Ellianna Vanessa's Point of Veiw
HONEY
I'm sorry Van, I already told the media that I'm not his girlfriend. I'm really sorry, I'll make it up to you. I'm really sorry
Sent ✓
I read Honey's message, I just took a deep breath, before I go to the plane. I know I look pale now, but I still manage to smiled and greet every passenger.
I'm the one assigned to close the plane's door, I closed it properly. After that, I still force myself to smiled and interact with the passenger here in plane.
Ginawa ko ng maayos ang trabaho ko hanggang sa makapag-land kami sa may destination, Canada. May ilang oras kaming stay dito bago umalis, kaya nag-decide ako na puntahan ang parents ko.
I call a cab and go inside, I gave the address of my parents house. Nang makarating ay nagbayad ako, I get my bag and push the doorbell.
"Elly!" Mama call me when she saw me, pinagbuksan naman niya ako ng gate, pinapasok ako ni Mama. Nagpapatayo pa sila ng bahay nila, this house is where I use to live before, pina-upo naman ako ni Mama sa couch.
"I'll just get you some drinks" sabi ni Mama, at umalis na, I heard she also call Papa, kaya habang hinihintay si Mama ay dumating si Papa. "Elly!" he said and went to me.
"I thought your busy?" tanong ni Papa, dumating naman si Mama na may dalang juice "Yes, we just have a time to stop here before going again, I just decided to pay a visit" sabi ko.
My parents just asked me some questions, they also knew the issue, and they are worried. But assual I always answer them, that I'm alright.
Nang oras na para umalis ako ay nagpaalam na ako sa kanila, bumalik na ako sa airport. Sakto naman ang dating ko dahil paalis na ulit, hindi naman na ako nagpalit ng damit.
Nag-welcome na lang ulit ako ng mga passenger, and do my job properly.
Ang bilis ng panahon, ngayon sikat na talaga si Kyle, he have a blockbuster movies now! He have lots of supporters now, and I heard Josh is his full time manager now.
Habang patagal ng patagal ay mas nahihirapan lang ako, mas lalo akong binigigyan ng reason para sumuko na lang.
Yung issue niya kay Honey ay buhay pa din, marami pa rin ang naniniwala na girlfriend niya yun. But they tell to the media that, he and Honey are just friends, he can't tell the media he have me.
And I just always found myself crying every night, lalo pag ako lang ang mag-isa. I can't handle the pain anymore! I can't be in the dark! I didn't deserve it.
"Famous actor Chen, decided to go in the Philippines to have a project there and chooose his own leading lady, and his fans are expecting him to have a permanent partner this time."
I read the post on the social media, sometimes I just hate open my account, puro kasi yun na lang ang dumadaan sa account ko.
Wala na din kaming oras sa isat-isa, he's busy so as I am, tuloy-tuloy ang sikat niya, samantalang ako? Tuloy-tuloy ang pag-deny sa public.
I actually pity myself for this, before he's proud saying my name in public but now? He's denying me in public, so he's supporters won't interrupt me
Pero pagod na ako sa ganito, palagi na lang. When we celebrate our birthday together, akala ko maayos na, hindi pala, kakadating lang niya, ngunit kailangan na ulit niyang umalis.
"Sorry babe, the management call me, I need to check some papers about the contract they want me to sign" he said and I nooded at him "It's okay, go ahead" I said he went to me and kissed my forehead.
"I'll be back" he said before going out of my house, napatingin naman ako sa lamesa, naghanda pa naman ako, I put all of the food in the refrigerator.
It's already seven pm, maaga pa, makakabalik din naman siguro siya. Umupo na lang muna ako sa may couch, I just use my phone to pass the time, but minutes turn to hours.
Kyle is not yet going home
I look at the clock in my living room, it's already ten pm, he'll miss our birthday celebration. I send him a message.
BABE
Where are you? You coming back?
Sent ✓
After sending my message, I look at the door of my house, wala pa din siya. I just lay down on the couch and found myself sleeping, I woke up in the morning, I'm already in my bed.
When I look at the side, there's a tray full of food on my table, lumapit ako at may nakita akong note dun.
Babe,
Sorry for being late yesterday, I go home around eleven pm. I'm sorry, we also have an meeting and we talked about the contract, and I found you sleeping on the couch, I didn't wake you up cause your sleeping peacefully, anyway, I prepare you breakfast. Enjoy it, maybe if you read this I'm not there now, I have scheduled today, I'll just message you if I'm going home, still happy birthday to us babe enjoy breakfast.
- Elly's Man
I smiled and eat the breakfast he prepare, after that, I go to my bathroom and take a shower first. Pagkatapos ay binaba ko na ang tray, I also clean it, and since my flight will be later I clean my house.
I won't be home later cause I have flight, but if Kyle will be go here, he will open my house, since he have a duplicate. Pagkatapos kong mag-linis ay nagpahinga lang ako ng ilang saglit.
I take a shower again and change to my flight attendant attire. I prepare all the things I will need, ng makalabas ako ng bahay ay naka-receive ako ng message kay Kyle
BABE
I won't be home tonight, I have full schedule today babe sorry
Sent ✓
I typed a reply for him
BABE
It's okay. I won't be home too, I have scheduled flight
Sent ✓
When I go to the airport I immediately go to the plane where I assign. I greeted all the passenger like I use too, and I properly do my job.
May stop over muna kami sa may China, and when me and my workmates decided to eat in a restaurant, we always saw a billboard with Kyle's face.
As expected sikat na talaga siya, hindi lang sa China, kaya pag nagpunta nga siya sa pilipinas, panigurado na dadami pa lalo ang fans niya.
As days and weeks passed, I always think about our situation, I already accepted Honey's apologies, kahit na wala naman talaga siyang kasalanan.
Minsan napapa-isip na lang din ako na wag ng mag scroll sa social media ko dahil puro mga interview lang ni Kyle ang makikita ko.
And I leave for a week, cause Kyle promise to treat me and were going out. Siguro ito na rin yung time para makapag-isip ako, pero habang hinihintay siya na dumating sa bahay ko ay may ibang dumating.
I'm watching on the television while waiting for him, when a news about Kyle play. It was Josh, he's interview by a reporter.
"Is Chen will having his own leading lady this time? Is the rumor about Chen, going in the Philippines true?" tanong ng reporter, huminto naman si Josh.
"Yes, Chen will going to Philippines, he's moving there by next month, and about his own leading lady? We're still finding and thinking about it" sagot ni Josh, at akmang lalakad na siya ng may magsalitang reporter
"Is the rumor about Chen having a girlfriend is true?" tanong ng Reporter huminto naman si Josh at muling humarap sa reporter "No, and he don't have a relationship right now, I'm his friend too, and I know everything about him, those rumor about him having a girlfriend is all fake..."
"Chen don't have a girlfriend, and I swear it" sabi ni Josh at umalis na, doon din natapos ang news, napahawak naman ako sa dibdib ko.
"What?! Did just Josh tell to media that Kyle don't have a girlfriend?" tanong ko, nag-umpisa na naman na tumulo ang luha ko.
Ang usapan nila, never magsasalita sina Josh at Ace sa media about sa relationship ni Kyle. Tanggap ko naman na hindi ako pwedeng ipagsabi ni Kyle, okay na ako dun! Pero yung malaman ko na pati si Josh ay dineny ako sa public ay sobrang sakit na!
"Chen don't have a girlfriend, and I swear it"
He already promised it to the media! They just gave me a reason to finally give up about this! Balak ko pa lang sanang tawagan si Kyle ng bumukas ang pinto ng bahay ko at pumasok si Kyle doon.
"Babe?" he said, hindi ko na nagawang punasan ang luha sa mata ko. "Let's stop this!" I said, wala na akong iba pang rason tungkol dito.
"What? Why?" he said and went to me, he also kneel in front of me "Babe, did I do something wrong? About the issue? I swear, I clear it" he said
Tears keep on falling in my eyes, para siyang gripo na wala ng tigilan ang buhos "Yes you clear it, but I'm tired keeping in the dark, I'm done denying, I'm tired" I said and cried even more.
"Babe..." he said and try to hold my hand but I didn't let him, I need to end this now. "Ayaw ko na, let's break up, I don't deserve this kind of relationship, I never deserve it" I said and I was about to go to my room when he hug me from the back.
"Please, not like this, I'm begging you, don't abandoned me like this, if you want me to quit the showbiz I will, just please don't leave me..." he said, pleading but I already decided.
"It's final, you are not the only one who deny me in public, Josh also betrayed me, and I'm tired" I said and force him to let go of me. "Get out of my house, we're done, and don't go ever here! I don't want to see you again, keep your spotlight with you!"
As I said that, I immediately go to my room and lock myself there. Tears keep on falling to my eyes, napa-upo na lang ako sa lapag at niyakap ang mga binti ko.
Napapagod din ako, kailangan ko din ng pahinga, at ito na yun, tama naman ang pinsan ko, I deserve better. Akala ko maayos lang ako sa ganung set-up, akala ko okay lang yun hindi pala.
I'm that selfless to not see that I'm hurting...
We're not like before, and I know it, sobrang layo na niya sakin. Hindi ko na siya kaya pang maabot, he's reaching his goals up to the skies, while me? I'm still in the land, watching him grow.
I just cried and cried there, narinig ko na lang na paalis na ang sasakyan ni Thunder. Hindi niya kailangan mamili kung ako o ang career na meron siya, I'm just tired of keeping in the dark.
I get my phone and dialed the number of someone who can help me about this. After rings she answer my call.
[Ashantie...]
I call someone who can help me deal this pain. And I don't care if I'm talking to her while I'm still crying, I can't handle the pain!
[Hey? Are you alright?]
[No, I need someone to talk, you busy?]
[Nope, wait I'll call you back okay?]
[Okay, I'll wait for your call]
After that, she ended the call, I just cried all night, I lay on my bed and hug my pillow. Hindi ko na namalayan kung ilang oras ba akong umiyak basta ang alam ko lang ay naka-tulog na ako sa kakaiyak.
Nagising na lang ako ng marinig ang ring ng cellphone ko, I pick it up and answer without checking who's the caller.
[Hello?]
[Go down and open your door]
[Ashantie?!]
[The one and only, and now, open the door please...]
I immediately got up on my bed and hurriedly go downstairs and go out to my house. When I open my gate, she's smiling at me and welcome me with a hug.
"I'm here, tell me anything, I'm all ear" she said, after that I let her go inside my house, I close my gate and follow her.
Naabutan ko siyang naka-upo sa couch, kinuha ko ang panali ng buhok na naka-lagay sa gilid ng tv ko at ginamit yun.
Dumiretso ako sa kusina, I just prepare our breakfast. I just cook a egg and bacon with rice, I also make a ice coffee for her.
After I call her, we just ate breakfast peacefully but I know she wants to ask me a lot of things. After eating breakfast she told me she's the one who will wash the dishes.
She's Ashantie Bautista, I met her when she's on the plane, I'm one of the flight attendant. Isa siya sa mga passenger na una kong pinag-serve, she's nice, and she also chase me on the airport just to ask my name and my number.
I help her breath calmly cause she's having a hard time to breath that time, she told me, she owe me her life. Simula nun ay naging kaibigan ko na din siya, minsan talaga pag-umaalis siya ay nag-request talaga siya na ako ang flight attendant niya.
And she's that freaking rich! From Philippines to Switzerland?! She go here just to comfort me, cause I told her I need a friend and someone to lean on. And I'm glad she's here.
Mapilit din naman siya kaya hinayaan ko na lang din siya, umakyat ako ng kwarto. Naligo lang ako pagkatapos ay nagpalit ng damit, I saw Thunder's message but I ignore all of that.
Pagbaba ko ay sakto naman na kakalabas lang ni Ashantie ng kusina. "So? How are you? Your crying when you call me last night" she said, umupo naman ako sa couch ganun din siya.
"Can we go buy some beer? I just want to get wasted" sabi ko tumango naman siya, kinuha ko ang wallet ko at ang phone ko pati na din ang susi ng sasakyan ko. Sabay na kaming lumabas, sumakay na kami sa kotse ko, si Ashantie ay sa passenger seat.
She's talking with someone on the phone, "Yeah, I'll try going to your place... I already know it... Bye" she said, pinaandar ko na ang sasakyan ko.
"Can we go to someone? Isinama ko lang para may taga dala tayo" sabi ni Ashantie, tumango naman ako, she gave me the address. At madadaanan naman namin yun bago ang grocery store.
"Over there" sabi ni Ashantie at tinuro ang bahay na may malaking gate, ng huminto ako ay bumaba na muna siya, after a minute, my car door open.
Si Ashantie at may kasama siyang lalaki, si Ashantie ay sa passenger seat pa din, yung kasama naman niya ay sa backseat.
"Vanessa, this is Mark my cousin, he's living here now, and Mark this is Vanessa my friend too" sabi ni Ashantie tumango lang ako kay Mark ganun din naman siya sakin.
Pinaandar ko na ulit ang kotse ko at dumiretso na kami sa may grocery store. Nagpark na muna ako, ng makababa kami ay pumasok na kami sa grocery store.
Kumuha ako ng cart ko, ganun din si Mark, parehong big cart ang dala namin, si Ashantie naman ay kumuha din ng basket niya.
Mark and I shop for our stocks first, samantalang si Ashantie naman ay puro snacks na ang kinuha. She also pick some beers she likes. Kumuha na din ako ng mga alak na nagustuhan ko.
Nang matapos kaming mamili ng mga kailangan namin ay nagbayad na kami sa counter, and to my surprise, Ashantie pay for my cart.
I'll just wire the money to her account later, ng matapos kami ay nilagay na lang namin sa compartment ng kotse ko lahat ng pinamili namin.
While I'm carrying my own things, parang biglang naging blurry ang paningin ko. Sobrang init din ng tama ng araw, when I put my things on my compartment I feel really dizzy.
Nang maisara namin ang compartment ng kotse ko ay napahawak agad ako sa ulo ko ng bigla yung sumakit. Mas lalong naging blurry ang paningin ko,
"Vanessa? Are you fine?" rinig kong tanong ni Ashantie pero blur na talaga, and until my vision became black.
Nagising ako ng may marinig akong ingay sa buong paligid ko. Nang imulat ko ang mata ko ay naabutan ko sina Ashantie at Mark na nasa tabi ko.
Doon ko lang napagtanto na nasa hospital ako, may naka-tusok pang IV sakin. "Oh my gosh! Mark, call her doctor"cpanic na sabi ni Ashantie ng mapansing gising na ako.
Umalis din naman si Mark, inalalayan naman ako ni Ashantie na maka-upo "Nahimatay ka kanina, kaya dinala ka agad namin ni Mark dito" sabi ni Ashantie, minutes later the doctor came in with Mark.
She just check my IV and ask me some questions. And she discuss me, kaya daw ako nahilo at nahimatay dahil sa temperature ng araw pero mas lalo akong nagulat sa sunod niyang sinabi.
"And your also one month pregnant now, you should take care of yourself, the baby might be in danger, good thing, they send you to the hospital immediately" sabi ng Doctor.
Pagkatapos nun ay nagpaalam na siya, napahawak na lang ako sa tiyan ko. Pregnant? One month? Naiyak na naman ako, mas lalong lumala lang ang sitwasyon ko.
"Hindi ka na pwedeng ma-stress ngayon, lalo na at may baby nasa tiyan mo" sabi ni Ashantie, my baby didn't deserve the toxicity of the world.
Nag-stay na muna ako ng ilang minuto dito sa hospital bago tuluyang umalis. Inalalayan ako nila Ashantie hanggang sa bahay ko, they really take care of me.
Sinamahan nila ako buong araw, umalis lang sila ng gabi na, sa bahay ni Mark mag-stay si Ashantie. Hindi ko na nga sila naihatid sa labas dahil hindi na nila ako hinayaan na bumangon pa.
Tumitig na lang ako sa kisame at hinawakan ang tiyan ko, we are two now, just me and my baby. Pag sinabi ko pa kay Kyle ang bagay na ito ay hindi na lang ako ang makaka-ranas ng dilim niya, pati ang anak ko.
I wipe my tears when it fell from my eyes, I'm done crying I just let myself sleep peacefully.
Nag-extend ako ng one week leave ulit, kailangan kong magpahinga dahil sabi ng Doctor ay kung hindi ako mag-iingat ay baka mawala ang baby ko.
Binibisita ako nila Ashantie at Mark araw-araw, sila pa lang din ang nakaka-alam na buntis ako. Hindi ko pa nasasabi kanila Mama at Papa, balak kong sabihin pag nagpunta ako sa Canada.
It's been also a week since I knew I was pregnant, and I always make myself safe. Nasa garden ako ng bahay ngayon, biglang may nag-doorbell sa pag-aakalang sina Ashantie yun ay binuksan ko yun.
"Thunder?" sabi ko ng makita si Thunder sa harap ko, he's wearing a hoodie and a cap, nasa baba niya lang ang mask niya. "What are you doing here? I already told you, I don't want to see you again" I said and was about to close my gate when he use his hand to stop me
"I'm sorry Elly, please, talk to me, you didn't answer my calls and messages. Talk to me please..." he beg, iniwan ko siya doon, pero sinundan niya pa din ako "Please, I will quit everything just for you, please just don't leave me, accept me again, like you accept me before"
"And I told you, I quit too! I'm done! I'm tired okay?! So? Get out and don't show your face to me ever again!" I said, I know it's harsh but that's the only thing that's on my mind.
But he kneel in front of me and beg, ayaw kong nakikita siyang nagmamaka-awa sa harap ko. Pero ayaw ko din naman ng mahirapan, hindi na lang sarili ko ang kailangan kong protektahan, pati din ang baby sa tiyan ko.
"Please, I'm begging you, I can throw everything, please" he said and I heard him cry, pinigilan kong humikbi, "I'm begging you, please accept me again, I will be a better man this time" he still beg.
I close my eyes and do my best to push him away "Get out of my house now! Please! If you don't want me to accused you as trespassing! Please! Get out! Now!" I shout and push him away.
Madali ko lang yun nagawa dahil mahina siya ngayon, wala siyang sinabi. I push him till outside my house, he's eyes are now red cause of crying but i don't care now.
"I don't want to see you again!" I said and close the door, I heard his footsteps, away from me. Doon lang ulit bumuhos ang mga luha sa mata ko.
Dumiretso ako sa loob ng bahay, doon ako umiyak ng umiyak, hindi ko alam kung may hanggangan na ba itong luha ko, hindi na din napagod ang mata ko sa kakaiyak.
And as days passed, hindi na ulit nagpakita si Thunder sakin, I also got a message from Ace, Honey and Josh but I ignore all of them. I don't need one of them.
Madalas din akong umiyak tuwing gabi, minsan din ay hindi na ako kumakain sa tamang oras. Wala na din ako madalas sa sarili ko, kaya pag naabutan ako ni Ashantie ng ganto ay pinapagalitan niya ako, tulad na lang ngayon
"My gosh, you should take care of yourself! Your baby!" Ashantie said, but I don't here everything what she said at that moment. Wala na akong pakealam sa nangyayari sa paligid ko.
Umiiyak na lang din ako bigla ng hindi ko alam ang dahilan, napabayaan ko na ang sarili ko. "Vanessa, if you want to keep your baby safe, you should fix yourself" sabi ni Ashantie binalingan ko naman siya.
"I'm tired, I just want a lifetime rest Ashantie..." I said, she looks so worried to me. Ginaya niya ako papunta sa salas ng bahay ko at pina-upo sa couch ko, my whole house is in mess too.
Magkasama sila ngayon ni Mark na nililinis ang bahay ko, nakakahiya nga eh, pero di naman nila ako pinapatulong sa kanila. After nilang linisin ang ginulo kong living area ay umupo sila pareho sa couch.
"I actually see myself to you, a mess, a literally mess" sabi ni Mark, and he's right I'm a mess right now! Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko, kung anong dapat at hindi!
"I was close to therapy that time, I almost lost my life, just because of a heartbreak. Masakit talaga yun, lalo pag sobrang sineryoso mo, pero wala, talagang tinigil na ng panahon ang relasyon niyo, kahit na gaano niyo pa kamahal ang isa't-isa at gaano mo pa siya pinahahalagahan..." sabi ni Mark
"Sometimes, you will see your worth, when you let go of it, but sometimes, you just need to let it go, para hindi na din masakit, but you? You have a reason to move forward, you have a reason to move forward, after all of that are just in your before..."
"You need to be strong for you and for your baby" sabi ni Mark na sinang-ayunan ni Ashantie, at tama naman sila, hindi na lang ako ang iintindihin ko, pati na din ang anak ko.
"Is the media is still there?" tanong ko, sumilip naman si Mark sa bintana bago ako tinanguan "Ilang beses na namin pina-alis, pero wala pa din" sabi ni Ashantie
"Hangga't wala silang nakuhang sagot, they are not stopping" I said, kailangan kong lumaban para sa kanya, I will gave to my baby what my baby deserve.
And I'm sorry baby for being a bad mommy.
But when I finally told to myself I will keep my baby, that time God, take my baby away from me.
"I'm sorry Ms. Waltz, but you miscarriage, your baby is not holding tight, I'm sorry" sabi ng Doctor, at ng malaman yun ay parang gumuho ang mundo ko.
I lose my baby, my only reason! I lose it!
Because of that stupid media! My baby suffer too!
I didn't protect my baby from all of that, and I'm that useless mother?! Did my baby deserve it?
I'm sorry baby, mommy didn't protect you from harm, I'm really sorry...
I'm crying while holding my baby's ashes, masakit sobra, I failed as my baby's mother. I'll keep my baby ashes with me, wala na din si Ashantie ngayon, umuwi na siya. Pero thankful pa din ako dahil nasa tabi ko siya ng mga panahon na kailangan ko ng kasama, sa kanilang dalawa ni Mark.
Nasabi ko na din sa parents ko na buntis ako, but I lose it, and that's the most bad memories in my life.
"This is all your things?" tanong ni Papa, tumango naman ako, nilagay na ni Papa yun sa may compartment ng kotse, sasama na muna ako sa kanila sa may Canada, I need to fresh my mind.
Sumakay na ako sa kotse ni Papa, mabilis lang kaming nakarating sa airport, at ng makarating doon ay si Papa na nag asikaso ng mga gamit ko.
Tahimik lang ako buong byahe namin, hanggang sa makarating kami sa destination namin. Mama welcome me with a hug, when we landed on the airport in Canada.
"You will be okay Elly, you are strong" sabi ni Mama tumango naman ako sa kanya, they take care of me while I'm staying in Canada.
I'm still blaming myself for not being a good mother to my baby, hindi ko pa din matanggap lahat ng nangyari sa buhay ko, hindi ko pa kayang tanggapin.
I held the pendant of my necklace, I smiled, the ashes of my baby is on my pendant.
"Guide me, I'm sorry for being a failure Mother, but I promised to be better, I will always love you baby, always look at Mommy from above okay? Guide me to the right path"
I always talk to my baby, and I'm still saying sorry for being a failure Mother, but I will always assured my baby that I'll be better.
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- itsmeyngel -