XXIII. • °
𝐓𝐖-𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐲 𝐛𝐞 𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐬.
My eyes shot open, I was laying on my back still laying on the bathroom floor staring up at the ceiling. My body hurt and it ached, my vision still was going in and out and I realized that I must have passed out.
My eyes were dried up with crust lingering around them so they hurt to blink even slightly. The broken light gleaming down above me radiated on my arms, so much that I felt the warmness. I must've been here for a while.
I lifted my right arm slowly off my chest and saw nothing but scratches with slight blood peeking through. I dropped my arms to the ground and slowly tried to sit up but I winced in pain and immediately dropped back down.
My head was throbbing, I couldn't think straight I didn't know what to do. I couldn't even grasp what had just happened to me. All I knew at this moment was that I had to get up, I had to try and get out of here.
I placed my bare hands up against the chilled ground once again wincing in pain. I pushed up against the ground as much as I could forcing myself up off the ground. I was weak, still feeling as though I could pass out at any second.
I grabbed onto the door and attempted to hold myself up using the doorknob. I stood there for a moment trying to get some kind of strength, trying to avoid falling back down. I managed to get over to the countertop barely, as my hands ran across it, I felt sickened.
Mark let him...Mark let him do this and he just walked away like it was nothing. I hated him, I fucking hated him.
Then my dad, he was nowhere to be found, nowhere. All of this is happening because of him, because of whatever he was into and I'm always forced to pay for his mistakes. Where was he when I needed him? Where was he? He doesn't care about me, if he did he would've never left without me, he would've never lied to me!
When my eyes met up with the mirror, and I saw myself...I didn't even recognize who I was anymore. I wasn't myself anymore. Tears started trailing down my face, and I felt a tightness in my chest. I didn't want to see myself like this, I didn't want to feel like this.
They should've just killed me and taken me out of my misery, relieved me from my pain. Why...why couldn't they have just ended my suffering? I wanted to be with my mom, I needed her. I wanted her to hug me and tell me that she would never leave my side, I needed her to tell me I was going to make it through this.
I was angry at myself, even angry at the world, but how could I be? I should've never come back and deep down I knew for that reason I caused this on myself. I stumbled away from the countertop bumping into the door from my pants still being at my ankles and heading into my room.
I needed to be out of these clothes, I couldn't stay in them. I managed to search through my closet for some bottoms, and the first thing that I ran into was some shorts that was still hanging in the closet. I grabbed them and slowly tried to kick off my pants from my ankles.I managed to get them off and began to put on the shorts but I stopped.
I rubbed my inner upper thigh and saw blood.
The tightness in my chest remained, almost as if I struggled to breathe at the sight of this. I stumbled over to my bed and leaned up against it pulling up my shorts. I stumbled along the walls heading out my bedroom door.
I tried to search for my phone and saw it was laying in the living room, I needed to call for help. The first person I thought about calling was Tessa, she would help me...and she must've been wondering where I was. Nadia would've already been out of town by now...and I only had one shot before my phone completely died.
I slowly bent down and picked up my phone, I went quickly through my contacts and found Tessa's name, and then I called. The phone rang for a second and then went straight to voicemail.
Figuring she hung up on accident I called again and the same thing happened again, rang for a second then straight to voicemail. "Tessa please..." I blurted staring at my phone in distress. I then decided to text her saying I needed a ride and I sent the address. I was waiting anxiously for the message to say delivered.
Then it said failed to send.
I clicked try again.
Failed to send.
I became frustrated and on the verge of crying again I didn't know what else to do. I glanced at the top of my phone and saw the percentage at now one percent. I had to try until my phone just died. I had one more try... then I thought of him.
Silas.
I quickly went back to contacts and saw his name and felt a wave of emotions come over me, I know he would come, I hoped. I pressed down on the phone icon and the phone began to ring.
Before it got to the second ring the phone had completely gone black.
I collapsed to the ground in the living room completely feeling hopeless."No...no..." I searched my jacket pocket to find that none of the money that I brought for the bus was there.
I was going to have to walk, I couldn't stay here any longer. I slowly picked myself off the ground and headed to the door. I swung the door open and made my way outside the apartment building.
The sun was already starting to dim, I didn't know what time it was or how long I had been gone but I knew it had been far too long. I stumbled alongside the sidewalk of the street still aching in pain but I was trying to keep going.
I feared walking in the dark and there was no way I was going to make it to anyone by walking on foot. I was freezing cold, I had on an oversized jacket and now shorts and I had no idea where I was headed.
I was approaching a corner store and outside of it was a nearby bench, I was walking for not even ten minutes but my body was giving out. I had suffered too much emotional distress and I was edging on an anxiety attack.
I sat down on the bench taking deep breaths in and deep breaths out shaking with every gust of wind that went by. I sank my head down towards my lap with my arms covering it, what was I going to do?
"Miss? Are you okay?" A soft voice with an accent spoke above me, I looked up trying to focus my vision of them, and could make out a woman.
I nodded slowly.
She leaned down looking in my direction. "You don't look swell, do...do you need help?"
I slowly pushed myself off the bench. "I...I just-" I stammered, stumbling over the bench and falling onto her.
"I'm going to call somewhere for you yes?" She paused sounding worried. "Or take you to the hospital?"
"No,no please I'm..." I paused focusing on my breathing. "I'm just trying to get to a friend's house can you...take me there, please...I-I don't have any gas money but-"
"No,no don't worry let's get you to your friend's house my car is just down here." She said gesturing over to her car, holding me up and leading the way.
She helped me into the passenger's side buckling up the seat belt and hurrying over to the driver's side. "Don't worry sweetie I'll get you there, my name is Heidi do you remember your name?" She buckled up her seat belt pulling out her phone.
"Jos-Josie." I breathed.
She nodded holding her phone up."Okay Josie, do you think you can put in the address for me?"
I nodded slowly trying to steady my shaking hand putting in the address. She took her phone back and started up the car and began to drive down the street. I felt more relaxed and was beginning to calm down, so I closed my eyes and tried to remain calm.
❆
The car jerked to a stop causing me to jump awake, I looked over to the driver's side and saw Heidi looking startled.
"Are you okay sweetie? Are you sure no hospital?" Heidi asked.
I shook my head. "No,no I'm fine thank you."
"Is this the correct house?" She asked pointing over to the greyish-blackish house on the other side of the street.
I nodded looking over and seeing Silas's house, I opened the car door and got out walking across the street. I waved goodbye to Heidi and saw her wave back but she didn't drive off, she was probably waiting for me to get inside.
I walked up to the porch partially seeing inside the house from the large windows, I was nervous showing up unannounced and even though I needed help I still feared of his reaction. I didn't want to keep Heidi waiting any longer so I gathered up the strength and knocked on the door. Hoping that he was there.
The door swung open and standing in front of me was a guy with black hair with tattoos covering his neck, the same guy I had seen before on the porch. He stood there scanning my face waiting for me to say something.
"Can I help you?" His gravelly voice asked.
"I-I..."
"No, I don't want what your selling." He looked me up and down with his eyebrows raised. "But by the looks of it...your probably selling something else."
I shuttered at his response. "I just wanted to know if Silas was here but...I guess not." I turned around and began to walk away.
"Oh your here for him, yeah he's here one second." He turned away from the door holding it open. "Silas! Get down here someone's here for you!" His voice rang, he turned back to look at me. "You can come in."
I stepped out of the chilling cold and into the house standing by the front door. The guy closed the door behind me and locked it. Just then I heard footsteps trailing upstairs, I looked up at the top of the stairs and our eyes met. His facial expression was filled with shock and concern like he knew something was wrong. He glided down the stairs meeting me at the front door.
"Carter..." He trailed.
"I'm sorry, I didn't have anywhere else to go or anywhere else that I knew I could go so I-"
"Come with me." He gestured me to come up the stairs as he walked backward. I nodded and followed behind him and as I did he turned around and we walked up the stairs leading into a room.
"Where have you been? You were gone when we got up?" He asked closing the door behind us.
My eyes wandered around avoiding eye contact, I didn't know how to answer his question. He stepped closer to me and I could feel him staring down at me but I didn't look up at him. I was still cold and in so much pain but my heart ached so much more than my body did.
I was at my lowest and that was a dangerous place for me to be... I lost a part of myself. Something that meant something to me, the only real thing I had left to me and now it was gone and I couldn't help but feel I was too.
"Carter?" He said as he stood there, I was shaking and I could not control it. My hands rested at my side but I guess he saw them.
As I stared down I saw his hand reach for mine, and he took my hand in his. "You're shaking." He grabbed my other hand with his other, and was now holding both. "Josie...what's wrong?"
When he called my name it was like I was hearing it for the first time, and I was, because he had never said it before.
I didn't realize he still had his hands wrapped around mine, I gently pulled away. I didn't want him to see me like this and I didn't even know where to start to even tell anyone what I had gone through."I'm cold." I breathed.
"Something's wrong."
"I'm just cold-"
He moved his hand under my chin gently trying to make me look at him, but I tried to fight it, but he didn't let go. "Look at me."
"I can't-"
"Look at me Josie."
He tilted my chin up and I didn't resist anymore, I looked at him. As I did his eyes softened, it wasn't like how it was when we were in the kitchen and he nursed my cheek, this was different. It was like he had saw everything within me at that moment, through my eyes.
He moved my fallen hair out of my face, "Tell me what happened to you."
I closed my eyes letting a tear fall, "I...can't."
I heard as he took a deep breath in, "Who hurt you? You can tell me I promise."
As I held my eyes closed I dropped my head back down, I felt the tears beginning to rush. "I'm scared, Silas and I..."
"You don't have to be scared okay? Here, I know your freezing, let me get you something to put on." I heard him walk away and open a door.
I wiped my eyes with the sleeve of my jacket, "Have you...have you spoken to Nadia?"
"No, no I haven't. I didn't want to worry her about you being gone for so long she said you left her a note. Why didn't you call someone to pick you up? Did you...walk here?"
"I...I called Tessa but..." I sighed. " She didn't answer then I...I called you and then my phone died so it probably never went through and no I didn't walk, a lady dropped me off."
I looked up and saw him stepping out of the closet holding a shirt and some sweats, "Put these on."
I took the clothes and held them, "Thank you."
He nodded slowly, "I'll let you get changed...you can stay here and you can sleep there in my bed and I can be in the guest room."
"I don't want to kick you out of your own room...I can just wait until Tessa calls and she'll come to pick me up."
He looked at me with sincerity in his eyes, "Really, it's fine stay. I know you're probably tired so, I'll leave you to get dressed and I'll be back to check on you okay?"
I nodded and he turned around and left out the room closing the door. I needed to shower, I felt so disgusting. I looked over and saw a bathroom that had a shower, I took the clothes he gave me and went to the bathroom turning on the shower.
I got undressed and when it was warm enough I got in. I found a nearby bar of soap and I grabbed it and began to scrub my body. A million thoughts ran through my mind but right now I was feeling safer. When I finished, I got out and put on the clothes he provided exiting the bathroom.
As I did I heard a slight knocking on the door.
"You can come in," I say.
He opened the door and stepped inside with a slight smile seeing I had changed. "Are you hungry? I can fix you something to eat?"
I shook my head letting out a deep breath. "No,no I'm okay thank you...I don't really have an appetite." I paused. "And plus I just want to lay down." I walked over to the bed and sat down, feeling some relief off my feet.
"Okay, and uh here you dropped your phone." He said picking up my phone, walking over to me and handing it to me. I reached out to grab it and he stopped, looking down at my wrist and my arms that were now starting to bruise up. I quickly put my arms down staring down at the ground.
"Josie-"
"I'm fine." I blurted.
He began to pace back and forth. "You're not fine, just stop saying that!"
"Silas..."
"No."
"Just leave me alone!" I yelled. "Okay,just...stop."
He stopped at the sound of my voice, he walked over and sat down next to me on the bed. He ran his fingers through his hair letting out a deep breath. "Look, I don't want to pressure you into telling me but. I know someone did this and I...I'm not just going to sit here and keep letting that shit happen. Let me help you... just talk to me-"
"Talk to you?" I scoffed standing up from the bed. "Talk to you about what? About how all I wanted to do was just grab my things, that's all I wanted to do. But instead, all I left with was feeling more sorry for myself. As if I hadn't felt that enough."
I heard as he stood up from the bed and began to approach me from behind. I felt him gently grab my arm turning me around to face him, "Please...what happened?"
I took a deep breath in and let it out, I stood there for a moment trying to gather myself."I...I'm in so much pain."
His eyes grew wide, standing there taking in what I had just said.I could sense he was searching for words to say as he began to tense up showing worry. "Wait did you...Did you go back to your house? Where...that man hurt you before?"
I looked down at the ground, and back up at him.
"Josie..." He trailed cupping his mouth with his hand. "Please tell me what I think happened didn't happen."
He stood there waiting for my answer, "Tell me that it's not what I think it is?"
I felt my tears starting to come, it hurt me, it hurt me that I couldn't even deny it. His eyes moved around my face frantically. Searching, looking for me to say something, to say anything.
But I couldn't.
"Fuck." He said lowly, he clenched his jaw showing that he was vividly upset.
"Silas...I know you told me not to go back but I had to and I know I'm stupid and it's all my fault and I-" Tears came flowing down.
He immediately pulled me into a hug, holding me tightly. Tight enough that I could feel his heart racing against my shoulder. "I'm sorry, I should have come with you."
"I didn't ask you to, and I should have."
"Did you think about asking me at all?"
"I did."
"What...what changed?"
"I didn't want to bother you," I struggled to say.
"Josie I am...I'm so sorry."
"It was my decision." I paused wrapping my arms around him. "I decided to go alone."
"You'll never have to go alone again," He says pulling away from me and looking me in my eyes. "I'm here for you whenever you need, anytime. Do you understand?"
"I understand," I nod wiping away at my eyes. "I'm exhausted from crying all day, I'm going to try and get some sleep." I walked over to the bed and got under the covers laying down.
"Are...you sure your going to be okay by yourself? I can sleep in the chair over there." He said pointing back to the small chair in the corner of the room.
"Yeah yeah, I'll be okay...and plus I wouldn't feel right if you slept in that little chair, it doesn't seem comfortable."
"I would sleep there if you needed me to."
I let off a slight smile. "It's okay, really."
"If you need anything I'm right next door." He walked over to the door opening it but stopping. "And just know your safe here."
I nodded and smiled. "I know."
"Goodnight." He says softly.
"Goodnight."
-
-𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐮𝐲𝐬?:) 𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐬𝐨 𝐟𝐚𝐫!
-𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐙𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐚 <𝟑