that overlooked the backyard. Tears streamed down my face. This man was so beautiful and thoughtful. I never expected he would ever contact me after sending a letter and poems, yet alone framing both and putting them on display! Now I’m the one who has their thoughts all over the place! I was so in deep with my thoughts that I didn’t hear Johnny come stand behind me.
“Are you okay?” I sniffled and wiped my eyes, turning to him. “You framed the other one too!” Johnny looked over to the bedside table, “Yeah, I did. That one really called out to me. It was like I could have written it.” “You are so sweet, so kind, so…beautiful.” I said as tears rolled down my cheeks. Johnny wrapped me in his arms, tightly. “Thank you for the beautiful painting. It’s beautiful. I never had anyone do something like that for me before.” I froze. He DID see it! I looked up at him. “You deserve the world and more.” Johnny kissed me so hard, so heavy. He was different, a good different, but different. “Johnny….” He looked at me with dark, intense brown eyes but said nothing. “Something is different with you… not that I’m complaining.” Johnny smiled. “I’m taking your advice. Showing and telling you how I feel. I’ve lost the fight with fear. My desire and want for you are much stronger. I can’t let you go, and I don’t want to let you go. I need you Julie, my heart needs you, in every, single way.” Hell. My heart was crying out for joy! I grabbed him and kissed him even harder, even more intensely than he had just moments ago.
*** Johnny took the lead and removed my t-shirt and threw it on the floor. The dominance drove me crazy! Self-conscious as I was, I covered myself with my arms, as my black bra concealed my ever-aroused nipples. “Don’t. You’re beautiful, flaws and all. Every flaw has a story. Yours is my favorite story of all.” Fuck. Johnny and his words. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he kissed me passionately on my lips, down my neck. He unclasped my bra as he kissed my lips feverishly and it dropped to the floor. He pushed me into him, my nipples grazing his shirt. I ripped his button-down shirt apart, buttons flying everywhere. “I hope that wasn’t a favorite.” I said with a smirk. “No.” Johnny’s eyes bore into me, waiting to see what I would do. I pulled him closer to me, my nipples now grazing his bare chest. I kissed his neck, trailing down to his chest. Johnny threw his head back, breath rapidly becoming shallow. He had his hand on the back of my head, slowly nudging me further down. I knew what he wanted but he’s going to wait. Just like he made me wait. Petty? Yes. Fun? Hell yes! I stood up and unbuttoned his jeans with my hand. “Fuck, Julie. Don’t stop.” My fingers found his pubic hair and the top of his shaft, but I didn’t go down further. I kissed his stomach, each of his nipples, his neck, and finally back up to his lips. His breath was shaky, he was starting to sweat.
Johnny had the same idea apparently, as he was unbuttoning and removing my jeans as I kissed him with everything I had. Left in only my sheer black panties, I pushed his jeans down and he kicked them off. Johnny also removed his boxers, leaving his full member on display. Fuck, this was fucking hot as hell! “Come here.” Johnny said in the sultriest voice I ever heard him talk in. He held me close as his fingers found their way into my panties and on top of my clit. Shit! He had a huge smile on his face. Fuck! He knows what I’m doing. This is going to be interesting. I rocked my lady parts against his bare shaft, making him even more aroused. “Damn it.” Johnny said as he pushed me over onto his bed. This was kind of fun, both of us were onto each other, literally and figuratively. Johnny tore my panties off and threw them off to the side of the bed. “You’re so beautiful.” Johnny said in a deep, husky voice as he kissed my lips, holding my hands above my head. He kissed ever so softly with his luscious lips down my neck and onto my chest landing in between my breasts. My breathing was becoming so erratic. I wanted this man, and I wanted him NOW! Johnny took a rose bud from one of my breasts and sucked hard, making it huge and swollen. “Hmm…” He went to the other one and did the same. Fuck. I caressed the back of his head as he made his way down my stomach, trailing kisses down to the top of my clit. My head was spinning, my body aching with desire for him. His breath and facial hair down there only added to the pleasure I was seeking. I squirmed, I was wet, so, so, wet. I felt the warm sensation of his tongue inside of me. Shit! I’m not going to be able to hold out much longer. Johnny sensing my increasing squirminess, put his hand on my stomach to hold me still. “Hmm…you taste so damn good. The best dessert ever made.” Fuck. “Johnny… I can’t wait much longer…” Johnny trailed kisses back up to my stomach, through the valley between my breasts, up my neck, and onto my lips. “Don’t you dare release without me.” I pushed him onto his back and went straight for his shaft.
I held his shaft tightly in my hand, stroking him up and down. “Shit, Julie….” I wrapped him inside of my mouth and sucked him up and down and twirled my tongue around him like he was the best thing I ever tasted. Johnny was holding the back of my head, shaking. I knew he was close. “Julie, stop… I don’t want to eat my words that I just told you.” I smiled and trailed kisses up his stomach and chest and moved my essence onto the top of his stomach. I rocked back and forth on him. “Fuck, Julie, you’re so damn wet.” I smiled, my eyes filled with passion, and kissed him deeply, passionately, intensely. Johnny lifted me up onto his shaft. Fuck. He was big, bigger than I expected. I bounced up and down, my orgasm building up inside of me, quickly. His hands held my breasts as he would bring me down to him to suck on them. Johnny flipped me over onto the bed. “I can’t wait anymore. Please tell me you’re close.” I couldn’t respond, my mind and body were in such ecstasy, I simply nodded. Johnny thrusted himself into me with such force, I saw stars. “Shit...Johnny….” I grabbed his neck and pulled him down to me and we shared a kiss so passionate, so intense, so full…of…love. He brought me up to him as we straddled our way together into a simultaneous orgasm. Fuck. I had never experienced something like that in my life! As we came down from our orgasms, catching our breath, I pulled Johnny’s head into my chest. “Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me. I’m too far gone to change my mind. I need you.” I looked down at him and he had tears in his eyes. I kissed him gently on the lips. “Never.” We spent the aftermath snuggled in each other’s arms, caressing each other’s naked bodies. Something happened here, something special. A connection of two lost, kindred souls. A connection that I hope would never be broken. ***
I awoke in the middle of the night to an empty bed. Johnny was gone. His sleep is so erratic from having too much on his mind and not knowing how to shut it off. The room still smelled of sex, musk, and tobacco. An erotic mix, most definitely. I got up and pulled the red bed sheet around my naked body. I had to find him. I hated him going through these moments alone. I made my way down the spiral staircase and followed a beautiful melody coming from the piano in the music room. I stopped in the doorway. Johnny had his eyes closed, playing the piano. A cigarette next to him in a golden ashtray. This was a new melody; one I had not heard before. Johnny didn’t play the piano much, so when he did, it was even more exceptionally beautiful. I walked over to the side of the piano and leaned over it, closing my eyes, enjoying the sound. It brought a smile to my face. I heard the music stop but before I opened my eyes, I felt a gentle kiss on my lips. “That red sheet does nothing for my imagination.” Johnny said as he winked and smirked as he sat back down at the piano. “I can always take it off.” Johnny looked up at me. “Maybe later...” he said with a wink as he started playing the piano keys once again. “This is a new song I’m thinking of including in a Hollywood Vampire album. You could say I was inspired once again.” I smiled. I loved how I was becoming a source of inspiration for his creativity. Johnny slid me a notebook across the piano. “Sing these lines, like this...” Johnny sang them as he played the notes on the piano. What?! I must have looked like a deer in headlights because Johnny started laughing. “I heard you singing in the kitchen earlier, Alex wasn’t wrong when he said you could sing.” “No Johnny, this is your song. It’s beautiful when you sing it.” “But I want YOU to sing it. Sing it with the emotion we just shared in the bedroom. Sing it with the same passion and fire you showed me.” Damn it. I wasn’t getting out of this one. “You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?” Johnny smiled and pointed to the notebook as he started playing the melody once again. “Look to the stars, look how they shine for you. Everything was once blue until you came through. I can never thank you, for all you do. Just know, my heart will always be with you.” I cried as I sang the end of the lyrics. Johnny came over and embraced me in a warm, passionate hug. “I don’t want you to leave at the end of the week. I need you to stay with me.” Johnny said as he kissed me on my head. Tears started falling from my face. I looked up at him. “I don’t want to leave you, but I don’t have a choice.” “There’s always a choice and there’s always a way. If two people really want to be together, they will find a way to make it work.” I cupped his face and pulled him onto my lips so gently. “You want to be with me?” Johnny seemed taken aback realizing what he had just told me. He smiled, “My heart likes it here with yours. It’s safe. It’s warm. It’s honest.” That didn’t answer the question. Oh well, I’m not about to ruin this moment, this beautiful moment. “My heart likes it here with yours too.” Johnny held me close as the sheet fell off my shoulders. “So beautiful.” We embraced each other in a loving, passionate kiss. It was getting harder to ignore the days becoming shorter while the heart was becoming fuller. How would I ever be able to leave at the end of the week? My heart ached and I snuggled into Johnny’s chest, tears falling from my eyes once again….