Saturday, October 1st
I think I need to take a break from partying. At least until Thanksgiving.
I feel like shit. Absolute shit.
I sit up in my bed, and my back is aching like crazy. Taking a glance around the room, I see Eden tying up her hair in a ponytail. When her hair is up like that, it means she's going to work.
"Good morning." I blink myself fully awake. "It's morning, right?"
"Hey," she greets back with a smile. "It's eleven."
I think before asking, "How'd I get back last night?"
"Killian brought you back." Eden nods her head at his jacket on my bedside table as she fixes her collar. She grabs her bag and keys.
"You going to be gone all day?" I ask.
"Yup." She opens the door. "Take it easy, alright?"
I nod. "See you later."
And she's gone.
I try to recall the events of last night. Although my memory of it is vague, I still remember bits and pieces of what happened with Nick. And little of when Killian took me back to the dorm.
I'm in different clothes from the ones I had on last night, and I'm going to safely assume that Eden is the one who changed me.
My phone dings.
I'm not in the mood to talk to anyone today.
I open the messages expecting to see a message from our group chat, but to my surprise, it's Killian.
ian: Are you free right now?
Me: yeah, why?
It takes him a minute or so for the next message. The dots from him typing kept disappearing and reappearing constantly, like he was deleting his message again and again.
ian: I want to see you.
My hand slowly travels up to my mouth, and I let out a squeal. There's no way.
I realize that I'm leaving him on read, and I put both hands on my phone, starting to briskly type a response. But he gets another text in first.
ian: I want my jacket back. Can I come get it?
Like I said, there's no way. I feel the short burst of excitement dissipate before responding.
Me: yeah, Eden is at work right now
ian: Ok.
I instantly shut my phone off, and my arm swings down to my side in disappointment.
I glance down at my clothes. A tee-shirt and no bra, and no shorts underneath. I still smell like alcohol, and although I love the taste, the stench of it is too much for me to handle.
Probably a good idea to shower before he gets here.
Just as I'm brushing my hair, there's a knock on the door. I give my damp hair one last detangle before setting the brush on my desk.
I get up, grabbing the jacket on my way to the door. I open it, greeting Killian with a smile. He disregards the jacket when I hold it out in front of him, and he takes a look at my neck before meeting my eyes.
"How are you feeling?" His tone is genuine.
Is he worried about me?
"I'm fine. Hell of a lot better than last night, that's for sure." I joke about my own misfortune.
Killian finally takes the jacket from my hands. "That's good." He contemplates his next words and fidgets with his jacket before speaking again. "Can I come in?"
I freeze.
Killian Cadel is asking to come into my dorm room?
"Oh yeah, of course." I play off the internal screaming casually.
I step aside for him to walk in, and he hesitates a bit before stepping inside. Killian takes a quick glance around the room, swinging his arms to the awkward silence before turning around.
"I- Uh... Reported Nick to administration." He gravitates towards my side of the room. "So, I hope they actually decide to do something about him. This is the most we can do for now. It'll be difficult to press charges without any evidence."
"I know, but," I sit on my bed with my hands in my lap. "Thanks, Ian."
"If they do nothing ," he leans against my desk. "I'll bribe them until they get rid of him." I can't tell if he's being serious.
"There you go, taking any opportunity to flex your money." I cross my arms jokingly.
He tilts his head. "Seriously-"
I laugh as my phone rings and I flip its screen facing up to see who it is. An unknown number.
"Go ahead and take it." He nods.
"I'll be right back." I hold my phone up to my cheek as I step out.
There's silence on the other side, so I say something. "Hello?"
"Hey, honey..." The voice of someone familiar finally speaks and my phone almost drops out of my hand.
"...Dad?" my voice croaks.
He sighs like he's relieved that it's me who answered. "Yeah, it's me."
"How did you find my number?"
He chuckles, "It's still the same one you had when I left."
When you left.
"Right," I grimace. "What do you want?"
"Can I see you? Today?" he says, and I almost let out a laugh.
He wants to see me now?
"What?" I scoff.
I hear him exhale. "Please, I miss you honey."
I hesitate, leaning my head on the wall and I tap the back of my phone with my finger. "Where?"
"You know the café I always took you to when you were younger?" I do, and all too clearly. "There. At two."
"Alright... See you," I say, ready to end the call.
"And Carson?" He squeezes in another sentence just before my finger hits the red button.
I wait, hovering over it. My hands are shaking.
"I love you."
I click it, ending the call.
I shove my phone into my back pocket, sniffling as a result from almost crying. I stand up straight and fix my disheveled hair.
That was the first time I've heard his voice in years.
I bring myself together again, practicing a smile before I open the door. Killian is looking at the pictures pinned on my wall with his hands in his pockets.
He turns to me and tilts his head. "Is everything okay?"
"Ah..." I quickly wipe a tear before it slips past my lashes. "My dad wants to see me," I admit.
He sits in my chair. "Is that a bad thing for you?"
"Uh, yeah." I nod, sitting back down on my bed. "It is."
"How so? If you don't mind me asking," he asks politely.
I take a deep breath. "My dad isn't really that great of a person. I mean it's been five years since he cheated on my mom and left without saying anything, and now he suddenly calls after all this time to meet up like everything is fine-"
I realize that I started to talk faster, and I look at Killian, who's staring.
"Oh," I rub the back of my neck. "I'm rambling, sorry."
He leans back in my chair, resting his elbow on the desk and his hand in his palm. "I don't mind listening."
I arch an eyebrow. "You're being nice today, and it's making me suspicious."
His eyebrows furrow. "How am I being suspicious?"
"Maybe it's that dumb look on your face," I lie with a squint, knowing damn well Killian looks far from dumb.
He stands up abruptly, taking his jacket with him as he heads for the door. "Alright, I'm leaving-"
"Wait!" I shoot up from my bed. "I was just joking-"
He lets out a laugh with his back facing me before turning around. "I'm not actually going to leave."
"I hate you so much." I instinctively push his arm, the same thing I do to the rest of my friends when they say something annoying.
Killian tilts his head down to where I pushed, and he raises an eyebrow as he looks back up to my eyes. "Oh yeah?"
I'm caught off-guard. "I-" I clear my throat. "Just shut up."
He laughs again, this time facing me, and I get a glimpse of those amazing dimples.
"You should smile more often," I say, and his face softens.
His smile fades and he turns his face away slightly. "So," he rubs his neck. "When does your dad want to meet you?"
I bring my phone into view. "Two hours."
"Oh," he looks at me again. "Do you need a ride?"
"Do you mind?"
"Not at all."
I immensely regret agreeing to meet him. I can already see him inside through the window, sipping on coffee that I know is just straight black.
I changed into a turtle neck just before leaving in hopes that he wouldn't see the bruises on my neck.
I hand Killian back his helmet, and he puts it on, flicking the visor up so I can see his eyes. "Are you going to be okay in there?" He reads my own eyes, which look as anxious as ever.
"Of course." I lie. "Thanks, Ian."
Killian hits the visor back down with his index, and he kicks the bike stand up. He puts his hand up, waving me goodbye before speeding off.
I clutch the strap of my purse as I look at the entrance. I take a singular deep breath before moving forward.
Just do it.
"There you are!" My dad's face beams when he sees me, and he sets his coffee down.
I sit at the chair across from him, uncomfortably crossing my legs.
"I saw that boy drop you off," he smiles. "Are you two together?"
"He's a friend," I say dryly.
He puts his elbows on the table, clasping his hands together as he takes a second to look at my face. "You look so much more grown up than the last time I saw you."
"Why did you ask to meet?" I ask, ignoring his comment.
He frowns. "Because I missed you, my little Moonlight."
The nickname he gave me when I was younger starts to make me sick. Too many memories start flooding to my head.
"You've lost the right to call me that," I snap.
"Carson I-"
I lean forward. "Why did you leave without saying goodbye? And why are you suddenly just showing up, asking me to meet you?" Fury is the motif behind all my questions, though there are too many to ask.
"I'm sorry, Moon- Carson, I really am." He cuts himself off, remembering my words. "I would apologize to your mother too, but I doubt she'd even want to see me."
I lean back, crossing my arms. "Saying 'sorry' isn't going to make me forgive you. You hurt mom, and you hurt me."
"I know, I know." He lowers his eyes.
I give him a pushy eyebrow raise, telling him to get to the point.
"I... came here to invite you to a wedding." He hesitates.
"Who's wedding?" I ask, trying to figure out the randomness of the topic.
"My wedding."
My tongue pokes the inside of my cheek, and I scoff. "Is this a joke?"
"Annie and I thought that you should-"
My arms uncross, and I bare my teeth. "And you're marrying the woman you cheated on mom with?"
He stares at me, blankly. He gives no response, but that's enough of an answer for me.
"Yeah," I snatch my purse off the table, and my chair scrapes the floor as I stand up quickly. "I'm done here."
He gets up quickly too. "Carson, wait!"
I practically run out of the café, fumbling slightly with the doorway as I try to leave. Tears are already falling the minute I step outside. I start walking down the street, regardless of the fact that I can't even see a few feet in front of me.
All I need right now is time to clear my head.
My eyes are puffy, and despite all the tears, they're dry.
I knock a few times, sniffling as I take one last check on my phone's camera to make sure my mascara didn't run. I hear movement from the other side of the door, as well as the beep of it unlocking before it swings open. Killian stands in the doorway, and his eyes soften once he sees me.
"Carson?"
"Can I please come in?" My voice almost breaks.
"Um-" He blinks. "Yeah, sure."
Killian moves out of the way for me to step in, and I take off my shoes, setting them next to his. He closes the door behind me. "How did you get here?"
I head for the couch. "I walked."
"What? You walked that far?" he says, appalled. "You should've called me, I would've gone to get you."
"No," I sit down. "I needed time to cool off."
Killian goes into the kitchen and pours a glass of ice water before coming back and setting it on the coffee table in front of me.
I manage a smile. "Thanks." I lift the glass, taking a sip.
He sits next to me, leaning forward slightly to look at my face. "Were you... crying?" He squints, not having his glasses on.
I set the glass down, sniffling to ease the tension for myself. "Can I stay here for tonight?" I sit up straight.
His eyebrows furrow, and he hesitates before saying, "Yeah, sure. I'll... get the guest bedroom ready for you." He stands up, walking off down the hallway.
Killian must think I'm extremely pathetic.
Especially with what happened last night. I'm sure I was pitiful enough that he decided to give me a ride earlier, and now let me stay at his apartment. I know he wouldn't normally do something like this. He doesn't even like having me here.
"Carson," he calls out, peering past the corner.
I gather myself together before standing up and following him down the hall. He holds out his hand, gesturing towards the room.
It's much bigger than a guest bedroom one would typically have. It's bright and decorated more than someone would usually expect in a spare room.
"I set some of my clothes on the bed for you... if you want to change into them later." Killian nods to the clothes neatly set on the bed.
I walk over to them. A large shirt, and gray sweatpants.
"Uh," he runs fingers through his hair. "I'll be in the kitchen." He leaves down the hall.
I plan to go to sleep earlier than I normally would, so I change into the clothes. Considering Killian's size compared to mine, the shirt wears like a dress on my body. It's still much more comfortable than my own suffocating clothes.
I step out of the room, heading for the kitchen. Killian is at the counter, chopping vegetables.
I stand to the side. "Thanks, for these." I gesture towards the clothes.
He faces me and gives a small nod before looking back to the cutting board.
"What are you doing?" I lean onto the counter, out of his way.
He has good knife skills. "Are you picky?" I shake my head.
"Good, I'm making pasta." He nods at the ingredients spread out, and the pasta boiling on the stove.
I turn my body to the side. "Random question."
"Hm?" He looks at me again.
"Do you have any grape juice?" I need a serious recharge after today.
Killian pauses chopping and looks up slightly, like he's thinking. "No, I never buy it."
I frown. "Bummer."
He taps the handle of the knife, contemplating something. "Do you want to watch a movie later?"
"Sure." I smile.
"You can go watch whatever on the TV while you wait." He nods towards the living room.
I head to the couch, sitting down in front of my water. I grab the remote, switch the TV on and locate Netflix. I pick the only comfort show I know, and start watching it.
A short episode passes, and my stomach growls due to the aroma coming from the kitchen. What he's making smells absolutely delicious.
He comes into view with two plates in hand. He sets one down in front of me, warning me that it's hot, before setting down his own on the other side of the coffee table.
He holds out a fork for me, but retracts it the second I go to grab it. "Don't make a mess," he says, acting like his normal self for the first time today. I snatch it, sticking my tongue out and he rolls his eyes.
Killian turns around to fetch his glasses from his desk before coming to sit on the couch. He leans over to take the remote from my side, and he looks at me, wondering if he can stop the show. I give him a nod, and he clicks off, scrolling for a movie. I slide down to the floor, sitting crisscrossed and resting my back on the couch.
I take a first bite of the pasta, and I almost drop my fork. It's delicious.
I love a man who can cook.
"Do you care what movie?" he asks.
I look up at him, hovering my hand over my mouth before I speak. "Nope." He selects a horror movie, and I grin. "Getting into the Halloween spirit I see."
"Quiet." He shushes me, and I laugh.
The movie starts, and I've already finished my plate. I gulp down the last bit of water in my glass as well before curling back up onto the couch. Killian notices and sets his plate down, standing up to grab mine as well as the glass.
"More water?" He pauses to ask.
I nod, hugging my knees against my chest in an attempt to warm myself up. He leaves, then comes back moments later with a fresh glass of water.
My eyes droop slightly, and every once and a while, they shoot open from the movie's jumpscares. We only get about halfway through until I give in, leaning my head against the pillow to my right.
The last thing I feel is being carried.
Someone's hand goes underneath my legs, and the other wraps around my back to eventually grip my waist. I try to open my eyes to see what's happening, but my own drowsiness betrays me. And I eventually lay my head against the chest of my carrier.
• • •