Chapter 32
PARK SOOHYUN
"Tell me, did I scare you before?" I asked Jungkook as we were staying inside Uptown Café, secretly admiring the discovery that Jungkook liked it when I put a hand on his lower back while we sat next to each other for breakfast. We made sure to meet up every early morning in the hospital before starting our day so we could talk for a while. We acted around each other just about the same. Jungkook and I talked like friends at work although I was certain people who knew us had an idea what changed, and we weren't really obligated to tell anyone we were already dating. A few had dared to ask. Taehyung wasn't a bit bothered about the shift in our relationship and I would feel bad to make him feel out of place. Jungkook liked to keep quiet about everything, but he didn't shy away from showing affection in front of colleagues.
Jungkook seemed to wonder as he reached up his face, scratching the space between his eyebrows. "You mean, when you were acting obsessive and bratty about me not liking you—"
I rolled my eyes. "Oh, so I did really scare you." I groaned and continued, "I'm really sorry. Thinking about it still makes me want to kill myself."
Jungkook frowned, turning away as he sighed. "Jesus, the stuff you say..."
"You could tell I was out of my mind then," I said, feeling as if I was sinking deeper into my seat.
"I admit that situation isn't something we can laugh about, but we started over, right?"
"You still can't make me forget it. I was really shameless. Like... what was wrong with me?"
Jungkook snickered, glancing at me. "Hey, calm down. I would have also changed the way we started if I could but it's simply not possible. And it doesn't matter anymore." His gaze fell on his phone on the table and said, "I can't stay very long."
I nodded. "Yeah, it's okay. I also need to check a lot of things Doctor Kim has told me to do."
As we left the coffee shop, Jungkook took my hand and closed his around mine, feeling the warmth of his grasp. The air was frozen on my skin as I adjusted my winter coat, walking down the hallways toward the other side of the floor. Jungkook had his eyes on his phone and I watched him crack a smile at something he read on the screen.
I got curious and asked what it was about. Jungkook shrugged his shoulders, quickly swiping a finger across the screen before he kept his phone back into his pocket. He was still wearing a small grin. "A company DMed me on Instagram, offering sort of a funny deal."
"What is it?"
"They asked me if I'd be willing to model for their underwear brand. For their ads." Jungkook looked flustered when he set his gaze down.
I laughed, amused at the proposition. I knew he made a few local brand endorsements and modelling even in college but I didn't know he received offers like this. Not that it was weird, but I couldn't imagine him sporting only a skimpy piece of clothing. "You could probably ask them not to show your face. Perhaps only half of your body."
Jungkook turned to me, a gleam of entertainment in his eyes. "You mean a close shot of my middle part? I'd be frantic. I would have to work up some fucking courage to pose in front of strangers with that."
"I bet you'd look great."
"You really want to see me naked. Just ask."
I bumped my shoulder against his. "Shut up."
"I'm serious. All you need is to ask and I'll show you."
I said, "Come on. You're not funny."
"I know, baby."
I furrowed my brows, glancing at him. "Hmm… It is surprisingly nice to hear that word from you."
Jungkook looked back at me, a smug expression on his face. "Baby? You like to be called that?"
I turned away. "You're making fun of me."
"Come, baby, it's time to drop you off at daycare."
"Damn you, Jungkook."
"Where did my baby learn to speak vulgar language from?" he said, gentle mock in his voice. When it was time to part ways he jokingly touched the side of my face, telling me to behave and that he'd pick me up after work. I could hear him suppressing a laugh when he turned his back to me and walked away.
. . .
Being chief residents took up most of my day that I had to sacrifice a lot of personal time to squeeze my review into my daily schedule. The specialist doctors relied on our assistance for many cases and there were plenty of times I found myself sleeping wherever I got the place. Working hours on end had been part of my life in the hospital that I hadn't bothered to check what time it was and only rested when it was convenient on my side. I couldn't really meet Jungkook or Taehyung any time I wanted and when we did, we'd only grab coffee or something light to eat and run back off to work after a few minutes.
It was two o'clock in a Thursday morning when I decided to visit Jungkook because I knew he hadn't yet finished his shift and I had at least half an hour to spare. My heart almost broke as soon as I found him peacefully asleep alone, sitting on the sofa in the on-call room, his arms folded across his chest.
He stirred in his sleep when I entered the room, carefully closing the door behind me. "Why are you sleeping here?" I asked quietly.
He seemed so disoriented while he kept his eyes on me. "The bunk beds are occupied. And I wanted to be alert if I get called for more work."
I situated myself on the couch across from him, watching him lie down on his back, making himself fit in the space. "Sleep more. I'll stay here for a while and I'll wake you up if something comes up. I promise."
Jungkook let out a yawn. He answered in a weak voice, "Okay. Thank you… I'll get off in a couple of hours. Do you want to go out with me?"
"I'd rather have you catch up on more sleep at home."
"Can we have dinner together later this week?" he asked again.
"When we get a chance, sure."
Jungkook sighed while he still had his eyes closed. He looked more kind in tranquility. I focused on his face, finding out he had really long eyelashes. "I hate that we're super busy."
"I know. But we'll find time."
"Where do you want to go when we go on our second date?"
"I don't care wherever you take me."
"I don't want to take you to the movies again. I'm not as unimaginative as that," he defended himself.
"I'm not thinking you're unimaginative," I replied.
"I can do better than that."
"This is not some sort of a practical exam, Jungkook. Don't stress yourself out over trivial things. It doesn't matter to me. Now stop talking and sleep," I told him.
"Okay." He had finally gone back to sleep, leaving me with my own thoughts. I watched the peaceful fall and rise of his chest, and suddenly I wanted to burst into tears, realization washing over me. I had dreamt of this when I was younger, to be with Jungkook, to be loved by him although he never said the exact words yet, and I knew we'd eventually get there. Being friends with him was already surreal, and the more time I spent with Jungkook, the more everything had made sense, telling me it wasn't easy to hope for something more with Jungkook, but with the right time and ways, we could actually make it work. Our friendship had slowly grown deeper over the past few weeks as the romance part started developing. We were constantly working on it despite the lack of time together.
Frankly, it was a little terrifying. I didn't have people other than my family that I could trust before, and I worried over the possibility of me displaying any sign of hunger for attention, for any sense of security around anyone who showed a little basic human decency. I had told Jungkook once that I might get clingy and that could irritate him, given that Jungkook appeared to value his personal space too much. And dating him didn't mean a free pass. He only reassured me that we both needed to tell each other what we like and don't like so we could figure things out around that. Other than that, the fact that one day he would leave this job behind bothered me too much.
There were fleeting moments that I wondered if Jungkook would love me more than I had bargained for. It wasn't that serious in my mind. I only thought out of pure curiosity, because I was way too different from someone Jungkook would expectedly settle for. What if he'd realize he wanted someone who was emotionally mature and I did something entirely opposite of that? That I was only a doctor with a pretty face and nothing substantial to offer? I didn't want to end up regretting falling for a smart, introverted man.
The weight in my chest sank into my stomach, the overwhelming surge of emotions swirling in my head. Stop the fucking drama, Soohyun. Stop the pity party. You've only started. You're perfect just the way you are. Jungkook likes you the way you are.