Rory:
The Doctor has some rather tall tales. Seriously, I swear that none of this stuff had to be true. "And then we discovered it wasn't the Robot King after all, it was the real one. Fortunately, I was able to re-attach the head."
"Do you believe any of this stuff?" I asked Amy who was walking past, not able to look at either her sister or her best friend.
"I was there." She muttered, not looking amused.
Sera hit at the console, seeing something flashing while I walked after Amy. "Oh, it's the warning lights. I'm getting rid of those. They never stop."
"Hey. You're still thinking about it, aren't you?" I asked her quietly, seeing tears still in her eyes.
"Oh, shush. We saw them die. He was shot by some impossible astronaut, and she died from heartbreak."
"Yeah, two hundred years in the future." I pointed out. That was longer than we would ever have together, and they had a chance to live a full life together first.
"Yes, but it's still going to happen." Something knocked on the door of the TARDIS. "What was that?"
Both Time Lords stared at the door. "The door. It knocked."
"Right." We got that, but it's kind of impossible. "We are in deep space."
"Very, very deep." There was another knock. "And somebody's knocking." Sera ran to open the door, finding a small glowing box that made her face light up. The Doctor was just staring in wonder.
"Oh, come here. Come here, you scrumptious little beauty." It flew inside, and hit her in the chest, and then the Doctor came and looked too, swinging her around in joy.
"A box?" I questioned, looking at it in confusion. It was a magick glowy space box.
"Sera, Doctor, what is it?"
"We've got mail. Time Lord emergency messaging system. In an emergency, we'd wrap up thoughts in psychic containers and send them through time and space. Anyway, there's a living Time Lord still out there, and it's one of the good ones." They grinned, laughing and still hugging each other. That didn't make any sense.
"You said there weren't any other Time Lords left. Until you two pop one out anyway." I was a nurse, I was allowed to say it bluntly.
"There are no Time Lords left anywhere in the universe. But the universe isn't where we're going. See that snake?" The Ourobouros, the snake swallowing its own tail. Meant eternal life. "The mark of the Corsair. Fantastic bloke. He had that snake as a tattoo in every regeneration. Didn't feel like himself unless he had the tattoo. Or herself, a couple of times. Ooo, she was a bad girl, I had great fun with her." The Doctor made a whining noise at that and she kissed him softly. "But you're my guy, always."
Then things started going bang as they ran around the console, seemingly pressing random things. I swear they just made this stuff up. "Oh, what is happening?"
The Doctor didn't look up at that. "We're leaving the universe."
That did not sound good. "How can you leave the universe?"
"With enormous difficulty." Sera replied, using her foot to kick a lever while holding something down. "Right now I'm burning up TARDIS rooms to give us some welly. Goodbye, swimming pool. Goodbye, scullery. Sayonara, squash court seven."
There was a big shake and then everything went silent. "Okay, okay. Where are we?"
"Outside the universe, where we've never, ever been." And then the TARDIS went dark, and Sera went down, her eyes fully glowing. I didn't want to see that, I never wanted to watch them stay that colour ever again.
" Is that meant to be happening?" I asked, bending down to check her hearts as she just stared up.
"The power, it's draining. Everything's draining. But it can't. That's, that's impossible. It's draining part of Sera too, how can that happen?"
"What is that? Sera, Seraphina, can you hear me?" Her grip on my hand tightened, and she blinked, her eyes turning back to their normal colour.
"It's as if the Matrix, the soul of the TARDIS, has just vanished. Where would it go? Why would she take part of me with her? She's linked me fully to her, and... I, I don't know..." She shook her head, her long tawny curls swishing as I helped her to her feet.
The Doctor took her hand and lead the way to the outside area, and we ended up in a junk yard. They take us to the nicest of places. "So what kind of trouble's your friend in?" Amy asked, looking at them, Sera still shaking her head, as though she could feel something else.
"He was in a bind. A bit of a pickle. Sort of distressed."
"Ah, you can't just say you don't know." That was never going to happen. I was still confused.
"But what is this place? The scrap yard at the end of the universe?"
"Not end of, outside of." They corrected, and that really didn't help.
"How we can we be outside the universe? The universe is everything."
"Imagine a great big soap bubble with one of those tiny little bubbles on the outside."
Finally, something that made sense. "Okay."
Sera flicked his ear, seemingly a little better now. "Well, it's nothing like that. Completely drained. Look at her. Whatever took her got more than they bargained for, they took part of me, too. Just an imprint of my memories, but hey."
"Wait. So we're in a tiny bubble universe, sticking to the side of the bigger bubble universe?"
"Yeah. No. But if it helps, yes. This place is full of rift energy. She'll probably refuel just by being here. Now, this place. What do we think, eh? Gravity's almost Earth normal, air's breathable, but it smells like-"
"Armpits." Amy suggested, and I nodded my approval of that one.
The Time Lords also nodded. "Armpits."
"What about all this stuff? Where did this come from?" I asked, looking around.
"Well, there's a rift, you know the thing this idiot nearly levelled Cardiff with?. Now and then stuff gets sucked through it. Not a bubble, a plughole. The universe has a plughole and we've just fallen down it."
"Thief! Thief! You're our thief!" Some woman was running over to us now, followed by two other men.
"She's dangerous. Guard yourselves."
She ran straight over to Sera. "Look at you. Goodbye. No, not goodbye, what's the other one?" And then she kissed her. The Doctor glared at the woman for that.
"Watch out. Careful. Keep back from her. Welcome, strangers. Lovely. Sorry about the mad person." The man said, pulling her away.
"I'd rather you didn't kiss my wife, thank you. Why am I a thief? What have I stolen?" The Doctor asked her, while Sera just stared at her, as though she knew her. This was pretty strange.
"Us. You're going to steal us. No, you have stolen us. You are stealing us. Oh tenses are difficult, aren't they? Sera and I."
"I said that. I said that when there was time running through my head..." She muttered, while the woman helped the man pull her away.
"Oh. Oh, we are sorry, my dove. She's off her head. They call me Auntie."
"And I'm Uncle. I'm everybody's Uncle. Just keep back from this one. She bites!"
The woman seemed to like this idea. "Do I? Excellent." Then she pulled free, biting the Doctor's ear. Kissing one and biting the other, making him cry out in pain. "Biting's excellent. It's like kissing, only there's a winner."
Uncle shook his head sadly. "So sorry. She's doolally."
"No, I'm not doolally. I'm, I'm. It's on the tip of my tongue." She paused, looking at Sera again. "I've just had a new idea about kissing. Come here, you."
"No, Idris, no." Auntie said as the Doctor pulled her away. She was still just staring at her.
"Oh, but now you're angry. No, you're not. You will be angry. The little boxes will make you angry."
They both blinked. "Sorry? The little what? Boxes?"
"Oh, ho, no. Your chin is hilarious. And you, your feet are so dainty." Then she turned to look at me. "It means the smell of dust after rain."
"What does?" I asked, getting really confused now.
"Petrichor." Both her and Sera answered at the same time.
Why was she telling me that? "But I didn't ask."
"Not yet. But you will."
Auntie pulled her away again. "No, no, Idris. I think you should have a rest."
"Rest. Yes, yes. Good idea. I'll just see if there's an off switch." She collapsed and I ran to grab her.
"Is that it? She dead now. So sad." Who were these people?
I checked her pulse, and her chest was still moving. "No, she's still breathing."
"Nephew, take Idris somewhere she can not bite people." She spoke to the weird looking thing behind them.
The Doctor beamed at him. "Oh, hello!"
"Doctor, what is that?"
"Oh, no, it's all right. It's an Ood. Oods are good. Love an Ood. Hello, Ood. Can't you talk?" He saw something broken on the chest. "Oh, I see. It's damaged. May I? It might just be on the wrong frequency."
Auntie shook her head as he started fiddling with the ball thing. "Nephew was broken when he came here. Why, he was half dead. House repaired him. House repaired all of us."
And then another voice came through the ball instead. "If you are receiving this message, please help me. Send a signal to the High Priestess Seraphina of the Council of the Time Lords on Gallifrey. Tell her that I am still alive. I don't know where I am. I'm on some rock-like planet." And there were more voices behind that, trying to get through, many of which calling for Sera.
"What was that? Was that him?" I asked, seeing Sera stare at the screwdriver in shock. Possibly their last words and they were calling for her.
"No, no. It's picking up something else. But that's, that's not possible. That's, that's. Who else is here? Tell me. Show me. Show me." Sera insisted, walking towards the people, her bare feet leaving marks in the dust. Today she was wearing white, which may have not been a good move, and it was a tighter dress than normal, as well as shorter.
"Just what you see. Just the four of us, and the House. Nephew, will you take Idris somewhere safe where she can't hurt nobody?" The Ood started to drag her away, and Sera was still watching her.
"The House? What's the House?"
"House is all around you, my sweets. You are standing on him. This is the House. This world. Would you like to meet him?
That sounded ominous. "Meet him?"
"We'd love to." The Doctor and Sera smiled, linking arms. They were like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb at times.
"This way. Come, please. Come." Uncle motioned for us to follow him, while Amy and I just went close to our family, who had now dropped the smiles, just staring stony faced after the strange couple.
"What's wrong?" Amy asked. "What were those voices?"
"Time Lords. It's not just the Corsair. Somewhere close by there are lots and lots of Time Lords."
Sera:
There could be more of us. We might not be the last, and we could rebuild our race, make them as kind as they started out. But first, first I wanted to find out who Idris was, and why in my head I could see her as someone I knew. She was a good kisser, I'd give her that.
"Come. Come, come. You can see the House and he can look at you, and he" They lead us to a room in a space ship where there there was a big metal grating in the floor.
"I see." I muttered. "This asteroid is sentient." The Doctor pulled me away from it as I peered down, back over to Amy.
"We walk on his back, breathe his air, eat his food."
"Smell its armpits." She whispered, making me giggle a little bit. It felt good to laugh. I hadn't been doing it nearly enough recently. There was something wrong with me, I could feel it and I didn't know what to do. The Doctor wouldn't believe me, he'd just tell me it was part of my nightmares.
Then House spoke through Auntie and Uncle. They kinda reminded me of my great uncle Hernton. All mad and rambly. "And do my will. You are most welcome, travellers."
"Sera, Doctor, that voice. That's the asteroid talking?"
"Yes." We nodded together. "So you're like a sea urchin. Hard outer surface, that's the planet we're walking on. Big, squashy, oogly thing inside, that's you."
"That is correct, Time Lords."
That was interesting. "Ah. So you've met Time Lords before?"
"Many travellers have come through the rift, like Auntie and Uncle and Nephew. I repair them when they break." Right. I didn't like the sound of that, they were broken still, and the place... There was just the feel of pain and fear, on a higher level, like the connection I had with our TARDIS.
"So there are Time Lords here, then?" The Doctor asked, tightening his grip on my hand. Please... Please don't let us be alone.
"Not any more, but there have been many TARDIS'S on my back in days gone by."
I sighed, resting my head on his shoulder. "Well, there won't be any more after us. Last Time Lords. Last TARDIS.
"A pity. Your people were so kind. Be here in safety, Doctor, High Priestess Seraphina. Rest, feed, if you will." How did he know I was the Priestess? They called me Sera, not Seraphina.
Rory came up to us then, sounding a little hesitant. "We're not actually going to stay here, are we?"
"Well, it seems like a friendly planet." We paused. "Literally. Mind if we poke around a bit?"
"You can look all you want. Go. Look." Auntie turned to Amy. "House loves you." Creepy...
"Come on then, gang. We're just going to, er, see the sights." We started walking, going through more stinky corridors, when we stopped, hearing a voice.
"Thief!" That was Idris. Why was the Doctor our Thief, and how had he stolen her? He'd stolen me away from my job, yeah, but we'd never met her before, had we?
"So, as soon as the TARDIS is refuelled, we go, yeah?" Rory asked, not hearing her.
"No. There are Time Lords here. We heard them and they need me. Most of them were calling for me, I have a duty as High Priestess to find them. I'm honour bound."
"You told me about your people, and you told me what you did, Doctor. How you thought you burnt Sera along with the planet to save the Universe." Amy said softly.
He nodded. "Yes, yes, but if they're like the Corsair, they're good one and I can save them. And keep them away from my Seraphina."
"And then tell them you destroyed the others?" There it was, the reason he was even more desperate to find them than I was.
"I can explain. Tell them why I had to."
I cupped his face in my small hands and gently rubbed along his perfect angled cheek bones. "You want to be forgiven."
"Don't we all?" He smiled weakly, placing his cool smooth hands over mine and kissing my forehead.
"What do you need from me?" Amy asked, bringing us back into the real world. Spoil sport.
"My screwdriver. I left it in the TARDIS. It's in my red cardigan."
She nodded, hugging me. "Okay, I'll get it. But sister, listen to me. Don't get emotional because that's when you make mistakes. It, it's when you lost yourself most, OK?"
"Yes, boss." We grinned, and she started back up the corridor.
"I'll call you from the TARDIS. Rory, look after them."
Then she was gone and we turned to Rory. "Rory, look after her."
"Yeah." He sighed, following after her. We were diabolical. Locking them safe and sound in the TARDIS, we had a better chance of finding the others. Oh, and I had my screwdriver. It was currently keeping me posted on how my siblings were doing.
"Come on. Where are you? Now, where are you all? Where are you?" We asked aloud, pulling back a curtain to a small alcove. "Well, they can't all be in here." And then we heard the voices again. I opened a small cupboard, finding at least 10 different boxes in there, all calling out for help.
We were alone.
"Just admiring your Time Lord distress signal collection." I said darkly, sensing Auntie and Uncle behind us. "Nice job. Brilliant job. Really thought we had some friends here, but this is what the Ood translator picked up. Cries for help from the long dead. How many Time Lords have you lured here the way you lured here, and what happened to them all? How did you stop me seeing them trapped?"
"House, House is kind and he is wise."
The Doctor sighed. "House repairs you when you break. Yes, we know. But how does he mend you?" Then we both paused, looking at Uncle. "You've got the eyes of a twenty year old."
"Thank you."
"No." I shook my head, getting angry now. "Oh, no, we mean it literally. Your eyes are thirty years younger than the rest of you. Your ears don't match, your right arm is two inches longer than you're left, and how's your dancing? Because you've got two left feet. Patchwork people. You've been repaired and patched up so often, I doubt there's anything left of what used to be you. He had an umbrella like you once."
The Doc grabbed Auntie's arm, and showed the Ourobouros tattoo on her forearm. "Oh, now, it's been a great arm for me, this."
"Corsair." We muttered, knowing then where our friends had gone.
"He was a strapping big bloke, wasn't he, Uncle?" He just repeated her. Obviously his/her brain wasn't considered useful, or maybe this would have been worth the heartbreak. "I got the arm and then Uncle got the spine and the kidneys."
I let out a snarl, one that even made the Doctor step back a little as my eyes burned gold. "You gave us hope, and then you took it away. That's enough to make anyone dangerous, let alone me. Basically, run!"
"Poor old Time Lords. Too late. House is too clever." They left, and then my phone started ringing, playing the Rosie and Jim theme tune. Amelia.
And lets just say she was pissed. "No sonic screwdriver. Also the doors seemed to have locked behind us. Rory thinks there's a perfectly innocent explanation, but I think you lied to us."
"Time Lord stuff. Needed you out of the way."
"What, we're not good enough for your smart new friends?" Never. Never ever. I wanted to let them know the best of our people.
"The boxes will make you angry. How could she know?" The Doctor thought aloud. Idris, of course. How did I forget my somewhat obvious admirer?
"Doctor, what are you talking about? Sera, has he fallen asleep standing up again?" I gave a small laugh, shaking my head.
"No, he's just talking sense. Stay put. Stay exactly where you are."
"We don't have much choice." Good point. I hung up and we headed to the brig, where Idris was stuck in cage.
"How did you know about the boxes? You said they'd make us angry. How did you know?" The Doctor asked her, not getting too close while I went right up to the bars. I knew her, she knew me too, to some degree more than the Doctor.
"Ah, it's our thief, and my bond." Bond? What the hell did that mean?
"Who are you? I know you, and you know me, so, so well."
"It's about time."
"I don't understand. Who are you? Why does my Sera think she know's you?" The Doctor asked, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist, resting his hands lightly on my stomach. That felt good.
She tilted her head lightly to one side, just like I used to. "Do you not know me, yourself? Just because they put me in here?"
I shrugged lightly. "They said you were dangerous. You seem to be very like me, the same way of speaking, difficulty with tenses, your body language is a cross between this incarnation and my last one."
"Not the cage, stupid. In here. They put me in here, along with the part of you bonded with me. I'm the. Oh, what do you call me? We travel. I go" She made a perfect imitation of the TARDIS. She couldn't be.
"The TARDIS?"
Idris nodded her agreement. "Time And Relative Dimension In Space. Yes, that's it. Names are funny. It's me. I'm the TARDIS with the base memories of the person the most connected to me. Seraphina."
"No, you're not. You're a bitey, mad lady. The TARDIS is up and downy stuff in a big blue box. And the TARDIS started off as mine, how can Sera be more bonded to her than I am?"
"Because she's the one running on Artron Energy and time. A Type Forty TARDIS. I was already a museum piece when you two were young, and the first time you touched my console you said-"
"I said you were the second most beautiful thing I had ever known after the woman I could never have." Aww, he had me now.
Idris smiled at that. "And then you stole me and Seraphina. And I stole you two."
"I borrowed you. And Seraphina chose to come."
We women rolled our eyes. "Borrowing implies the intention to return the thing that was taken."
"What makes you think I would ever give either of you back?" I liked her.
"You're the TARDIS, with Sera's memories?" Oh, catch up Doctor.
"Yes."
"My TARDIS and my Seraphina?"
"My Doctor." We said together.
"Oh. We have now reached the point in the conversation where you open the lock." I touched the lock with one hand, trying to break it with my magick, but nothing. What? W, why wasn't that working? I used my sonic instead, before the Doctor realised. "Are all people like this?" She asked, walking up to us.
That was a very broad question. "Like what?"
"So much bigger on the inside. I'm, oh, what is that word? It's so big, so complicated. It's so sad." I put my hand on her arm, knowing the word she wanted, but being unable to say it.
"But why? Why pull the living soul from a TARDIS and pop it in a tiny human head? What does it want you for? And why make you have my Sera's memories?"
"Oh, it doesn't want me." Idris shook her head. "And I took them for myself. I needed to be sure of who you both were."
"How do you know?"
"House eats TARDIS's."
"House what?" I gaped at her. "What do you mean?"
"I don't know. It's something I heard him say."
"When? My visions aren't working, how come you can still see time?"
"House eats TARDIS'S?" The Doctor repeated, still stuck on that.
"There you go. What are fish fingers?" What?
"OK. When does my Doctor say that?"
"Any second."
And then I realised. "Of course. House feeds on rift energy and Tardises are bursting with it. And not raw, all lovely and cooked. Processed food."
"Mmm, fish fingers." Ah, of course. My Doctor, fish custard boy.
"Do fish have fingers?" I laughed, shaking my head as the Doc took over. I would love being able to talk to the TARDIS like this all the time, we'd really gang up on him.
"But you can't eat a TARDIS. it would destroy you. Unless, unless-"
We finished for him. "Unless you deleted the TARDIS Matrix first"
"So it deleted you." He concluded. Almost, but no quite.
"But House can't just delete a TARDIS' consciousness. That would blow a hole in the universe. So he pulls out the Matrix, sticks it in a living receptacle and then it feeds off the remaining Artron energy. Oh. You were about to say all that, Mrs Pond. I don't suppose you have to now."
Shit. Shit, shit, two midget shitting in a bucket level shit. "We sent Amy and Rory in there. They'll be eaten." I dialled her phone, already running, my bare feet giving me good grip on the loose sand ground. "Amy! Amy? Rory? Get the hell out of there."
"Sera, something's wrong."
Duh, why else was I calling? "It's House. He's after the TARDIS. Just get out both of you."
"We can't. You locked the door, remember?" What?
"But I've unlocked it."
"You stupid well haven't." I heard the Cloister Bell start to toll through the phone. "Sera, I don't like this."
I reached the TARDIS, the other two not far behind me as I tried my screwdriver, my key, snapping my fingers, everything. Nothing was working. "Open!"
"Sera? Doctor?" I heard Amy inside, desperate for someone to get her out.
"Open this door! Amy. Rory!!" That TARDIS started to demateralise then, and I tried my phone again. "Amy? Amy, can you hear me?" There was no reply. "Okay, right. I don't, I really don't know what to do. That's a new feeling."
Sexy:
Bodies were strange. As were Seraphina's memories. They explained a little why certain things were the way they were around her at the moment. It also proved that she was more than just a copy, because she was still bonded to me in more ways than the Doctor.
"It's gone." She told me, looking anxious for her sister and the pretty one in my old home.
I didn't like the sound of that. "Eaten?"
They both shook their heads. "No, it left. Not eaten, hi-jacked. But why?" And then the two bumbling idiots came in.
"It's time for us both to go, and keep together." Oh, just shut up already.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Go? What do you mean, go? Where are you going?" The Doctor asked them as they looked ready and packed. Why were they packing, it wasn't as if they were able to take things with them.
"Well, we're dying, my loves. It's time for Auntie and Uncle to pop off."
The man, Uncle as he had been called, sighed. "I'm against it."
"It's your fault, isn't it, sweets? Because you told House it was the last TARDIS. House can't feed on them if there's none more coming, can he?"
"So now he's off to your universe to find more TARDIS'S." Oh, I wished that my sisters had survived, to even be slightly drawn to come here.
"It won't." Seraphina said darkly, and I felt her grief inside me. I felt, that was a new feeling. Oh, words are confuddling. No. Muddling. No. Confusing. Oh, why have so many words meaning the same thing?!
"Oh, it'll think of something." And then she just dropped, leaving the Doctor and Sera to try and save her.
Uncle stood up, taking a few steps. "Actually, I feel fine." And then he dropped too. House's willpower was what had been keeping them... Oh, so many things in this head, all I wanted was that one word!
"Not dead. You can't just die!" Sera complained, looking at them both in despair.
I cleared my throat, getting them to look back at me. "We need to go to where I landed, Sera, Doctor, quickly."
"Why?"
"Because we are there in three minutes. We need to go now." I started moving quickly, then stopped, feeling something sharp and hot go through my middle, something I was guessing to be called pain. "Ow. Roughly how long do these bodies last?"
In unison, they got out their screwdrivers, on green, one purple and scanned me. "You're dying." I already knew that, thank you.
"Yes, of course I'm dying. I don't belong in a flesh body. I could blow the casing in no time. No, stop it. Don't get emotional. Hmm. That's what the orangey girl says, the one you call sister. You're the Doctor and the Writer. Focus."
"On what? How? We're the madcouple with a box, without a box. We're stuck down the plughole at the end of the universe on a stupid old junkyard. Ooo." This was brilliant, I finally get to be a part of the adventures I deliver them on, and I find out he's just as childish as when I cart him around.
"Ooo what?" Sera and I asked, not getting it yet.
"We're not."
Still not really helping us. "Not what?"
"Because it's not a junkyard. Don't you see? It's not a junkyard."
"What is it then?"
"It's a TARDIS junkyard. Come on! Oh, sorry. Do you have a name?" He grabbed Sera's left hand and started to run, but then stopped, looking back at me.
"Seven hundred years, finally he asks." I'd always wanted a name, to make me feel more real, instead of just transport. To make me feel... That ridiculous word, so long, so happy, yet so, so sad.
"But what do we call you, my Lovely?"
I paused, thinking back. "I think you call me Sexy."
They both blushed, and the Doctor's ears turned pink too. "Only when we're alone."
"We are alone." I frowned, looking around.
"Oh. Come on then, Sexy." He grabbed my hand with the one that wasn't holding Sera's and lead us outside, showing us the valley from above. "A valley of half eaten TARDIS'S. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
Oh... Oh my poor family. Drawn out here, then, then killed the same way I am slowly dying. "I'm thinking that all of my sisters are dead. That they were devoured, and that we are looking at their corpses."
He faulted, squeezing my hand. "Ah. Sorry. No, I wasn't thinking that."
"No. You were thinking you could build a working TARDIS console out of broken remnants of a hundred different models." Sera sighed with me, shaking her head. "And you don't care that it's impossible."
"It's not impossible as long as we're alive. Rory and Amy need us. So yeah, we're going to build a TARDIS." Oh, my thief... He really did get attached. To be fair, I did like the pretty one, he was kind and he looked after my interior, unlike the pink and yellow girl who had left dirty clothing over my floor and pined after my thief to the point of bullying my bond.
"Bond the tube directly into the Tachyon Diverter." I told him, while he was dragging a big piece of sheet metal across the junkyard and Sera was fiddling with the intricate workings of the inner section. In her memories, I knew that she felt that something was wrong with her, although she couldn't work it out. We knew that there wasn't really anything wrong with her, but we knew there should be. Paradox.
"Yes, yes, I have actually rebuilt a TARDIS before, you know. I know what I'm doing."
We both laughed at him. "You're like a nine year old trying to rebuild a motorbike in his bedroom. And you never read the instructions."
"I always read the instructions." Oh really, is that why they were currently in Delta-7.43 Diamond? The largest sun in the Horsehead Nebula?
"There's a sign on my front door. You have been walking past it for seven hundred years. What does it say?" I asked him, trying to fit two pieces together. Fingers, they looked easy enough, but they aren't as easy to move as you'd think.
He huffed at me, while Sera just laughed. She knew she was guilty of this herself. "That's not instructions."
"There's an instruction at the bottom. What does it say?"
"Pull to open." Sera answered for him, knowing he wouldn't say it and dig himself into a hold he couldn't get out of.
"Yes. And what do you two do?"
"We push."
"Every single time. Seven hundred years. Police Box doors open out the way." I explained to them, knowing that they would never listen
He huffed more at that, though Sera just kept working. "I think we have earned the right to open my front doors any way we want."
"Your front doors?" I'm sorry, who's the one who powers those doors and keep the interior dimensions from leaking. "Have you any idea how childish that sounds?"
"You are not my mother."
"And you are not my child. It took me 700 years to just get you both together, and that was like pulling teeth when I tracked her down as Alice." I'd not let them be separated at all, I'd known that they were destined to be together from the moment Seraphina first entered my doors, yet they still fought it.
"You know, since we're talking with mouths, not really an opportunity that comes along very often, I just want to say, you know, you have never been very reliable." Oh, now that was just rude.
"And you have?"
"You didn't always take me where I wanted to go." Why was he the only one complaining about this? Oh yes, because he was the only one who hadn't realised. Without him, he would have just left Alice on Earth, never to regain her Time Lord self, and there wouldn't be any Jenny, still off saving the universe like her parents.
"No, but I always took you where you needed to go. I thought you'd be happy, if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be married to each other right now."
Seraphina laughed, getting to her feet and dusting down her white dress. "You did. Look at us talking. Wouldn't it be amazing if we could always talk, even when you're stuck inside the box?"
"You know I'm not constructed that way. I exist across all space and time, and you talk and run around and bring home strays. I'm still not all too sure what to make of that pink and yellow girl." The pain returned, making my knees buckle and they both rushed to catch me.
"You okay?" They both asked, carefully letting my regain my balance. Love. They both loved me, it was in her memories.
I pressed my hand to the left side of my abdomen, feeling the damage. "One of the kidneys has already failed. It doesn't matter. We need to finish assembling the console."
"Using a console without a proper shell. It's not going to be safe." Sera told me, her nails changing from a worried green to a determined amber. It was better than the red I'd seen them be so often in her head.
"This body has about eighteen minutes left to live." I calculated, seeing the numbers around us. "The universe we're in will reach Absolute Zero in three hours. Safe is relative."
They both blinked and then smiled at me. "Then we need to get a move on. Eh, old girl?" This was my family.
The Doctor:
The TARDIS was talking! I was having a conversation with her and she was actually able to reply! This was amazing, and I was definitely trying to get this to happen all the time. The console was almost complete now, Sera's hard work having paid off.
"You'll need to install the time rotor." They told me, fixing things on the panels.
I did so and then looked at them worriedly. "How is this going to make it through the rift? How? We're almost done. Thrust diffuser? Er, retroscope. Blue thingy."
"Do you ever wonder why I chose you all those years ago? And then gave you the idea of taking your Susan and stealing Seraphina from her job?"
Shaking my head at her, I kissed Sera's temple. "I chose you. You were unlocked. And Susan told me to take Sera, saying that she needed to see the Universe first hand, instead of just having visions."
Of course I was. I wanted to see the universe, so I stole a Time Lord and I ran away. And you were the only one mad enough. And you pined after her, so I pushed you together." Great, we were pretty much put together by our mutual friend, the TARDIS. Not really complaining, I still had her, and I still had the TARDIS.
"Right. Perfect. Look at that. What could possibly go wrong?" I asked them, pulling back from the console and looking at it in it's entirety. And then a piece fell off. Act natural, maybe they won't notice. "That's fine. That always happens. No, hang on. Wait." I grabbed a couple of pieces of red rope with hooks on the ends for safety. "Right. Okay, let's go. Follow that TARDIS." Nothing happened. "Oh no, come on. There's rift energy everywhere. You can do it. Okay, diverting all power to thrust. Let's be having you." I tried again, just causing bangs and sparks. "No, no, no, no."
The women looked at me, and I felt kind of like I was dreaming, both my wife with me, and the TARDIS, as a woman. Every boys dream come true. "What's wrong?"
"It can't hold the charge. It can't even start. There's no power. I've got nothing."
"Oh, our beautiful idiot." They both smile, taking each others hands. "You have what you've always had. You've got us." They kissed their fingers, transferring both time energy, and power to the console, kick starting us into regeneration. Oh, I was loving having these two together, both my girls.
"Whoo hoo!" I cheered, while Sera just laughed, holding both my hand and Idris's.
"We've locked on to them. They'll have to lower the shields when we're close enough to phase inside."
"Can you get a message to Amy? The telepathic circuits are online." I asked, looking at her.
"Which one's Amy? The pretty one?" Sera nodded, and she got through to her on the makeshift monitor. "Hello, Pretty."
"What the hell is that?" Well, Amy had a deep voice.
I had a quick look, ready to explain. "Don't worry. Telepathic messaging." She got the wrong Mini-Pond. "No, that's Rory."
She brushed me off, continuing. "You have to go to the old control room. I'm putting the route in your head. When you get there use the purple slider on the nearest panel to lower the shields." Hang on, pretty?
"The pretty one?"
Sera brushed me off this time, giving him more instructions. "You'll have about twelve seconds before the room goes into phase with the invading Matrix. Idris will send you the pass key when you get there. Good luck."
"How's he going to be able to take down the shields anyway? The House is in the control room." I asked them, worried that they may not make it.
"I directed him to one of the old control rooms." Idris explained, not making any sense.
"There aren't any old control rooms. They were all deleted or remodelled." Most of them I'd done to try and impress Sera, though she told me she didn't care as long as I was happy with it. My little cutie.
"I archive them, for neatness. I've got about thirty now." What? Sera was confused now as well.
"But I've only changed the desktop, what, a dozen times?"
"So far, yes."
Sera stared at her. "You can't archive something that hasn't happened yet."
"You can't." She grinned, and then we worked harder, hitting turbulence.
"Keep going. You're doing it, you sexy things." I laughed, looking at them both. Ser just laughed, but the TARDIS looked at me in confusion.
"See, you do call me that. Is it my name?" She asked, and we both laughed harder.
"You bet it's your name, my Lovely!" And we all cheered. Once we caught up, and told Rory the way into the older console room, we just waited for them to get through.
"They did it. Shields down." Brilliant, now to just land her. Which was probably was going to be the hardest part.
But we managed it, getting into the older console room in a shower of sparks, seeing the Mini-Ponds huddled behind one of the old coral support beams. It was part of my grunge faze.
"Sera, Doctor." Amy called, seeing us come through, while Idris just stayed still until we helped her to her feet. She was getting weaker.
"Not good. Not good at all. How do you walk around in these things?"
"We're not quite there yet." Sera told her, taking her hand again. "Just hold on. Amy, this is, well, she's our TARDIS. Except she's a woman. She's a woman, and she's our TARDIS." She grinned, looking between her and her sister.
Amy stared at us in shock, really confused. "She's the TARDIS?"
We were both grinning now, very excited over this. "And she's a woman. She's a woman and she's the TARDIS."
"Did you two wish really hard? Marriage getting a bit boring?" Oh, now that was just mean.
"Shut up. Not like that"
The TARDIS smiled at them. "Hello. I'm Sexy." They both raised their eyebrows.
We both groaned. "Oh. Still shut up."
"The environment has been breached. Nephew, kill them all." House said, his voice coming from no where. Now, imagine if we could have that with Sexy instead?
Rory looked around in confusion. "Where's Nephew?"
"He was standing right where you materialised." Amy added, and I sighed.
"Ah. Well, he must have been redistributed."
"Meaning what?"
"You're breathing him." Sera shrugged, checking on Sexy who was still holding her side.
"Priestess, Doctor. I did not expect you both."
Sera looked to the ceiling, raising her eyebrows. "Well, that's us all over, isn't it? Lovely old unexpected us."
"The big question is, now you're here, how to dispose of you? I could play with gravity." We were pulled to the floor in a few seconds, and I landed under Sera, giving her a lighter landing. "Or I could evacuate the air from this room and watch you choke."
Her voice got darker. "You really don't want to do that."
"Why shouldn't I just kill you now?"
"Because then we won't be able to help you." I said, helping her and Sexy to their feet again. "Listen to your engines. Just listen to them. You don't have the thrust and you know it. Right now we're your only hope for getting out of your little bubble through the rift, and into our universe. And our's is the one with the food in."
"Water, water." Sexy murmured, falling to the ground where Rory rushed to help her.
"You just have to promise not to kill us. That's all, just promise." Sera said, taking up a defensive position in front of her sister and Rory.
"You can't be serious."
"I'm very serious. I'm sure it's an entity of its word."
"Sera, Doctor, she's burning up. She's asking for water." Water? No, her body wouldn't process anything, she knew that.
"Hey. Hang in there, old girl. Not long now. It'll be over soon." We promised her, knowing what our plan was, knowing that she'd be safe soon.
She smiled weakly up at us. "I always liked it when you both call me old girl."
"You want me to give my word? Easy. I promise." House said, and I really didn't believe him, but hey.
"Fine. Okay. We trust you." Sera said, her eyes flashing dark gold as she took my hand and Amelia's. "Just delete, oh er, thirty percent of the TARDIS rooms, you'll free up thrust enough to make it through. Activate subroutine Sigma nine."
"Why would you tell me this?"
"Because we want to get back to our universe as badly as you do. And she's nice." I answered for her, getting defensive over my wife.
"Yes. I can delete rooms. And I can also rid myself of vermin if I delete this room first. Thank you, Priestess, Doctor. Very helpful. Goodbye, Time Lords. Goodbye, little humans. Goodbye, Idris." There was a bright light, and I felt us get through the Rift back into normal space as we were automatically teleported into the main console room.
"Yes. I mean, you could do that, but it just won't work." Sera laughed, spinning around on the cool glass floor gracefully. "Hardwired fail safe. Living things from rooms that are deleted are automatically deposited in the main control room. But thanks for the lift."
"We are in your universe now, Priestess. Why should it matter to me in which room you die? I can kill you just as easily here as anywhere. Fear me. I've killed hundreds of Time Lords."
My voice got dark. "Fear me. I've killed all of them."
"And I was the nightmare under the bed, the Merciless Dragon Warrior." Sera said, taking my hand again. "Yeah, you're right. You've completely won. Oh, you can kill us in oodles of really inventive ways, but before you do kill us allow me and friends Amy and Rory to congratulate you on being an absolutely worthy opponent." We pulled her to her feet, getting her to start clapping with us.
"Congratulations." She said sarcastically, looking at us as though we were mad. Which we were, but we needed to buy time.
"Yep, you've defeated us. Me, my wife and my lovely friends here, and last but definitely not least, the TARDIS Matrix herself, a living consciousness you ripped out of this very control room and locked up into a human body, while she took a base imprint of the Time Lord she bonded to, my wife Seraphina Pond. And look at her."
Then Rory spoke up from her side. "Doctor, Sera, she's stopped breathing." Time to start.
"Enough. That is enough."
Sera shook her head, growling softly. "No. It's never enough. You forced the TARDIS into a body so she'd burn out safely a very long way away from this control room. A flesh body can't hold the TARDIS Matrix and live just like my human body couldn't hold all of Time while. Look at her body, House."
"And you think I should mourn her?" House asked, sounding confused.
"No. I think you should be very, very careful about what you let back into this control room." We told him, watching Sexy's body start to glow. "You took her from her home. But now she's back in the box again, and she's free." The energy started streaming from her, going into the console and out again, then flowing through the TARDIS.
"No. Seraphina, Doctor, stop this. Argh! Stop this now."
I just laughed. "Oh, look at our girl. Look at her go. Bigger on the inside. You see, House?"
"Make her stop."
"That's your problem. Size of a planet, but inside you are just so small."
"Make it stop."
"Finish him off, girl." We told her, and Sera grinned, kissing her fingers again, giving her that little extra kick she needed.
"Ow. Don't do this! Argh!" And then he was gone, and there was a hologram of our Sexy standing on the stairs.
"Sera, Doctor, are you there? It's so very dark in here."
Cautiously, we stepped towards her. "We're here."
He eyes didn't find us, just blindly staring out at us. "I've been looking for a word. A big, complicated word, but so sad. I've found it now."
"What word?" We asked, wanting to be able to reach out and touch her again.
"Alive. I'm alive."
Oh, oh yes you were. You were our Sexy old girl. "Alive isn't sad." Sera whispered, a small tear falling down her cheek.
"It's sad when it's over. I'll always be here, but this is when we talked, and now even that has come to an end. There's something I didn't get to say to you."
We both took in a shaky breath. "Goodbye?"
"No." She gave us a brave smile. "I just wanted to say hello. Hello, Doctor and Seraphina. It's so very, very nice to meet you."
"Please. I don't want you to. Please." We begged, but she just dematerialised, and Sera closed her eyes, feeling the Matrix return to the right place. "Where?"
Sera:
"How's it going under there?" Rory asked as he and Amy came down under the console to see what we were up to.
"Just putting a firewall around the Matrix. Almost done." The Doctor replied for me, seeing as I hadn't actually spoken since she went home. Our girl, our Sexy.
Amy came over, putting a hand on my arm to comfort me. "Are you going to make her talk again?"
"We can't."
"Why not?"
"Spacey wacey, isn't it?"
I sighed. "Well, actually, it's because the Time Lords discovered that if you take an eleventh dimensional matrix and fold it into a mechanical then. They had no clue what I was saying. Fine, I will say his silly term. "Yes, it's spacey wacey."
Rory hesitated for a moment. "Sorry. At the end, she was talking. She kept repeating something. I don't know what it meant. But it sounded like those riddles you used to say, Sera, before we knew what they were." She had my memories, she could have just gotten the tenses mixed up.
"What did she say?" I asked, interested.
"The only water in the forest is the river. She said we'd need to know that someday. It doesn't make sense, does it?" Oh, it did. I don't know why, or how, but I knew that was very dear to me. Not that I had any visions at the moment.
"Not yet." I sighed, looking at him hard. He seemed tired. "You okay, my Lovely?"
He shook his head. "No. I watched her die. I shouldn't let it get to me, but it still does. I'm a nurse."
"Letting it get to you." I repeated, looking at the Doctor for a moment. "You know what that's called? Being alive. Best thing there is. Being alive right now, that's all that counts. Nearly finished. Two more minutes, then we're off."
"The Eye of Orion's restful, if you like restful." The Doctor suggested. "We can never really get the hang of restful. What do you think, dears? Where shall we take the kids this time?" He was talking to both me and Sexy then. Forget Marilyn Monroe, we were really in a three way marriage with our Sexy, and that was perfectly fine with me.
"Look at you three. It's always you two and her, isn't it, long after the rest of us have gone. A couple and their box, off to see the universe." Yeah, it had been like that for such a long time now. It was never going to change.
"Well, you say that as if it's a bad thing." We laughed, and I lay back, letting my head rest on the Doctors lap. "But honestly, it's the best thing there is. The House deleted all the bedrooms. We should probably make you two a new bedroom. You'd like that, wouldn't you?"
They had a quick little whispered discussion "Okay. Er, Sera, Doctor, this time could we lose the bunk beds?"
He gave an offended look. "No. Bunk beds are cool. A bed with a ladder. You can't beat that." They both raised their eyebrows at us. "It's your room. Out those stairs, keep walking till you find it. Off you pop."
We finished our work and headed back upstairs, carefully polishing a few of the levers and knobs that had become dusty. Like the stabilisers that the Doctor never used. Then, we paused, listening for a moment. "Are you there? Can you hear us?" We paused, sighing. "Oh, we're silly old. Okay. The Eye of Orion, or wherever we need to go." We told her, and then went to pull the levera. But they were pulled by themselves. Sexy was back. "Ha ha! Whoo hoo." We cheered, dancing around and giving her a hand. It was us and the Universe, Forever and Always.