"OUCH. ARE YOU TRYING to kill me?"
I quickly withdrew the knife that was an inch away from Zayaan's abdomen, turning back and shaking my head clear of all the distractions that held me hostage. Particularly, his confession from the day before yesterday.
I love you. Eshgham, I love you.
It reverberated in my head, in my heart, in my whole being repeatedly. It was so bad that I had to avoid him completely yesterday, not wanting the words to accidentally spill out of me in return. I was still so far in my head that I hadn't even noticed him come up behind me in the kitchen, where I was busy tearing up a pomegranate.
"What do you want?"
"You've been avoiding me," he phrased it more as a statement than a question.
"Why would I do that?"
"You tell me." Zayaan leaned beside the counter next to me and the whiff of his cologne momentarily distracted me again.
This man was dangerous to my heart and my fingers.
I placed the knife back on the board, opting to tear the fruit apart without the sharp injury-inflicting object.
"Do you remember when you cut up the pomegranate on our wedding night?" He unnecessarily went down memory lane. "It feels like a lifetime ago when we think back on it now."
"Yeah, and then you abandoned me the next morning and came back with a bruise on your face the next time we saw each other. It was a great time to spend as a newlywed couple. We didn't even have a honeymoon."
"Then let's go on one now."
"Excuse me?"
"It's only been four months since we married. We can go on a honeymoon now. Whenever, wherever."
"No, thanks." I waved it off but just the fact that he suggested it made my traitorous heart clench. "What marriage is there left to celebrate?"
"A lifetime of one," he retorted. "You still remember what I told you before you started to avoid me in the same house?"
I pulled two bowls out of the cupboard subconsciously and filled them both with half of the fruit. It was only after I took two spoons from the drawer that I realised what I'd done and I mentally cursed myself.
I could practically feel his smile from beside me.
"Here." I pushed it to him. "I don't want you to starve."
"Your grandparents have been very welcoming and warm. I'm nowhere near starving, but thank you." Zayaan followed me out to the front porch.
"Why exactly are you following me?"
"Why exactly were you avoiding me?"
I rolled my eyes and sat down on the step.
"How's Moon?" He asked gently and it suddenly gave me flashbacks to when we went to the pet shelter to adopt her. Ugh, stop it, brain.
"She's doing good." I smiled involuntarily. "I left her at my parents' house because I wasn't sure how she felt about flying and I didn't want to change her habitat too much. She's slowly getting used to the new place. But she misses you and it's so obvious. You always were her favourite."
A smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. "And you always hated it, though you tried — and miserably failed — to hide it."
"Hey." I nudged him indignantly. "It wasn't me who took someone to a shelter and said that the pet was going to be for that person but then turned out to be a cat-whisperer. That was betrayal at its finest."
"Haven't you heard people say that it's not us who picks out a cat but a cat who picks out its owner?"
I rolled my eyes. "She picked you because you smell good. That's it, so don't let it get to your head."
"Of course not. Even if it was my wife who just complimented me."
Hearing him call me that suddenly sobered me up and I inched away, not knowing when I'd closed the gap between us. The moment between us, whatever it was, vanished as quickly as it had come.
"How much longer am I going to be your wife for, though?"
Zayaan sighed. "Why are you so insistent on bringing up separation, Fatimah? You and I both know that it's not going to happen. Marriage is a sacred bond that shouldn't be torn for the sake of it. Especially when love remains."
I stood hurriedly. "What's the point of love if there's not any trust? You need to realise that love isn't all that a relationship needs, Zayaan."
I hurried back inside but he followed behind me, relentless.
"I know that, but you're so set on pointing out that there's no trust between us that you're not allowing for us to rebuild it."
I suddenly stopped racing away, stopping to yell in the middle of the house. "Well, were you not the one that broke it by insinuating horrid things? Were you not the one who first introduced the topic of a divorce?"
"And I told you that I made a mistake. We both made mistakes," Zayaan argued, his voice following me as I mindlessly stormed further and further away. "What good is relentlessly holding that over our heads going to do? It's akin to picking on a wound instead of just allowing it to heal."
"It's my way of trying to protect myself, Zayaan," I snapped, finding myself walking through the back French doors, leading to the garden. "I can't allow myself to be vulnerable and let you hurt me again someday. I'll barely survive it if it were to happen again. The first time has wrecked me enough."
"I know that, joonam. I berate myself for putting you through that every day. But I can't rectify my mistakes if you can't give me another chance." He cornered me against the glass doors after turning me around quickly. "Which is why I'm pleading with you. Forgive me, Fatimah."
I blinked, breathing heavily and feeling weightless under his stare. It felt as if I were a feather with him bearing both of our weights. It felt as if we were one being, an inch away from merging and joining the two halves of one soul.
"I..."
He pressed his forehead to mine, sighing deeply. "Can I tell you something?"
I nodded softly.
"I've gone twenty-six years with only knowing one type of love. Familial love. For my parents, for my friends, for my relatives, for Riyad. The type of love that takes over every single of your organs and makes you want to live for them. It makes you think that dying for them would be worth it and more. But then you came into my life nine months ago. I've only lived with you for four of those months, but in that short time, you've introduced me to a different type of love. The kind that's unrelenting. The kind that heartlessly refuses to let you out of its grip ironically. It's the kind that tells you this person is it for you. It's the kind that tells me I've found the one person who's worth living for; dying is easy, painless and you won't have to endure any feelings after your life is snuffed out. It's life that's scary. But it's not so scary anymore when the person you love is right by your side."
The sudden emotion came at me, threatening to make the final pieces of my resolve go flying away.
"If you still want that divorce, I can give it to you, Fatimah. Doesn't matter that you're the person I want to spend the rest of my days with when I've royally fucked everything up. You're the person I want to create a family with. The person I want to grow old with. The person you could kill for and feel no regret later. The one person I want to spend the rest of my hayat with."
I exhaled a shaky breath, feeling my cheeks tingle with the moisture as I made a decision. "Can I take you somewhere?"
Before he could agree, I grabbed his arm and led him to the front where the car I used during the summers when I visited was parked. I dug around in the plant pot beside it and retrieved the car key — I'd hidden it there because of my tendency to misplace it — and unlocked it, gesturing for my husband to get into the passenger seat.
He hesitated and I laughed. "I'll drive you safely. Don't worry, princess."
Zayaan's eyes narrowed but he listened and I backed out of the spot it was parked in, driving past the gates and waving to Erdem, the security guard.
It took almost half an hour to walk to the beach I was taking him to, but with the speed I drove at, we made it in less than ten minutes.
Zayaan seemed a little jittery when I parked and dragged him out.
"Are you alright?"
"Of course. Just in awe of your driving."
I stuck my tongue out at him playfully and pulled him to a particular spot beside the shore. The waves danced over each other, racing to the sand before retreating. It was as if they were teasing the shore, giving it a moment where the waves embraced it before they danced back over to where they came from, as if the shore wasn't worth staying for longer.
"I used to come here every summer when I visited," I started. "Every single summer, I would stand in this exact spot and ask the waves for a love story similar to the one that the shore and the waves shared. I used to think that no matter how many times the shore pushed the waves away, they were relentless and determined in their pursuit to win the shore over. I used to think that I was the waves and that Logan was the shore I was desperately trying to reach."
Zayaan's posture stiffened at the mention of Logan but I took a hold of his hand, intertwining our fingers and silently promising that this story held a purpose.
"But the day before the gala, I talked to Logan. Do you know what I realised? Do you know what I told him? That what I felt for him all along was infatuation. Gratitude. A sense of yearning to rid myself of the loneliness I was trapped in during my childhood. He apologised, Zayaan. He told me that he agreed with me. That he realised it was never going to be the two of us; it was just a temporary fantasy to fill the emptiness. We decided that we would be better off being just friends, Zayaan, and it made me see this entire situation in a different light.
"Before I went to my grandparents' house, I came to this beach yesterday. It made me realise that the waves and the shore were an unlikely love story, filled with nothing but teasing and a temporary union that is never going to last. It made me think that no, I don't want a love story like the waves and the shore. I came here yesterday and I realised that I didn't want a love like one that already existed. I want a love that's unique; a love that only belongs to two people. I want a man to love me, both of our feelings requited and I want him to stay with me forever. Not tease me as the waves do to the shore. Not only give me a moment like the sun and the moon. I want a lifetime. A lifetime of happiness, of family, of laughter, of love, Zayaan. And I want you to give that to me. Only you."
It took him a few seconds to process everything I'd just declared. When he did, his eyes widened in both caution and hope.
"What?" He asked carefully, seeming unsure about what he'd heard.
"I want you to give me the type of love that only you can. I want you, Zayaan. I want our love story, if you'll still have me, if you'll still give it to me."
"Of course I will." Zayaan wrapped me up in his arms, warding off the December chill. "But how... you forgive me?"
"There's no way I can't." I buried my head in his chest. "What I don't understand is how you did. What made you let go of everything and come to Antalya?"
"When you first told me that we shouldn't be together and told me why, I was hurt and pissed. But after I left, the anger soon wore off and I wanted to come back and apologise for what I'd said. That's why I returned two days later but I overheard you talking to your friends and realised that if something were to happen to me and was still completely unrelated to you, you would feel guilty for it and realised I couldn't put you through that because of my selfishness. So I said those horrible things to make you let go of me but those two months without you put things into perspective. Whatever resolve I had broke after seeing you at the gala, sad yet absolutely stunning."
"Is that why would followed me to the bathroom and made me... you know?"
"Made you come?" His eyes were bright with amusement. "Yes. Partially."
I shushed him, glancing around the area. "Partially?"
"I initially followed you to talk but things didn't exactly go to plan."
"No, they didn't." I fidgeted with the buttons on his shirt as the memory floated to the surface of my mind, along with shyness. "When I decided we should separate, I wasn't in my right mind, Zayaan. I was overthinking, worried and petrified to lose someone else. Losing family breaks something in you and leaves it irreparable so that you have to go the rest of your life with the broken pieces. I was terrified of ending up with more broken pieces, but now I can assure you that I will never let anything happen to you. My role as your wife is to cherish you, protect you and love you. I will do every single one of those, Zayaan. I promise."
"I promise you that too, Fatimah." He stared at me solemnly. "I don't know what I've done to deserve you. To deserve someone whose heart has specifically been chosen and whose face has been delicately carved by Khoda Himself, but I can promise to take care of you and thank Him every single day for giving you to me."
"You underestimate yourself, Zayaan. If only you could see yourself the way the rest of the world sees you. Or even just the way I see you. That will make you realise that we should be thanking you for being graced with your presence in our lives."
"I don't think—"
"And I'm going to spend every day of our lives telling you about how I see you so you can realise how perfect you are."
"I'll take that." He smiled.
"Do you know what else would be perfect?"
"What?" He asked softly.
"A little family of our own. You, me, Riyad. I want to adopt him, Zayaan. I want him to live with us. I'll even talk to Banu myself, but I want him to be a part of our everyday lives from now on."
"You want to adopt Riyad as well?"
I nodded. "Yes. I want the two of us to be his adoptive parents, if he'll have us. I don't want him to have to spend his days alternating between your and Banu's places. I want our house to become his home."
"And you're completely sure about this?"
"Completely. Utterly. He's been a part of the Haidar family for a long time and we're just going to make it legal now."
"Then we can start the paperwork and talk to Banu as soon as we return home. She's been running out of excuses to refuse me for a while now and now that I've got you by my side, she can't refuse a strong family unit for Riyad."
"Even though she hates me?"
"She doesn't hate you; she just takes time to warm up to people."
"Right." I stretched the word out, disbelief laying heavily in my tone. "Before it turns completely dark and we go home, can I tell you one last thing?"
He nodded.
I calmed the nervous racing of my heart, silently whispering to my mother who was in another country that I was finally heeding her advice. "I love you, Zayaan."
A bright smile, one as beautiful as the sun graced his lips. "I love you, too, Fatimah."
"This makes us a proper married couple now, by the way."
"Yeah?"
"Yep. We've confessed our love. All there's left is—"
Suddenly, fireworks erupted in the sky and filled it with a kaleidoscope of a variety of stunning colours.
"Fireworks?" I ended my statement as a question. "The fates must be grinning down at us right now."
"Then let's give them a show." Zayaan scooped me up higher into his arms and kissed me for the entirety of the beach, the whole of Antalya and Turkey — and hell, even the world to see. I smiled against our kiss, the moment made perfect with the setting sun, the glowing moon and the striking fireworks creating the perfect backdrop for forever. Our forever.
author's note:
and that's it!! the final chapter of eternal temptation. i'll publish the epilogue in a while but this is the last proper chapter and i'd like to thank those of you who have stuck around for reading my book and supporting its journey. i loved writing faithe and zayaan's story and it's going to be so strange not uploading another part of ET from now on. i'm going to miss them so much and i'm so grateful for everything they've taught me during the time i've spent writing them. as much as i love a bad boy and a villain, zayaan's the type of guy you marry and bring home, being able to fully trust him and know he will always love you for you and never disrespect you (despite the minor hiccup towards the end). they've taught me about a positive relationship that stemmed from convenience and it's something beautiful that grew unintentionally. i love the relationship that not only the couple has with one another but also their relationships with the other's family. it's heartwarming and i love the standard it sets. i'll probably look back at this book in a few years and cringe multiple times but i'll never forget the way it has inspired me and taught me about issues that are rarely talked about in Iran and taught me about a beautiful relationship that's a replica of one i want for myself some day. all this aside, i've published the aesthetics of my next book — the ashes of river — and it's completely different from this book: set mostly at school, enemies-to-lovers and a whole lot of secrets and drama. not only did i want to address colourism, racism and child abuse in taor, but i wanted to include a character of an ethnic group that goes severely under-represented. if any of you are interested, please do go check that out. for the final time, thank you for reading eternal temptation and coming with me on this journey ❤️