I've had the scissors in my hand for about an hour. I've probably opened and closed them over five hundred times fantasizing about a world with short hair. I've done it before, forcefully. It looked terrible because they just took huge chunks of my hair and cut it off.
I raked my hands through my hair seperating some of the big locks of hair. Then I held one of the two hundred spirals that I have and I put it in between the scissors. . .
I let them drop from my hand. I couldn't find the good place in my heart to do it. I just see her in me. She was so much like me I can't even change anything about myself because it would be changing her.
The sun shined in my bathroom, reminding me of the day ahead if me, and I let my shoulders drop.
I can't do it today. Just not today.
That's the problem. One day I'm up for the impossible, but the next day the impossible just beats me down.
I walked back to the living room and laid down on my couch. I hid under the covers.
I want to sleep and to never wake up.
I had a dream. That scared me. It scarred me a little. About my future. It was a fairytale. I didn't know that that could happen. I just want to sleep. To escape to my fairytale. My own fairytale. The only thing I look forward to. When I go to sleep. And the only thing that keeps me asleep.
✴ ✴ ✴ ✴
"Okay, sweetie. I need you to follow the light for me." The girl sat in the trauma center obeying the resident. "Good, now lift up your right arm." The doctor guided her arm up, moving it in circles and pulling in and out. "Awesome, we'll do your other arm and then your back."
She was fifteen. She had dirt and stains all around her stretched out clothes. But she smelled fresh and clean like she had just taken a shower. Her short, uneven hair was as red as fire. Her eyes were three different shades at once. Her skin the color of milk.
"Okay, great. I'll be right back with another doctor. Stay here." The girl nodded, not looking at the doctor in the eye.
There was so much movement in the room. There were doctors running, people crying, patients yelling in pain.
She just sat there, Staring down at her feet trying to avoid all eye contact.
There was a patient who came in. It was a boy.
He was crying so badly. The tears were running down his face in big droplets. His face was cherry red. He was holding his leg like it hurt.
His mother came in behind him with a blank face. She looked nervous, as if she was scared for the outcome of this visit.
They took him into an area and closed the curtains.
The girl looked around at the other doctors who were too focused on their patients to notice her. She slid off the bed and started to walk slowly towards the curtains.
"The infection caused paralysis in his leg. If we don't amputate, the infection will spread and it will kill him." She peaked through the curtain and was facing the little boy from the side.
His hair was so black, it almost looked blue from the hospital lights. And his eyes were deep and dark like an ocean on a rainy day.
"And we can't save it?" The doctor shook her head.
"The leg is black, that means it's dead." The little boy closed his eyes and and he faced the girl. When he opened them, he laid eyes on her. They had eye contact for about three seconds before she heard her doctors voice.
"She was right there. I don't know where she went." She turned back to the doctor. The doctors face turned red when he saw her again. Her heart dropped and she didn't take another stepped towards him.
"What did I tell you?" She started to tremble. She backed away from him cautiously.
"You were suppose to stay in the spot that I told you stay in. Didn't I?" She nodded.
The much older doctor pulled him back and scowled at him.
"Come on sweetie." Then someone yelled code blue from the curtains. She turned around quickly and tried to observe what was happening.
A nurse ran in with a crash cart.
"Is he going to be okay?" She asked the doctor.
"I'm not sure which patient that is. But I'm sure he will be fine." They violently opened the curtains and ran towards a hallway.
The boy was unconscience. His big eyes were closed. The doctors frantically took all of the equipment with them and scurried into an elevator.
"What's going to happen, please tell me?" She didn't beg, but she asked like she needed to know.
The doctor bent down to get to her level. He was very tall and towered over evreyone.
"Between you and me, I don't think he's going to have two legs. And if they don't do it fast enough, a life."
She looked down at her feet, trying to avoid eye contact again.
"How sad." She said bluntly, she got out his way and sat up on the bed again.
"Okay, I'm ready."
✴✴✴✴
The next day, they arrived.
I spent the whole day trying to organize everything. Sleeping arrangement, schedules, food and refreshments, how I'm going to train everyone to my standards, translators.
I forgot that most of these people do not know a lock of English coming from different countries. I only know Spanish because my dad is from the Republic connected to us.
"Shit," I whispered to myself. I looked at all of these people that were in lines, just looking at me. My boys were behind me, sitting in a straight line against the wall.
We were outside in the area that we do our boot camp in. At that moment there was no equipment because I ordered it to be removed for this event.
I went through about a hundred men to find someone who speaks a language different from Spanish at least.
Then I had a quick meeting with them and I ordered all of them to sleep.
The day after that wasn't as bad. Victoria and I took half of each ethnic group and taught them basic Republic of Thirty Six commands.
Another day past, it was Sunday. Everyone was free that day. I sat in my office all day talking to my sisters on a video chat. Some of my students are in here hanging out so I wouldn't be alone all day. Today is a free day so some of them are off campus visiting friends and family. Others are probably at the religous sanctuary that's in here. I was there earlier with my team and Alex and Alec stop in sometimes. But they are in my office now. Fucking my exsistence.
"But like how?"
"I told you. My mother is from Republic 48. My dad is from Republic 35." Alec was swinging around in my chair while I was organizing my cabinet."
"Does that mean that your mom speaks Irish?" Alex asked on the floor.
"No, she has descendents from there."
"Wait, so your Irish and Mexican?"
"Yes," They were getting on my nerves.
"So that means you like potatoes and taquila?" Alec said.
"I hate potatoes and I prefer scotch?"
"You hate potatos?" Alex accused.
"You're Scottish too?" The other said.
"Oh my god give me assistance."
"We were just at church this morning Giuls." I slammed one of the cabinets closed.
I turned around to face them.
"I'm gonna need you to shut up before my fist hits both of your throats." They were both holding back laughter.
"Fine." They both said. I stepped over Alex's legs and just as I knew subconsciously, he tripped me. My hands hit the floor first and I toppled across him. I tried to avoid his face with my feet. I don't know why besides the fact that his face is so pretty. But what's a little scrape gonna do anyways?
I looked back at him as he laughed with Alec.
"Haha, very funny guys. And if I would've fell and broken my leg who is gonna teach you then?"
"Well you did fall," Alec pointed out.
"And you can live without a leg. People do it all of the time." Alex added.
I rolled my eyes.
"You need help." I got back up and went for the door. "Ill be right back. Don't blow up my office." I pointed at all of them in here.
"And no alcohol while I'm gone." All I had to do was step outside to hear yelling. I ignored it and went on.
I climbed the stairs by twos and reached the teachers dorms. There are those dorms, I just live in my own house.
It was vacant in here, like no one was in the lobby. There wasn't even a hair for evidence. And you could drop a needle in here and hear it.
I knocked on room doors and there was no answer.
"Hello? Is anyone in here?" I opened the doors and there were empty rooms.
The door opened behind me and Victoria the giant came in.
"Hey beanstalk, where is everyone?"
"I don't know short stack, shouldn't you be monitoring them. "
"No, I don't have to. Why do you want my job so badly, like get your own job."
"I am. Yours."
"But I mean it's not yours. Its mine so go find a job you're good at. Like sucking things that should not be in your mouth."
"Isn't that your job? I mean, judging by how many students are in your office right now it should be." I turned around and stared her down.
"You are very much on your way to seeing my fist pressed into your face." I crossed her and went to the exit.
"You have not changed one bit Giullianna."
"And you have. You're more of a bitch." She laughed and wrapped her muscular arms around my shoulder.
"I missed you."
"I didnt." I shrugged her arm from my shoulder.
"Giuls, on all seriousness. It's bad out there." I hesitated going down the stairs because she's never been serious.
"They don't even hurt just Outcasts. They hurt everyone in their path." I heard her voice quiver and stopped.
"Victoria," I stepped in her path. "Just say something if you have to say it." I almost felt bad for her. I had to send her out. We had no one else. I couldn't even go out at the time. If I could've I would've. And she wouldn't have had to go see all that. But that's what she trained for. And thats what she had to do.
"I didn't get hurt physically. It horrifies you when you see a perfectly good human's throat being slit open by one of those monsters. And it's not the Other's that are monsters. I like to think that they had no choice to turn that way. It's the Outcasts. They could have solved this by a gun to the head. They just feed the Others." I was a little effended by that statement.
"Do you realize that Outcasts are humans?"
"They're disgusting. They have no reason to be living."
"But Divine do? We just kill them and we don't give them a chance. Is that okay?"
"Giullianna whose side are you on? You're defending them like there is nothing wrong with them." Then something clicked in her head. I can see it in her eyes, the hard tension slipping away.
"You're on of them aren't you? You are!"
"Victoria, think about who you are accusing as being an Outcast."
"Because the people that we pick as our saviors are pure. Divine. Just look at Chief. He's not a leader. He uses people to get what he wants. Just like he used you." She was there the night I got this job. She saw him and I escape unnoticeable to the public. "Are you or are you not?" I just stared at her, my neck becoming sore.
"I'm n-,"
"Chief Líos, please come to the main conference room immediately." Rebekah, or Rachel, or Raquel said. I still didn't learn to remember her name.
"You wouldn't want to miss that."
She walked past me. I stood there for about two minutes wondering why my life is full of dejā vús.
I turned a left and two rights until I got close enough to the conference room that I didn't have to rush. It was closed when I approached it.
I knocked twice. "Come in."
What did I just get myself into.
"How the hell did you get in here?" His smile made chills crawl up my spine.
"Divine are weak. There are about five of your guards outside with their necks snapped." I don't understand. They have guns, they have armor, they have ammo. They have the highest level if combat training. Why are they getting killed so easily?
It was just us two in this room. But I know there is something else happening.
"Why do you pose as one of these weaklings? You are strong. You are beautiful. You can have everything you want, but yet you chose a regular human life. You have no common sense."
"You forgot about being a serial murderer. How many people do you kill a day?"
"Just one."
"Just one. That's already three hundred sixty-five too many. Times how many years you were an Other. What about those killing sprees? Do you think it's okay to kill all of these innocent people?"
He started to laugh at me.
"You are so uptight. When was the last time you got laid?" I crossed my arms at him. "A long time I suppose."
"Are we done here? Because I need to escort you out if we are." He laughed at me agian.
"Not even close." He creeped around the big table towards me. I almost backed away, but that would show the fear that I feel for what's coming next.
"You've taught alot of kids in your day." He was a yard away.
"Yeah," I confirmed.
"How many have died in your care?"
"Just one. If you hurt any of them-,"
"Sh," he placed his fingers on my lips. "I won't hurt them. I promise." Those words echoes in my memories. "I won't hurt them until you say who you really are."
"Fuck you." I spit.
"That's music to my ears. Say it." He pressed his fingers into my arms.
"Go to hell." He placed his hand on my cheek.
"I'm an Outcast. It's not that hard." I felt my fingers go ice cold.
"What the hell do you want from me?"
"I just want you to say who you really are. I'm an Outcast." I pressed my lips together. A little smile grew on his.
He wrapped his hand around my neck. I could feel the air being trapped shut.
"Just say it." He snarled.
"Go to hell!" I forced. My lungs felt like they were going to explode.
"Goddamn it. You son of a bitch." He let go and I slumped against they wall, taking in huge buckets if air.
"You had to make it difficult didn't you." He grabbed my arm and pulled me out into the next room. He dragged me and let me fall on my hands.
They were on their knees and each student had an Other with a gun to their heads.
"Stand down." He took the gun from his waistband and put the end on my temple.
"Say it." It was almost a whisper. I felt my stomach rise to my throat.
I bit my tongue.
"Fine," he pointed it at Max. "5,4,3,"
"Okay! Okay." I looked around the room. God, what is this?
"I'm. . .uh,"
"Say it." He grunted.
I wasn't as helpless as percieved. I quickly rose and grabbed the gun from his hand as he pulled the trigger. The bullet hit the ceiling. I aimed it at him.
He started to laugh hysterically. What's really funny is that he really doesn't want to kill me. He just wants me to be an Other. Just like him.
"That's funny." He said. "I knew this was going to happen. Fine." He signaled for one of them to stand. "I'll just kill the weakest." Alex was apparently the weakest.
"He is not the weakest. He's one of my strongest."
"Well, you thought wrong. He's missing a really important part of himself." The Other kicked his right leg and his foot slipped back. He cried out in pain. Blood was seeping through his jeans.
"You shoot me. He shoots him." I could see the pain he feels from being in that position. His face was cherry red. His eyes were closed.
"Fine." I pointed the gun at my head. "Let them all go and I won't kill myself." My father's mouth dropped.
"Okay, they're free to go." He said without hesitation. The Others backed down.
"Go before he changes his mind." I ordered. "Someone help Alex." I still had the gun against my head. They scurried out and I heard their footsteps as they went down the hall. Now it's only a matter of time before-
The alarm started blaring into my ears. I smiled.
"This isn't over." He said. He kicked the window out and ran into the night with rest of his Others.
I relaxed and let the gun fall at my side.
What the hell does he want from me?
I leaned on the wall and took took a deep breath as I have to face yet another challenge with the same person.
Alex has alot of explaining to do.