Like the gardens of Babylon, Lou was left hanging. There were nights when the loneliness felt too deep to bear - nights when Lou almost give up - the hoping, the wishing. The bed felt too big and she couldn't find peace anymore now that she had broken up with the woman she so dearly loved. The moment the engagement ring left her finger, her body felt more like a haunted house and she felt lost. She couldn't find the way out to the massive pain and regret that her soul was engulfing. There were days when everything felt a little bit fine - but each night, the blonde would find herself crying over Debbie, over the what could have beens and the what ifs. Debbie promised her that she would fix the problem, that she would marry her still: she was gone. Debbie was gone and though Lou never really stood on her door, wishing for the brunette's shadow to stand in front of her, still she wished for Debbie to be back again - for the brunette to tarry a little longer.
She sometimes wished for bravery; if only Lou was brave enough to fight, then she wouldn't have broken up with Debbie, then she wouldn't have to drink her midnights away. Lou wanted to utter her an apology, but she couldn't risk Blaire and so she never did reach out again to Debbie. The nights even become lonelier and the vodka tasted so much like regrets and self-blaming, but with Blaire - Lou was persistent so she could protect her little one. Even if it meant not having to kiss Debbie, not having to hold her and see her, Lou forced herself because she could not go down onto another path of burying a daughter. Not for the second time around.
"Where are you two going?" Tammy worriedly asked through the phone, "I didn't know what happened between you and Debbie again, but you moving out of a state, you, selling your bars, selling your house - it's just extreme."
Lou held the phone between her ear and shoulder as she continued to pack Blaire's clothes, "I want to forget her. Forget everything. And Tam, I need you on this. I do not want to live here at New York anymore. I no longer want the noise, the dust and the chaos. I want a place where I can raise Blaire peacefully."
The blonde heard Tammy letting out a scoff on the other line, "Going to the suburbs? Following my tracks?"
Lou shook her head as she laughed, "Maybe. But really, please sell my house and my bars. We will be flying the next day and I need you to sell everything that is in here. I really need to move out as soon as possible."
"But why? What happened in Thailand, Lou? What happened between your partnership?"
"Let's just say that I no longer want the partnership. I just want to move out."
"And what if Debbie will call me and ask where you are?"
"She won't. Trust me, Tam. She won't."
And Lou was right, Debbie didn't. But there was Debbie, everywhere she went.
Lou held the remote control as she looked at the television. It's the night of the business tycoons - a gala where every successful businessmen and women on earth would gather, flaunting their success for the world to see. And then there was Debbie, wrapped in a black gown with a slit that would make the men drool. On Debbie's waist was the hand of Keanu. He was smiling and waving at the cameras and Lou felt the the anger and disgust as she watched him kissing her on the cheek. Fix the problem and marry me? Fuck it, Lou thought as she tried so hard not to cry. But deep down inside her, she wished Debbie did. She wished Debbie was able to fix the problem, but more so, she wished Debbie would look for them and would knock on her door asking Lou for another chance. With a pang of pain that's rooted so deep in her heart, Lou was about to replace the channel when Blaire suddenly looked up at the television, abandoning the playset that she was playing on the floor.
"That's mommy!" Blaire stood up on her feet before she started to run towards the screen to look even closer before she ran back to Lou on the couch, "Mommy, that's mommy Debbie!" She excitedly spoke as she grinned at her mom, "Goodness! She's so pretty! Mommy, look! She's waving. Wait, why didn't we see her anymore personally mom?" Blaire, all of a sudden lost her glee as she realized that they hadn't seen the brunette nor speak to her anymore, "Mommy why?"
Lou looked at Blaire. Blaire who had just turned five. It's been a year since they moved out from New York; been a year since Blaire last saw Debbie. But what would she say? Lou was heartbroken as she couldn't tell Blaire her naked truth. Poor little Blaire, she was just five and Lou didn't have the heart to tell her that she and Debbie couldn't be together anymore.
"When will we see mommy Debbie again, mom?" Blaire asked again as Lou lifted her up and made her sit on her lap, "I miss her. She didn't come on my birthday, only auntie Tim-Tams. Does she know I already turned five?"
The blonde faked a smile for Blaire as she kissed her head, "She knows, baby. She knows."
"Then why didn't she come?"
Because we're over. She's not mine anymore to begin with. "Because Debbie is busy, my love."
"Too busy for me?"
"Baby..." Lou uttered in hopes of trying to make her daughter smile, "Of course not. She has a lot of errands to do, and you my little girl, you have to understand. Alright?"
"What errands, mommy?"
Lou sighed before she pointed back at the television where they could see Debbie getting interviewed as the wife of the most successful man in the business industry. And god, she was so pretty. Too pretty that Lou wanted to run and hug the screen.
"See that? That's one of her errands, baby."
Blaire nodded as she focused on the screen, "She is so pretty, mommy. So, so pretty." The kid dreamily uttered.
"She is, baby. The most beautiful."
-----
Lou wished for her to come back. Two years passed. Then it ran to become four years until it became five. Five, long and agonizing years have gone by, still there was no Debbie. But for the past three years the blonde could see her on televisions, on tabloids, on newspapers as the wife of the most successful businessman on earth until Lou chose to finally let her heart breathe. It was time to forget Debbie, because why would she dwell when the brunette was obviously happy with her husband? But in all of those times, Lou wished that it was her arm Debbie was clinging onto. That it was her on the red carpet with Debbie. That it was her on Debbie's side. That it was still her. But no, she figured Debbie was not able to fix the problem, and figured Debbie must have been so hurt when she threw her the engagement ring back. Now, away from the life Lou once loved, away from the businesses, the blonde was now sitting on the car, just an ordinary billionaire single mom with a nine year-old daughter who was just as pissed as she was.
"Blaire. I will not drive us back home until you tell me what happened." Lou calmly asked, finally deciding to turn at Blaire and hold her hands calmly, "Baby, please. Mommy is not mad. I just want to know what happened at school."
Blaire, with her messed up pigtails looked out to the window and gave Lou her complete silence. The blonde sighed as she sat back on the driver's seat contemplating what to do with Blaire. The blonde excitedly fetched Blaire at school, but when she got there, Blaire was already sitting on the waiting area, with her school uniform wet with cold chocolate and her hair messy as if she went to a battle. As a concerned mom, Lou wanted to go speak to Ms. Godinez, Blaire's teacher, but when she was about to do so, Blaire held her back and begged her not to because, "...it's my fault, mommy."
"Love, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. You can choose." Lou spoke again as she glanced at Blaire, "You can tell me what happened or I can just go inside your school back and ask your teacher what happened."
With a groan, Blaire replied in her lowest voice, "My teacher doesn't know."
"Doesn't know what?"
"That I fought with boys at the backyard."
"You did what?!" Lou's eyes widened at Blaire's confession, "Why?"
"I saw them speaking nasty about a teacher and I just told them that it's not right and then they proceeded to tell me I have no right to tell them what's right and wrong because I am being raised by a single mom. No father and all." Blaire finally spoke, her voice glittering with anger and Lou would have pitied her if Blaire didn't continue, "But mom, I countered back and said that you are a billionaire, way richer than their moms and pops who work at Walmart. One boy trashed his cold choco on me, so I kicked his private part." She added before she looked at Lou shyly, "But I know I was wrong, mommy. It's not good to comment or degrade a life status and not good to brag that we are rich. But hey, it was my defense! They really were so awful and I so ha --"
Blaire was cut when Lou pressed a kiss on her forehead as she giggled, "You're really my child." Lou laughed as she sat back, "What you did was good! Those boys deserved what you did." She jested as she turned the car's engine on, "Those boys are bad and they deserve some reality check, my love. Now what do you want for dinner? Steak, lobster or just McDonalds? Hm?" Lou smiled as she looked at her kid.
"You're not mad?"
"For what? Over you standing up for what's right? Never will I be, baby."
"Okay." Blaire looked at her and smiled, "Now for the dinner, I want McDonalds and some cuddles."
"Coming right up, baby!"
***