Jungkook's POV
"Come, come." I step inside the apartment as he stands sideways for me to enter. I stand and wait for him to lead me to the lounge area, despite knowing the way myself.
I walk behind him and we finally enter the open lounge. The lounge was way cleaner and cozy from the last time I visited here. The lights were dim, along with the aroma of strong coffee in the air. I inhale deeply and let the scent bless my lungs.
"Have a seat, son." I freeze right when he says that. Son? It has been a while since someone said that to me.
"Sure, thank you, sir." I walk to the couch.
"Sir?" He pronounces, fixing his eyeglasses.
"Umm," I look at him in confusion, while my butt can't decide to sit, stand or stay still in the bent position.
"What did you call me when you were young?"
"Ahhh.." I stand straight now and give it a thought. "Uncle Joon!"
"Right, call me that." He turns his back and walks to the kitchen counter, while a playful smile escapes my lips. He doesn't even realize how badly I wanted to call him that. I sit down and look around the lounge when something catches my attention on the huge bookshelf. I look towards the kitchen; he is quite busy with something. So, I stand up and walk to the cupboard. There are dozens of books, but none caught my attention except the tiny frame lying alongside a small succulent. I pick it up, and move my hand along the glass, securing the picture behind it.
A family picture at the sea.
Hana's parents are laughing; meanwhile, Hana's little figure stands with her lips rolled up, hands shielding her chest. She is upset. I grin at it; she looks cute whenever she is angry. I love it.
"You know why she is sad?" Uncle's voice breaks the silence, as he is walking toward the table holding a tray in his hands. I place the frame back and run towards him to take the tray.
"I told her that we are going to eat the fishes we caught earlier." He lets out a giggle, as I place the tray holding two cups of coffee, on the table. I straighten up and pass a smile. I can expect her to get mad at that, her heart still could never take it.
We both sit down now, our eyes fixed on the steamy fog oozing out from the cup.
"It smells good," I stated.
"I made it after so long. Hana has stopped drinking it, she even barely eats and I miss cooking for her."
"Is she....doing alright?" I fix my posture and lean a bit forward.
"I won't lie to you, Jungkook." He picks up his cup. "Worse."
"What? I heard her talking yesterday, she was alright."
"She was better yesterday, than today. But she ain't all good."
"What about her mental health? I guess she is doing pretty good-"
"She fools all of us." He sips from the cup, making me remember my coffee too.
"I remember when we shifted to America; she seemed like a dead soul roaming in the house. She didn't talk, didn't eat much, and didn't study either; but her grades? Outstanding."
I let out a tiny smile. She is exceptional.
"I have lived 22 years with her, and I know she can hide her pain like a pro."
"That I caused her..."
There was a long silence, and we didn't speak for a long time.
"Son," he motions and places his cup on the table. "You are not at fault."
I let out an instant sarcastic grin. "It's me, uncle. Everything is on me."
"I didn't call you here so that you can keep blaming yourself for nothing." I look up at him and purse my lips.
"I...was worried, when you called. Is....everything-" I keep on babbling.
"Yes, it is. It's just I am..." he leans forward and intertwines his fingers. "Why aren't you seeing your mother?"
I poke my tongue, unknowingly on my cheek, and lean back, acting confident, but I look like a jerk. "I don't want to."
Silence.
"Who asked for your choice?" I shift my eyes from the ceiling to his face now. "Meeting or loving your parents is not a choice, Jungkook. It's an obligation."
"After all she did?" I let my face nod lightly.
"What did she do? Keeping you inside her for nine months?" He doesn't blink even a little.
"That's not-"
"Pay her back for that and end this thing. Can you?"
"Uncle-"
"No, Jungkook. You don't speak tonight, because it's nonsense. Are you seriously making her suffer at this age?"
"It's her deeds. I am not making her suffer."
"I don't believe you, son. I can't even imagine you saying all this." He keeps on moving his head around.
"Your dad..." he looks at the table. "He told me once, "Joon, out of every other worry in this life, I am glad I have a son like him. I am glad I have a wife like her. I am glad she gave birth to him. If I have to leave this world at any moment, I will leave happily, knowing my son will look after his mother. They are complete without me."
He is speaking so lightly and smiling side by side. He is not making it up; it's coming bare out of his mouth. "And if you don't believe me, son, go and ask your mother what your father's last words were when he was shot?"
Still processing his words, and picturing dad in front of me, I bow my head and let the tears go back inside. "What did he say?" I say without looking up.
"Jungkook will take care of you," he says after some seconds. My eyes open abruptly, making the tears drop to fall on the carpet. I open my eyes wide and purse my lips together, not to let the muffled cry escape my mouth.
"Son," Uncle stands up and sits right on my side, and taps my back. "I think I am the eldest in your contacts. For that sake, just listen to what I say."
I stay quiet, my ears all open.
"Ombre has suffered a lot. Her whole life, you have seen yourself. She has struggled with everything and lived with the fact that she did that. But when I see you like this.."
I look at him with numb eyes as he stops talking. "I regret telling her to live and not to die."
My eyes were still wide open, waiting for his explanation. He wants her to die?
"My motive wasn't to make her feel the pain of all this. The only reason I wanted her to live was to bring you up and turn you into a sensible man. So that, whenever the things open up, despite defying the facts, you would understand. You would understand that whatever happened, it was a mistake. But today, seeing you like this makes me think about my words that day. What was the point of requesting her to live, when all she got was pain all along?"
I lower my head again, my heart racing, and my body starts heating up.
"If she wasn't alive today, you would have reacted the same, because there would be no one to tell you the truth. What's the difference, son? Is her existence pointless?"
It suddenly breaks. My mouth opens up and I cry like crazy with my head in my hands. When I felt like I am shrieking, a pair of arms grab me by my shoulders and pull me sideways.
"It's okay, son. It's okay." He keeps on rubbing his hand against my arm and kisses my hair. It feels so good; despite all the emotions I am feeling right now. Hyungs always help me with my difficult times, but this hug is so comforting. As if all of my worries are seeping out from my body and his hands are giving me so much hope. I miss dad.
"Woman is a very fragile being, Jungkook. She endures more than what we can imagine. We cannot even comprehend their emotions. And I am not telling you all this because I have heard it somewhere, but I have seen it. I have seen Ji Hoo, I have seen Hana. They make me believe in this; and nevertheless, your mother, Jungkook. I have not seen anyone stronger than her."
"Hush now." I return back to my position and take some tissues from the table to clean my face. After I have cleaned it up, Uncle stands up.
"I have said what I had to, son. Now it's on you. Take your time and think about it. I won't force you on anything. It was my loss and I forgave her for that, you should too."
I raise my head to look at him, and later stand up on my feet too. I just realized I am taller than him.
"Can I..." I try to say with my numb voice. "Can I hug you again?"
As soon as it left my mouth, Uncle grins at me and pulls me in for a warm hug. I remain clung to him like a monkey. He never leaves me, until I pull myself back, after crying my heart out.
"You are a strong boy, Jungkook." He taps the side of my face and walks towards the kitchen.
"Want to eat something?"
"Ah, no thank you."
"Sure?" He dangles the ramen packets in the air. I smile at his cuteness.
"I'll leave, hyungs would be waiting." He nods and walks me towards the door. My feet gradually slow down in front of her room, and I admire the door. There's so much distance. Uncle stops and eyes me, as soon as I feel his gaze, I shake my head and walk towards the door too, but he holds my hand, and walks me back to her room.
"Go, see her. She is sleeping." I stare at him, and then at the knob. I have no power to open up the door with my hands. I just can't.
Seeing my hesitation, he opens up the door for me and points me to enter. With light steps, I enter the dimly lit room. As soon as my body is inside, he whispers into my ear.
"I trust you," and then shuts the door.
The room is just like the last time I saw it, though a bit empty without my posters. The wall is still like that, she hasn't repainted it. I peek at her; she is sleeping on her side, peacefully. Her cannula is still inside her nose and there's a strange noise as she inhales and exhales. I hate seeing her like that. With light movement, I sit right next to her on her empty bed and admire her. It has been a while; my eyes are deprived of seeing her beauty. I lightly brush her strands near her forehead, and she shifts her head as if she wants more.
I grin and linger my finger on her cheekbone now. And when my finger reaches her lips, they part slightly. It's like she is feeling everything I am doing. As if a force was attracting me, I lean towards her face to kiss her, just once. I am craving for them; but when I was close enough that I could feel her breathing on me, I retreated. It's wrong. I cannot do something she doesn't want, taking an advantage of her unconsciousness. So, with despair, I take a sigh and move away from her, sliding on the bed, but
My hand.
She holds it very tightly and pulls it to hug it in her arms. I jump back beside her as she has bounded half of my arm. "Stay." She mumbles and I am shaken.
Does she know it's me?
I kept gazing at her and feeling her body just against a small part of mine. The memories flood back like crazy when we crazily kissed each other and admired each other's bodies with love. I miss everything- it's so nostalgic. But her tiny 'stay' ignites hope in me. She is coming back.
"I love you,
Dad."
My smile breaks, but I still can't stop admiring her. Whatsoever, I am in her arms. It's so relieving. I slide myself next to her in bed and kept looking at her. I won't let this chance slide.
"Jungkook?" a whisper brings me back to life. I never realized when I slept. Uncle stood right over me. With sudden realization, I look at her Hana, she is sleeping thankfully. She has changed her side and I can see her back and hair only. I stood up and we both walk towards the door. When I was about to step outside her room, I turned back for once and walked to her. Leaning, I planted a light kiss on her forehead and when I stand back, she is smiling wide.
Dreaming something good.
"Love you," I say and exit the room.