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WARNING: Angst! Abandonment talk, breaking up.
Smutty content. Handjob, dirty talk. public sex (kinda). (I'm sorry for my combos).
A/N: Sorry for the 2-week wait! I've been swamped with uni and I also wanted to drop this chapter on my birthday!! Seeing you enjoying my writing is the best gift! <3
I got inspired by Yours - Conan Gray, in case you want to listen to it for this first part of the chapter! Other angsty songs that help me get in the mood: Touch - Sleeping at last, Je te laisserais de mots - Patrick Watson, When We Were Young/ Love in the Dark - Adele.
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Obi-Wan's POV
The nerve-wracking sound of my shoe sole hitting the floor was driving me crazy.
Be tougher than this, Obi-Wan. She shouldn't have this control over you.
My head felt dizzy and it was not because our repulsor pod was moving forward to the center of the chamber. Forcing my eyes to focus on a determined spot, I stopped searching around the different pods in case I could find... her. My breath got stuck in my lungs when I saw a very elaborated headpiece, but I exhaled harshly as I noticed that it was the queen of Naboo.
To know that she was here... somewhere... was making me lose my mind.
I closed my eyes, calling in the Force to help me localize her, however, it was useless. Maybe I was too clouded by my feelings, maybe she hadn't arrived yet, nonetheless, I wasn't catching her force signature. I remained with my eyes shut until the pace of my breath calmed down, Qui-Gon's big welcome speech was the only thing my senses were catching. The rest of my body? Coldly numbed. Years of pushing her away finally worked.
There were countless nights where I stayed up, looking at the ceiling and wondering what I would do the next time I saw her if that ever arrived. The oath I took the day she stepped over my heart lingered around me: That I would never be the fool I once was. I was also not very fond of the idea of meeting her once more, because that meant having to be accountable for all the atrocities I had done trying to cover up the hole she left inside me. It meant having to face her rejection. It meant dealing with the fact that she didn't love me... as much as I love her and I would never be ready for that.
Depending on how my day went, I would sometimes go to bed drowning in rage.
In those days I thought of all of the things I would yell at her the second I looked at her: that she was the most selfish and inconsiderate person I had ever met. That she was a hypocrite for letting herself be carried away by what other people had to say. That she was a coward. A fucking coward.
I would picture her face shaking with tears as I vomited the truth to her face: How fearless could she really be, if she was not strong enough for love, even when that cost her own happiness?
I deserved better, way better than someone who would take me, a person willing to throw his entire life away, for granted. On the nights when anger invaded me I would feel the momentary relief of spilling out the bottled feelings in my heart. But the burden would only get heavier and heavier with each word, with each made-up scenario. It was like a drug; supplying the necessary relief, but the side effects made me question if it was worth it.
However, after repeating those words over and over in my head, I still didn't buy them. If I was so great, why would she dump me? Maybe I was the one lying to myself.
If she was a pacifist, then why did she massacre my heart?
I briefly came back to reality, noticing that my hands were closed into fists and that my breath was visibly altered. Sensing some peculiar eyes, I looked inside the pod. Qui-Gon was still talking, Y/n and Anakin stood beside me and behind the master Sith Lord. A pair of blue eyes gave me a sorrowful look. Anakin checked on me, to which I thankfully nodded back. His hand crawled to my shoulder and gently squeezed, as a sign of support. I exhaled deeply, the comfort not being an emotion I would feel often.
It brought me back to her again.
Sometimes I would go to bed feeling incredibly lonely and miserable.
And instead of picturing me talking, I would remember the damn day she pushed me away.
It was cold and pouring rain in Sundari and we agreed to meet on her personal landing ramp so no one would see us. Early in the day, my decision was made to leave the Order so we could run away, far from everyone, just the two of us. Fuck the Jedi, fuck our commitments, fuck everything. It all meant nothing next to her.
The whole ride to her apartment I was imagining the color of the fence our house would have. She would probably choose something very neutral. I laughed at my own joke. Knowing her, I was sure that purchasing a lot with a big garden was a must; so we could fill it with exotic and colorful flowers. Almost as colorful as her outfits. I smiled at the thought, having a bet with myself to try and guess which gown she was wearing today.
Suddenly, that became a worry of mine. How would we fit all her dresses in our runaway bags? Oh, screw it, I was willing to leave more robes of mine so she could pack as many dresses as she wanted. I just truly loved her.
The minute I saw her, I ran to hug her tightly, not caring if I got her all wet from my dripping robes; I was just way too excited to feel her inside of my embrace. She would probably mock me for being so cheesy, but I didn't care. She was everything.
I should have known when her bright smile did not greet me, instead, a dreadful stare with bags under her eyes was her welcoming face. The Force was unusually shaken around her. Back then I thought it was because my boots were ruining her beloved floors.
How stupid.
Her lack of excitement was the first sign and I completely ignored it, like a dumbass.
"I'm ready to leave. For good. No looking back, only you and me till death due us part, my love." I said, my hands around her face and desperately kissing her. Little drops fell from my hair, splashing her blushed cheeks.
"Obi-Wan, I-" She grabbed me by my shoulders, and pushed her head a little, giving me more room to kiss all over her neck. My fingers traveled to her soft hair and I pulled her closer, fascinating myself with her scent. Only in our moments together I could let go like this.
"I've missed you all day." My hands roamed all over her body and she let go inside my arms, reciprocating my hungry kiss. "I'm doing it. The moment I leave here I'm walking straight to the Council and renouncing my Jedi Master title." I tried to finish my sentence in the little gaps I had to breathe.
"Obi-Wan, no." With an unusual strength, Satine pushed me away and I backed off one step.
"What? Don't worry, I won't take long-"
"No! Obi-Wan!". She shut her eyes close and put a hand between us, creating distance. My grin fell slowly and I stared at her with heavy breathing. "Don't leave the Order." The words fell over my shoulders like they weighed thousands of pounds.
"Wha- I don't understand." Now this time I took the step back voluntarily. "We cannot be together if I don't leave the Order." I explained with a humorless laugh, Satine turned her face, blocking me from seeing what looked like a tear. "Isn't that what you want?"
"Obi-Wan, we can't just abandon anything and evaporate into thin air!" She growled at me like I was stupid, with exaggerated gestures. "We are not like other people! We are part of things bigger than ourselves!"
"But don't we deserve to be happy?!" I snapped. "We have given our entire lives to our titles and has it ever given you true satisfaction?" My eyes fell, my brows furrowing. "Because I know my life as a Jedi could never give me what you do."
"Obi, you're asking me to turn my back on my people! I was expecting you to know me better than that!" At this point, Satine's face was red. She poked my chest with her index finger.
"And I'm turning my back to my family!" I yelled back. "But I'm okay with that because you're worth it! Am I worth it?" I narrowed my eyes at her and I grabbed her by the shoulders, squeezing in an attempt of holding on.
"I cannot leave right now-"
"Many years ago I was a padawan and you were beginning your duties as a duchess, so it couldn't be. Years later we found each other again, but the Clone Wars were raging and the moment was not right." I sighed tiredly, shaking my head. "The time will never be appropriate and I cannot keep living knowing that every second that passes by, it's a moment I'm losing in your absence."
My vision was blurry and I could barely see through the water in my eyes. I almost didn't want to because her emotionless face was tearing me apart.
"I thought you were the romantic one." I tried to joke, however, my sad attempt made the environment even tenser.
"Obi-Wan... please understand." She begged with a pitiful voice. "How can I show my face again knowing that I fail my people? Knowing that I was the one that caused the great Obi-Wan Kenobi to leave the Jedi?" She clasped the collar of my robes. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself."
"Are you worried about your job as a duchess... or about what people will think?"
"You are a fool if you think those are not correlated." She bit every word. "I will go down in history as the biggest failure in Mandalore."
I laughed sarcastically.
"I guess I am a fool, indeed." I stared into the nothingness, trying to pick myself up from having my soul crushed. "Almost throwing away my life for someone that wouldn't do the same." I spoke coldly.
"I never asked you to." Her words full of poison stung deep inside of me.
I couldn't peel my eyes off the wall, the white paint soothing my urge to break down and cry. I was the one who told her that if she would have said the word, I would have left everything behind. It wasn't until now that I realized she never really said it. "Guess not."
"Obi, this is not how I wanted this to go." She said with a thread of a voice.
"And what did you expect? That I would be thrilled?" The anger inside of me gave me the courage to look at her again.
"I expected more compassion and understanding from you." She blurted, annoyed. "You're a Jedi after all."
"Stop saying that!" I closed my eyes and held my forehead, feeling the pending headache growing. "Don't say it like that's all I am. I'm more than a Jedi. I'm more than some principles and rules." My body trembled out of fury... "I'm a man with a heart and this heart beats for you." My voice broke at the end and I escaped from her arms when she tried to approach me, so I pushed her away by turning around.
"I'm so, so sorry about it. But we cannot deny who we are." She whispered from behind me. "I am a duchess and you are a Je-... glorified soldier." Not even in the worst argument we ever had, she could drop that tone. "And we are in the middle of a war, we cannot walk away-"
"Leave it." With a loud sound, I inhaled sharply, cleaning the tears aggressively. I felt her hand on my shoulder and I snapped it away. "I don't know what I was thinking when I thought this would work out with someone as cold and heartless as you."
The Force alerted me of the way her heart shrunk. But at that moment that's what I wanted. For her to feel the consuming agony I was in.
"And I don't know what I was thinking about changing my life for a man who has so little respect for duty and responsibility."
A tear threatening to fall from my eye brought me back to the present day. I subtly cleaned it, thinking no one would notice, but I was wrong. Even though she was standing up straight and looking forward to Qui–Gon's speech, Y/n's little hand came to hold mine and squeeze it. I mouthed a silent "thank you" and she gave me a coy smile. She let go moments later when she saw me calmer.
All my efforts and strength were pulled so I didn't stray away in my thoughts. Funny enough, I never allowed myself to imagine what would have been if she had said yes that day. What our happy ending would have looked like.
I considered that to be more painful than the other two options combined.
Sleeping with her ghost was worse than sleeping alone.
And now, being so close to reminiscing that agony again, I realized how haunted I was by her; the power she still had over me. I sighed in exhaustion; the emotional burden was beginning to take a toll on me.
The thunderous applause brought me back to reality. Qui-Gon's speech was over and he was receiving a standing ovation. The propulsor pod twirled in the middle of the Chamber so we could face everyone in there before returning to our spots. Other pods came to pick us up and return us to the sidelines. Before I hopped onto the other pod, Qui-Gon turned around and glared at me profoundly. A harsh glare I could only interpret as:
"Pull yourself together, Obi-Wan".
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Anakin's POV
We went back to the pods we chose, except for Obi-Wan, who left to walk around by himself. I felt pretty bad for him, but at the same time, I understood that there was little I could do. Being by himself was probably the best. Because I was not sensing Satine at the moment, I knew he was going to be safe.
Unlike Phoenix, who was having too much company if you asked me.
I was sitting on the pod next to hers: Rex was right by my side, trying not to fall asleep with whatever shit the King of Mon Calamari was saying. Meanwhile, Fives and Phoenix were whispering in each other's ears and giggling. It was so obnoxious, they looked like fucking teenagers. My urge to shut them up was growing with every laugh, but that would give Phoenix exactly what she wanted.
I saw her cross her legs, making the slit of her dress reveal more of her skin, dangerously showing the side of her hip. The way her face lit up when Fives fell for her trap infuriated me. But it infuriated me, even more, when his sneaky, dirty fingers trailed off to graze the exposed skin, whispering something into her ear simultaneously. Her face flushed and she chuckled, hitting him in the arm.
It was taking all of me to not stand up and remove that ridiculous tattoo off his face with a single punch. Right when I was about to walk over to them so I could separate their little private party, Rex spoke.
—Fives is having the time of his life, isn't he? —Rex laughed, something I definitely did not do. —He hasn't stopped talking about that woman ever since she arrived but it got particularly worse a few weeks ago. —He rolled his eyes.
I didn't even have to ask what he said, I already knew. I could read all of the clones' minds.
Always thinking about her legs, or her hair, or her ass, or tits. They never commented on them out loud, however, they all thought the same shit. That she was the most gorgeous woman that they have ever seen. And it was exhausting, especially Fives. I tried to shut down my mind-reading ability during the night (I will not get into heavy detail), or else I would get no sleep.
—He is a dumbass for falling for her pathetic tricks. —I said through gritted teeth.
—Yes, he is. —Rex chuckled, returning his attention to the event.
After looking at him with indignation, I turned my head around to see Phoenix smiling right at me, while Fives played with the hem of her dress.
[SMUT STARTS]
"Hey, Ani."
I frowned.
"Now you are talking to me?"
"Well, I don't see anyone else in our mental conversation." She mocked.
"Oh, yes excuse me, I forgot that you cannot talk with your tongue down Fives' throat."
"You're so dramatic! I haven't kissed him today!" She turned herself in a way that she would be facing directly at Fives, making her look directly at me too.
"Yet." I finalized bitterly.
"Don't push me, Ani." She licked her lips. "You know what I'm capable of."
I narrowed my eyes at her, not liking the possibilities of that answer. Mocking me, a sly smirk appeared in her mouth.
"Why so grumpy, golden boy?"
"I'm not the one getting my ass kissed, nothing to be happy about." I rolled my eyes.
"Are you into that?" She opened her eyes in a sarcastic, surprise gesture and then smiled widely. At that moment, Fives went ahead and got closer to her neck, gently kissing around.
"Shut up."
"I'm sorry Ani, I should pay more attention to your needs..."
Confused, I stared at her gaze as a mischievous grin escalated on her face. Suddenly, a pressure started to go up and down my shaft, resembling the feeling of a... handjob. At first, it was soft, gentle... quite imperceptible, making me think I was going insane. The feather-light touches made me shiver and the grip around my dick was tightened, making me drop my head back at the amazing feeling. Even a low grunt was ripped off me. I looked down, but there was nothing, the only evidence that I was not losing my mind was her mocking smile.
The bitch was jerking me off through the Force.
"Have I ever told you that the first time we fuck I was scared that your huge cock would not fit in me?". Fives was saying something to her, but she couldn't care less; my trembles were now the sole focus of her attention. Her hand was moving up and down Fives' thigh at the same rhythm as the stroking of my cock.
I tried to regain my composure, however, it was impossible. Every time I tried to stand-up straight she would put more pressure on the base, to let go on the tip. I missed the actual feeling of her smooth hands stroking up and down on me, but this was still great. The stimulation, combined with the danger of the scenario and her teasing of Fives was getting to me; and I was losing the battle.
"Shhh. You need to remain calm. We are in public, remember? Or do you want all of them to see how much of a slut you are, baby?" The fucking tease was using my words against me and it was working, dammit.
She chuckled when I squeezed my eyes shut and put my hand on top of my bulge.
"Have you been listening to our conversation?" She asked, diverging from the topic... at hand.
"I'm not a meddler, Phoenix." I glared at her once I was able to pretend I was listening to the debate.
"Of course, you're not. You're just a stalker." She giggled and I wasn't sure if it was because of me or Fives' spicy comment.
"Why the question?" I pressed. She was not a fan of me pressuring her because she slowed down the movements and went to nibble Fives' ear, just like she would do to me.
"You want to know what he is saying to me?" Phoenix's hand moved to grip Fives' bicep when he got a bit too enthusiastic returning the gesture of licking her earlobe and the adjacent zones.
"Do I?" I squinted my eyes and clasped the arm of the chair when Fives' hand fell to her hip, playing with the fabric.
"I think you could be amused."
"Surprise me, princess." I gasped when she added on more pressure, sending waves of pleasure through my spine.
"He is talking about how soft my skin is... and that he cannot wait to find out what else is soft." She moaned when I tensed up my muscles, hating that fun fact. The up and down rubbing got more intense as the seconds passed and the famous build-up was starting to form.
"And did you tell him?" I was so close, so close to full-on cum in front of hundreds of important people and I couldn't do anything about it.
"I think you're better qualified to tell him that. Am I soft enough for you, baby? Tight enough?" Her voice dropped.
I gulped, resisting the urge to explode into a furious scream.
"Isn't it funny? Right now Fives is telling me how much he wants to taste me and the only thing I can care about is how much I need for you to bend me over the edge of this pod and fuck me raw." She hissed seductively.
"Phoenix..." I growled. My excitement apparently turned her on because I caught the way she changed positions so she could subtly alleviate the desire between her legs, carefully rubbing herself against her seat.
"Are you seriously intimidated by the clones? By Fives? Think you are not good enough for me?" She laughed. "Maybe I should show him myself just how soft I am. I think it would work better." She smiled and kissed along the edges of Fives' mouth, now her fingers brushing the hairs on the back of his neck.
"I almost want you to do that, princess." She gazed at me surprised, letting Fives keep going with the licking of her neck. My chest was agitated and I quickly swept up the perimeter to see if anyone knew what we were doing. Thankfully, we were pretty far from the nearest people and Rex was asleep right beside me. "I almost wish for them to fuck you all night long."
She widened her eyes and I gave her a hand, concentrating on using my powers to rub her sensitive spot. Phoenix jumped on her side when I started to press into the bundle of nerves in her heat but managed to stay put. Surely, that made her stop the petting on my dick, edging me when I was seconds away from climaxing. I made sure she was looking at me and only me when I whispered the next words with shortness of breath:
"Because that way, even when all of them have already had their share and have fucked that pussy of yours until they can't no more, you would know with certainty... that no one else can fuck you like I can."
[SMUT ENDS]
Next thing I knew she was getting up, apologizing to Fives while picking up her purse and heading to the exit. Looking back at me, she smirked and non-verbally asked me to follow her and then disappeared behind the curtains.
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A/N: Omg omg, I was sitting on the edge of my seat writing this!!!! Sory for the blue balls, I will make it up to you, I swear!!!
Thoughts on the Obi-Wan part??? Hope it was sad enough! His story is so fun and interesting for me to write! I love his character and with this chapter, we get to see more of him. <3
Hope you liked it! I love angst!!!
Happy week everyone!!! May something amazing happen to you every day!!!