Vittoria's POV
"We can't just ignore it. I have been without answers for 25 years! We can't just ignore it."
"I wish... There is no day that went by when I didn't want to find you and tell you. For 25 years, I fought the urge to come back for you. It's not because I didn't think about you or I didn't miss you. It's because I had too much to lose."
"And what else was more important than a child you abandoned?" I asked her with my eyes tearing up. "What else was more important Mrs Northcott?"
"You won't understand."
"Try me."
All my life, I have waited for a sensible explanation to help me understand why I was the child who never got a family. I have waited to understand why I have been alone for so long.
"My husband... Phillip, he was never around. He worked hard. I completely understood that part but I was lonely. I was stuck with three children who made the nannies quit and it drove me bonkers to have to pick up the slack. Then one day, I met your father." She smiled at me. It's a bright smile. "I'll tell you about him. He was great! He is such a good listener. The first time we had dinner together, I did all the talking. It felt so good to be listened to, like really listened to. Things got heated fast between us. It was hot and sweet. Then all of a sudden, he ended it. I was devastated. I told myself it's just an affair and I should move on. But then I found out I was pregnant... with you." She took my hand.
"Did you tell him? What did he say?"
"No. I couldn't tell him. I wanted to have you with my husband."
"I don't understand."
"I wanted to pin the pregnancy on Phillip but things didn't go according to plan. He eventually found out about the pregnancy. It came down to you or them. I had so much to lose. My other children, my husband, my very identity."
My eyes teared up. Marcelle warned me that this conversation won't be easy and I shouldn't expect anything rosy. Listening to her putting importance on everything but me hurts terribly. It's breaking my heart.
"And I was the one who was of least importance to you."
"Yes. At that moment, you were the disposable option."
I looked away promptly, breaking down into hot tears. She tried to touch me but I moved away. Why don't people want me? What is wrong with me? Every moment I haven't been good enough is coming back to me and it hurts like hell. Rejection hurts.
"Vittoria-"
"Don't touch me." I sobbed into my palms.
"I'm sorry. I told you that it is better to ignore this but you insisted and that is the truth. That is how I felt when I was giving you up but it's not how I felt after." She came around to hold my face. "It hurt like hell after. That is how I developed this addiction because I wanted to be numb. I knew you were out there alone at that orphanage and it haunted me."
"I'm sorry you had to drown your misery in expensive bottles of alcohol while I ate one meal a day and on bad days, I slept on an empty stomach. I got bullied by older kids. On one occasion I was I will ke up with patches of missing hair in my head and the sisters had to shave it all of! I slept on the floor because there weren't enough beds! I would give mine up for those who needed it more. I wore torn hand me down clothes because no one could afford to buy me new ones. I lost count of the number of holes I kept sewing to look decent! I watched others getting adopted. I wanted to be adopted but no one wanted me! You're not the only one who suffered!" Is screamed at her.
"Excuse me miss, please keep it down. You're disturbing the others-"
"Don't talk to me! Don't talk to me! This has nothing to do with you! I'm talking to her!" I screamed at the woman who is not pleased.
Angry outbursts are not part of my personality. Many are the times I walk away from situations that hurt me. This one feels different. How can I walk away from it when it hurts so much? When it's the ugly truth I have been waiting to find out and now it's not palatable!
"That's it, you need to leave." She tried to pull me along but Vienna got in between.
"It's not necessary. It's okay. We just got into a heated arguement. We will keep it down. Please." Vienna tried to explain. "We can keep it down."
"I'm sorry." I apologized to the woman. "Mi dispiace."
She left us.
I took a seat on the bench. She sat with me but we remained silent. I wish Marcelle was here to hold my hand. I need to feel his warmth. I need to feel his strength. I need his calmness. He told me this is something I need to do on my own. He said he can't do this for me.
"I love-"
"Who is my father?" I interrupted her.
I don't care about how she feels about me. She has already told me by the decision she made. I was what she could give up. No one wants the be given up like they don't matter. No one wants second place.
"Vittoria-"
"Did you take me to him? Did you tell him you can't raise me?"
"I didn't try hard enough. I'm so sorry-"
"Who is my father?"
I came here with hope that it will go well and we will somehow forget about what happened but listening to her explanation has gotten me upset. I can't move past it as I had thought.
"None of this is his fault. You can't take it out on him."
"Who is my father?" I will repeat the question all day of I have to. I haven't waited 25 years to leave this place without my father's name.
"Your father's name is Franco Tancredi."
My heart sank to the pit of my stomach. I gripped her chin to make her look at me. "What? What did you say?"
"Your father's name is Franco Tancredi."
Dio! Tancredi? Signor Tancredi is my father? No it can't be! He's married. He has a daughter. No. I'm the product of something dirty. What mess is this?"
I'm not one for violent outbursts but right now, I want to hit something. I'm like a simmering pot with the lid on! What will I do with this information? My mind had not planned for this situation to be this frustrating.
"I'm leaving now."
"Where are you going?"
"To confront Signor Tancredi."
I am also not confrontational. There's a first time for everything.
"Vittoria wait!" She chased after me and succeeded in blocking my path. "Just wait. It's not his fault!"
"Does he know?"
"Yes."
"Then he has a part in this. Get out of my way." I told her firmly. "You are both liars!"
She moved out of my way at once. I blocked out her attempts to apologize. Before I simmer down, I have to give Signor Tancredi a piece of my mind.
*
"Vittoria. I was surprised to get your call." I stood up out of respect for his age but nothing more. He embraced me as usual, two kisses, one kiss on each cheek. He rubbed the side of my arms. "Is something the matter?"
Yes. You are a liar!
"We need to talk Signor Tancredi." I expressed myself with all seriousness.
"Yes, let's talk." He agreed. He sat down after I did. I picked a restaurant after deciding not to go to his house. "What is it? Is it Marcelle? Is everything okay?"
"Marcelle and I are doing great. We are happy."
"You don't look happy."
"I always had to give up my food to the younger ones. I wasn't thin because I was on a diet. I was thin because there wasn't enough to it. I didn't get the kind of education I wanted. I was sad, I cried alone in the dark and I lived with an empty void while you were busy raising your other daughter."
All the bitterness is coming out. I won't bottle it anymore.
"Dio!" He covered his face. He gazed at me. "Vienna told you."
"She did. Your accomplice told me. How could you?"
"I will defend myself here. I didn't know you existed until your you showed up in front of me accused of theft. It was the reason I didn't have you executed for it."
I raised my eyebrow at him. "Scusi?"
"I found out you are my daughter and I let you live."
"And how did you know that?"
"Emilia told me."
That woman again! She is the center of everything!
I counted six fingers and showed them to him. "Six years. It has taken you six years? Probably even more if I wasn't seated here confronting you!"
"I know you're upset..."
"No you don't know! You don't know how I feel!" I slammed my palms on the table drawing the attention of everyone to us.
I have always felt drawn and close to Signor Tancredi. It was very natural for us. We clicked without a problem. It is that proximity to him that is making this harder than it was with Vienna. I'm so angry but I cannot fully take it out on him because I love him.
"Calm down figlia mia. Calm down. Let's do this. You're obviously not in a state to talk. It's all right. Let's postpone the conversation for another time. You can go home, calm down and then we will talk about it. Hmmm?"
I don't know what to say to him. I'm heart broken. He's my father. I am the product of infidelity. There's so much that has exploded from this. There's too much. I shouldn't have pursued it. Perhaps to live a lie is better than this reality.
I got up and left him alone at the table. Tears are blinding my eyes. I should not have pursued this. I was better off not knowing.