Chapter 5 – The Entertainment
I had some extra time before I had to go with Johnny to the movie set, so I decided to make myself up. I straightened my hair, put on more makeup than usual, and used some of my favorite body spray all over my body. As I was primping myself in the mirror, a sparkle from my chest caught my eye. The anchor necklace was still around my neck. I never took it off after Johnny put it on me and I never wanted to. I froze in the mirror, just staring at it with memories coursing through my mind, “I trust you. I am scared. I don’t know what to do”. These words weighed heavily on my mind now just as they did when Johnny told me them at the beach cove. I held the anchor pendant in my hand and forced myself to not cry. I wanted to make his heart feel safe with me, I didn’t want him to be scared. Hell, I feared falling for someone too, but I didn’t want him to feel that way too. I was trying to show him what to do but he kept pushing it away. Was it me? Was there something he didn’t like about me but didn’t want to tell me? I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I needed to figure this out because my heart was going full force ahead no matter how much I tried to not fall for this man. It was becoming impossible to ignore.
I headed downstairs and Maria, the housekeeper, told me Johnny was waiting out by the car for me. “Oh yay, more chauffeuring around.” I said sarcastically. Maria just smiled and went on her way throughout the main house. I opened the front door and found Johnny leaned against an electric blue Ferrari Spider, his arms crossed, his foot propped backwards on the back tire, giving me a satisfied grin, smoking a cigarette. Damn, this man was sexy! He was in simple attire, jeans and a black t-shirt with black sunglasses. “Ready to go?” Johnny said as he blew a puff of smoke out from his lips. “You’re driving?” Johnny came over to me and wrapped me in a hug. “I told you I would take you for a ride sometime.” Ugh! My mind went to another place then as it did now! “You smell good.” Johnny said as he nuzzled his head into my neck. I pulled him close. “Take off your sunglasses and look at me.” Johnny did as I asked. “Why?” “I love your brown eyes, your beautiful face, your…kissable lips…” I stared at his lips then back into his eyes. “Your eyes change shades of blue depending on your mood. It’s very hot.” I smiled and pulled him into my lips. I was determined to make him see he had nothing to fear. Johnny broke the kiss, his breath ragged. He cupped the side of my face, “Julie, I…” “Shh... it’s okay Johnny”. Johnny embraced me in a hug and walked me over to my side of the car.
We were heading down into the city towards the movie studio. It ended up being a warm, sunny afternoon. I loved Johnny’s car! Black leather interior and a retracted roof on the car and man, could this car go! I loved the speed, the adrenaline! Johnny had my hand in his during the ride. “Can I turn on the radio?” “Sure, go for it!” I found a station that was playing Usher’s “Yeah!” song. I turned it up and started singing along. Johnny kept looking over at me. “Not into popular music much?” “Not really, no. But don’t let that stop you from doing your thing!” Johnny laughed as he drove and looked over at me. I had an idea in my head. Let’s see what he does now, I thought to myself. I stood up in the car, holding onto the top of the windshield, letting the warm California breeze go through my hair. I started dancing and singing, “Yeah, Yeah!” Johnny quickly placed his hand on my ass. “What are you doing?!” I looked down at him and smiled. “Doing my thing!” I said as I continued my little escapade. Johnny continued to hold my ass; little did he know that’s exactly what I wanted. “You like the view from over there?” I said as I shook my rear as I danced. He was at a stop light and pulled his sunglasses down. “Yes, I do. But can you please sit down? As much as I’m enjoying watching this, I don’t want you to get hurt!”. “Oh, fine.” I sat down and gave him a quick kiss. “Thank you darling, you are too important to me, and I want to keep you safe”. That stopped me in my tracks. I was important to him, and he wanted to keep me safe! I kissed him again and held his hand until we pulled into the movie studio.
Security at the gate let us through onto the movie lot. Johnny passed me a brush that was in his car. “You need this.” Oh hell! So much for straightening my hair. I pulled the visor down, Jesus! Hot mess didn’t even begin to describe the sight before me. Johnny laughed out loud seeing my reaction. “Oh, zip it.” Johnny continued to laugh and grabbed the brush out of my hand. “Here, turn around. Let me help you.” Johnny brushed my hair so carefully, slowly, intimately. Oh no! This was turning me on. I closed my eyes and tried to calm my breathing. I felt soft lips on the back of my neck. Ugh!! This man is killing me. “I love this scent on you, it’s driving me crazy!” I turned around. Johnny’s eyes were deep with desire. His eyes also changed hues of brown depending on his mood. I cupped his face in my hand and kissed him passionately, intensely. Johnny backed away, never removing his hand from my lips. His eyes were filled up with tears and he wanted to say something but couldn’t. “It’s okay. Take your time.” I said with a sweet smile. He wrapped me in his arms. “Thank you. You’re incredible.” “I’m just me.” I replied.
Johnny let me out of the car and held my hand was we entered the movie studio. It was amazing! I had never been on a movie set and was surprised by how active it was. People were everywhere, doing everything! “How do you keep track with all of this going on?” Johnny laughed. “You get used to it. I just do my own thing and get into my zone and tune everything else out.” We walked into a closed set that Johnny was supposed to rehearse with fellow castmates. “Johnny!! There you are! We’ve been waiting for you!” An eccentric guy with curly hair came over and hugged Johnny. This must be Tim! “Tim, this is Julie.” “Julie, Tim.” “OH, you’re the Julie that this one has been talking about for months now! It is very nice to meet you, finally!” Tim said looking over at Johnny with a grin on his face. I looked over at Johnny who was shaking his head and looking down, trying to avoid eye contact with me. “Yes, apparently so.” I laughed and smiled looking back at Tim. “Well, it’s nice to have you on set today!” Tim handed Johnny a script. “Be ready to go in 10 minutes!” and with that Tim walked away.
I looked over at Johnny with a smile on my face. “So, you’ve been talking about me a lot apparently. Tim isn’t the first one to say so.” Johnny was still looking down and let out a frustrated sigh. I went in front of him and pulled his head up to look at me. “Why are you acting embarrassed?” Johnny grabbed me into a hug. “I’m not embarrassed. I just don’t know what you would think of me knowing this.” “I think you are a sweet, honest, humble, and kind man with a heart of gold. You have nothing to worry about.” Johnny kissed me on the forehead. “You leave me speechless so many times. I’m not used to not knowing what to say, let alone do.” “Sometimes words don’t need to be said, Johnny. Just let your heart do the talking for you.” Johnny brushed my hair away from my face and kissed my lips ever so gently. “You’re amazing.” “No, you are, and don’t ever forget that.” TIME FOR REHERSALS EVERYONE!! Johnny kissed my hand and made his way to the middle of the set where everyone was rehearsing the script.
I was completely mesmerized watching Johnny rehearsing scenes with his castmates! The ability to just switch into a different person with a snap of the finger, how is that possible? He had the charisma and talent to do so for sure. This movie was looking like a dark romance honestly and it intrigued me. It was different from the other mainstream movies that were out. “Finding anything interesting?” I turned to find Tim standing next to me watching Johnny act out various scenes. “He’s amazing at anything he does.” “Yes, he definitely is.” I replied, my eyes turned back to Johnny. “He’s an amazing human being.” Tim coughed to get my attention. I turned to look at him. “You’re different. Johnny seems really taken by you. He’s been hurt before, as I’m sure you know. The only advice I would give is to be patient with him. There’s a lot that’s unsaid.” I was taken aback by that comment. What was not being said? I smiled and nodded and turned my attention back to Johnny.
After about an hour, break was called, and Johnny came over to me. “You’re absolutely incredible at your craft, I’m amazed!” Johnny smiled and kissed me on the nose. I loved it when he did silly things like that. “Come with me.” Johnny took my hand and led me onto the set that the actors were rehearsing at. “What are you doing?” I asked worriedly. “You wanted to know more about my world, here, take a shot at it!” Johnny handed me the script. “Johnny! I’ve never acted in my life! I have no clue what to do here.” I was very nervous. Not to mention the crew that were stealing glances our way. “Don’t worry, I’ll talk you through it!” After giving me a quick rundown on a scene that we were to do, I was nervous as hell! It was a scene where he would come in, acting like a jealous husband. He would yell and pretend to push me up against the wall. After some heated dialogue, we would kiss and end the scene. Jesus, I was NOT ready for this!
I took a deep breath. Okay, if Johnny can switch into character, then so can I! At least I can try and have fun doing it. After a couple takes where I ended up laughing because I found it so ridiculous, Johnny came up to me and hugged me. “Third time’s a charm? There’s always a lot of takes until we get it right around here!” “Okay, okay! I think I can get it now!” I laughed. Johnny smiled and went back into position for the scene. Johnny enters the room through the door, angrily. The anger in his eyes was almost real and I had to compose myself and remember he was just acting a scene. “How could you do this? How?! I loved you; I gave you everything!” Wow, I was taken aback by the intensity going on here! Johnny pushed me up against the wall, his eyes slanted with hate. I could tell this was affecting him because he did not want to be like this with me in real life. I slanted my eyes back at him and portrayed a mirror image of his anger. I don’t think he was expecting that as he released his grip on me a little bit. “Love? You call that love? No, it was lust, pure lust, nothing more!” I never broke eye contact with him and kept the intensity going. “Oh really, just lust? Is this just lust?!” Johnny pushed me against the wall with his body, the passion inside his jeans obviously having a different motive. Ugh! Keep focused! I told myself. Johnny looked down at me with sheer desire and passion and kissed me with such fire! Wow, this was hot! I put such force into the kiss then pushed him away, my eyes never leaving his. I pretended to slap him as was part of the script, “You will never kiss me again! Never!”
Unaware of the crowd that had surrounded us as we were performing this scene, Johnny and I continued our own dialogue that was not part of the scene. Johnny grabbed my arm and turned me towards him. No words were said, and he pulled me to him and continued to kiss me with such fire, such intensity. You could hear a pin drop in the room. “You will never leave me; I will not let you.” There was still intensity in his eyes but also sadness. My heart dropped. “Never let me go and I will never leave you.” I said, trying to hold back tears in my eyes. Johnny let out a big sigh, never losing contact with my eyes. I could tell he was also trying to hold back tears. He grabbed me and held me tightly in his arms. CLAP! CLAP! CLAP! “That was incredible!! Such chemistry, such passion!” Tim had said and put his hands on our shoulders. Johnny and I continued to look at each other, trying not to become emotional. Johnny finally broke eye contact and looked at Tim. “She’s amazing, isn’t she?” “She most definitely is! Don’t lose this one!” Tim had said to Johnny. “I don’t plan on it.” Johnny said as he turned to look at me once again with a smile on his face that could light up a room.
After a few more hours, we started to head back to the main house. “I’m starving!” “Me too!” Johnny said he had a craving for some junk food, so we went through a drive thru and got some burgers and fries. I noticed Johnny was not taking the same way back to the main house. “Where are you going?” “You’ll see.” Johnny said as he smiled at me and took my hand into his. He ended up pulling into this small but beautiful park. It was isolated and there were not many people there. Johnny led me to a picnic table along the tree line and set out our food. “You’ve been here before?” “A few times. It’s a nice spot to get some peace sometimes.” After eating, Johnny asked me to go for a walk. We walked on a trail that led us through the woods. It was beautiful. A canopy of trees that shaded us from the California sun with birds of all kinds chirping throughout the woods. Johnny looked at me with concern as I stopped our walk. “Were you acting at the end of the scene we did or was it real?” Johnny swallowed his anxiety as he came closer to me and embraced me in a hug. “It killed me to do that scene as I did not want you to think I was someone I was not. I meant it when I said I wouldn’t let you leave. I can’t let you leave. It would tear my heart apart.” He had tears forming in his eyes again and a lone tear had escaped down his face. What was hurting him so much?! What was he afraid of so much?! All I could do was be patient with him as he went through these emotions. I kissed his tear that trailed down his face. “I don’t ever want to leave this space either. I like being here, in your arms. I like kissing your lips. It’s safe and it’s comfortable, yet I want more but I don’t want to push you into something you don’t want.” “I’m beginning to think you’re what I want.” Johnny leaned down and kissed me so gently, so sweetly. I never wanted this moment to end.
As we arrived back to the main house, I noticed many people were already there. “Oh! These must be your friends for the jam session!” Johnny smiled. “You would be correct my dear.” After parking the car, Johnny led me into the main house where we were greeted by the usual gang of Stephen and Grace. I recognized some familiar faces that I had never met before, it was Joe and Alice from the Hollywood Vampires! Holy! I can’t believe I was in the presence of these two awesome musicians that were a part of my life as I was growing up. “Johnny, that’s Joe and Alice.” Johnny laughed at me being starstruck. “Come on!” Johnny led me over to the guys and introduced me. “Julie, it’s so nice to meet you. I hope you’re keeping this one on track! He needs it!” Alice laughed as he looked over at Johnny who was not being shy for once. Joe nodded in agreement. “Definitely does!” I smiled; these guys were damn awesome. Laid back for rock stars for sure but still awesome. I liked how they seemed like a tight knit group. Johnny needed good people looking out for him. Johnny kept his arm around me as he introduced me to other people at this jam session. I loved how he was more at ease with this group of people than with other groups I’ve seen him with. It made my heart happy!
“This is Alex and his husband Mark. Alex is my stylist.” “Nice to meet you!” I said as I shook Alex’s hand. “No! None of that. Give me a hug girl!” Alex pulled me into a warm, friendly hug. I could never get used to California people being so open and friendly. It was not like that back home on the East Coast! “She’s so cute, such a sweetheart!” Alex said. Oh, my goodness, now I’m getting embarrassed. “Ok, ok, enough pawing on my girl. Get out of here.” Johnny laughed as he brought me to the all too familiar red leather couch in the living area. My girl? Did he just call me his girl? Ugh! I’m so confused right now. “Remember Alex for me.” Johnny had said as he sat me down next to him on the couch. “Ok. Why?” “You’ll see.” Johnny said as he winked at me. This man is always full of surprises. As much as it drives me crazy, I’ll admit, I love it. Johnny wrapped his arm around me on the couch and I tucked my head into his shoulder. I loved it here and I wanted to stay here.
Joe and Alice were performing a few new songs that were going to be on the upcoming Hollywood Vampire album. “Johnny! Get up here! This is your song!” Alice called out from the mini stage that was set up in the living area. I smiled at him and pushed his ass over to the stage. I love his ass. Johnny started to play a melody on the guitar that was a little up-tempo with the other guys joining in. It sounded awesome as usual! There was nothing this man couldn’t do! “I know I felt like this before, but now I’m feeling it more, the things you do to me, is impossible not to see.” Johnny looked at me the whole time while singing his song. It made me feel special. I could see the passion in his eyes, yet I also saw fearfulness. Joe and Alice patted him on the ass for doing an awesome job. “Go back to your girl man!” Joe said to him as he shook his head. His girl? What am I not privy to here? Am I missing something? Ugh! Johnny came back and sat down next to me on the couch as Mark, Alex’s husband, took the stage. “Mark is an awesome guitar player and vocalist, watch.” Johnny pointed towards the stage as Mark took his place.
“This is for all you lovers out there tonight.” Mark looked at Alex, then over to Stephen and Grace, then over at Johnny and I and winked at us especially. The room was looking over at us as we snuggled back into our position on the couch. I could never get used to people looking at us. It was almost like they knew something I didn’t. Johnny could always sense my uneasiness with certain situations. He wrapped me tighter towards him and kissed my head. “I can’t go on, living in the memory of our song, I’d risk my life to feel, your heart beating into mine.” The mood was calm, loving, beautiful. CLAP! CLAP! Everyone gave Mark a standing ovation. I stopped Mark as he was walking by. “That was incredible! Beautiful! Why the hell don’t you have a record deal?!” Mark laughed. “Oh honey, I just like to do this on my own time but thanks for the compliment.” He hugged me before he went over to sit with Alex. I looked over at Johnny. “This group right here, these are your people. This is who belongs by your side.” “You belong by my side.” Johnny said as he brushed my hair away from my face and kissed me.
Johnny and I were in the kitchen watching Stephen and Grace “trying” to perform a duet. It was bad and they both had one too many drinks, but nobody said anything. The atmosphere was fun, light, and everyone was having a great time. I laughed. “Oh my, this is…. interesting.” Johnny had grabbed my hand. “Follow me.” Johnny led me up the front stairs that led to the other side of the upper floors where our bedrooms were. “What are we doing up here?” “Shh! I don’t want anyone to hear us!” Johnny pushed me up against the wall. There was passion in his eyes. Oh shit, I’m in trouble. “You’ve been driving me crazy all day. I don’t know how much more I can take.” He looked at me with such intensity, such need. Yet there was a sense of caution surrounding him. “Let it go, Johnny. Why are you holding back?” Johnny pushed me up the wall with more dominance than I ever saw him have. My breath increased; my heart raced. He kissed me like never before, his tongue seeking dominance over mine. He trailed kisses down my neck onto my chest. His facial hair drove me nuts when it touched my skin. He came up to me, his lips barely touching mine. I put my hand on his chest. “Your heart is beating so fast.” He took my head in his hands and kissed me so deeply I swear I saw lights flash before my eyes. Then, he stopped.
He looked at me with confusion that was full of desire. Tears formed in my eyes. “Johnny, why won’t you tell me what’s wrong? My heart can’t keep taking this. I’m trying to be patient. I understand but I won’t say it doesn’t hurt me.” Johnny shook his head. “Hurting you is the last thing I ever want to do to you!” Tears flowed down my face. “I said I was falling for you, and I didn’t think I could stop. I can’t stop, I can’t. Please tell me what you need, tell me how I can help you get through whatever it is you’re going through.” I put my hand over his heart. “Johnny, there is only one thing I would ever want or need from you.” Johnny put his hand over mine. “My heart.” “Yes, your heart. I don’t care what you have or what you do. I only want you and your heart.” I sobbed as my own heart was breaking. Johnny wrapped me in his arms. “I’m sorry Julie. I never want to be the cause of you being sad. I never want to hurt you. You are SO special to me. Remember when I said I had a battle within me that was difficult to explain? It’s a battle of my past and my heart. I know you are not my past. You are better than my past ever could be!” “Then why can’t you try to let me be the future?” Johnny had tears in his eyes. “I…I…” he couldn’t find the words. I shook my head and pushed him away. “I can’t do this right now, I can’t.” I ran towards my bedroom door but before I went inside, I heard Johnny’s voice say so low through his tears, “Julie…. I’m sorry.”
It was the middle of the night and I had fallen asleep crying on my bed. I woke to a dark room and silence. I was about to get up when I heard the doorknob turn. I pretended to still be asleep as I knew it had to be Johnny. I heard footsteps come over and sit in the chair that was next to my bed. Musk and tobacco, the smell was comforting and brought a smile to my face. I was hoping he wouldn’t notice. I felt Johnny move pieces of my hair and stroke the side of my face. He lightly kissed me on the forehead as to not wake me. He spoke so softly, almost like a whisper. “You’re so beautiful. A sleeping angel. I’m so sorry. You have such a pure heart, an honest heart. I feel sometimes that I’m not worthy of such a true love. My past has ruined my outlook on love. You don’t deserve that. Yet, I can’t let you go. My heart needs yours. My heart needs you.” I could tell Johnny was crying and it broke my heart. He went to kiss me on the lips and turned to leave the bedroom. I pretended to wake. “Johnny? Is that you?” “Yes, I did not mean to wake you.” I sat up on the bed, tears rolling down my eyes. Johnny was unaware I had heard every word. “Please lay with me tonight. I just want to be near you.” Johnny came over back to my bed and took his shirt off. He sat on my bed and stroked my face ever so gently. “I need you, Julie. My heart needs you.” “I need you too.” Johnny wrapped me in his arms and sighed a sigh of relief. He kissed me on my head, and I put my ear up to his beating heart on his bare chest. THUMP, THUMP. THUMP, THUMP. This was the most beautiful sound I ever heard and I would protect it with everything I could….