And there you are, beautiful, just like the first time
You reach out
I'm shaking again
You're gone in a moment
You leave me alone
But I swear, you were real in my hands
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I only wanted to help. I only wanted to help, I only wanted to help—
I'm on my feet before I'm even awake, moonlight cutting my eyes, the floor shifting like the floor of a fishing boat and streaked in blue. I kneel and stare until the streaks become clear. I'm hoping for something, anything at all, anything that can convince me my memory is a lie. I know it's not. Her bed is empty, her handcuffs locked on the frame. The writing on the floor reads: I'm sorry. The "o" is in the shape of a heart, and it alone is done in pink.
Protect the family.
Take care of Powder.
"Powder," I say. "Powder. Come back."
I'm talking to no one. She gave me her tranquilizer. If she's not in this room, she meant to escape; if I woke up on my own, she succeeded; if she succeeded, she's miles away now. Given the light, it's been at least an hour since I saw her.
I pull myself back to my feet, find my balance, and go out into the night. It's all quiet. I'm looking for nothing. I do it anyway.
Want to know a secret?
I stand on the balcony and sweep the fort.
Silco thinks he made Jinx, with all his rants and his hard-won lessons. "Excise your doubts, Jinx." "Be what they fear, Jinx." Like everything was the same as when Vander left him.
I reach the ground and sweep again.
But he didn't make Jinx.
She's nowhere.
You did.
I stand still, not wanting the guards to see me. I don't want them to know. I don't know how she got past them, but it's not hard to believe it with the power of her, the little girl who was my life force for seven years and who will now be the death of me.
When people look up to you, you don't get to be selfish. You say run, they run. You say swim, they dive in. You say light a fire, they show up with oil.
But whatever happens, it's on you.
I remember her little bird bones against mine, her dirty face in my hand.
I spend all my time trying not to see myself. I like to pretend I don't know the worlds I have ended, but I do. I do.
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Intro lyrics from "Angela" by flower face.
just a teensy intro to Vi's emotional destruction in the next chapter 4 u <3 thx for reading