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tu hi to mannat meri, tu hi rooh ka sukoon
♪
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Nikhil entered the room to find Sharanya seated on the sofa with her head thrown back. She had her earphones, the ones he had gifted her, plugged in. She looked exhausted. Her hands were around her evident baby bump. The last month had been taxing for her. Her back aches had got worse. Now, she almost always had sore feet, if she stood for a lot of time. She even had to buy a new set of clothes she could fit into, she had been putting on weight and increasing in inches.
He sat on the bed removing his socks. He had now made it a careful habit to remove his shoes downstairs and place them in the shoe rack. Three weeks back Sharanya had literally shouted at him for not being able to follow something as basic as that.
He had felt bad, very bad. He was angry even. She couldn't talk to him like that. Not even if she was angry. They had ended up not talking for two days. Nikhil could make out she regretted shouting on him. It was even more embarrassing because Shreya was just outside their room in the hall watching television. And had been an unintended audience to the spectacle.
Her small gestures began melting his heart, like always. Cute notes in the lunch bag, messages of heartfelt apologies in his inbox and tiny notes around the room. Finally on the third day, when she had verbally apologized again, when he was getting ready, he had hugged her accepting the apology.
So it was decided then, that Nikhil would make it a habit to park his shoes in the rack before coming up and Sharanya wouldn't shout at him no matter how wild her hormones got.
He picked up the pair of socks and walked to the bathroom. Tossing them in the laundry basket he washed up and stepped out. He had had a bad day at work. He made his way to his wife and sat beside her.
It was then that she notice him. She sat up straight and turned to look at him, unplugging the earphones form her ears.
"I didn't notice, you came." She stated the obvious.
He gently caressed her flushed cheeks. "You look awfully exhausted."
She leaned towards him, looping her arms around his torso. "Because I am." Her voice was low. There were days when she would be in her best spirits and then there were days when she'd be at her lowest.
Nikhil turned towards her, taking her in a hug. Hugs were the ultimate comforters for her. He pressed a kiss on her hair. "What happened?"
"I am tired Nikhil. It's so annoying. Kitchen was my favorite place to be. Now I can't even bare the smell of some of the spices and things. If I stand for more then thirty minutes my feet get hurt. Some of my favorite kurtis don't fit me. I am so miserable. And we're only halfway there. We have five more months!"
Nikhil held her close to himself. "It's okay to feel not okay. The miserable feeling will go away. You need to be strong Sharanya. Now, let's fix your mood. Tell me, what do you want...a long drive, a long walk or you want to watch a movie, or maybe brownie from corner house?"
"I want to do nothing."
"Okay, let's do nothing." He said, putting up his feet on the table. His arm wrapped around her shoulder while she tilted her head onto his shoulder. His left hand found a way to her right. Their fingers interlaced.
"How was your day?" Sharanya asked after a long pause.
Nikhil took a in a deep breath and exhaled audibly before saying, "I would rather not talk about it."
"That bad?"
He said nothing.
"What happened Nikhil?" She asked in a soft voice.
"Sachin and I had a major difference of opinion on this new project we are working on. He thinks I am being over ambitious and that it could be a big risk."
"What do you think?"
"I have come so far taking risks, Sharanya. I don't want DreamDigital to be stagnant. I know the project will either sail gloriously or sink to the depths. But there's only one way to find out."
"What's the worse that could happen?"
"Some clients may leave us, we might lose a good amount of resources and the failure could make the company look like a failure. But if things go well, we might scale by ten times."
"And you're willing to take that risk just in hope for something even better?"
Nikhil sighed. Sharanya was very different from him. He knew she'd side with Sachin at this. She was the kind who played by the rule book, who kept out of trouble at all costs. She always played safe.
"I didn't want to talk about this...for this reason."
"Sachin is not wrong Nikhil. If there's so much you have to lose then you cannot be over ambitious about this project. You need to tread with caution."
Nikhil kept quiet. It was better than arguing. He had argued with Sachin hours back. But didn't want to argue with Sharanya. Not when she had her own load of stressful situations to deal with.
Sharanya pulled away looking at him, "Nikhil, didn't you tell me the other day that Sachin is the critique, is the check to your zealous achiever? He's been with you since the start. He's always there to back you. But if he isn't doing it this time, it's because he's seen some red flags that you've probably missed."
Nikhil sighed.
"Say it." She said.
He turned to meet her eyes. He hated it when she wasn't on his side. He simply stared at her.
"I am not saying that you're wrong. I am just saying that you should be careful. And I may not know Sachin personally, but I know him through everything you've told me about him. And he seems like a person who just wishes you well, always."
Nikhil nodded slightly. He was not used to taking advice from anyone when it came to work. He did what he thought was right. No doubt, he love ranting to Sharanya about his work life. After years he had someone who would listen to his rant.
Others never understood that he could have complaints about work too, so what if he was the founder and runner of the company. But Sharanya, she understood. She always patiently listened. Sometimes she comforted him, sometimes she had advice to offer and sometimes she just heard him out in silence.
"Akshu, dropped by earlier today." Sharanya said after long minutes of silence. She could sense his tension and decided to divert this thoughts.
Her voice brought Nikhil out of his endless thoughts. He turned to look at his wife. He had somehow grown to dislike Sharanya's father and brother. However, Akshaya was an exception. She'd drop by sometimes to give Sharanya company when she wasn't feeling well, sometimes they'd go out.
"She bought toys," A light twinkle shone in his wife's eyes.
"Nice. You don't let me buy anything, but others can." He muttered.
Sharanya sighed. She didn't know why, but she was scared. Scared of all that that could go wrong. Nikhil wanted to buy a cradle, toys, clothes, and other stuff; basically all that their baby would need but Sharanya told him to hold his horses and that they wouldn't buy anything until the last week.
"Your mood stinks today," she mumbled.
He shot her a look. "You didn't take my side." He accused
Sharanya sighed, "What did you want me to say?"
Nikhil turned himself so that he sat facing her. "What would a husband want from his wife? I wanted you to back me. Don't you trust me? Don't you think I am capable enough of making the right decisions?"
"I never said that. I just said that, Sachin ..."
"Yeah, yeah. I get it. He sees red flags and I am blind." Saying that he got up but she held his hand.
He turned to look down at her.
"Nikhil, you're being unreasonable." The softness in her voice wasn't going to fool him.
He freed his hand and walked to his desk.
"Nikhil," she said, getting up from the couch, following him.
"I don't want to talk." He said not bothering to turn around.
"Nikhil, you.."
"I have some work." He said, picking up his laptop charger and laptop in his hand.
She stood before him blocking his way. "No you don't. You're not working."
"Sharanya," He sighed, looking away. "I really don't want to have this conversation right now."
"Nikhil, I genuinely care for you. And if there's anything that is going to be wrong for you I am going to tell point it out..."
"Sharanya, we're just going around in circles..."
"So what do you want?"
"I just wanted you to hold my hand and say that it's okay, sometimes people don't understand ...that's it." He exclaimed.
She stared at him. So that's all he wanted. "Fine, next time I will do that. It's not like you even consider what I say. I am anyway the dumb one between us." Saying that she walked out of the room.
Nikhil drew out a sharp breath from his mouth and sat on the bed. He really hoped this was only hormones and temporary. He didn't like arguments with her. She was the only person who understood him, who knew him, who he was comfortable with.
He placed his laptop and charger back on the bed and decided to take a shower, in hope that it would be relaxing and improve his mood.
Sharanya didn't say a word to him. She was happily chatting with Shreya who had returned after another on of her business trips.
The same night Shreya had made an announcement. She was planning to relocate to Mumbai. Apparently she had got an opportunity to model for a fashion brand. His mother didn't like the news. She had always had a problem with Shreya going for modelling and acting.
Shreya had always wanted to be a celebrity. She was tall, had a good figure and a pretty face. She had pursue fashion in Bachelors. Nikhil was happy for her. She was pursuing her dream.
He glanced at Saahil who didn't look that happy. He cribbed about her leaving. He listed reasons why she shouldn't move to Mumbai. While the Senior Kumar seconded him. But Shreya didn't look like she'd change her mind.
He glanced at Sharanya. She had just smiled and congratulated Shreya. Nothing else. What did she think of it? Nikhil wasn't blind to the fact that his wife enjoyed his sister's company. A friendship was steadily growing between them. Every time Shreya went out to exhibitions or out of city she'd bring something or other for Sharanya. While Sharanya gave her the listening ear, the pampering, made her favorite food and sometimes even watched movies with her.
Later that night, Sharanya wanted to skip walking so Nikhil had gone out by himself. The time alone, helped him organize his thoughts. When he returned to his room, Sharanya wasn't around. Fortunately, she was in the balcony not with either of his sibling.
"Not sleepy yet?" He asked approaching her. She had changed into the loose pants and t-shirt.
"No," she answered, not bothering to spare him a look even.
Nikhil pulled out his phone, swiped a couple of times and held the phone before her.
"What?" She asked, her tone giving away her annoyance.
"Read it."
Sharanya didn't want to obey. But the curiosity got the better of her. She took his phone from her hand and read the email he had opened out for her review. She blinked noticing the recipient. She blinked after she had read the complete email and looked at him.
The email was basically one he wrote the head of Recruitment Team under the HR department of his company. The other day when she had shared his thoughts with him while giving him a massage about how he his recruitment team could do better; he had actually taken that seriously, drafted a very formal message with all those points.
"I just don't hear you, I listen to what you have to say. No one is dumb between us. There are things that you're good at and then there are things I am good at. But today, I just really wanted you to be on my side. I know it's silly, but..." he chuckled looking away sheepishly.
Sharanya's anger melted transforming to affection.
"So, are we good?" He asked, stepping closer, his arm gently curving around her waist, his face inclined towards her.
"I am sorry, I said those words."
"Yeah," He muttered. The word sorry from her mouth just annoyed him of for some reason.
He kissed her cheek. "I don't like fighting with you."
"More like arguing, I didn't fight."
"Okay, okay, arguing." He agreed.
"It's not like I like it. But sometimes you're just so unreasonable that.."
He pressed his forefinger against her soft lips. "Shh, don't. I don't want another argument."
Her fingers wrapped around his wrist, pulling his hand down. "See. You are trying to imply that I start arguments."
Tired of using words, Nikhil pressed his lips against hers. After a few seconds he pulled apart looking at her. "I didn't imply that." His hands held hers.
"You haven't said a sorry yet. " She said looking up at him.
"I won't. I don't think I was wrong."
"You were..."
"Fine, I am sorry." He said before she started off again. He was surprised at his own patience. For extra measure, he pressed his lips against her cheek, leaving a moist kiss there.
"Now, you're just saying it for the sake of saying." She mumbled, trying not to fall weak to his kisses. It was like Nikhil had learnt how to make her weak.
Nikhil stared at her, holding onto all his patience. She stared back at him with silent accusation.
"Am I forgiven or ..." he whispered pressing a kiss close to the corner of his lips.
Sharanya's hands rested on his chest, as he locked both his arms around her neck. "This is not fair, you just hug and kiss and get away. I have to keep doing little things for days."
He smiled, inching his lips closer to her ears. "Maybe you should up your game next time."
"You're not forgiven yet," she murmured, her hands resting on his waist. She would never admit openly that she loved doing those little things for him.
"Okay, what do you want? Orgasms?" He whispered, sucking at her earlobes.
Sharanya took a deep breath, her hands fisting his t-shirt on the sides. Her cheeks flushed. She couldn't deny that she was so damn aroused. It was the only good thing about her pregnancy hormones. A little attention from her husband and his lips and she'd be ready for him.
"All the best, dear husband," she whispered in his ears with a blush that would put a red rose to shame.
Nikhil smiled accepting the challenge walking her into the room, with his hands on her waist, shutting the door of the balcony.
* * *
• Few Months Later •
Sharanya looked at her husband who sat across from her. A board of chess was spread out between them. He was doing his best to keep her mind engaged.
Some days he would read to her from a romantic book, sometimes he would search jokes on the internet and narrate them to make her laugh. There were days when she would end up crying for petty reasons and he would sit with a tissue box and hand out tissues to her.
Then there were those few rare days when she had food cravings at odd times and he'd excitedly fulfil each one of them; taking her to his favorite restaurant and eateries. Sometimes in the middle of the day, he would drive home just because she felt low or wanted to be with him, a message from her was all it took. Sometimes he'd surprise her with small gifts. Sometimes even flowers. And a lot of times with chocolates.
Sharanya knew she was being a little too much for him to handle, especially with her baby in the womb. But Nikhil didn't complain. They did have arguments but nothing they couldn't handle. On most nights, Nikhil would massage her feet. Sometimes he'd get up in the middle of the night to make sure she was sleeping right.
Her pregnancy had made him a devoted husband, perhaps fatherhood was catching up with him. Sharanya tried her best to not be demanding. She tried her best to be equally devoted to his needs. Sometimes she would surprise him with his favorite meal. Once she even took him out for a candle night dinner.
They were happy, despite the occasional arguments or other issues life threw at them.
They had to rush on the hospital on the evening of their first marriage anniversary because Sharanya had pain and contractions. It was only false labour, they learned after a thorough check-up. She had them before but on that particular day they were intense. Poor Nikhil had been so exhausted that evening.
They had spent the night in the hospital because Nikhil was not ready to take her back home. Frankly, even Sharanya thought that she might end up in labour in few hours. After all it was the week of her due date.
But here they were a week after the passed due date. Sharanya's anxiety only grew. The doctor said it was normal. Sometimes some women carry for longer, post term, especially when it's their first pregnancy.
"Nikhil, I am scared." Sharanya ended up saying, not able to think about the game at all.
"Sharanya, everything will be okay. You must not take stress. Divert your attention to the game." He said. Honestly, he was tensed about the whole thing too. So was his family. Even Gargi called him everyday to ask how Sharanya was doing. But for her sake, he put up a strong exterior like nothing was wrong and there was no need to fear.
The doctor had spoken to him privately while Sharanya was away for some tests a week back. She had shared with him the risks for carrying post term and the potential harm for the baby. The doctor had said she would wait for two weeks, not more than that and had scheduled another check-up. They were due for the interim check-up tomorrow.
After that session, he was literally shaken up. He was worried for both his baby and his wife. That night he couldn't sleep. He realized that the most precious thing in life was them, other than his mother.
He had ended up crying before his mother the next morning, sharing his fears. She had admonished him for keeping negative thoughts and asked him to keep his mind-set positive and trust God's plan.
"Nikhil," Sharanya's voice was louder. "I can't focus here. It's been a week, Nikhil. "
"Sharanya, don't take stress please. Just..."
"Let's have sex."
"What!" He exclaimed.
"I read that it can induce labour."
"We are doing no such thing. You're very pregnant. And I am not doing anything like that. Can you just calm down and not come up with ridiculous ideas." Nikhil didn't like that fact that she had been trying to do extra walking and eating spicy foods, because she read in an article on the internet that it helped in inducing labour. Please don't panic."
"Aren't you scared?" She asked with tears pooling in her eyes.
Nikhil sighed. He had always wore mask of fearlessness ,like everything was fine, before her. But frankly he was losing the confident exterior too. He was freaking out and worried. There were times when he'd just stare at her baby bump praying for their little one.
Both Sharanya and him had got into a habit of talking to the baby. In the past two weeks, they only told the baby, how they couldn't wait for his or her arrival. There were times when he noticed Sharanya making soft pleas to the baby to come out because she wanted to hold him or her in her arms.
"The baby is going to listen to you freaking out, so please don't. We don't want baby to be scared, do we?" He said. It was an easy escape to not talk about it, under that pretext.
Sharanya broke into sobs. Nikhil sighed pushing away the chess board along with it's pieces. "Please don't cry. You need to be strong..."
"I am tired of hearing that," she snapped at him. Then her expression changed and she held his hands. "Please let's have sex," she begged.
Nikhil sighed. She was being ridiculous. He couldn't even think of it in the past month. He held her face in his hands. "You need to calm down."
"I can't. I am very very scared. I have never felt this way Nikhil." She cried, holding onto his wrists.
He stared at her, holding onto all the threads of strength he could find. He caressed her cheeks, gently.
"How are you not scared?" She whispered, searching his eyes.
He stared into her eyes. He was a thousand times more fearful than she was. "Because I know you're strong." He whispered. And he wasn't lying.
"I am not." She cried, tears rolling down her cheeks.
He pulled her close and she rested her head on his shoulder. "Do something Nikhil, I am beginning to get very scared."
"I am with you, please don't be scared. " He whispered, his voice shaking. He pressed a kiss on her forehead. He was scared too and he had no clue how to drive away that fear or what he could do to help them.
After crying for a few minutes she pulled back. Wiping her cheeks she got up "Let's go to the hospital." She said wearing her slippers.
Nikhil looked at him baffled. "Sharanya, it's late. We have an appointment tomorrow any way."
"No, I want to go now. I don't care if they've have to induce labour artificially or go for a C section. Whatever it takes."
"Sharanya, you're not being practical." He said getting off the bed, holding her shoulders.
"I am scared Nikhil. You won't understand. If something goes wrong then I won't be able to forgive myself." She broke into sobs again.
"Hey, nothing is going to go wrong, okay. Everything is going to be just fine." He said pulling her into a hug gently.
She wrapped her arms around him, crying. "I..."
Nikhil gently patted the back of her head. "It's okay."
"Nikhil, I..."
"It will be fine."
She held his arm near the elbow and pulled away. "I think I need to pee." She murmured, embarrassed. It wasn't new that she literally ended up peeing in her panties.
"You just went like ten minutes back." He muttered.
"Yeah, I can't help." She replied back sharply walking as fast as she could with her current physique.
Nikhil blew out air looking away. He ran a hand through his hair. If someone told him that pregnancy would be such a crazy thing to go through, he'd never forget to use a condom or for that matter even spilling inside her. He sat on the bed, covering his face with his palms. Fear had a strong grip on his heart.
Sharanya came out a few minutes later and sat beside him.
"You okay?" He asked.
She shook her head.
Nikhil looked at her puzzled. She blinked and held his hand in a string grip.
"What?"
She looked at him confused.
"Sharanya?"
"I ... I am getting some sort of discharge... it wasn't pee."
Nikhil's eyes widened and he stared at her. "Did your water break? Is it the amniotic fluid?"
"How am I supposed to know?" She exclaimed, looking at him with bewilderment.
"It's your body, you must know, right? "
"Nikhil, " she paused, closing her thighs together feeling the wetness again. "Why don't you check?"
It was Nikhil's turn to look at her ridiculously. "How on earth will I know?"
"Just see where the liquid is coming from." She said raising her cotton night gown up.
"No. I am not a doctor."
"It's not like you don't know. Just tell me if it's the vagina. Besides you are the one who knows everything... I don't even know how antibiotic fluid looks like."
"Are you out of your mind? And it's amniotic fluid not antibiotic."
Before she could reply to him, there was some more wetness. "Nikhil," she gasped holding his hand.
"Let's go to the doctor."
"Before that I want you to see and tell me it's not blood." She said looking at him.
Nikhil's heart skipped a beat. He quickly got on his knees on the floor. Parting her legs he pulled up her gown with her help. "It's wet," He muttered as his fingers touched deer panties. Sharanya leaned back waiting patiently.
"I think your water broke, there is no blood." He said getting on his feet.
He saw a short glimpse of happiness in her eyes. He quickly kissed her forehead. "Give me a minute, I will get Maa and Saahil."
She held her hand in both hers. "It's going to be okay right?"
"Yes, now take deep breath and relax." He said running out of his room.
* * *
It was only nine hours ago that Nikhil had started feeling everything would be okay. But right now as he saw his wife's exhausted face and swelling forehead he couldn't think of anything but her pain. She was screaming in pain and trying to push hard. Iy was nine hours ago her contractions had started after the doctor initiated it, the amniotic fluid had started draining at a higher speed.
Early in the morning the doctor had prepped her for the delivery.
"Sharanya, keep your eyes open, come on you can do this. Push harder. I can see your baby." The doctor said to encourage her.
Sharanya held tighter on to her husband's hand. Nikhil gulped the fear and caressed her head. "Come on Sharanya, push." He whispered. She looked at him shaking her head in defeat.
He cupped her face. "You can do it. Our baby wants to see you too. Push."
She let out a loud scream pushing as hard as she could. In that moment, she felt like someone was sucking out her soul from her body.
The nurses told her that it was working and she had to keep pushing hard.
It took another fifteen minutes of vigorous pushing from Sharanya and then they heard their baby's first cry. Her upper body collapsed back on the bed, her eyes closing. Tears didn't stop. She was in acute pain. It felt like something was tearing her apart into two halves mercilessly.
But then there was a distant shrill cry of a baby. Her baby's.
Nikhil stared at their crying baby, as the doctor announced the time and gender; and one nurse noted it down. And soon another doctor was taking charge of their baby. It was like a miracle had unrolled before his eyes. But when the beeps of the machine got louder around him and the nurses started panicking, he looked back at his wife.
"Sharanya," He whispered as the doctor ordered the nurse to give her something for a raising blood pressure. He looked back at Sharanya as she let out a groan. He held her hand tighter. His eyes momentarily went back to their baby, on the other side of the room.
His gaze dropped back to his wife. "Sharanya,"
She slowly opened her eyes, albeit only a little, to look at him. Her reddened cheeks were soaked in tears. It was like every little movement she made brought her discomfort.
He bent forward and kissed her forehead.
"Baby," she whispered.
"It's a girl," Nikhil told her, what he had heard. "We have a daughter."
That made Sharanya break into a small smile despite the pain. She watched with her tired eyes as Nikhil smiled back at her. The most gorgeous and the widest smile she had ever seen on him.
Sharanya slowly turned her head to the other side, waiting to catch one glimpse of their baby. She looked on worried as the doctor and nurses were tending to her daughter. She turned to Nikhil, tugging at his hand, pleading him to go over to their daughter.
He nodded, reluctantly leaving her hand to go to the other table where their baby was. He watched on as the doctor and nurses performed their duties as per protocol.
After long minutes, the nurse brought their tiny daughter wrapped in a white cloth to Sharanya. She smiled as tears pooled in her eyes. The nurse instructed Sharanya to give the baby some skin contact and Sharanya did it happily.
Nikhil had planned to personally video shoot the entire thing. He had already taken permission from the hospital authorities. But his mind had been numbed and he couldn't believe his eyes. The moment was so precious. He couldn't take his eyes off his wife and daughter.
His daughter looked appeared pink. She had the tiniest hands he had ever seen. Literally she had a button like nose. She was beautiful. But the sight before his eyes was more beautiful. It was like an angel had come into the arms of his wife.
Sharanya looked at him with a smile. She held his hand, dragging his fingers to touch the baby's face. Nikhil had never freaked out so much. What if his fingers were rough or too strong for their little one's delicate cheeks?
But the moment he had touched their daughter, time paused. His vision blurred with tears, tears of unadulterated joy. The purest form of joy ever. His precious little daughter stirred at the contact.
Their bundle of joy had arrived. It was finally like a bright new sunshine after a dark scary night.
It was that precious moment, that made both Nikhil and Sharanya realize that miracles existed, that God existed, and that they were both abundantly blessed.
• • • • •
Hope you enjoyed the chapter. ❣
Looking forward to read all your thoughts and wishful thinking!
— Anami!♡
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