Lou held herself together as she stood inside the guidance office. The teachers knew Debbie and with that, she found herself actually feeling everything - should she be happy? Should she be sad? Should she be angry? Debbie, the one she tried so hard to forget, the only woman she loved, the only woman who broke her, was there - in the same building with her, and she, apparently, was the teacher Blaire was defending. Suddenly, the room felt too narrow, and it was making her feel nervous. She felt herself wanting to run away, wanting to yank herself out of the room after desperately burrowing herself in. Why was it happening? Why did Debbie suddenly become a teacher? And at Blaire's school? The events that followed were a blur. Lou just realized that Blaire was now sitting in front of her and was finally speaking to the guidance councilor.
"I didn't start it. They were talking nasty about a teacher. Things that only adults can speak of. I told them what they are doing is not good, but they trashed their meals on me." Blaire reasoned as she stood up, actually presenting herself covered with the spaghetti sauce, "I just acted out on my defense. And no, I am not gonna say sorry because they started it."
"Ma'am, I know my daughter. She is not someone who starts a fight. She's defending the teacher." Lou blurted, but suddenly feeling anxious realizing that by teacher, she meant Debbie.
"Who is this teacher?"
That question made Lou frantic. Blaire wasn't sure yet if she really was Debbie, but she knew already. And no, she was not ready to meet her yet, and definitely not ready to let Blaire know that the teacher was Debbie. Lou silently called all the gods she knew - please, don't let us meet Debbie. Not again. She was not ready to go crazy over her again. She was not mad at Debbie, that, she knew. But she was covered in fear. The fear seeped through the trifling pores of her skin. She was afraid to put Blaire in between everything; she knew her daughter was too attached to Debbie, and she knew Blaire loved Debbie like how the kid loved her. And if Blaire was to ever see Debbie again, it would make Blaire the happiest, but could she guarantee that Debbie would stay? Lou could suck her longing, she could go endure the breaking of her heart, but she couldn't for Blaire; she wouldn't want her daughter's heart to bleed. Oh, the heavenly mess that they were. Lou didn't know what to do anymore, but one thing was sure: she may missed Debbie, but she wanted nothing to do with her anymore. She who stained the universe of Lou with shades of madness and hues of afterglow. Her saturnine glares, starburnt cheeks, red rosy lips, and intergalactic deeds. She’s too untamed. Too fierce. Too divine. But she, by the name of Debbie, was too much for Lou anymore.
Lou elicited a cackle, "Oh, just a teacher." She looked at Blaire and held her hand, "My daughter has a good heart and she doesn't want anyone speaking ill to anyone."
Finally, the guidance councilor smiled at Blaire, "I see it. No worries Miss Miller. We will conduct an investigation still and have the parents of those boys here too. You and the other parents will have a meeting, in hopes of fixing this issue and we will have those boys say an apology if we can prove that they are really at fault." The guidance councilor smiled at Blaire before she looked at Lou again, "You can take her home today, Miss Miller. And Blaire,..." The little kid looked at the woman, "...continue being a good girl."
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"What do you mean you are transferring her?"
Lou rolled her eyes as she stood up on her porch, "Tam, you heard me. I am transferring Blaire to another school."
Lou heard a shuffling commotion on the other line before she heard a door shut, "Lou, you can't just keep doing that. Blaire has already adjusted there. She's been there for five years and now what?"
Lou held the phone tightly, her knuckles almost turning white, "And now I am transferring here because that fucking Debbie Ocean is here. From a con, to a lawyer and now what? A teacher?" She asked as she started pacing back and forth on the porch, "And really? At Blaire's school? Of all the fucking states of America, why is she here?"
"Maybe she is following you both?"
The blonde stopped and sat on one of the chairs on her porch, "Oh, fuck her."
Tammy started laughing on the phone, "No, you fuck her."
"I'm not joking, Tam."
"Neither do I. I am telling you, your ex-wife is coming back...again."
"She has no rights anymore. I don't want her back."
"Is that your truth, Lou?" Suddenly, like the great best friend that she was, Tammy asked seriously.
Lou was silent and it took her a few seconds before she responded in a low whisper, "Yes." She answered before curling up her feet against her chest, "I don't want to go all through it again, Tam. I've had enough. I don't want to be broken again. She has left me twice. Twice is already enough."
"Reality check, she didn't leave you. Last time it was you who threw the engagement ring back. It was you who left her as you said."
"Because she has a husband. And I don't wanna be her clandestine lover. I don't want to be kept underneath her bed. And more so, I don't want to risk Blaire. "
"God, I don't know." Tammy grunted on the phone and it was then followed by a huge sigh, "I don't know what to tell you anymore except that don't transfer Blaire. And also, I'm not joking, your ex-wife is coming back."
"There's nothing to come back for anymore. Goodnight. Tell the husband I said hello."
"Goodnight you. Tell Blaire I miss her."
And when the call ended, Lou gave up an immense sigh. A sigh of having to kiss an unmeasureable burden. She did not know what to do anymore. Now that Debbie was in the same state as her, and in Blaire's school, it felt like destiny was trying to pick her heart up again. Lou shook her head as she cussed. Fuck you, Debbie. Fuck you. With that, she finally decided to actually rest because for the whole day of worrying about the brunette, she felt like she hadn't blinked. As soon as Lou got inside, she right away, trudged to where her room was. The blonde sat on her bed as she placed her phone back on the bedside table. 11:47 PM the clock appeared. Damn it. I should have brought a vodka with me here, Lou thought. But the exhaustion she felt made her pause and eventually, the blonde let her body fell on the bed.
The room was quite. Except for the gentle tick tock of her wall clock. Lou noticed that the lucky bamboo plant she had in her room was not that healthy and she made a mental note that she was gonna water it enough tomorrow. Other than the plant, Lou noticed nothing, except that the room felt cold, but not colder than the other side of her bed. The side where Debbie should have been sleeping. Lou, with the million pang of hurt in her heart, ran her hand gently on the other side of the bed. Gradually, memories of her and Debbie sharing their nights together started seeping into the blonde's veins, like venom travelling so hard into her nerves and without noticing, Lou was already sobbing on the bed. She couldn't count how many times she had cried because of Debbie and she so badly wanted to kick herself for still crying over her after all these years. She badly wanted to forget Debbie, to finally be at peace knowing that Debbie wasn't hers anymore, wasn't meant to be hers in the beginning, but how could she when she had Debbie tattooed on her? Lou rolled on her stomach, eventually burying her face on a pillow trying hard to stop herself from crying when her phone rang again. Whatever Tammy was going to say again, Lou knew she was bound to tell her a little bit of her truth too and that night, she did.
"Tam, I am happy. Finally happy with Blaire." She sniffed as she continued to cry, "But I miss her. I miss her so badly. And fuck it, it has been five fucking years, but I still find myself on some nights, crying because I miss her. And tonight, I'm here on my bed, crying again. Fuck this, Tam. I do not know what to do anymore." Lou's tears fell even harder before she honestly uttered her last phrase, "I miss Debbie....so much."
Tammy didn't reply and Lou continued to cry on the phone, letting the other blonde hear her cries of yearning. The line felt a little eery until Lou heard a sigh on the other line before it was followed by the sound of a bed, as if Tammy had gotten up. Lou didn't care about what Tammy would say anymore; if the other blonde would tease her that she was as soft as an egg, Lou wouldn't care. All she wanted to do was to tell her a pinch of her well-kept truth and she did. Lou waited for Tammy to speak, but Tammy didn't because Tammy was not the one on the phone.
"Louise? It's Debbie." That soft, velvety voice.
Lou jolted up to sit on her bed and looked at the screen on her phone. Fuck it. It's not Tammy, but an unknown number. Damn it.
***