You should have known that kids and a bad headache aren’t exactly the best combination to start your day. On top of it Hawks also decided not to call in the sitter because he’s not going out on patrol for today. Which was supposed to be a good thing but every time you see him your headache just gets worse like before.
He noticed something was wrong that afternoon and he asked if you needed any medicine or if you’re taking a specific one.
“I don’t,” you said, sitting on the couch, your elbow propped on the armrest and your forehead on your hand. “It used to go away after a while.”
Hawks handed you a mug and you took it, thinking it was coffee at first but it turned out to be tea so you lowered it down and handed it back to him.
“I know you don’t drink tea but it’ll help.”
“If you know I don’t drink tea then why the hell did you give it to me?” you asked, your voice raising up as you looked at Hawks until you realized your behavior and you leaned back on the couch, averting your gaze, and in a more silent voice you continued, “Just give me aspirin or ibuprofen, that’ll help.”
“Herbal tea is better than drugs,” he muttered and when you were about to say something Hawks quickly added. “But I’ll go buy those, I’ll be back in a minute.”
You opened your eyes, furrowing as you watched Hawks leave. Thinking why he doesn’t have those in this house but later realizing that he prefers herbal medicines than drugs. Well you guess to each his own, you thought before closing your eyes, leaning your head back on the headrest as you heard the front door opening and closing, indicating that Hawks had left.
He left you with two kids, alone. And just as when you were about to drift off to sleep, you felt the couch dipped on your side and something was placed on your knee, like a small hand touching your kneecap. Beside you sat Keishi and in front of you, with his hand on your knee, stood Keita.
“Uhm…mama?” Keita asked slowly and your eyebrows furrowed.
“Ta-chan, mama’s sleeping,” Keishi said in a not so hushed tone as he leaned forward, close to you.
“But…papa just left.”
“What?! Papa left?!” Keishi asked loudly and you flinched. The little boy climbed down the couch and ran to the dining room with one mission in mind. To find where Hawks hid the potato chips while he’s gone.
Just as when you thought you’re finally going to get some peace and quiet, you felt the couch dipped again and this time, a hand on your face made you almost jump in surprise as you opened your eyes and turned to your side to see Keita.
“What?” you asked, voice low and groggy.
“Uhmm…can mama read me a–”
“Found it!” Keita yelled, running from the dining room with a bag of chips in his arms. “Ta-chan, let’s eat!”
“But I want mama to read me a book,” he said and in contrast with his brother hugging a bag of chips, Keita is hugging a story book that you just noticed now. “Mama, can you read me a book?”
“Why don’t you go and eat with your brother over there?” you asked, feeling your head throb like it’s going to split open.
“But I don’t like chips that much,” he muttered, looking down at his book. “Mama, read me a book?”
You grunted, feeling the headache worsening by the second and you leaned back, hand on your temple.
“This book is a gift from papa, it has many stories, papa read me the story about…”
The little boy’s voice drifted as your ears started to ring and you leaned your head back, trying to ease the headache until you felt a hand on your shoulder and the little boy started to shake you a bit causing your head to throb even more.
“Mama, are you al–”
“Oh please just shut up for a second!” you yelled, surprising both Keita and yourself as you looked at the little boy who seemed taken aback before he clutched his book and climbed down the couch.
And then you noticed the tears forming in his big eyes as you realized what you have just done. You stood up but the little kid turned around and started running.
“Wait, Kei–” you were cut off when you felt your head throb and you closed your eyes tightly, sitting back on the couch, until you heard Hawks’ voice.
“What happened?” he asked, holding a paper bag in hand before he put them on the table.
“I– I was trying to sleep this damned headache off and the kid, Keita, he just kept talking and asking me to read him a book. And I…” you trailed off, looking up at Hawks who had an expression that clearly states disappointment and you furrowed your brows.
“What?” you asked.
Hawks didn’t say anything for a second before he averted his gaze from you. “You shouldn’t have yelled at him like that. He’s just a boy.”
Before you can even tell him you didn’t mean to yell, and that you were just having a really bad headache like your head is being split open, Hawks was already running after his son. You let out a sigh, leaning back and closed your eyes.
“Papa’s right,” Keishi’s voice made you open your eyes but instead of looking at him, you look at the ceiling, you don’t need to see a small version of Hawks looking at you the same way as Hawks did earlier. “Mama shouldn’t have yelled at Ta-chan like that.”
And then you heard footsteps indicating that the little kid had left too. You sat there alone, in silence for a while, feeling your chest tightening in what you realized later on was guilt.
After a while you sat up and took the paper bag Hawks were holding earlier. You took out the aspirin and headed to the kitchen, swallowing the pill with water and hoping to relieve yourself of this headache so you can go and apologize to the little boy.
Unlike last night, dinner was engulfed in silence and a very heavy atmosphere. Keishi is the only one who went downstairs to eat with you and Hawks, afterwards he left. When your headache subsided after dinner, you were heading upstairs when you heard Hawks’ voice down the hallway.
“Keita,” he said, standing outside the twins’ bedroom. “Keita, you need to eat dinner or you can’t take your medicine.”
Hawks knocked on the door, while you stood there, guilt eating you alive by the passing second.
“Keita, you promised papa you’ll take your medicine on time. You don’t want to have another asthma attack again.”
You remembered what his doctor said two days ago and your chest tightened again. You took a deep breath, now with your headache gone and your head more clear, you decided to do what’s right and apologize to the boy.
“Keita, papa’s going inside, alright?”
Just as Hawks said that, you walked towards him. You saw that he’s holding a tray of food and medicine. Hawks stopped to look at you and you two stared at each other for a few seconds, neither one breaking the silence until you cleared your throat.
“Can I– Can I come in too?” you asked, nodding to the door. “I want to apologize to him properly.”
Hawks nodded, a small smile on his lips but a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. You opened the door for him and he walked in, with you behind. Until he stopped and put the tray on a table. The little boy sat on his bed and then he saw you.
“Hey,” you said, trying to find the words to apologize properly when you’ve never actually done it before. The little boy looked at you and you remembered how his big eyes were glazed with unshed tears earlier and the words just came out of your lips naturally.
“I’m sorry, Keita. I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier.”
The little boy didn’t say anything and you fidgeted a bit, trying to look for more words to say but none came until you saw the tray of food and medicine.
“Look, I’ll read you every book you want me to read to you.” At the mention of that, you noticed the little boy’s eyes lit up a bit. “Yes, but first you have to finish your dinner and take your medicine. And I’ll—I’ll give you a goodnight kiss as well.”
The little boy didn’t say anything, but it’s noticeable how his expression lightened up as he started to eat and you found Hawks looking at you with a smile, this time the smile seemed to have finally reached his eyes.
You were about to leave when you heard a small voice.
“Shi-chan too?” the little boy asked. “Mama will give Shi-chan a goodnight kiss too?”
“Of–of course,” you muttered, stumbling with your words so many more times tonight than you ever had in your life.