And undeniably, Lou was head over heels in love with Debbie, that, she could not lie. For Debbie, she could delete all the dismantled pieces of her; she could repair what was broken, because for Debbie, she wanted to be perfect, but how could she be when Debbie, she thought, was the only perfect thing in this imperfect universe? For Debbie, the demons in her were ready to pray about the godly prayers that she was so scared to even read with her cerulean eyes. The century-old satanic soul in Lou was ready to strip its own skin off, and be bathed with the holy water from the holiest place. Lou, a demon dressed in silk, was ready to be an angel for Debbie. And Lou was sure that her smile could burn her million sins away, like how satan burned hell.
"You wrote something for me?" Debbie asked.
The stillness of that midnight felt too right. Blaire was still in the car, sleeping and they were outside. A picnic blanket on the grass and Debbie was sitting in between Lou's parted legs. The fireflies flew away, still, the place despite being surrounded with tall trees, was not dark. The moon was still at its brightest and the city lights in front of them were still screaming its existence.
Lou looked down at her before she brought her a smile, "I did..." She waved the journal in front of the brunette, "Here."
Debbie sat up straight as she got the journal from Lou. The blonde smiled as she pulled Debbie through her waist, bodies closer; she then placed her chin on the brunette's shoulder. She could smell Debbie - her fragnance was dulcet, sweet and calming as Lou sniffed her which made Debbie giggle as she flipped the pages on.
Lou flipped two more pages before she kissed the brunette's earlobe, "There." She whispered as she showed Debbie what she wrote.
ocean,
i want to love you in the softest way possible - in the most delicate kind of way, like the octoberian rain tapping on the abandoned pavements of italy. in the most serene way like how still and quite and comforting a 3 am wishful thinking is. i want to love you like how i see love in films - where the lovers run and dance and kiss under the rain without having to think about colds and fever. i want to love you in the most loving way humans have ever loved. i want to love you like how most people love the idea of midnight strolls in paris. i want to love you... in a nonviolent way. like a fairy hiding under a mushroom, like a frog resting on a lily; i want to love you like how jesus loved mary magdalene. but how could i when i am the mosaic of all the violence i have encountered? i am a part of my father's godless way of loving, i am my mother's denial and i am the fruition of the people who have thrown me off the bus. i am a wild woman, with bruished knees and a scar-covered heart. my elbows are black and blue, and my lips utter profanities that nuns and priest would drag me to drink holy water if they ever hear me. but i want to love you- still - in the softest way possible and if my softest way possible isn't that soft to you, burn me to hell.
"Lou..." Debbie breathed as she touched the sheet gradually, as if tracing each phrase that was written, hoping for it to stick onto her finger and run to the spaces of her skin for the whole world to know, "It's beautiful."
The blonde laughed softly as she casually got the journal and closed it, "You're beautiful."
"I'm not kidding."
"Who says I am?"
Debbie sighed as she turned around to face the blonde. Her eyes now too real and intense and Lou was contemplating whether letting Debbie read it was a good thing or not, because now, Debbie was looking at her like a housewife staring at her soldier spouse who was about to kiss the battlefield.
"Hey..." Lou held her chin as she tried to smile at her, "You okay?"
Debbie shook her head, "How could..." She shook her head once more, fumbling for the right words to say, "It's beautiful. So beautiful, Lou." She mumbled along with the falling of her tears to which Debbie wiped right away as she laughed, "Damn, I'm crying. It's beautiful and I feel so blessed to be loved by you, Lou." Debbie smiled at the blonde as she caressed Lou's cheek, "Your love is one of a kind and it is something that I cannot live without."
The blonde smiled as she wiped Debbie's tears. She ended up cupping the brunette's face as she placed a one minute kiss on Debbie's forehead, "I love you. I love you so much." Lou whispered.
"I cannot wait to go back to US." Debbie spoke, "I cannot wait to go and cut the marriage off. Marrying him was a huge mistake. He is a good man, Lou, but I am a bad woman, never was good. I forced myself to believe that I was over you, that I had left everything behind, and guess what? When I saw you again, waiting for me in that meeting room, I knew in myself that I fucked up. And I am sorry, babe. I am sorry for everything. I am sorry for putting you through this."
"Hey Debs..." Lou cracked her a smile as she held her chin, "No apologies tonight. You have apologized a thousand times and I do not need it. Know what I need?"
"What?"
Lou stood up as she laughed, "I need you to dance with me."
Debbie left out a groan as she tapped the ground, "Come on, Louise. I am serious."
The blonde placed a hand on her hip while her other hand reached out, waited for Debbie to grab it, "Come on, Deborah." Lou mimicked before she giggled, "I am serious too. I want to dance with you."
"Here?"
"Yeah. Here." Lou held her hand as she helped her stand, "We have the world in front - the city, the city lights. We have trees, the night, the fireflies. We have the moon and the stars. We have everything, everyone watching us. This is only public place where I can dance with you without the fear of anyone seeing us. So please..." The blonde pouted as she held Debbie's waist, "...can I have this dance?"
Debbie's lips opened as her veins sipped every phrase that the blonde uttered. Her heart swelled with joy and pride: how could this blonde woman loved her like that? Lou was made up of all the perfect things in the world, all the pretty and all the wonders; and to be loved by her was something Debbie still couldn't fathom. The brunette, almost crying already, nodded. She didn't know what to say, but she knew deep in her heart that with Lou, it was always gonna be a yes. She was even sure that if Lou would ask her for marriage, or would ask her to runaway, she would say yes.
"You know it's always a yes with you, baby." Debbie finally spoke as she placed a hand on the back of Lou's neck while her other settled on Lou's chest, gently feeling the throbbing of the blonde's heart, "Yes to whatever you would say. Always a yes to you, Louise."
"I love you." Lou whispered as she started swaying Debbie.
"I love you more than my heart could do."
"You know,.." The blonde paused as she leaned her forehead against Debbie's forehead, "...you look so pretty tonight."
"You make me pretty. You make feel pretty."
"Don't be silly. You are already pretty even before Lou Miller --"
Debbie cut her off as she placed a peck on Lou's lips, "You make all the bad things, the rough, the rotten - all the ugly things in me, you made it all pretty. And I love you. I love you so much, baby." The brunette seriously spoke as she stared at Lou. "And I am blessed. So blessed to be loved by you, Louise." She breathed as she reached something from her pocket, "Baby, listen to me..."
And the world started spinning slow when Debbie reached out and presented a red velvety box. Lou's head started drumming and so was her heart that was pounding so loudly in her chest. Her knees weakened as she saw Debbie holding the velvet box in front of her. There was no one else anymore, except for the softest smile of Debbie and the red box.
"Debs..." Lou uttered in disbelief as her tears slowly fell.
Debbie smiled as she opened the box and inside was the most beautiful diamond ring sparkling so brightly under the silver moon. Lou's mouth hung open as she looked at Debbie, who at the moment, was smiling sweetly at her.
"I don't have a speech. But baby, I know I have put you through so much and you deserve the best. I am not the best and I know no matter how hard I try, I will never be. But baby, I want to marry you again. I want to spend the rest of my days with you and Blaire. I want to make you the happiest so please..." Debbie paused as she slowly knelt in front of the blonde, "...marry me. Marry me again."
"Debs... this is..." The blonde sighed as she looked back, her head too shocked as she tried to take the moment, "Debs..." Lou laughed before she pulled something from her pocket too and when she knelt down in front of Debbie, in the box was a beautiful opal ring too, "Marry me too, love." Lou spoke, "Marry me again."
And there they were: kneeling in front of each other holding different rings, asking each other for marriage. Debbie's tears fell as she looked at Lou who was holding a beautiful ring too. Inside each other's heart was a hole, where both of them could fit perfectly and in that very moment, they both knew that they needed each other. There was no pretense anymore. With their vulnerable hearts and in their deepest honesty, their souls connected, chanting "marry me, marry me." Lou and Debbie - they were in love, just in love and no matter what the situation would be, they were going to make it. Lou and Debbie, they were going to rule the world.
***