The next few days felt like hide and seek. Ewan ko ba at guilty-ing-guilty ako. Sino namang hinde? I just dumped someone and ruined his self-esteem.
Hindi ko naman iyon sinadya. But here I am, locking myself for days inside my room. I would just sneak for food during Hanzo's working hours sa Caffe'. I think ako 'yung hindi ready na makita siya.
Hindi naman ako nag-aalala. He had company with him. Kristine ba yon? Anyways, they look compatible. Di nga nagrereklamo si Hanzo even though she clings on him so much. Uuwi na nga lang kami parang ayaw pang bitawan si Sir Hanzo e.
"Ash?"
I held my breath when I heard someone called my name in a whisper voice. I turned around to see who it is. It was Luxem. He was wearing his school uniform. He had his glasses on which left an impression of the one genius guy at school.
"What were you tiptoe-ing?"
Hindi na kita nakikitang lumalabas." He added.
He lifted his bagpack to his right shoulders. Pansin ko ang pananaba ng eyebags nito.
"I was heading the kitchen. Kakain sana." I nervously laughed.
I was caught in act! I was thankful it was not Hanzo.
"Oh... kay." Parang may gusto pa sana itong sabihin but I quickly excused myself.
"It's not that bad to have a rest and a nice sleep, sometimes. Ingat!"
He flashed a sweet smile at me before making his way out. I waved him goodbye and went to the kitchen counter.
Doon lang ako nakahinga ng maluwag. Malapit pa akong mapa-novena nang wala sa oras.
I quickly grabbed something from the cabinet. Puro mga instant 'yung pinanghahahablot ko dahil wala rin namang matinong makakain dito. I saw shelves with coffee, cream, milk, and sugar. The rest were loaded with biscuits, noodles, and bread. The refrigerator was full of eggs, wine, a few vegetables that was there since last week, and the rest was bottles of water.
Tao ba talaga 'yung nakatira dito?
I turned on the stove and boiled some water. I'll cook noodles na lang. Pampahaba daw ng buhay. Ironic since noodles are packed with preservatives that are harmful when consumed more than our body can. I just shrugged and raised my brows up and down while cracking the noodles into two. Wala naman akong pake doon. I just want to sound knowledgeable. Ready na akong mamatay e, choosy pa ba ako?
Kumuha na rin ako ng dalawang itlog. I prefer boiling the egg separately than mixing it with the noodles. Hindi rin nagtagal kumulo na ang tubig I let the noodles boil in, while the egg was in a separate pan with water.
Naisip kong magpatugtog ng music since solo ko ang bahay. Parang anytime kasi may biglang bubulaga o maninitsit.
🎶 Playing... Habang Buhay by Zack Tabudlo
Aking sinta
Ano bang meron sa iyo?
I started tapping my feet. I saw this song pop up on my youtube videos. Nagustuhan ko so I saved it on my phone.
'Pag nakikita ka na,
bumabagal ang mundo
The lyrics are fresh and even though I don't have that someone, I still can relate to the song. I felt like I've fallen in love by this song. Ang lakas maka-teenager.
'Pag ngumingiti ka,
para bang may iba
Inilipat ko na sa bowl ang nalutong noodles and sliced the eggs in two. The chili scent of the ramen lingers in the air. I grabbed a spoonful of the noodle soup and closed my eyes when I felt the flavors in my mouth. Napasayaw ako sa sarap.
'Pag tumitingin sa 'kin,
mapupungay mong mga mata
Wala akong takas sa nakakalunod mong ganda, ha
Halika nga (ha, ha, ha)
Here comes the chorus! I know this one, so I sang along with the music.
Tingnan mo lang ang aking mga mata
'Wag kang titingin na sa iba
Akin ka na, wala nang iba (ha, ha, ha)
Andito 'ko hanggang sa 'ting pagtanda
Mamahalin kita basta't 'pag nahulog
Nakahawak ako, 'wag ka lang bibitaw
Habang-buhay na ako'y iyo
I heard someone cleared its throat pero hindi ko iyon pinansin. Who would be here except me? Si Hanzo nasa Caffe while Luxem went to school. Nagpatuloy akong umindak sa saliw ng musika habang nakapikit.
Now, I do get why this music is all over my feed and has millions of view on Youtube.
Wala nang ibang nakagawa sa 'kin nang ganito
Kundi ikaw, nag-iisang diyosa ng buhay ko
I opened my eyes while hands still swaying on mid-air. Napako ako sa aking kintatayuan nang makita kong nasa harap ko lang si Hanzo at ang lagkit ng tingin sa akin.
"Kanina ka pa?!" Bulalas ko.
Halos manlaki ang mata ko at rinig sa tenga ko ang pagtambol ng puso ko. May sa multo yata ito e. Pero hindi iyon ang issue dito. Nakita niya ba akong sumayaw na parang talangka?
"Certainly," I saw him bit his lower lips and scratch the tip of his nose.
He did saw me dancing! Ano na lang ipangmumukha ko sa kanya? I hid my face by my hair. Ayokong makita niya ako. May papikit-pikit pa akong nalalaman.
Dumiretso ito sa kitchen counter at inilapag ang isang puting supot.
"You cooked?" Itinuro nito ang noodles kong may itlog na nasa granite-tiled counter.
Hawak ang kutsara ay tumango ako ng wala sa sarili.
I swear I saw his lips curved into a tight smile and was gone in a blink, as if he realized he should not be because I can see him.
"Lumabas lang talaga ako para magluto, babalik na ako."
Sa taranta ko ay di na ako kumuha ng tray of saucer plate, agad kong binuhat ang bowl gamit ang aking kamay.
"Mainit!" I squealed.
Tanga! Kakataranta mo 'yan napapala mo. I was intimidated by the awkward atmosphere between my and Hanzo. Aalis na nga sana ako e mainit pala yung bowl.
Buti na lang ay kinuha agad ni Hanzo ang bowl sa kamay ko. Hindi naman ako napaso oh ano, namula lang dahil bagong kulo yung tubig.
"You can get clumsy at some time, Ash. Let me see." Kinuha nito ang kamay ko. I saw my palm red.
"Malayo sa bituka," ani ko.
Hanzo raised his head at me. Nagkatagpo ang aming mata. I thought he'd laugh at me. Sinamaan niya pa ako ng tingin kaya napatawa ako na may halong kaba. Ang seryoso naman.
Magkasalubong ang kilay nito habang sinusuri ang kamay ko. Sinundot niya ang palad ko kung saan mapula. Napadaing ako ng konti. I saw him raise his brow.
"Malayo naman pala sa bituka." He mimicked.
Eh sa hindi e. Kasalanan ko bang nasa loob ang bituka, ako ba may gawa sa anatomy of the body? Besides, I rarely get burned. Parang paso lang e.
"You really need someone to look up on you. You're clumsy and you fail to look after yourself. Kung hindi pa ako dumating..."
He stopped midway. Parang may na-realize ito sa mga sinabi niya.
Kung hindi pa siya dumating, what? I want to hear what's his point. Ininsulto niya pa ako tapos binibitin pa 'yung gusto niyang sabihin.
Gusto ko sanang makita' yung mukha niya kaya lang ay iniangat niya agad ito. He held my hand and gave me a cold compress.
"May gusto ka bang sabihin?" Hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili kong tanungin siya.
He looked away.
Ayaw ko din namang pilitin ang tao kung ayaw niyang sabihin.
"Thanks for this," Ipinakita ko ang cold compress na nasa kamay ko. He did not bother look back. Tumango lang ito. "I should get back."
Dali-dali akong kumuha ng tray at inilagay ang bowl doon pati na rin ang tubig ko. Ayokong magstay kasama siya. Hindi rin naman yata kami magkikibuan.
I can see how he's restraining himself from saying or doing something. I guess this is the aftermath of me dumping him. Faults at me.
I heard him sigh, nakuha ko pang lumingon pabalik. I can only see his back from here. His hands were on his nape at his face facing the ceiling. Kung ano man iyon, I hope he get through it.
I continued doing my thing, the usual. Nasa harap ako ng computer ko while finishing the work for today. Nagsimula na kasi ang work immersion for our batch at nakadestino kami sa Barangay Hall. Hindi ko alam kung ano 'yung ginagawa ng iba naming classmates because I have never even get to talk to them. Nasa GC ako pero parang wala.
It's their way to not get involve to trouble.
Hanzo assured me I don't have to go to school to attend classes or my immersion. I don't know about his connections. Ang alam ko lang ay malakas ito sa school namin. Pero syempre may time na kailangan kong pumunta sa OJT to get the works assigned to me. Mga receipts ng cedula. I had to type it on Excel and submit it within a week. That's my job. Easy lang naman.
When I'm done I decided to take a nap. I'm bored. I have nowhere to go, no one to talk to. If only Doom was here, may pagbubuntungan ako ng mga hinanaing ko.
I heard someone pulling something from the left corner of my bed. I blinked and saw my curtains swinging in mid-air with the wind. Lahat ng bintana ko ay nakabukas.
I thought it was Hanzo who left it open. Tamad akong tumayo at antok na hinawi ang kurtina. Natutop ang aking mata sa labas sa makulimlim na langit.
"Rain." sambit ko nang makitang unti-unting pumapatak ang butil ng ulan.
"It's your favorite season." A monotonous voice said. It was coming from a man sitting at the corner of my bed.
I can't see what he looks like. The curtains have gone haywire and I can't see him clearly. Napaisip ako kung napasukan ba ako ng akyat-bahay. But the way he speaks didn't scare me. His presence is intimidating but I felt assured. It was not danger.
When that man came face the light, I saw the face I've been thinking of for weeks. His classic black wardrobe. His pale face. The way his deep-set jet black eyes searched for your soul and how his rogue mole just underneath his left eye dominates his face. His clean-plucked eyebrows matched his hair pulled in a two block with bangs so the hair flows naturally over his face. His nose were as sharp as his jawline and his lips thin and rosy.
He looks heavenly.
"Doom?" His name was thw first thing I spoke of.
Hindi niya pinansin ang tawag ko. Hence, he reached to me with his open arms and locked me in his embrace. Sa una ay medyo nagulat ako pero pagkalauna'y ginantihan ko din siya ng yakap. Though I can't reach his back fully like he can, it's fine as long as he's here already. Na-miss ko 'to. He was the one I long for.
His embrace was warm. He was like a human comforter. We stayed like that for like seconds. Parang ayaw niya nga akong bitawan e.
"I missed you," bulalas ko.
My eyes were closed. Dinadama ko ang bawat segundong kayakap siya. Wala akong ibang nasa isip kundi siya lang.
I tried looking at his face but he held me at the crown of my head.
"Ang tagal mong nawala. I wanted to see you." Pagmamaktol ko sa mahinang boses.
I felt his palm rub my back gently up and down. I felt the warm sensation inside my belly.
"I was with you all the time." His hoarse voice echoed in my ear. I could easily sleep by the sound of him.
"Bakit hindi ka nagpakita?" Para akong batang hindi napagbigyan ng gusto.
He just disappeared. Hindi man lang siya nagpaalam. I embraced him tighter. I heard him chuckled heartily. It was the first time.
"Why? You missed me that much?" He teased.
I nodded hastily. Para saan pa at magsisinungaling ako. I know I miss him. And I know he knows.
"Don't ever leave without telling me, okay?" I pouted kahit hindi niya naman kita.
I raised my pinky finger at him. We made a pact.
I woke up with tears falling from my eyes. I was breathing heavily. My chest hurts. It was just a dream. For some reason, it felt real. I wiped my tears using the back of my hand.
Mysteriously, the windows are open and the curtains were swaying mid-air being blown by the wind. The sky was gray and the gloomy feeling pricked me.
So, it was just a dream that he's back.
I jumped out of my bed and went out to grab some water.
I heard faint feminine voice from the kitchen. There I saw Hanzo and Kristine. If I recall, she was with him sa farm. Siya 'yung nakita kong nakahawak sa braso ni Hanzo. Siya din yata' yung tinutukoy nilang nakababata nilang babae.
She was wearing an apron na hapit na hapit sa katawan niya. She's got the curve. Maputi rin ito unlike Oscar who's moreno. Matangos ang ilong. Mahaba ang buhok na kulay itom at plantsadong-plantsado.
I saw how her eyes sparks at the sight of Hanzo. Hindi ito pansin ng lalaki dahil abala ito sa ginagawa. Parehas silang nasa sink. Kristine was washing the dishes while Hanzo wipes the plates. I think I've seen this somewhere before.
"Hanzo," There was a hint of flirt in her voice.
Hanzo halted and looked at her in the eyes. I don't know what got into me but I suddenly got the feel to roll my eyes. She's clearly making her move on Hanzo.
Akala ko ba ay gusto mo ako?
Hindi ko nasundan ang sumunod na nangyari. All I know was their lips were sealed with each other. I stumbled at the water dispenser and created a noise dahilan para lumingon sila sa akin.
Hanzo's eyes widened when he saw me. I quickly got up and made my way out of the house. Narinig ko itong tinawag ang aking pangalan, but I dared not to turn back. Masasaktan lang ako.
There were tears that strays down my cheeks as I ran.
They'll make a great couple.
I convinced myself, hands clutched on my chest.