Sage Williams
Present
My heart and lungs were kicked into overdrive.
Overdrive as in driving straight off a damn cliff because that's how my body reacts whenever I see him again for the first time in two years.
I wish I could call him ugly. I wish that I could've marched up to him and punched him in the fucking dick because you know what– the jerk deserved it. He deserved every single look of disgust thrown his way after returning home. I hope that my brother was giving him an earful and sending him out of this town.
Him and his perfect hair.
Him and his perfect stare.
Him and his perfect eyes.
Him and his perfect lips.
Him and his perfect body.
Him and just himself.
"I am so fucked." I whispered as I clenched my fists tight in my palm. Rory shut the door behind us as she stepped further into the room.
"Wow. That was intense. You should have seen the way your body reacted to seeing him. It was like me when I see the buy one drink get one free at Starbucks. Hungry and willing." My mouth dropped open as Rory smiled at me.
I was not hungry and I was not willing.
He was distasteful and intruding.
"Oh my god! Sloane doesn't know!" Mom screamed.
But the entire time she screamed that I wanted to scream back at her– neither did I! I didn't know. I didn't know why he was here or what he was thinking coming back to a place where he was no longer welcome. He was not welcome anywhere that I was. Because he made me feel like I wasn't welcome wherever he was.
"Can you tell her I said hi? I am literally obsessed with her fashion sense!" Rory butted in, smiling brightly at my mom who was fishing around my dorm room for her phone.
I had always thought about the day that I would end up seeing him again. I mean, we all dream of the people we love the most coming back to us after they left— don't we?
I mean. I dreamed.
I dreamed for months about him coming back.
There was no end in sight when it came to missing someone like him. You could distract yourself. Maybe read a book. Maybe watch a documentary. Maybe go out with friends. Do something— try anything to get your mind off of him.
But missing him comes with you like a burden.
I would eat breakfast missing him.
I would watch television missing him.
I would read a book missing him.
And somehow, even after all of that missing— I learned that missing him wasn't a bad thing. It's the hope inside of the missing that absolutely wrecks you leaving you bloody, bruised, and broken.
And for what reason? All so he could be pictured in a magazine the next day? Or his face could be plastered all around sports center? Missing him was like suffocation. Suffocation because he was nowhere near me and I couldn't scream at him to get off of my heart or my mind. He was all over me.
He was all over me— my heart, my mind, my body, and my soul while he was trying to get over me.
"Sage? Come here baby," Mom reached for me but I snapped out of whatever fire I was feeling in my chest. I shook my head stepping away. "I'm fine."
Rory snorted, "and so is your brother. Holy shit."
His reappearance was like an open wound. All of those nights that I stayed up crying because he wasn't next to me, trying to calm me down, all of those emotions were back inside of me. I was erupting like a volcano inside.
"Sage— I know that look. It's the same look your father gets when he's about to break something. Let's just take a deep breath." Mom grabbed my hand, wrapping her smooth fingers against mine. I didn't want to be touched.
"What happened? Repeat it again for me." Mom pulled me toward my desk chair and I sat.
"We went down to go get food–"
"Which we never got, can we go after this?" I glared at Rory as she cut me off. She offered me an apologetic smile before nodding for me to continue.
"As we were walking across the lawn a girl passed us like screaming and crying on the phone fangirling over someone. Then there's a crowd with so much commotion, and in the middle of that crowd are Slater and Blaise."
Although words were coming out of my mouth I was left speechless.
"Well– were the boys fighting? Were they talking?" Mom asked as I shook my head.
"They were just talking." I didn't see Drew or Baker anywhere. It was just my brother there and Blaise. Blaise grew more attractive than what I knew was possible. I wasn't shocked though. As soon as he hit the age of fifteen he was everyone's eye candy at school.
Now he was just beautiful.
"Okay, don't worry. I will call your father to pick us up. We can go back home until we talk to Blake and Sloane and figure out how to get him out of here." Mom started to type on her phone, her beige-painted nails tapping away at the screen.
My heart was pounding a million times a minute.
He was here. He was here and he was less than ten minutes from me. He was here and he told nobody that he was coming. Blaise Beck-Day was here in the flesh and his presence was sending me into a panic attack.
As usual, he hadn't noticed me.
But I noticed him.
And now that would be the only thing that my mind would cling to.
My eyes panned around my room, freezing as I stared at the box of pictures of him and me that I didn't put up around the room yet. I wanted to take him to college with me but I didn't want him to be at college with me.
"So let me get this straight. Mr. Soccer over here just came back out of nowhere? I thought you two were besties? I mean, I assumed with the way you write about him and to him–" I squinted my eyes at Rory who was flipping through my pages upon pages of journals.
"Stop– just stop. Everyone just stop. I don't need you to call dad. I need you to stay out of my shit. I just need to breathe and I need air." I shot out of the desk chair and walked out of the small dorm room. A room that could fit into my brother's football house a million times. A room that could fit in Leighton's basketball house a million times.
"I'm coming bestie! I'm right behind you!"
I walked faster.
This stupid fucking skirt kept riding up my legs. Stupid fucking black denim skirt. My stupid nose ring kept getting caught with my hair. I was stupid. So stupid and naive.
"I don't know what the story is here but man am I dying to read into it. Talk to me sister," Rory's running in her pink sandals finally catching up to me. She was wheezing and so was I, I was just doing a better time at hiding it.
"There is no story," I muttered as I threw open the door.
The slight breeze outside had me crossing my arms over my chest. I walked across campus toward the place where I knew I could find peace. "As I said, you looked at him like I looked at a good coffee deal. I think that you need someone to talk to."
Yeah. I needed to talk to the dorm advisor. I need a new roommate. As soon as possible. Please and Thank you.
"No story. I barely know the guy."
"No– you clearly do. Those journals were lengthy." I huffed. Stopping in my tracks to face her. I mustered up the best smile I could. She was taller than me, I mean, everyone was, I was blessed with my mother's genes. I looked up at her and gave her kind eyes.
"Look Aurora–"
"Rory. Or you can call me bestie,"
"Rory, I just need some time by myself. Please," Smiling she nodded. "Okay, well, you have my number. Call if you need me best friend," She blew me a kiss and slowly started to walk away from me. She wore these pink sparkly sandals, and she was like a walking advertisement for the most preppy and girly sorority house on campus.
Finally, with some peace and quiet, I walked across the HUB lawn. Girls passed me giggling at their phones and smiling ear to ear. It wasn't just a couple of groups of girls either. So many people. So many people walking past me away from where he was at.
He was a full-blown celebrity now, wasn't he?
Shame.
Shame he wasn't still the boy he was when he was fourteen.
The summer between us turning fourteen and fifteen was the ultimate game-changer for the two of us. I mean, it was huge. He went away for the first time during the summer, he went back to Paris. He of course kept in contact and eventually returned, which was unlike the time two years ago.
But during this summer he had to of been taking growth hormones or something because he came back and he wasn't this scrawny nerd like me anymore. He was a handsome young man that everyone had the largest crush on.
Including me.
I mean, he had muscles. Muscles that were surrounded by veins that would occasionally pop out. Especially when he wore a shirt to work out. And he worked out more– with my brother and our friends. But the worse thing about him coming back was the signs that I didn't recognize.
He came back and he was no longer confined to our friendship duo of him and me. He was still in all of my advanced classes but he wasn't hanging out in the science lab with me for fun. He would go out for fun.
He would spend hours after school at athletic events.
And the only time we would spend together would be in my treehouse.
Where nobody knew we were together. When everyone's lights were out. When it was just us two. Two teenagers– trying to maneuver their way around high school except only one of them had it figured out.
Hint: it wasn't me.
I continued to walk around the campus. Penn State was in my veins– born and bred Penn State. There were over ten thousand students in my freshman class and somehow I got stuck with a roommate like Rory. Someone who is overly cheerful, someone who has hope. Someone who cares.
I hated her. She was exactly like my old self.
I sighed as my hands went down to the bottom of my skirt, pulling it down as it hiked up to right underneath my ass again. I knew I was getting stared at. But I didn't want to be stared at for the wrong reasons.
I knew about the guys here.
I wasn't dumb.
But the women here were so beautiful.
So beautiful that it brought me to my knees.
I cut across the grass, stomping my feet powerfully as I walked toward the double doors that had welcome signs all over them. Nobody was going to be in the library. Who the fuck comes to a library during move-in day?
I reached for the door handle but my hand got swatted. I gasped in shock ready to punch the dick off of whoever did it. I looked up to see Leighton opening the door for me. "Sagey, you're looking a bit green right now."
I glared at my cousin as he shot me a wink. Slater and I looked nothing alike, however, Leighton and I looked everything alike, besides he had lighter hair than I did. Slater looked like my dad while sounding like my mom. I looked like my mom while sounding like my dad. Stella looked like everyone.
Ellie looked a lot like my mom so I guess it was meant for us to look somewhat alike.
"Kiss my ass, Leigh," I uttered as I walked into the airconditioned library. Once again, I crossed my arms over my chest. "You better have a bra underneath that crop top. I don't have it in me to kick anyone's ass today." I scoffed as I walked toward his mom's office.
Ellison Joseph was the head librarian of the Penn State University Libraries.
"Your nipples get hard too." I bitched at him.
He hummed, "Yeah. But your nipples are on birth control and mine aren't."
Ignoring him, I walked into the room that was filled with a strawberry scent. I slammed her office door behind me as she jumped in shock. "Jesus!" She yelled. She stared at me, placing her glasses on top of her head.
"There's my favorite youngest Williams kid," She pointed for me to sit at one of the chairs. I walked over, throwing myself in the chair and kicking my feet up on the other one. "Having fun on your first day?" Her smile was way too bright for me.
"No."
She frowned.
"Why?" She asked.
I leaned forward, reaching into her candy dish and grabbing a cherry sucker. I unwrapped it before placing it in my mouth. "Satan has blessed me."
She furrowed her eyebrows, pulling her head back and giving me a weird stare. "What books have you been reading?" I wish it was a damn book.
"Blaise is back." Her mouth dropped open in shock.
Her office door slammed open. "Mom, can you tell dad to give me a hundred for beers tonight. Baker refuses to share because he says that the football house throws better parties." Ellie moved her eyes towards her tallest son.
She rolled her eyes. "I'm busy."
He groaned, "We are family. Can you please call dad and tell him to give me money for beer?" Placing her head in her hands, her glasses fell off of her head and onto the desk in front of her.
I bit down hard on my lip. "Five minutes. Give me five minutes, Leighton." Before he could answer her I was shaking my head and popping out of the chair. I waved at her.
"You know what– not a big deal. I'll just call you later, okay? I might have to stay at yours tonight if my roommate doesn't stop being a freak." I rushed my words out. Before she could even answer I was out of her office and walking out of the somewhat newly remodeled library.
I could deal with this all on my own. You know? The entire thing of my heart being crushed over and over again. "I'm fine. It's fine. Everything is fine." I whispered to myself as I walked across the grass toward the large greenhouse.
The greenhouse was see-through, obviously, it needed a lot of sunlight. I didn't like being around plants much anymore. Plants grew things that were supposed to blossom and bloom forever. And he killed growing for me.
I opened the door and immediately started to let my emotions wreak havoc. Everything inside of this empty room was filled with so much life. It was kind of like the human body. You know, the science of it? The fact that on the outside it was dead but on the inside everything was growing and alive.
I walked over to the back corner where the ferns, geraniums, and petunias were. I stared down at them as my tears brushed over my eyes.
Stop crying, Sage.
He's here. But you aren't that girl anymore.
I sniffled, the sound ricocheting off of the empty greenhouse walls. I grabbed the spray bottle that sat next to the flowers and sprayed the ones that needed a bit more love.
I missed taking care of plants because, in a therapeutic way, they took care of me.
I noticed the spray bottle wasn't working so I grabbed one of the hoses that were attached to the nearby plant station. I turned on the small hose and started to water the hanging ferns. I was standing on my tip toes to try to reach them.
But as I continued to wet them, my eyes continued to wet my cheeks.
"What's wrong caterpillar? Need me to kiss it better?"
I gasped as I turned around spraying the person who was behind me. The person– I knew who was behind me. Fuck, there was only one person who called me that. The ice-cold water sprayed against his white shirt. His hand came up to the hose, pushing it against me, spraying against my white crop top.
I squealed before dropping it to the ground, shivering as the water soaked my shirt through. The hose dropped to the ground, us both soaked– wet. The plants were wet and alive and growing.
My eyes met his and he ran his hand through his hair. I couldn't help my eyes trailing to the shirt that clung to his chest, more specifically his knuckles. His white shirt making it see-through. His eyes were sizing me up, staring at me in the same way.
That's when I remembered.
I was wearing a wet, white crop top with no bra.
I crossed my arms over my chest as he nodded, his eyes meeting my own. "Hey, beautiful."
And I just couldn't help myself from the words spewing out of my mouth fast enough.
"Fuck you."
Hey Besties,
The parties just getting started. Bring the popcorn for chapter fourteen!
Xoxo! I love you! Thank you for two hundred thousand!